Another one bites the dust: New Year's Hi-Resolution

Today, we put in some Saturday office hours - the end-of-the-year catching up and regrouping. Now that we're finished brainstorming the "from now ons" and "no more of [x]s", it's time to come back to our serene little corner of the world and do what everyone does (or should do) on New Year's Eve: reflect.

I know you thought I was going to say "drink". Ha.

Let's take a moment to look back on the YouTube video that was 2011.

1. Last year around this time (and up until 6 weeks ago), we were living in a stuffy, crappy, cramped low-income roach-infested apartment, resenting every bit of the boom-boom car stereos, late-night drug deals, and illegal immigrants with tejano music coming up through the floor, cell phones permanently stuck to their ears, and litters of dumpy kids. Don't forget the dryer lint simply tossed out onto the hedges instead of thrown into a proper trash can like we tend to do in developed countries. Yeesh.

This year, we've moved up in the world. We gave up our AT&T Uverse package and a blissfully carefree commute for a much cleaner and more spacious apartment with large windows, more plentiful parking, a serene courtyard, and an ambient view. Bonus: no roaches! Although we're no longer within easy reach of interesting neighborhoods or public transportation (damn), we're also a good comfortable distance away from Honda-driving cholos who race down the wrong side of the road and blow through the stop signs.

2. My health continues to...well, demystify itself, at least. This year brought many more answers than questions, for once - although few solutions just yet. I'm still sporting my baby bump with no fucking baby (don't get me wrong - I don't mind not having the baby on the way. But I don't want the bump, either). I hold steady at 5-6 lbs under the max weight I'd clocked in a year ago. Knowing it's not an adrenal or primary thyroid problem is somewhat comforting, because it would've been frustrating to attempt those protocols without any results. That might've shaken my foundation of faith in what I do and sent me into a tailspin. At least now I know it's not my fault, nothing I can do anything about without probably climbing underneath a scalpel.

3. The practice continues to grow. I got published twice in Natural Awakenings and Jay and I have both made guest appearances on an increasingly-highly-rated health and wellness show on a major AM radio station in our area. I've been on that show twice now. And I also dominate the first page of Google when searching for my type of care in our area. Although it has its ups and downs, fruitful and dry spells, I think it's on the steady (even if gradual) increase overall. Which leads me to...

4. The Headspace - ahh yes, the headspace. I'm still under this crazy impression that I should get paid for what it is I do. I'm also suffering from the delusion that patients will actually appreciate the fact that I do more for them than anyone else, take more time with them than anyone else, include more perks and extras than they've ever seen, respect them more, answer their questions more thoroughly and ALL for a lower cost than they've ever paid. I thought they might show some gratitude. I was wrong, at least for the most part. I could do all that, and it's never enough. They bitched, moaned, whined, protested, and shat all over me. It's not covered by insurance. That testing is too expensive. I can't afford regular visits. I cheated on my diet. It's too many supplements. I don't know what to do on the diet. I want to know what else I can eat, even though you've spelled it out simply and straightforward, in plain language in a well-thought-out, well-written, comprehensive informational handout. I knew I had all week to call you and set an appointment for your undivided attention but I'm going to wait till Friday afternoon and send you cyberdiarrhea about how I have all these "concerns" piled up that I've never mentioned to you, so that I feel better, and who gives a shit if you have a crappy weekend worrying because of it...and I'm going to do that every weekend like clockwork, because it makes ME feel better.

So now, I have taken my life back. Not only am I not available 24/7, and not only am I not working overtime after hours for free anymore, but I've also taken several additional steps to reclaiming my sleep, sanity, and soul.
A) Hobbies - getting back onto my P2P music downloading program. This way, I can enjoy life again.
B) Me Time - this is slightly different than hobbies. This involves watching trash TV like Cops and America's Most Wanted, along with other TV like Family Guy and Flying Wild Alaska. I also read peoples' personal blogs or business blogs (not related to my work) or research non-work-related subjects just for fun.
C) Turn off, tune in, drop out (or something) - I've set gradually firmer boundaries throughout the year. First it was a refusal to check email after I left work. Then I wouldn't check it after a certain time in the afternoon. Then it was setting the vacation autoresponder. Then it was the patient handouts: the first was a pre-emptive "you'll feel worse before you feel better" and the second was a "When To Call Me..." checklist. Then we hired our Office Manager and front desk CA, which was a ray of light from heaven. And now I'm to the point where I don't do ANYTHING work-related when I get home.

And you know what? I'm not fucking sorry. I even stopped apologizing.

This year, we're staring down the barrel of a new office, twice as big as our current one. Are we ready? I think we're as ready as we'll ever be. Every time I think we might not be able to afford it, I'm reminded that we can't afford NOT to. So we're about to embark on yet another journey into the unknown, mapping new territory as we go.

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So yes, life has become both more challenging and more fun. It's finally worth living again; I still feel I'm spinning my wheels a little, but I also see that there's a break in the clouds, a light on the horizon. This hardship stuff won't last forever. Truthfully, it has already started to let up a little. Finally I have some balls, even though it's not much. I'm a bit more comfortable in my own skin, and I'm adjusting to the idea of telling it like it is. I'm a bit more seasoned and less naively optimistic at this point, but that's because I've been through a few skirmishes and earned a few scratches. And I know that's not over yet.

Next year I have a lot to look forward to...let's see how many of these I can accomplish:
--To grow even bigger balls so that I can not be afraid put my foot down, speak up, and say what needs to be said.
--To finish my CCN education, read the books, take the test, and earn the title.
--To keep a clean house that I enjoy coming home to every night like we do now.
--To explore my uterine options, make a decision, and solve that problem.
--To strike a fair balance between fair compensation and excess expense/nickel-dime/etc.
--To build full-spectrum practice in a nice large office, and expand our advertising/marketing efforts including blogs, etc.
--To rehabilitate my body, including my cerebellum and blood sugar management, adrenals, hormone balance, liver function, and everything else.

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Bonus: 2011 "Soundtrack", if you will (probably not complete):

"Not a Crime" - Gogol Bordello
"Matchstick Murder" - Tristen
"Tiki Tiki Kardi" - Arash
"Pumped Up Kicks" - Foster the People
"Distant Lights" - Ivy
"Used To Be" - Beach House

...yeah, definitely not complete yet.

Oh well, 2011's in the books. In light of the apocalyptic predictions surrounding the Mayan calendar, I wonder what 2012's version of this post will look like?

Movies that shaped me

We're a complex web of our experiences. These experiences have some influence on what we become, shaping (in part) who we are. We experience the world through our senses. Our senses detect stimuli. And that stimuli can take on a number of forms - sight, smell, sound, etc. The media (TV, radio, press/publishing, internet) use multiple channels (shows/movies, music, books, websites) to reach us. I've devoted a lot of time to music ("25 CDs" and "Playlist" post series) and websites ("Websites That Rule" post series), and now movies will have their time to shine.

No particular order.

"The Matrix" - taught me that the world isn't what it seems and often, rules that seemed like hard-and-fast givens might be bent, or even broken, or at least manipulated, if you only look at the situation from the right angle and realize that you just might have more power than you thought. (Also taught me that there are some sinister forces controlling everything we do and that we are stuck in an illusion, during which we are being farmed for our resources to feed an ever-growing malicious giant.)

"Anne of Green Gables" - taught me that red-headed outcasts who are dreamy, creative, hot-tempered, talkative, and gullible do have a precious place in the world. Finally, I found solace - someone who reads, talks, and imagines vast, rich fantasy worlds, complete with being particular about her name - both the spelling of her real name, and the various names she wishes she had.

"Other Peoples' Money" - taught me that a do-nothing, make-nothing, serve-no one capitalist can actually be correct and make sense - even when he's in the process of killing off a company during a hostile takeover.

"Terminator 2" - taught me that women can have muscles as big as guys' muscles (if we work out hard enough). Women can be respectably bad-ass.

"Enemy of the State" - taught me that the government really can see what you're doing and that you can be targeted and tracked for something that is no fault of your own.

"Alien" - gave my overactive, fearful, fight-or-flight mind something through which to channel all of that said fear and stress.

"Lolita" - showed me how a dirty taboo subject can be HOT, despite our best efforts to say, "that's just wrong".

"Silence of the Lambs" - made me want to be an FBI behavioral scientist and taught me to think and absorb information in a completely different way. Also discovered some very kick-ass music through that movie.

"Karate Kid" - always makes me want to stretch the major muscle groups of the entire lower half of the body and do some serious roundhouse kicks. Also makes me feel very surreal and meditative. And then I want to move to Japan. Taught me that no matter how bad you get your ass kicked, you CAN have the last laugh.

"Star Wars" - taught me that there is indeed a force that surrounds and permeates everything and that it can be used for good or bad. The bad side is tempting and attractive, but the good side is worth the patience it requires and the softer tread on the world.

"Dazed and Confused" - taught me what life was like in high school in the '70s in East Texas and it makes me want to go back to that simpler time.

"Pump Up the Volume" - made me want to own a radio station - but more for the music than the talk - although the talk was pretty damn funny and/or thought-provoking.

"Office Space" - taught me I'm not alone in despising the corporate world. Reinforces my glee and pride to have not made a resume. Yay!

"Working Girl" - showed me how far we've come just since the '80s (hopefully) and that sometimes you have to lie, pretend, and impersonate just to get to the top - but that it was all worth it and sometimes, you don't even get into trouble for having been dishonest.

"Parenthood" - taught me a really useful diarrhea song that I gleefully sang in impeccably-timed situations. Reinforced my decision to never have kids.

"Fried Green Tomatoes" - taught me about traditional (yet strong) southern women and how to be the tomboy maverick among them well into adulthood. Also taught me the concept of Towanda and that I don't have to sit back and let my gender and the passage of time happen to me. Hint: you don't always have to be a southern belle.

"Volcano" - taught me that there's no history of anything till it happens.

"Angus" - taught me that you can either conform or self-combust...OR you can refuse to do either and stubbornly exert your influence on the rest of your surroundings.

"Green Mile" - taught me that not everyone on death row is guilty.

"The Wall" (Pink Floyd) - illustrated the depths of the human imagination.

"A League of Their Own" - taught me exactly what women had to put up with just because their plumbing is inside the body.

"Ferris Bueller's Day Off" - taught our generation just how to make the very most of a day of hookie. Also found some kickass music in that movie, too.

"JFK" - taught me that there was an entire underbelly of his assassination that will go with some people to the grave. It really does look like it was an inside job. And they hate Oliver Stone for it, too. Because he's more than likely right.

"Terms of Endearment" - taught me not to live in a dysfunctional relationship. It will eat you alive (literally).

"Clan of the Cave Bear" - taught me that a woman (and one who looks much different, at that) can be different and strong and revered.

"Less Than Zero" - taught me just how badly drugs can fuck up your life. Unbelievably frightening.

"Hackers" - provided the motivation to get into computers. And electronic music. And to never sleep.

"The Net" - showed me just how easily someone can easily overthrow and scramble your life. With the click of a mouse, to change some 1's and 0's. Boom, just like that.

"Neverending Story" - taught me that it's perfectly OK to dream and fantasize. Sticking your head in the clouds just might keep some rock-biter alive somewhere. Made me wonder which books weren't "safe", though!

"Seventh Sign" - implanted a fascination deep inside me of Israel and the whole Biblical Kingdom area. Very deep and visceral, too.

"The Craft" - made me want to summon the 4 Corners. Until halfway through. I'm still Wiccan-to-be, though. (Hint: the movie has hardly anything to do with the religion.)

"X-Files" - made me wonder exactly what *else* the Powers That Be are hiding/covering up.

There are probably more. But dinner's ready.

21 Reasons I'm happy to be child-free

I don't hate kids. In fact, I like other peoples' (well-kept, well-behaved) kids. We just don't want any of our own. Unlike other couples who choose to remain child-free, we haven't (yet) encountered any nosy, borderline-judgmental questions or attempts to convert us to the World of Parenting. I figure as an extra preventive measure, I'll make my list of reasons here and should we encounter any of those shining examples of humanity, we'll simply point them to this blog.

Listed in no particular order:

1. It's a full time job and then some. I already have one of those and since I'm just one person (and not two), I don't need another. Without kids, I don't have to pick between a kid and a career. And make no mistake - you can't have it all. Sorry. You're one person, not two. If you think you can do both, then you're probably not doing either very well.

2. My other half and I have a few major genetic issues that we would prefer not to knowingly pass on.

3. Kids are a major investment. We have plenty of other entities vying for our money (our office, our apartments--two right now, Christmas, Whole Foods, Apple, etc). To meet the expenses that kids create, we'd have to grow money on trees or start drug dealing or something. I like having disposable income to go bowling, upgrade to a nice cable/broadband TV/internet package, get my clothes at Dillard's, or get a spanking new iMac. Daycare, baby food, diapers, clothes, and future college tuition just don't seem nearly as attractive.

4. Kids cost money - Part 2. They only cost MORE money as they get older. You thought daycare, diapers, and baby formula were expensive? Ha! Wait till they want designer clothes, starter makeup, video games, and a smartphone. Wait till they toilet-paper the neighborhood and those homeowners find out it's your kid and want restitution. Wait till they want a CAR. We got lucky - my parents paid for anything we were seriously interested in and wanted to pursue. We got music instrument lessons, ice skating lessons, karate classes, and more. Bless my parents. They wanted everything for us - but we were not spoiled. We worked during the summer and understood exactly what it took to obtain the funding for these activities.

5. Kids take space. We tend to need the 2nd bedroom for a home office for our hobbies. A 3-bedroom is out of the question financially.

6. I strongly dislike snot, puke, and poo. I don't care so much about blood and pee, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Without kids, I won't get puked on, nor will I have to wipe a nose or change a diaper.

7. Kids make noise. I'm overstimulated as it is. Occasional neighbor noise aside, I like to have my peace and quiet when I want it.

8. Kids make messes. I'd rather not HAVE to clean more than once a week. Laundry, dusting, catbox, vacuuming, dishes, and general tidying up already take some time each day/week. Our truck is a mess but it doesn't smell bad - without kids I don't have to worry about milk getting spilled and then smelling really...."nice" a week later on a South Texas July afternoon (true story - ask Mom).

9. Kids get into things. Ugh, I went through this with my kid sister - coming home from school and finding my Lego cities in shambles, my books piled on the floor instead of in the bookshelf, markers and paints all over, stickers peeled off and stuck elsewhere, Barbie dolls undressed and re-dressed horribly, pieces of everything everywhere. I hated going to school knowing she was getting into everything all day and I couldn't do anything about it. It didn't stop with the toddler years, either - we continued into our pre-teens and teens stealing my makeup and clothes. Again, ugh. Why would I want to do that to myself all over again?

10. Kids get into things Part 2 - I remember Mom having to put latches on the cupboards and doors, store guns in locked cabinets, store books/knives/china dishes/etc high up, put away sticky candy, worry about where detergents and cleaners were stored (in the Monsanto-dominates, pre-eco-friendly days), etc etc. Why would I want to relive Mom's experience?

11. Kids break things. Candles, light bulbs, electronics (yes, let's confuse a peanut butter sandwich with a VCR tape. Let's pour apple juice into said VCR, too), you name it. Besides the cats, staying child-free means we get to enjoy the full life of our things without having to replace them prematurely.

12. Kids do kid stuff, I do adult stuff. OK, I'll admit I LOVE playing outside - catch, hide-and-seek, capture the flag, tag, you name it. I also love Nintendo/video games. But I don't do kid-style birthday parties or coloring books or other little games that smaller kids play. I like to go people-watch and the mall or play cards. I like to exercise - walking, biking, working out, martial arts. I like to paint, with very permanent paints. I like to get my hair done. I also refuse to bore a little kid by dragging him/her all over the place to do the adult things I'd rather do instead of parenting. So I don't have kids.

13. I can go on vacation or away on an impromptu overnight without having to worry about A) someone watching the kids or B) having to take the kids with us.

14. We can go out to eat or to a movie (or anywhere!) without having to worry about A) getting (and paying increasingly more for) a babysitter, or B) having to take the kids with us.

15. We don't get any dirty looks or stares or (justifiably) rude comments because our kids are acting up or causing a scene. We don't risk having to leave a restaurant in the middle of a meal or a movie just when it's getting good.

16. Kids are heavy. So is their stuff. The kids themselves need to be carried everywhere - but so does their diaper bag. So does their formula. Their toys. Their stroller, should the place not be conducive to strollers. When they act up, or get tired, irritable, and difficult, they become twice as heavy - dead weight, and they're not moving anywhere if they can help it.

17. Kids get cranky. See above - tired, irritable, and difficult. They do this when they're tired. Hungry. Bored. Hot. Anytime they're not happy, which seems often.

18. Kids stink - puke, poo, pee, etc. They smell up the place, causing embarrassment (and if you're NOT embarrassed, something is wrong).

19. Kids strain relationships. They're something else to fight about. They add stress overall. It's not their fault. They just do. As much as we tell kids it's not their fault (which it's not, exactly) - the stress of adjusting to life with kids and the intimacy/money/free time that go out the window when kids arrive can be enough to expose the instability of a partnership and maybe push it to its breaking point.

20. Kids sap sleep. Whether your baby is crying, your toddler is puking, or the cops bust your teenager for having sex in his/her car after he/she snuck out of the bedroom window. Or your 30-year-old who still lives with you coming home at 3AM, staggering around because they're drunk. My sleep is touch-and-go as it is; I certainly don't need any more help staying awake.

21. No extra doctor bills. No "well-baby" checkups, whatever that means. No school district telling us what to do. No having to express breast milk when it's least convenient. No risk of people chastising you for how you parent, or for having to change diapers/breastfeed in public places. Nobody telling me "they hate me". I don't have to worry that I'm producing the next Hitler, Antichrist, Dahmer, Ted Bundy, David Koresh, Stalin, or Saddam Hussein.

Here are movies that help explain what I *won't* have to go through:
"Parenthood"
"Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"
"Home Alone"
"Three Men & a Baby"

Etc. The clock chimes, time to leave for the office.

25 MORE CDs one should not be without - Part 6

Hello, and welcome to the (nasally congested) 6th installation of CDs that grace my dusty wooden spinney CD holder.

Your mileage may have certainly varied on the past 5 installations and if it did, it will most likely continue to vary with the next 25 little round discs. So here we go, in (drumroll please) No. Particular. Order.

1. REM - Chronic Town (1980)
2. James Asher - Tigers of the Raj (1998)
3. Smashing Pumpkins - Pisces Iscariot (1994)
4. Zero 7 - Simple Things (2001)
5. No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom (1995)
6. Kitaro - Silk Road (1980)
7. Glass Tiger - Simple Mission (1991)
8. Claude Challe - Karmix ~ Kuon Ganjo (2001)
9. Cranberries - No Need To Argue (1994)
10. Blondie - Parallel Lines (1978)
11. Cypress Hill - Black Sunday (1993)
12. B-52s - Cosmic Thing (1989)
13. Ishq - Sonic Incense Vol. 1 (2002)
14. C+C Music Factory - Gonna Make You Sweat (1991)
15. Madonna - True Blue (1986)
16. Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon (1973)
17. EMF - Schubert Dip (1991)
18. Ace of Base - The Sign (1994)
19. Alice Cooper - Trash (1989)
20. Llewellyn - Andean Spirit (2001)
21. Janet Jackson - Control (1986)
22. Right Said Fred - Up (1991)
23. Oasis - Definitely Maybe (1994)
24. REM - Document (1987)
25. Enigma - Cross of Changes (1994)

Previous links for those who wish to explore:
25 CDs - Part 1
25 CDs - Part 2
25 CDs - Part 3
25 CDs - Part 4
25 CDs - Part 5

The truth about health insurance

About 99% of all prospective new patients who have ever called our office tend to lead off with two questions. 1) how much? and 2) do you take insurance? It annoys me to no end. Sure, they're fair questions and yes, some complementary/alternative medicine services may be recognized and (at least partially) covered by some health insurance plans. But there's more to the story. (Isn't there always?)

First, insurance sucks. Yes, I know it's expensive. That's why I haven't purchased a policy yet myself and when I do, it'll be major medical coverage only, because the return on investment for anything more is a joke.

Don't expect insurance to pay for everything, even if you're coughing up a grand a month on your family policy. This goes double if your insurance policy is less expensive. When your employer offers you a choice between plans, don't choose the cheapest policy and then complain that nobody will take your insurance or that it won't cover anything. You get (kinda) what you pay for. Choose the cheapest major medical policy and then expect exactly that: major medical. Then, pay your doctor for preventive stuff like you'd pay for anything else.

Your doctor is not a dick for not taking your insurance. Here's how insurance works: each year, insurance companies must not only turn a profit, but they have a legal duty to their stockholders to INCREASE this profit every year. If not, the board of directors of the company can be ousted and a new board voted in. Blame the shareholders and the system, not your doctor.

Here's what this increase in profits means: they have to cut corners--I mean COSTS, somewhere. During the last few decades, these cuts have come in several forms, mainly cutting reimbursement to doctors for the services they provide, and also cutting benefits out of your plan and redistributing them to higher-priced plans.

So why does it matter when insurance companies cut reimbursement to doctors? Don't they make enough money already? Well, yes and no. Sure doctors charge high fees. Having been through med school myself, I can tell you it's no cakewalk; that's why not everybody goes through med school. I can tell you that when we graduate with that license and title, we deserve it from what we've already been through. We can literally kill ourselves (or at least eat ourselves alive) going through school. Sure, it's a choice we made, but sometimes it turns out to be a little more than we bargained for.

Anyway, we put ourselves through this because of what the future return will be - we have a certain vision in our minds. The specific vision is different for each doctor, but almost all of us have one that we cling to going through school. We envision caring for patients in a certain way, a certain number of them per day or week, and taking home a certain level of compensation for the work we put in. We also begin to make decision early on that affect our overhead.

When we graduate and get started, we incur a certain level of overhead that includes building rent for office space, equipment, salaries, utilities, malpractice insurance, continuing education, and much, much more. Some of those expenses are "fixed" and won't change much.

We also begin to see a certain amount of income. But the catch is, that's variable. And what's more is, remember I mentioned that insurance companies have been cutting payments to doctors for their services? That means that when I do an ultrasound on a patient today, I make a certain amount of income. Next year, that number will almost always go down. It may not be by much, but it adds up if I do a lot of ultrasounds, and it also adds up each year as reimbursements are cut EVERY year.

What does this mean to you as a patient? Not much on the surface, as most of it goes on behind the scenes. However, you may notice your visits get cut a little shorter, or the doctor seem more hurried. Maybe the doctor is less familiar with your case because s/he wasn't able to spend any of his/her own time investigating your problem (hardly any doctor these days does that anyway). Maybe you had to wait a little longer in the waiting room to see the doctor. Maybe you had to wait several months to get an appointment with that doctor. Why? Because when you have lower reimbursement and thus lower income per service you're providing and you have to meet expenses that are the same or greater than last year, you have NO CHOICE but to make it up in volume. Since you have the same number of hours in a day that you had before and no more opportunity than that, and time is money, that means cramming more patients into the same workday. The lesser service you receive is a product of your demand for insurance coverage.

The truth is, health insurance was never meant to cover EVERYTHING. Yeah, I know what they told you. They lied. Seriously, they did. If health insurance covered everything and still remained affordable, they would operate in the red and go bankrupt very quickly. So do the math - they can't possibly cover much without making premiums astronomical (although many would claim they've done the latter). Expecting health insurance to cover your acupuncture, chiropractic, massage therapy, and nutritional counseling visits is like expecting your car insurance company to cover your oil changes and brake pads. It won't happen, nor should it. Those are normal maintenance expenses and every car owner should be able to shoulder them themselves. Health insurance operates the same way, or at least it should - covering you when you get into a major situation, but leaving the little stuff to you.

Here's the other part you may not realize. PAPERWORK. Every year in almost every medical office, there is a mind-blowing amount of money wasted on full time personnel just to fill out and file insurance paperwork. These folks sit in back rooms for 40 hours a week, putting numeric codes on paper, dotting every i and crossing every t, and they also sit on the phone, wrangling with inept insurance companies and their extensive phone menus and un-knowledgeable customer service reps. It's not the CSR's fault - most of them don't hang around very long, so most of them are new. And of course, their hands are tied behind their backs, crumbling under the weight of the bureaucracy that is an insurance company. I should know, I've had dear friends whose spirits were vacuumed away by these wretched companies whose sole goal in life is to suck in your premium checks but avoid paying anything out to anyone in benefits.

But that paperwork costs your doctor dearly, whether s/he does it him/herself or pays someone else a full salary (typically with some benefits) to do it. Many doctors are shedding this hefty expense (and the extra rent for the bigger office space to do this) and are all the happier for it.

I remember when my significant other saw a reimbursement schedule from one of the lesser-evil insurance companies. They were going to reimburse them a TOTAL of $24 for what added up to essentially a 15-minute service. That might sound like a lot, but it isn't, especially when you figure we spent $160k EACH to go through school. And that 15 minutes doesn't include the unpaid 30 minutes of paperwork that follows, just to get paid by the insurance company. Which doesn't include the 2 hours of waiting on hold when calling the insurance company just to verify a patient's benefits, nor does it count the entire workday to wrangle with said insurance company when the invoice we sent them comes back denied for absolutely no reason. Now, $18 doesn't look so great, does it? Divide that $18 by the total time invested and we made far less than minimum wage. Now figure that we did this for every patient. Yikes.

It doesn't just cost us, it costs you, too. Some people were so hell-bent on utilizing their insurance so-called benefits that they ended up paying MORE in just their in-network co-pay than they would have just paying out-of-pocket (without utilizing insurance). Yeah, it didn't make any sense to us, either. He paid $59 when he could've paid $55. Wow.

As a Functional Medicine doctor, insurance doesn't even have any codes for what it is I do. They don't really even recognize it or know what it is. FM has been around for 30 years, but that doesn't mean the insurance companies are paying any attention. Why should they, when they have no intention of covering it? And yet, people ask. Even knowing all of the information above and after having been told the following:

1) Insurance takes paperwork time, which takes away from your case
2) Insurance doesn't cover longer visits, only shorter ones
3) Insurance doesn't cover complete testing, only incomplete
4) Insurance doesn't cover appropriate treatments, only band-aid ones
5) Insurance requires codes that describe what's going on, but doesn't provide any such accurate coding

...it still doesn't always sink in.

Seriously people, it's time to wake up. Health insurance is a middle man that takes in more than it gives out. This means you always pay for more than you get. It's also SUPPOSED to be a simple safety net, like legalized gambling, to protect you from those major accidents/operations that could set you 6 figures in the hole overnight, or those genetic disorders that spell disaster and cost millions over the course of your lifetime. THAT is what insurance is for. Not your chiropractic adjustment, your nutritional counseling, your 1-hour massage, or your acupuncture treatment.

Open Letters To Various Douchecanoes

Letter #1: Dear Facebook...

Just because I "like" or post a comment on someone's post doesn't mean I want to be notified of every. Single. Subsequent. Comment.

Just because I use an app doesn't mean I want to announce it to the world on my feed.

Just because I post a link in a comment doesn't mean I want to attach a preview to said link.

I don't care that someone I don't know comments on or likes a friend's post. If I don't know everyone involved, leave it off my feed.

Last but not least, was it an instant message? A more email-like message? How do we know, since either one now shows up in the "messages" feed on the left side and also alerts you at the bottom of the screen?

Letter #2: Dear Social Engineers...

I'm not Christian but I do believe that the people supporting your store by generating revenue by buying gifts for others (at your "makes a great gift!" suggestion, by the way), ARE Christians, and not simply "holiday" celebrators. So saying, "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" to avoid offending someone is ridiculous.

I also do believe that the Christmas tree in the window is indeed a CHRISTMAS tree and not a "Holiday" tree.

Letter #3: Dear PC-based computer manufacturers...

I'm done. I am now pricing out my last Mac replacement for my last non-functional PC. The resource allocation is terrible, the drivers for various components are cumbersome, the error messages are far too common, and the software arguing and subsequent crashes have sucked as long as I can remember.

Oh and I'm sick of the back door security holes, the nanny-like regulations, the big-brother-like snapshot of your system upon install, and the horrible tech support (not that I've needed it, but I've heard the horror stories).

My last PC died on me once and for all and this time I'm not going to dump another few hundred bucks into yet another shoddy product in hopes that my troubleshooting process ends quickly. Nor am I going to request my spouse to spend yet another weekend of their own time occupied with said troubleshooting. This weekend, we're sitting on our asses. Then we're going bowling. The Mac should get here in a couple weeks.

I'm converting entirely to Mac once and for all. I've heard the Windows runs better under Parallels on a Mac than it does under regular PC hardware. Total epic fail. You should be ashamed.

Letter #4: Dear Noisy Neighbor Upstairs Who Does NOT Belong In This Particular Apartment Complex

Do you really have to walk like an elephant, rummage around loudly in your closet, and drag your furniture across the floors at both 8.30 in the morning AND 10:45 at night? For several hours at a time? For several days in a row? Really? What, do you have your kids over or something?

And the piece of shit Ford car I'm quite certain is yours hasn't moved from its parking space in days. Do you even work?

When does your lease end? Because I need a countdown to something to look forward to.

Letter #5: Dear I-want-it-now Lady From Last Friday

Thank you for taking your friend up on the referral she gave you to our clinic. Seriously, that's how we grow our practice.

However, I know for a fact that said friend did not tell you that we're a magic aspirin that relieves pain instantly. Nor do we render any treatment without a regular physical exam first. That's not being difficult, that's just following the standard of care, a standard that should be practiced by ANY office.

And I'm sure said friend did not say that we were a charity clinic.

So when you came in during the last possible appointment slot on a Friday, how in the world did you assume that 1) you'd get instant treatment That Day without any kind of physical first, and 2) that you weren't somehow going to compensate your doctor for those services?

Ay-ay-AY.