25 CDs one should never be without, vol. 5

It's been over a year. We're due for Installation No. 5 of "25 CDs one should never be without". Ironically, this is bordering on, "25 mp3 albums one should never be without" because (eek) I don't actually own the CD, in some cases. As usual, no particular order...

1. Heart - (self-titled) (1985)
2. Adham Shaikh - Fusion (2004)
3. Madonna - Like a Prayer (1989)
4. Debbie Gibson - Out of the Blue (1987)
5. Elastica - (self-titled) (1995)
6. Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream (1993)
7. Paula Abdul - Forever Your Girl (1988)
8. Los Aterciopelados - Oye (2006)
9. 311 - (self-titled) (1995)
10. Live - Throwing Copper (1994)
11. Semisonic - Feeling Strangely Fine (1998)
12. Police - Synchronicity (1983)
13. U2 - The Joshua Tree (1987)
14. Tori Amos - From the Choirgirl Hotel (1998)
15. Lionel Richie - Can't Slow Down (1983)
16. Milli Vanilli - Girl You Know It's True (1989)
17. Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness (1995)
18. Information Society - Hack (1990)
19. Daft Punk - Homework (1996)
20. INXS - Kick (1987)
21. Fleetwood Mac - Rumours (1977)
22. Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation 1814 (1989)
23. Rimsky-Korsakov - Scheherazade (1888)
24. Seal - II (1994)
25. Def Leppard - Pyromania (1983)

And if you're nostalgic for more nostalgia...
25 CDs - Part 1
25 CDs - Part 2
25 CDs - Part 3
25 CDs - Part 4

Fruitcakes and Cornflakes: how lunacy in alternative medicine harms people

Just....wow.

I had the pleasure of being a member of a forum, primarily women, who discussed health concerns and post questions about natural avenues of treatment. It is hosted/facilitated by a "Wellness Educator" (her unofficial title, according to her website) without any actual standardized training or degree of any kind. This person is giving medical advice (albeit holistic) to people who are writing in with serious problems that need some supervision.

I made several posts suggesting some basic functional testing when appropriate (and some adequate/appropriate supervision only in the direst of cases), and had the DIS-pleasure of being met with a staunch anti-testing mentality, complete with stern orders not to suggest those things in that forum. So I have a couple of thoughts I feel compelled to make known. Now.

Thought #1: It doesn't make sense NOT to test.

The fact is, medical doctors do not do all of the testing necessary. They don't do the tip of the iceberg, they do maybe a snowflake on top of that iceberg tip. There is so much more that MDs don't even know about and don't do. Even the blood test panels they run (standard testing) are not complete. They don't give the full info.

My question is, why would you NOT want to get to the bottom of the issue? Maybe blood tests were "normal" (a phrase frequently up for serious debate in itself) but what about stool tests? Urine? Saliva? The scanty blood tests run are not, by ANY stretch, the ideal medium to detect certain common issues such as intestinal floral disruption, hormonal imbalance, cortisol circadian rhythm, and the like.

The facilitator that rallied so staunchly against my advice will forever baffle me. These ladies are already most likely on kick-butt diets (after all, they're part of a real food forum). They're already probably taking mountains of supplements. And yet, their problems persist. The one question nobody's asking (not themselves, not their doctor, not their naturopath, not their acupuncturist, not their yoga instructor) is, why?? Why are these problems persisting? I know they're looking for a magic bullet, some product they can buy or fad diet they can start. But we know that's not the full answer. The answers are more complicated than that. Don't you want to KNOW what your body is doing? Don't you want an objective starting point? Don't you want some way to measure your progress and KNOW that those supplements, dietary changes, and the like are producing results and doing you some good?

Thought #2: Good food and a multivitamin isn't enough anymore.

If it was, we wouldn't still be having these issues. There's a whole lot more in the mix these days. We've got genetic mutations, toxic metabolites, xenoestrogens, water additives, genetically engineered food, severe chronic stress, audiovisual overload, mesencephalic escape, gastrointestinal dysbiosis, receptor polymorphisms, breakdowns in the mitochrondria, excessive oxidative stress, and more. So, juicing, going organic, going vegetarian, doing raw foods, shopping at Whole Foods, or avoiding certain foods alone isn't enough. Taking an MLM product won't solve all your problems.

You may have a genetic issue that slows down your liver detoxification. Your immune system may be swinging, casting an attack on the various tissues of your body. Your HPA axis might be completely dysregulated and neuroplasticity (reinforcement of this dysfunction) may have set in. You may have candida growing systemically throughout your entire body. Apple cider vinegar isn't going to cut it alone. When only 7% of any nerve in the body carries information about pain or discomfort (and the gastrointestinal system doesn't even have that much), you can't rely on symptoms alone.

Thought #3: I was accused of giving "medical advice" when in fact I was giving the LEAST amount of medical advice and I was the ONLY one in that forum qualified to give ANY medical advice in the first place!

"Wellness Educator" =/= DOCTOR. Maybe she felt threatened? Undermined? Overshadowed? Who knows? Her insecurity or defensiveness is not my problem. I was simply trying to help expose all of those members to another way that I KNOW they hadn't heard of. But the frustrating part is, although some "liked" my posts (this is the kindergarten playground known as Facebook, after all) and thanked me for my info, many were content to respond most favorably to simple, kneejerk pseudo-solutions based on frequently-disproven old-wives tales from 60 years ago.

Thought #4: Alternative Medicine gets some of its bad press from its own lack of logic (i.e. the practitioners do it to themselves).

Much like chiropractic doctors (post on this coming later), in an effort to differentiate themselves from mainstream medicine, alternative practitioners often go too far the other way. They claim they can get miraculous results just by "listening" and "feeling" more intuitively what's going on in their body. That's all well and good, and I believe we should listen and feel a lot more often. But it's NOT--I repeat, NOT--a substitute for diagnostic testing. I realize nobody's looking for approval from some egotistical short-sighted MD. That's great; I'm not either. But that doesn't let alternative practitioners off the hook. Sometimes (often), "listening" and "feeling" alone don't cut it. If they did, why do these people end up in my office a few wasted years (and a lot more tissue destruction) later, frustrated and tearful, with a bag of supplements and no good health to show for them?

The tests I mention are functional. They look at functions of the body. Do you not want to know how well you're functioning? Do you not want to know WHERE the breakdown is? They honestly go hand-in-glove with what the thrust and goal of an alternative practitioner, so why the resistance? If nutrition, naturopathy, "Wellness Education" and holistic health counseling want to be accepted (by mainstream forms of medicine or even the public), they've got to move forward and embrace current technology. We "listened" and "felt" our bodies using intuition BEFORE the testing technology became available. It's sad to know that many are still stuck back in that era, refusing to embrace (or even give attention to) the improvements and advances and NEW TOOLS we can use. As people who want to HELP others, they should be *all over* these tests as new ways to see inside the body that weren't available before. If you truly want to HELP your patient, you'll consider ALL options and all alternatives and you'll let the PERSON decide for themselves.

Typical alternative medicine is stuck in the dark ages without much acceptance because it chooses to stay there.

And why would the alternative practitioners want acceptance, you ask? Most don't, actually. But what they don't realize is that they SHOULD. I watched too many of my brethren attempt to establish an island separate from mainstream medicine, in hopes that they could "convert" the public to their way of thinking. It was "us (alt med) vs them (mainstream med)" and WE had a separate identity, dammit! WE were NOT like THEM. In fact, some of us refuse to call ourselves Doctors because we deem it "too medical". Yes, the most extreme of my brethren are willing to throw away their title, their scope, and a large significance of their degree and education for the sake of remaining staunchly separate from "the system".

Look, I despise the system, too. I don't like the medical establishment or conventional wisdom or the poor excuse of a cattle call that passes for standard medical care in the 21st century US. However, when you position yourself as a vehemently separate island, doing everything you can to reject and abhor medicine, and you AREN'T the one on the mainstream side, you make your patients/clients choose between you and their regular doctors. And guess what? You gamble, and you lose. The patients choose the other side, not you.

Sure, you'll probably get a few converts. But the lion's share of the public end up sheepishly schlepping back to their GP's office, with their tail between their legs, defeated and broken, knowing that they're making the same mistake they did before (seeing a conventional MD for their chronic problem) but not knowing where else to turn. They simply aren't aware of their options.

Saddest of all, hardly anyone is aware that there's a third way, one that is congruent with BOTH sides and beautifully meets nearly every need of each individual. Functional Medicine is a fantastic approach - it's what 21st century mainstream medicine SHOULD have become. It's tragic that it sits on the sidelines, waiting for discovery, but it is a miracle that in these times of pharmaceutical-favored legislation/medical education, we have it at all.

Thought #5: Serious cases require supervision.

I don't care who you are. If you have a laundry list of symptoms and they affect multiple systems and areas of your body and your life, you have GOT to admit that you are in over your head, that successful self-treatment is not usually possible, and that you're going to need some help navigating through the mess.

Most of the ladies on that forum had hormonal issues, or issues of pain/fatigue/insomnia, or neurological problems or immune problems. Each of these needs appropriate supervision, and here's why.

Hormonal issues are later-stage signs of serious biochemical imbalance. Usually it has to do with fuel-for-delivery (blood sugar and oxygen) at the cellular level. Since they're late-stage manifestations, the imbalances are chronic and pretty serious. It's not just about balancing blood sugar anymore. You're going to need to regulate adrenals and probably go for some neurologically-based therapy. That is not within the realm of conventional medicine, nor is it something you're going to be able to do on your own. Sure, you can adopt a wholesome diet and dabble in some relaxation techniques, but wouldn't it be that much more efficient and effective if you got some expert help?

Same could be said for any mood disorder (depression, anger, anxiety), insomnia, or even fatigue. Much of this is adrenal-based (which by definition is a neurologically-rooted problem, NOT an adrenal gland problem), and treating it isn't nearly as simple as going to Whole Foods and talking to someone in an apron about "adrenal support". There's waaaaay more to it than that. (And the conventional medical doctors are utterly clueless, too.)

Fatigue, though, enters into a whole other realm, opening up a whole new set of rabbit holes. Possibilities include anemia (B12, iron, or other), mitochondrial dysfunction, toxic overload, neurological mis-firing, heavy metal load, chronic viral or bacterial infections, or what-have-you. Fibromyalgia is more of a brain-based disorder (which is NOT the same as psychosomatic!) Chronic fatigue is more of a mitochrondrial problem or persistent virus (or maybe the aftermath of an acute/chronic viral infection). So many possibilities. Again, it's not as simple as picking up some Ginseng at Whole Foods or starting every day with coffee, even if it's organic. Adrenal-boosting supplements will probably not even do you any good. Unless, of course, the reason for your fatigue is a severe cortisol dip in the morning or afternoon. But how will you know unless you test?

Immune issues are NOT as simple as getting some "immune support" and thyroid issues aren't candidates for "thyroid support" because in BOTH cases, the herbal formulas in those supplements could be doing your system waaaay more harm than good. Many herbs upregulate the WRONG side of the immune system! (Yes, there are 2 sides, not just one. It's not all or nothing; it's not as simple as being immunodeficient or overactive. It's more of a teeter-totter, and you've got to know which side you're dealing with.) Echinacea, grape seed extract, astragulus, and many other popular immune boosters could be doing you actual damage. They could actually be the LAST thing you need. It's not all about taking boatloads of Vitamin D, either - you've got to keep an eye on your levels. Yes, this means a blood test. You've got to make sure that your system is utilizing it properly and that you're not building up too much. Bet your Wellness Educator doesn't even know about that?

Thought #6: Let's talk about this Wellness Educator.

Looking on her website (I will not give her the publicity by mentioning it or linking to it here), she updated it an hour ago with the explanation that she does not need medical approval, nor does she need biomedical testing to show her this or that finding. (Wow, I have the feeling that was added all because of little ol' me! I'm humbled.) She says she's been in the medical world and knows all about their testing.

Really? So she's heard of Metametrix, Genova, Diagnos-Techs (all CLIA-certified diagnostic-quality lab companies) and she's certain they're not necessary? Really?? Wow, lady, please come work in my office if you're that good that you don't need testing.

Because get this: the rest of the world DOES, including the poor folks who slink to your forum for "help". So you're totally convinced that those labs are useless? You've seen them in action and they're not necessary? Really? Gosh I didn't know that. Maybe you should come to my office and talk with my patients who have ALSO had their experiences with medical testing, only to be told they're normal, but listened to--and felt--themselves and knew those test weren't right, so after NOT being able to tackle their problem on their own, they ended up in MY office 10 years later, and I DID run these tests on them and told them they had....count 'em.....*3* parasites! Not one. Not two. But three! Gosh, no wonder that patient was a mess.

But if she had followed our "Wellness Educator"'s advice and only "listened" and "felt" she would never have known WHAT was wrong or how to deal with it. And she would've been exactly ZERO steps closer to solving the problem.

What are we on, Thought #7?

Suffice it to say that the alternative medicine world needs to get a clue if they're to help anyone with the chronic, complex, complicated, multi-factorial disorders going on out there these days. I've got the feeling by resting on the laurels of their 1960s nutrition deficiency/Master Cleanse books, they're equipped to do exactly: dick.

Meanwhile, my information is the kind of thing that desperate people pay 10-20 thousand dollars for. There is probably a lesson for me in this whole mess as well, and maybe it's the Universe telling me to stop going around giving this away for free. Value is largely perception, and the only way to really create a perception of value is to charge for what you do and what you know. So maybe it's time to go back to devoting my time to people that PAY me for what I've worked so hard to learn. (After all, I have to eat, too.)

10 Years (back) in Texas

It almost slipped past me. Credit goes to my husband for pointing it out.

Has it really been 10 years? Apparently, yes. It's amazing how fast that went, too. It's also amazing how little I remember of anything before that. Memories disappear fast, and not always in order - some hang around more strongly than others.

I've re-learned so many things since my return.

1. Texas isn't really Texas anymore. Sure, some of it is, but certainly not places like Dallas and Austin. I-35 is lost forever. Most of the Texas mystique is preserved only for its ability to trademark and generate revenue from tourists.

2. Texas has everything - you don't ever really have to leave. Mountains? Check. Desert? Check. Beach? Check. Snow? Check. Pine trees, prairies, plateaus, bluffs, cacti, oak trees, deer hunting, lakes, rivers, marshes, corn fields, ranches, forests, or palm trees? Check x 14. We have things they don't really have in other parts of the country. We've got Hill Country, armadillos, long horns, and more.

3. Texas is a hearty place to live. Dallas's summer climate is second only to Death Valley in terms of heat index, and not more then 2-3 months later, boom - you're taking the day off to whether the ice storm. It has hearty lifeforms, too - bermuda grass, fire ants, armadillos, dandelions, all kinds of cacti, scorpions, killer bees, nutria rats, wasps, and Mustang Grape vines. You're going to need both a lot of hot pepper (to help improve heat tolerance) as well as a lumberjack-style down jacket (for those icy wind chills).

4. Texas doesn't care how you did it up north. Really. If you don't like Texas, leave Texas. I was shocked at how many people had been blessed with the opportunity to live here (even if it was by way of an employment transfer) and didn't appreciate it. They couldn't stand the place. They were miserable people who weren't even trying. If you prefer northern ways, go back up the northern way.

5. Weather can come from any direction. It's typically west-to-east like everyone else. But it can just as easily come east-to-west sometimes. And don't forget straight north or straight south.

6. I-10 has evaculanes in case of a hurricane. They mean it.

7. Everyone has a pickup truck. If you don't, you stick out. But don't think that a pickup truck alone earns you any merit. We can tell if you're for real or not. That dealership-branded brand-new current model year Ford F150 without a lick of mud or red dirt on it is a dead giveaway, especially when the driver is wearing a white business button-down shirt and is driving like an idiot with a cellphone stuck to his ear.

8. There are indeed a lot more same-sex-oriented people here than I would've thought. And that's quite all right.

9. There are indeed a lot more Volkswagon Bugs, Toyota Priuses, Smart Cars, and other hybrids here with Obama bumper stickers here than I would've thought. And that's NOT quite all right.

10. The romanticized chili pepper is a South Texas thing. The romanticized boots, porch, and cowhide straps are a Northwest Texas thing. The romanticized outlaws in pickup trucks come from the corners - Houston to the Southeast and Amarillo to the Northwest.

11. The sun is STRONG. You might scoff at the temperature ("only 100 degrees? Hell, I've seen that in Canada!") Yeah, well, I have too. And let me tell you, it's not the same. The sun is a gazillion times more intense down here and that's a factor not figured into the temperature. Hell I don't even think it figures into the heat index, since that focuses primarily on temperature and humidity. Don't buy a black truck, breed black dogs, or wear a lot of black clothing. Black doesn't work well in Texas.

12. Each big Texas city has its own personality and vibe that is completely different and unique from the others.

Dallas is materialistic and hyperfocused on looks. It's snotty and opportunistic for investor-types. It's very showy and people flaunt what they want others to believe they have (but actually don't). It's only fun if you have money, because everything costs.

Fort Worth has more hills, trees, trucks, and cowboys. People are more laid-back but the gang problem is getting worse. The country bars at the Stockyards are pretty cool. It's very different from Dallas - much friendlier overall, and more western.

Waco is sort of a pseudo-center for technology and medical. But the tech sector isn't hip and the medical is bottom-of-the-graduating-class. Not the best reputation. The rudest drivers on I-35 are those between Waco and Dallas. Stay in the right lane.

Austin is so open-minded its brains are falling out - and it's only open-minded if you're liberal; to see the narrow-mindedness come out, advocate a right-wing (or even moderate) stance on something. Woo-hoo, feathers get ruffled. Austin is your home for all things weird, trendy, organic, and TRAFFIC. Austin ranks with Dallas for horrendous traffic problems. As "green" as Austin claims to be, they sure do drive everywhere!

San Antonio is the ultimate small town. It's like one big small town, or a bunch of small ones laid end-to-end. It's the 7th largest city in the entire country, 2nd in Texas, and they have NO IDEA. And they like it that way. Life is simple, and they like it that way too. Lots of Spanish - whites are a minority. And that's OK, too. Not a lot of race wars. Gang activity is picking up, but not racially motivated. Lots to do, if you're not looking to be over-the-top entertained - and the vast majority of it is free.

El Paso is backdropped in mountains, very Spanish, and pretty laid-back. It's not as poor as people think. Many shady businesspeople there, though. Unique in that it has no south side, at least not on this side of the border - only east, west, and north sides.

Houston is huge. It's flat but you're usually distracted by all the trees, so you don't realize it. People drive fast but are overall friendly. The freeways are built wide and well, but there's plenty of traffic anyway. Lots of business and oil. Lots of money, but also a good demographic mix. Lots of pollution, so the wind is welcome. Humidity can be stifling, but winters are mild because of the coast.

Amarillo definitely has an outlaw/badlands quality to it. It's neat! Cold, snowy in winter, hot in summer. It's flat, in the middle of the prairie, and Amarillo is IT - not much else for hundreds of miles. Still retains some of the Route 66 nostalgia. Definitely the hearty cowboy/cowgirl vibe, with pickup trucks and ranches. Friendly, quite conservative politically.

-------------------
Our Experience
-------------------

Our personal experience has sort of been divvied up into three 3-year blocks, with an additional year hanging out there (maybe starting another 3-year block of something, who knows?)

2001-2003 - Undecided Years - spent gaining our footing, getting our lives together, and deciding what we wanted to be when we grew up. Characterized by lots of driving, waiting for each other due to mismatched schedules, lack of money, and subjecting ourselves to way too much abuse in our jobs. Waitressed and did other odd jobs such as construction during this time. Listened to a lot of country music.

2004-2006 - Undergrad/Massage Therapy Years - a little more comfortable in our shoes now. Spent obtaining our massage therapy licenses and building my private practice, which was the sole source of my income. Characterized by a bipolar swings, a conversion to Hinduism, lots of new friends, putting down more solid roots, and still plenty of driving due to working in different places, going to school at different campuses, and providing outcall massage. Studied a lot for science prerequisites during this time. Listened to a lot of New Age and Shoegaze music, as well as ambient dub.

2007-2009 - Chiropractic School Years - spent living, breathing, eating, and pooping chiropractic school. Characterized by early mornings, late evenings, health issues (except stabilizing in terms of bipolar issues), heightened gluten intolerance, an adoption of Buddhism and especially Wicca, self-discovery, neurology fascination, lots of new friends, and simplified driving. Studied a lot and evolved and transformed as a person. Grew and developed professionally. Listened to a lot of lounge and other miscellaneous new music. Less shoegaze and country, though.

2010-? - Early Practice Years - spent living in San Antonio and eating, living, breathing, and pooping Functional Medicine and Functional Neurology. Characterized (so far) by a lot of relief (at being OUT of Dallas), frustration (at many things - not knowing things I feel I should know, having lost time and brain power due to stress and gluten issues, early unsuccessful cases, peoples' unwillingness to make their health a priority and then making me out to be the bad guy because I can't work magic, etc), an adoption of Mexican/Latin American traditions, and a healthier lifestyle, doing what we love. Battling allergies, and constantly studying. Learning self-promotion, trying to network. Listening to a lot of Latin American rock and flamenco, as well as Bossa Nova and Latin Jazz.

So, here's to the next 10 years!

STOP the insanity!

There's this saying that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results.

(Back in like 2004, people who walked around smugly quoting that phrase were sleek and witty. These days, the phrase is tired; it's no longer sleek and witty...but its quoters are still smug.)

But anyway... The definition of MY insanity is that I keep doing different (increasingly palatable) things and getting the SAME results.

If you haven't guessed, those results aren't the most desirable. I've been beside myself all day trying to figure out what to do. There's a certain standard of care I know someone needs. There's also a price tag attached. And insurance won't pay for it, either. They're too out of touch. Not much I can do about that. But who gets the short end of the stick? I do, when the people decide to go to acupuncturist up the street will order a quarter of the necessary tests, with a quarter of the necessary pricetag, which is delusionally easier to swallow.

I won't give numbers, but I've taken on a handful of new patients in the past 3 months. I know the website is out there and that people are seeing it. I know they're interested and they call. I also know that they receive my paperwork attachments in an email and vanish into thin air, never to be seen again.

So I looked at said paperwork. There are no unnecessary, out-of-line, unduly invasive, or over-the-top questions. I went purposefully looking for questions to delete, re-word, or combine to save space, and I couldn't find them. The paperwork is comprehensive but efficient. The questions are concise, and direct yet tactful.

Then I scrutinized the website. Nope, that's all good - questions are answered, concepts are developed in detail, and the process is laid out clearly. Besides (I started to realize) if the website was losing people, we wouldn't be receiving phone calls and emails. Since we are, that part of the chain isn't broken. I honestly don't know where the breakdown is. I mean, from first glance it looks like the Case Review is the weakest link but then, we all know what happened back when I DIDN'T have it. Patient quality has gone through the roof in a good way since we implemented it. It's just that the quantity went through the floor, deeper into the basement than I was ready for.

So I did one thing I do when I'm frustrated and confused: consulted my horoscope for the month. W...T...F. She's so spot on - the high-energy, the projects (bonus that she knew they were electronic in nature), the feeling spent by mid-month (no shit). But there was one glaringly obvious error. She said I'd be HAPPY! I'm NOT happy. No way, no how. In fact, I'm doing everything I can to BE happy. And this not-happiness is not a dip in brain chemicals or an unknown exposure to gluten. Nope, this time it truly comes from the world around me, caving in on me from various (and multiple) angles.

I don't know. Another saying, from someone I admire and respect, who is sleek and witty in every way but cops zero smug factor, says something about progress and growth being made during painful times. This is a painful time, so it is probably also a growing time. Well, that should come with some kind of progress somewhere.

Hey, at least I can spit out an awesome H Pylori demo-diagram in 2 minutes flat. If it's any self-consolation. Jury's out.

Website that rule, Part 4

Has it really been about 5 months since I've posted a cool collection of websites I've found that I liked? Probably. Time doesn't have wrinkles anymore; it has warp zones.

So we're due. And have I got a cool collection. I mean--I always do, but this one is one I can really put my screenname behind. So without further adieu...

Site: http://peopleofwalmart.com/
Why the site rules: Ever feel like you've hit your chin on the bottom rungs of the sociodignity ladder? Does your dad laugh harder than anyone else at his own fart jokes? Yeah, I feel your pain. Reclaim some of that dignified humanity here by gazing in horror at pictures of people who tumbled headfirst into the gene pool. Anytime you're feeling lame and trashy, just know that there's a whole Universe of Trailer out there. Yes, the pictures are real.

Site: http://www.collegewicca.com/
Why the site rules: If you're looking to explore the world of white Witchcraft without the hype, goth, or teenagers, you've come to the right place. Contemporary yet fad-resistant, this site paints an accurate picture in down-to-mother-earth fashion. Not only that, but it doesn't play a cryptic game of hard-to-get by hiding the juicy details behind a pay wall or elaborate (and expensive) scheme, either. Although the details aren't all THAT juicy. But there are plenty of them anyway, and with its compassionate, knowledgeable bedside manner, it answers your sometimes-ridiculous questions without making fun of you.

Site: http://www.appointmentquest.com/
Why the site rules: For the first time ever, I'm actually promoting a service. Yes, it's web-based and you log into the website. No, it's not free, interesting, eye-candy, or informative. However, we've been using it for 9 months, and it has worked quite well. It's an online scheduling company that is actually user-friendly, somewhat intuitive, and rather easily navigable. It's secure, straightforward, and feature-rich. I have no vested interest. If I did, I wouldn't be living in a low-income apartment complex. Just call me a happy customer.

Site: http://abstract.desktopnexus.com/
Why the site rules: This is a collection of literally tens of thousands of GREAT, high-resolution desktop backgrounds for your computer. Unlike many other sites, there's (way) more than a dozen, the graphics are excellent and not cheesy, and they're FREE (not "premium" - nor do they tease you). Download till your heart's content. You'll have a tough time deciding on just one to set as your desktop background at a time. I suggest investing in an extra harddrive before beginning your desktop adventure.

Site: http://www.zeropaid.com/
Why the site rules: I'm dusting off a (very) oldie-but-goodie that has been around since the era of Audiogalaxy and its downfall. Having shifted emphasized feel from forum (so 2001-2003) to blog (so 2008-present), it's a good source for news and resources related to P2P. It has undergone a much-needed facelift and dare I say it looks....good.

Site: http://www.pissedconsumer.com/
Why the site rules: By contrast, this site is a relatively recent find. It's essentially a Ripoff Report clone, but it looks marginally better. Pissed Consumer does have a leg up on its competitor in its higher level of activity and that people can comment without having to sign up for an account (and despite that, it's relatively spam-free) and the comments that follow posts are organized logically and in a way that's somewhat visually appealing.

Site: http://www.askamanager.com/
Why the site rules: Like Evil HR Lady, this is a Human Resources (HR - read: corporate hiring)-based blog that bestows free career advice, and like EHRL, Ask a Manager (AAM) answers readers' questions and whatnot. However, that's where the similarities end. AAM writes sound, mature advice with a refreshing streak of spitfire, as evidenced in her occasional but unapologetic use of words like hell and ass. She's also quite prolific, much like EHRL in the early days. She'll keep you busy for a while.

Site: http://shitmydadsays.com/
Why the site rules: This is the comedy site of the bunch. I mean, the rest of the sites are at least somewhat useful; this site isn't, save for a good belly laugh. I will say that the Shit My Dad Says project has become ever-increasingly commercialized, having left behind its humble roots long ago. So now, the site has more of a venture-capital sell-out feel. But it's still funny, and at least they have left some of the bad language intact without having to resort of substituting asterisks for every other letter. This site is not Rated G. You've been warned.

Site: http://www.facecrooks.com/
Why the site rules: If you're one of the poor saps who still uses Facebook (like me), and you're not ready to give it the heave-ho and delete your account altogether (like me), at least give this site a premo spot in your Bookmarks or (eek!) Favorites and check back often (also like me). It's a (yep, another) blog-style site that posts scam alerts and other Facebook-centered headlines to keep you on top of the plethora of scams and phishing attempts and the ridiculously confusing "privacy" changes. Knowledge is half the battle (I know, I know - deleting your account is the other half, but we've been over this a few times). Very informative and frequently-updated site, with screenshots of scam attempts.

http://community.livejournal.com/customers_suck
Why the site rules: Sometimes? Customers just suck. There's humor, frustration, danger, venting, fails, and wins, all in one gathering place. Your one-stop-shop for breakroom stories of the unskilled, overworked, and underpaid. Downright funny - be prepared to spend time here. If you're also employed in this particular sector of the workforce, set aside several hours.

There ya go; that should keep us all busy for a few months.

See Also:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Neverending story

I posted this pic on my Facebook page recently, only to have people who rarely comment come out of the woodwork with words of encouragement, such as "classic!", "I love it!" and "my sentiments exactly."

Obviously, it struck a cord. I was in good company. This picture speaks to many of us, and we all have our unique reasons why.

When I first saw it, I laughed really hard. It had been one of those days (little did I know what was in store since then), and it hit my funny, empathetic bone.

Maybe it was the umpteenth birdfight that ensued on my Facebook page after I posted a relatively benign link. Yes, I think that out of 470 some-odd "friends" of varying importance and significance in my life, I may actually have my very own troll. It's reassuring to find that there's someone out there who has less of a life than I. But it's still frustrating to have to constantly refute, referee, or at least make enough additional postings to bury it.

Speaking of asshat social networking sites, it could've been the fact that the "new" (ridiculous) page/profile format is now coming to the other Facebook pages as well. Administrators of those pages, of course, don't have any choice. (They never do.)

Or maybe it was members of the Dysfunctional Medicine group once again trying to encroach on my turf and my circle of contacts when they had no business being there.

Or maybe it was the follow-up-slash-telemarketing-call soon after said educational shindig from the testosterone-deficient young SoCal dude with the quiet cellphone trying to ask me questions or give me info I can't hear. Sarcastic Bonus Points for the fact that some of the "information" he's sharing just so happens to be for upcoming seminars I've already taken in cities I have a near-pathological aversion to stepping foot in.

Or maybe it was a family member patient who is so stubbornly negative that he cannot help but express his doubts and displeasure over what is actually not that bad a situation. Yes, it's a restricted diet. Believe me, it could be worse. I have certain formerly-vegetarian patients on diets that consist of nothing but chicken, lamb, turkey, fish, green leafy vegetables, and cruciferous vegetables. Rice is an occasional treat. For several months. This family member is bitching about a few more weeks without coffee, for Christ's sake. I'm also growing very tired of the use of (a very average) age as an excuse of why not to make these changes. And then asked me how to circumvent biochemistry. Uh, that's called pharmacology, which is not available under my license and has a price of its own.

Or maybe it's the recent fiasco involving the crowd (and accompanying personality type) that seeks elective massage therapy. The indignation, the flakiness, and the attempts to dictate our practice and methods of operation. But that's been resolved, and some of the biggest complainants may actually feel the flames a little themselves. But having to set certain policies in place is a PITA that I didn't want to deal with. Boost that arm of the practice, yes - deal with the flaky prima donnas, no.

Or perhaps it's the CONSTANT problems with our Windows machines - the babysitting, the errors, the unsolicited updates, and unexpected freezes and shutdowns. For fuck's sake, how did I ever live 20 years believing that was even acceptable?

Or maybe it's the techno bassline emanating from the bass-friendly speakers of the neighbors below us every Sunday morning. If I'm lucky I can respond with a radio station playing jazz - through good stereo speakers....which I've done.

Or could it be Firefox's unwillingness to run smoothly after a while? Every so often it freezes, errors out, or shuts down - although I think that could be just as much of a Facebook issue as anything else.

Either way? Screw the world for the night. I've logged off Facebook and if my troll strikes again, he's outta here. I'm also logging out of Facebook so that Firefox doesn't have an excuse to crash. I've tossed the ball back into the family patient's court and if said patient won't cooperate, s/he just won't get the desired results and risks getting discontinued from the program. I'm studying hard so that the Dysfunctional Med group can say, do, and try all they want and still never catch up to me. Not much I can do about the follow-up/sales calls, but at least it's a captive audience to which I can voice my opinions. We've made several changes to the massage therapy side of the practice to either shape the problem clients up or ship them out. We're replacing Windows boxes with Apple ones. And last but not least, I've got pictures like the one above to help jumpstart a good, therapeutic laugh.

All massage clients are psychotic

I am in a state of recovery. And despite 3 Myocalm, 20 minutes of expert trigger point therapy, and (lightening strikes twice in 3, 2, 1....) 9 hours of sleep, I'm still not 100% back to my old self.

It was a combination of factors. (Isn't it always?) Without revealing too much info lest someone described herein finds this blog and starts to think I might be talking about them, one of our patients/clients referred another. This is the Holy Grail of private practice - referrals are a very good thing. But be careful which of your clientele is doing the referring, because as far as friendships and family ties go, apples don't fall far from trees and your new clientele will often be more of the same.

We all got blind-sided yesterday. Although we love new clients/patients/etc, sometimes we have to lay down the law. As in, clinic-director-yanks-you-into-the-office-when-you-arrive-for-your-first-appointment-and-scolds-you-for-your-behavior-thus-far. This is extreme - I never imagined this would happen and I hope it never happens again.

What would necessitate such a thing? Oh, a phone call (that *I* made) 10 minutes into an hour-and-a-half appointment, in which case the absent person, in a combination of nonchalance and elitist snip, says they thought they'd come in an hour later and do just a half hour instead. Leaving my therapist dead in the water, sans income, for a quarter of her workday. And leaving the 2 other people who inquired about morning massage therapy appointments, dead in the water, sans pain relief, because those time slots were already taken. And let me repeat: *I* made the phone call; this person could not be bothered to call us.

It was fucking Dallas all over again. All the snippy people that had tried to run my practice in every possible way before, all came flooding back.

The new person did not arrive until 15 minutes into the now-30-min appointment. As is typical with these folks, this person didn't bother looking up the address or location or consult a FREE ONLINE MAP *before* starting out, so naturally they got lost. Our therapist, bless her heart, doing her best, gave the new person a few extra minutes to try to maximize the massage time. Laws of time are not necessarily sympathetic, so the schedule got backed up, bit by bit.

Then, the person who referred the New Problem came in for their appointment (also massage only), and after a 20-min wait, they couldn't wait anymore, so they left. Ironic that it was their own friend/referral that caused the train wreck in the first place, but we couldn't disclose that. Also ironic that the referrer is also consistently a few minutes late for their appointments and never complains about getting the full time when receiving the same favor. I understand the displeasure and the need to leave, but upon leaving I was ordered (or so it felt) that we "had to change our system".

So we did.

Change #1: Massage is no longer 30 minutes. The rule of thumb is now 30 minutes from one start time to the next so that we can begin on time, every time. Those who are late get an even shorter appointment. This applies especially to I'm-consistently-late-but-still-enjoy-the-full-time-but-I-get-pissy-when-I-have-to-wait. No leniency.

Change #2: Those seeking massage therapy only (and not any of our other alternative medical services) will have to turn their paperwork in before we'll even schedule their first appointment, and this paperwork will include a credit card authorization to charge their card if they no-show or cancel with inappropriate notice. No leniency.

Change #3: Oh by the way, it's a great time to ban cell phones in the office. I'm on the warpath, so why not make this much-needed change, too?

Morals of the story:
1. To those seeking "change", be careful what you wish for.
2. To those who complain when their own backyard is a rat's nest, don't. Those rats bite back.

And so do I.

Bracing for the crimson tide

My period's coming soon. And I'm going to talk about it. Come on, more than half the population deals with this phenomenon one out of every four days in her life, for a good 30 to 40 years, so suck it up.

I don't get weepy anymore, but I do still get feisty. Luckily, it's legitimate things that set me off, like my husband asking me to copy my gazillion fonts over to his new computer (his is the desktop version, unavoidedly and unashamedly referred to as the "Big Mac", which makes me hungry for stuff I can't eat every time I hear it), or him leaving the remote control on the floor out of my reach while he leaves the room for a while, just in time for those repetitive, insulting second-rate commercials to come on. Or (this one's actually legit) those damned allergies that have come on the coldest fucking day of the year (we're expecting snow, for God's sake). What could I be allergic to, wind?

Luckily, after decades of becoming a crank once in a not-blue moon, I've developed some coping skills (well, I'm not doing so hot with the allergies, but I'm slowly becoming an old hat at the rest).

Coping skill #1: Cuss a lot.
Dropping the f-bomb (or other bombs) after every sneeze or computer mishap doesn't solve the problem or even make it happen less frequently, but it does have therapeutic benefit. It's like getting revenge on nobody in particular, but you feel better just the same. Another error message? Fine, fuck you. See?

Coping skill #2: Keep the mute button handy when watching TV.
It doesn't matter if you normally find the Huggies kids cute or the "Free" Credit Report jingles catchy (I don't know, maybe you have a secret crack habit); when you're in the midst of a hormone surge, they're going to irritate you to no end. To preserve the longevity of your TV, hang onto the remote and one finger on the mute button.

Coping skill #3: Stay out of rush hour traffic.
I probably don't need to elaborate further.

Coping skill #4: Lock yourself in a room.
This way, you won't have to deal with anyone else. That way, when your husband comes in to ask you to open up your Fonts folder permissions for network sharing so he can copy them over, you don't perceive him as a freeloading demanding nag who has nothing better to do but inconvenience you.

Oh, and turn off the phone, too. Best not to check email, either. And screw the News. It'll only piss you off.

Coping skill #5: Stay off Facebook.
This applies particularly if the multiple facets of your personality attract a variety of people who have nothing better to do on a cold night than have a birdfight about global warming, capitalism, and carbon footprints. While it's great entertainment, you're liable to tell everyone across the board to take a hike...off a cliff.

Coping skill #6: Watch lots of Family Guy.
You will find great company and comforting solace in the attitudes and perspectives of Stewie and Brian (the dog). That is, if Lois's voice doesn't make you want to throw your Coke bottle through the TV.

Coping skill #7: This, too, shall pass.
You only have to put up with this for so long before your liver catches up to your hormone levels and they start to drop and you become YOU again. Yes, as shitty as this feels while it's happening, it is, after all, only temporary and underneath it all, you're still human. At least, until next month.

I hear ye, I hear ye!

If I was a gambling woman, I would've bet the ranch that I would've acquired hearing aids at some point in my life. I know those parameters aren't real specific, but it would've been hard to nail down exactly how old I would be when the need arose.

I did not see "33" in my crystal ball, however. But regardless, I have them and I am thankful. I believe my first reaction was, "hello, world!"

And they do kick ass. I'm actually surprised that my experience has been roughly what I expected. I'll chronicle the basics now, while my acoustically-dampened world is still fresh in my head.

Hearing aids are not like your natural hearing.

They're like a tiny speaker inserted into your ear. The microphone that picks up the sound is on the unit itself, which (in my case) rests behind the ear. (I didn't expect it to stay put as well as it does!) The sound is then transmitted through a small clear cord that inserts as far deep into the outer ear canal as you can get. In fact, it ideally butts up against the eardrum a little bit.

Since I lost different parts of my hearing (mid-range frequencies) much more than others, I got the type of hearing aid that they adjust the different sound frequencies, like the graphic equalizer switches on a stereo, versus the ones that just amplify all sound across the board. So my hearing aids are set to boost those mid-range frequencies and as a result, the sound quality is a bit tinny.

I also hear lots of room noise. It's kind of like listening to a recording of dead air, or having a speaker that's on but not playing any sound, or like listening to the slight hiss of an audiotape (remember those? 60, 90, 120 minutes of analog sweetness?) Certain types of sounds are somewhat disproportionately amplified, such as central heating or A/C, or even my laptop fan, should it kick into higher gear. Strangely enough, I even heard a hissing I couldn't place one day that ended up being someone doing yard work with a gasoline-fed powertool....2 lawns over. And I was indoors with windows closed to boot.

You need different programmed settings for different environments.

It's amazing how quickly the sound ramps up when approaching a busy street. I'm very fortunate to have various settings individually programmed for different situations. The first setting is Universal, which is the default, because it's the most suitable for a normal office or home environment. Another setting I use is for louder environments like restaurants, the mall, or walking along busy streets, because it helps filter out background noise. Yet another setting boosts the audio coming through a phone while filtering out all other room noise.

Some things are still hard.

Using the phone has presented the most significant challenge. Even though all phones made after 1989 are supposed to be automatically hearing-aid compatible, the accuracy of that statement varies. My office phone, ironically, is the worst. The front desk phone is marginally better (same manufacturer and model), and the pre-1995 cordless phone at home is best. The sensor that automatically switches the hearing aids from the default mode over to the phone mode isn't completely perfect, so I've found it important to keep the remote control handy.

One thing I didn't expect was how parts of my life slowed down. I can't just reach over and pick up the phone anymore - I have to be ready with my remote control (with all the program buttons on it) to manually force the hearing aids into phone mode if they don't stay switched over properly. This means that I don't leave home without the remote control device and in fact, it's very close to me at all times (unless I know I'm not leaving home or answering the phone and thus won't need to change settings).

Sometimes, it's the little things.

Singing is interesting, because now there's a different vocal quality. Our trips back and forth to the office are different now because that's one of my noisier environments but not noisy enough to switch settings. Since the quarters are so close, sound becomes even more amplified, compounded by truck engine noise and road-tire noise.

What I was least prepared for, however, is how dampened everything gets at night. You don't realize it in the morning before putting the hearing aids in, but after having them in all day and letting your brain get used to them as the new "normal", taking them out at night is like stuffing cottonballs tight into your ears. It's like a heavy blanket that dampen, softens, and almost mutes everything.

The scary part is, that's how I used to live my life. Everyone around me had to talk loud and enunciate very clearly and even then I would misinterpret words (much like playing a game of telephone). Watching TV without wireless headphones was out of the question, and it was no wonder that I wouldn't hear the phone until the 4th ring or an alarm clock good go off for a solid minute before I would even realize it. It's not that I was sleeping heavily; it's that I was turned away from the alarm clock, laying on my good ear, with my less-functional ear exposed. (The alarm clock part is still a fact of life, because I don't sleep with my hearing aids in, but everything else has improved.)

Hearing impairment is a 24/7 thorn in your side - so don't be an ass, and never assume.

And being hearing impaired, even if not fully deaf, is a painful, frustrating, alienated world. People talk around you and you can't hear what they're saying. Classmates poked some fun at one aspect of another (even the hearing problem itself) and I had no idea. People had to poke me from behind to get my attention because otherwise I'd never know they were there. Emergency sirens could come up behind me and I wouldn't hear them until they had passed me (I would see the lights first and pull over). When you don't hear like everyone else, parts of life suck. Depending on vocal quality, some people were particularly tough to hear.

And I got sick of the people who were rude to me, thinking I was dumb, dense, self-absorbed, or ignorant when really all that it boiled down to was that I couldn't hear them. Bad hearing is the single handicap people can't see, so they give you no leeway because to them, you look like a normal person. It's double-tough when you're young, because NO ONE expects someone under 65-70 to be partially deaf.

I also got annoyed at people who would just talk super-fast, or those who would mumble or neglect to enunciate because whether they realized it or not (and I got even more annoyed at those who were aware of the situation), they were further alienating me. It was yet one more reminder of this issue, and yet one more frustrating experience, one more incident in which I could not function 100%.

Every night is a wake-up call.

So every night, taking them out serves as a reminder of what life could be like in a parallel universe of continuing with my previous situation. And every night, I'm reminded to be thankful (although I rarely rely on that as my sole reminder). It feels good to feel human again.