It's a nice day for a white wedding anniversary

Actually, it's tomorrow. It's hard to believe that a year-minus-a-day has gone by. I don't remember much of the preceding week, except that I was quite sick, missing my first days of class since sometime in 2005/6 when we were in undergrad. I remember a lot about that day, from sleeping in a couple hours to the perfect warm sunny day sans humidity, to the slowly pulsating, energy-rich evening. It was beautiful. It was mystical and magical, heavy (although not emotionally) and significant. The chemistry was perfect and everything went off without a hitch, looking, feeling, and proceeding better than I ever could have imagined. I remember the candles, the dim lighting, the wonderworld of balloons, the incredible incense, and the creatively-dressed up friends and family in their costumes. It was a playground, an adventure park, a masterpiece.

One of the coolest aspects about our wedding is that several couples approached us afterward and told us that what we had done with our special night inspired them, got the wheels turning in their own minds when contemplating their own ceremonies. We broke many moulds and chucked almost every tradition out the window. We constructed our own custom-built ceremony from the bottom up and everyone, including our officiant, wondered exactly how it would all come together. Since so many people wondered how we did what we did, I decided to demystify it here.

First, we wanted our wedding date to be significant. We decided that it should fall on a holiday, because if it did, we would always remember our anniversary and it would never slip by unnoticed or overlooked. Chances were good, also, that if we chose a holiday, we might get the day off guilt-free. We decided against Christmas or Easter because we were no longer Christian, and thus, while we celebrate those holidays with family, they're not our holidays. We wanted to choose a holiday in which the weather would be warm, so that automatically ruled out New Year's and Thanksgiving. Valentine's Day didn't speak to us either. At first we picked July 4th, but that gave way to Halloween, as we realized my parents would still be tethered to the single busiest peak time of their summer business, making it incredibly hard to attend. Halloween solved all dilemmas; it held special meaning for both of us since childhood, it wasn't Christian, the weather stood a good chance of being comfortably warm or mildly chilly but remaining well away from the extremes, and it was off the holiday travel peak when airlines and hotels fill to the brim, with skyrocketing prices, which makes it hard on those traveling in. So, we set the date for 4 years away, for Halloween 2008.

Why 4 years? Because not only did we have to narrow it down by specific holidays, we had to make sure those holidays were astrologically sound. Laugh if you want, but we have ignored these concepts in the past and been burned, the funny part being that we knew in advance that we would be. Likewise, we have planned many large projects according to the stellar lineup and had terrific results. I stand by doing things this way.

OK, meat and potatoes time. First, I highly recommend two books: Bridal Bargains and Joining Hands and Hearts. Both of these books gave phenomenal advice, and I recommend both of them. Joining Hands and Hearts was our inspiration for creating our own ceremony. We intended to seamlessly blend the elements of several different traditions, and to keep it from looking choppy or forced, we needed some expert advice and good intuition. If Joining Hands and Hearts gave us ideas on designing the ceremony, Bridal Bargains was a God(dess)send on saving us money doing it.

Theme: What we set out to create was a Halloween party, but not the cheap orange plastic kind...instead, more of the velvety black kind, with mystical purple-ish accents. I was even hoping to have a tarot card reader, but that didn't materialize, and it turned out that it wasn't missed. What we got instead was sort of a deep, seasonal, primal law-of-nature Fall Harvest, with Sleepy Hollow overtones, a Buddhist conversion, Wiccan, Celtic, Turkish, Arabian, Persian, and Catholic elements, all resting on a Hindu backbone. In short, it rocked. There was not a single aspect of the wedding that did not hold significant meaning; whether it was the music selected for the ceremony, for the father-daughter dance, the bride-groom dance, or the kind of root beer we selected for the toast, or the color, number, and arrangement of the candles on the fire platform, or any second of the ceremony. We selected sacred readings from meaningful texts, incorporated a lot of astrology, Freemasonry, and numerology at every turn, and we even made a full Buddhist conversion so subtly lifted into the ceremony like a table leaf at Thanksgiving that nobody else even knew.

Venue: We did not want a Little Chapel of the Flowers in Vegas wedding, nor did we want some big church wedding (Catholic or Protestant) that might've made relatives or friends happy but clearly wasn't "us". Nor did we want to go the budget all-purpose-but-it's-still-undeniably-a-wedding-chapel route, either. We wanted something elegant, ambient, versatile, and all-purpose--meaning that we could have the ceremony and after-party (the reception, in most peoples' cases) combined in one spot, without having to vacate one venue by a certain time and transport the party to a second venue by another certain time. Since we had already decided that this was going to be a Halloween wedding in the evening, we knew we needed to cultivate an atmosphere of electricity, ambiance, and magnetism--and for a reasonable price. Where to find such a place, especially in sterile, socialite Dallas? We read through both aforementioned books, which, between the two themes--saving money and blending cultures, there were plenty of good suggestions. Some talked about city-owned parks and community centers. Other mentioned museums or arboretums. Back in the day, we had batted around the idea of a ranch, particularly Southfork. We even considered doing it in the event rooms at friends' apartment complexes. Or on the shores of any one of our area lakes. We thought of non-denominational chapels at area universities, including our own school. Or Unitarian Universalist churches. Or hotel facilities. Or even, certain area bars that had surprisingly cool setups. There were so many options and it was increasingly frustrating that none were panning out. The frustration came from places who heard it was a wedding and instantly wanted to sell us their "wedding package", which would've essentially doused the entire room in a blizzard of white, with perhaps some pale pink accents for good measure, serving us their pre-fab food, and then charging us thousands of dollars. No freaking way.

Luckily for us, we stumbled upon a place early in our physical legwork search (as opposed to the tiring internet research that comprised the above saga)--Celebrations Grand Ballroom in Highland Village. I don't exactly remember how we came upon it, but it was literally the first or second place we drove to, and we felt it--it was simply perfect. It was an all-purpose ballroom with carpet and elegant light fixtures on dimmer switches. The facility was all-inclusive, with our own set of restrooms, a bar that could be optionally stocked, a stage and dance floor that could be moved and sized, plenty of stereo and AV equipment, a full kitchen with ice machine and multiple refrigerators, and a dressing room. It was easy to get to, and parking was easy. It was one of the only places we found in Dallas-Ft Worth that would allow open catering (i.e. we could choose whomever we wanted to supply our food).

Clothing: My husband's outfit loosely resembled our own rendition of a Celt in a minor royal role. We pieced together his outfit at Scarborough Faire, a 6-week Renaissance in southern Dallas-Ft Worth, Texas, patronizing several different ye olde shoppes. My dress was a genuine, traditional Indian wedding dress, hand-made with plenty of beadwork in India. I bought it off the shelf in the span of 4 hours, leaving it in their hands for 3 days for complimentary tailoring. It was headache-free, and I completely avoided all of the usual tricks, scams, and horror stories that today's brides endure when bridal dress shopping. We elected to not even have any bridesmaids or groomsmen--too much drama and potential to go wrong, too much having to select people without feelings being hurt or placing hardship on people, and it's too hard to coordinate schedules to meet to try things on. Instead, we put our dads and my grandfather in matching fall-colored tuxes and made blue-flowered corsages for all grandparents. Everyone else? Was told to come in costume and by Goddess, they did.

Officiant: Usually this is a reverend, priest, minister, rabbi, monk, etc. Ours was a Reverend by title, but not in the sense of the Southern Baptist. He headed up a Unitarian Universalist church, which suited us perfectly, because the UUs are very accustomed to blending cultures with open minds and not balking at radical ideas. If you'd like to design your own wedding ceremony from the ground up, a practitioner of an established, organized religion is probably not going to be a good celebrant candidate. They know their own playbook and they generally stick to it. It's like they have a "wedding.exe" program stuck in their minds; say the magic word and presto: the program runs. However, if their default protocol doesn't match what you want, that could spell trouble.

Decorations: We went to Garden Ridge for practically everything. The venue supplied the tables, chairs, tablecloths, and a few large sturdy garage-sale-style tables for holding fingerfood, the cake, and gifts around the perimeter of the room. We picked up purple Christmas lights, our helium canisters, and some other various Halloween decorations from Party City. The lion's share of everything came from Garden Ridge: the candles for the fire platform, tea light candles, the Unity candle on the altar, and all the flower arrangements (whether on the altar, at the tables, or along the perimeter). We got some chakra wall hangings, a Tibetan Buddhist wall hanging, some incense coffins, and other things at Silver Pyramid. We got our awesome genuine handmade incense and our guestbook (unlined, hand-bound) from various Scarborough Faire vendors. A friend loaned us her black cape and the UU Reverent himself brought a Tibetan singing bowl with which to start the ceremony and a large bowl filled with earthy-salmon-colored sand in which to set some tea lights. A sterling silver sindhoor container and the accompanying powder came from an Indian grocery store. Last but not least, my mom hand-made a tub of scarecrows with orange pumpkin faces and Sharpie-drawn expressions (courtesy of my sister, the gifted and mischievous artist), each dressed in different uniforms from the various facets of our lives: 9-1-1 dispatcher, martial artist, hippie chick, miliatary fatigues, white-coated doctor, Hindu convert, and Texas cowpoke. A bunch of us blew up about 300 balloons full of Helium (saving plenty of fun for ourselves) with long strings (the kind used for curling ribbon on Christmas presents) that dangled several feet, creating a childlike 3D wonderland.

Invitations: We had 2 kinds of invitations; one for classmates and faculty at school (beautifully crafted by a good friend), and one that we printed up and mailed to friends and family around the country. Nine people received a small box containing our printed version set on a scroll.

Photographer: We were lucky enough to have one in the family. Jay's sister, Mandi Daws of her own Mandi Daws Images, is a gifted and intuitive professional photographer who is fun and easy to work with. Her equipment and timing are top-notch and she was on the ball all night, working tirelessly. Definitely a self-starter without the need for micromanagement. She will also not dick around when it comes to putting together the package; she'll be timely and reasonably priced. Her photos were real, yet surreal!

DJ: I forget who we used, but that doesn't really matter, since he was sort of our weakest link. His bright side was that he'd play anything you wanted without worrying about where you got it. He wasn't affiliated with anyone, so he didn't have to stick to any certain playlists or catalogues, and he wasn't confined to his own arsenal. This was good, because otherwise he probably wouldn't have been able to play anything we wanted played. Our tastes run a little eclectic. The bad news is that he was sort of a space cadet, a little deficient in the communication and comprehension department. He acted like he understood what you wanted, but then took things in a different direction.

Catering: We catered everything from Celebrity Bakery. We opted not to spend the time, money, or energy on a sit-down dinner. (We also markedly decided against any alcohol at all, because the potential for bad outweighed the potential for good in terms of outcome and rammifications.) Knowing this was an evening affair, we decided on some good fingerfoot sandwiches and two cakes of different flavors to choose from. Celebrity Bakery rocked - I'd use them again and recommend them to anyone. Their food was great, everyone loved it, and their prices were very reasonable. They delivered everything and set it up. They were timely and the presentation looked great. Everything was properly temperature controlled and they were able to work with us with about a week or two to spare. They even did awesome custom cake decoration, Googling images with us on the internet.

Party favors: This is an increasingly popular phenomenon at weddings and, why the hell not? It gave a little something to everyone to take away with them as a token souvenir, so to speak, from the wedding. And party favors need not break the bank. They can be every bit as special as they are inexpensive. We decided that since music is such a big part of our lives and that since people would definitely like what they were about to hear that night and would ask about it, I decided to select a few audiological highlights and package them together in a track-listed soundtrack. So I was up until at least 1 am, burning 60 CD-Rs and tracklistings carefully aligned on CD-sized inserts on Microsoft Word to slip into red paper envelopes. We also figured it would be a good idea, with all the different unfamiliar cultures flying around, to print up a service program of sorts, that listed each item in the ceremony and in which tradition it claimed its roots. My mother sewed beautiful little velvet pouches with drawstrings in which we stuck a couple of chocolate kisses and a pumpkin spice aromatic tea light candle. Each person got a velvet bag, a CD, and a program.

The only thing they don't tell you about your wedding is that not only will you be pulled in a million different directions because everyone wants to talk to you and get pictures with you, but also: the night goes by waaaay too fast. For us, it was 3am before we even knew it. That was one party we wished could've gone on practically forever. I may add more to this, because I'm sure I haven't thought of every useful tidbit in one sitting, but I'll leave this as it is for now because otherwise 3am would get the better of me again!

Spirits in a material world

Yesterday we were bored (in Dallas? Whodathunk?) and we had some spare energy left, so we decided to go on a little field trip--to the mall. Generally it's a nice, clean, bright, fun place to hang out and live vicariously through 15-and-16-year-old strangers with frosted hair, designer clothes, and their parents credit cards. I swear, as bitter as I can come across, it's healthy for me, as it keeps me young (younger than I would otherwise have been by now).

Except for yesterday. This time of year, while awesome in every other way, is hell on mall-loitering. Yesterday in particular, I was reminded of exactly what it is I cannot stand about the approaching Holiday Season. It's the kiosks that, previously toned-down throughout the rest of the year, have begun to snort coke again and ramp up into overdrive, accosting would (not)-be customers from across the mall aisle. And a multitude of other headaches that I won't launch into explanations of just yet because I don't want to spoil the plot completely.

So anyway, just today, I decided to run a Googler on something to the effect of "pushy mall employees" to see if ours is an isolated phenomenon or if there are small t3rr0r!st cells of such sales associates in various states of desperation seeded across the Land of the Free. Among my search returns I stumbled across an online article in some business trade journal called "Recession-Proof Your Business". Among the strategies listed, it mentioned things like up-selling the customer on higher-profit items, and it had the gall to assert that perhaps that entry-level bottom-rung staff you hired might be "afraid to be pushy". Boy, if I've ever seen the need for a wake-up call to action...

So, I submitted the following comment and of course, that section is moderated. This said comment is awaiting approval. I'm posting it here in case it never sees the light of day (or should it make it through but only after a few alterations)...

Here's how to REALLY recession-proof your business...
1) Quit jacking up prices. Unemployment is at an unusual high. Consumer confidence is in the toilet. The stock market is recovering, but who gives 2 s**ts when you're out of work and it takes on average 6 months to find a new job? Prices keep creeping up, and this is the wrong time for it. It's a sure-fire way to kill your sales.

2) Stop pestering ppl while they shop. I swear, I can't walk down the aisle of a mall without getting hollered at carnie-style by snotty Latinas manning kiosks on commission. I can't even walk into normal stores, either, without multiple employees tag-teaming me, coming up to me literally every 3 minutes like white on rice. I had selected some possible purchases but left the store without buying anything at all because I'm adamant about shopping in peace and I wasn't given that opportunity.

3) Stop cutting corners on quality. I know your cost of production is going up. So is our cost of living. It sucks everywhere. But I promise you, if your product feels cheap or has "made in China" on it, you're not getting top dollar (I'll wait for a sale) and that's if you even get my business at all. Which, if a product feels flimsy, you probably won't.

4) Stop asking for my personal information, my contact information, my demographics, or anything else. I'm purchasing a product and I'm handing you (hard-earned) cash in exchange; this does not require my zip code, my phone number, or my hypothetical firstborn child. And stop asking/recommending/requiring that I somehow register my product or sign up somewhere in order to activate my warranty. People go to great lengths to avoid advertising in their own homes, whether it's web browser pop-up blockers or to pay extra for unlisted phone numbers, and there's a reason for it: we don't want to be pestered! So don't ask.

5) Stop peddling extended warranties or service plans. If you can't stand by your product as it is the way it's made, then maybe you oughtta rethink either the product itself or the price you're selling it for. If I'm paying $1000 for a fridge, I better not have a shred of doubt that it'll last for more than 3 years. And I better not have to pay extra for such piece of mind. Remember when products lasted 10, 15, 20 years? Those were the good old days. Bring them back.

6) Stop looking at me as a demographic. Life, the marketplace, and everything else, is NOT simply a meat market. Behind the wallets and plastic cards with magnetic strips and numbers on them, we're real people with real feelings. We're just trying to get by. Just because I'm female and 32, how the bleep do you know what I'm thinking, or what I drive? I live in a zip code of Infinitis and BMWs but I drive a Toyota pickup. Stop assuming you can read my mind because you can't. Stop assuming I fit in because I don't. I'm a person, and an individual, not some slab of meat with a bank account and a line of credit.

You pay dearly for this kind of insight from consumers. I just gave it to you for free. It's your lucky day. Use it wisely.

The green mile

Slowly hitting me recently is the realization that we are really and truly coming down the back stretch. Of our school careers, I mean. We've been professional students for the past 8 years and it's time to close that chapter and open a new one already. Of course, contrary to the usual damning implication of the term, our own particular Green Mile is one of optimism and buoyancy, a light at the end of the tunnel (bonus: it's not a train, even!) Rather than plodding along to our impending deaths, we're engaging in quite the opposite: feeling like we're being released from prison, free to go forth and palpate...without having to get an approval signature.

It didn't come easily. A six-figure price tag and a brain and body half-eaten by itself for unknown reasons (although place your bets and roll the dice on stress as a prime suspect) and through undiscovered mechanisms are part of the collection of battle scars I have to show for three years of being pressure cooked. Oh, and there was that little tiff over the break between Trimesters 1 and 2 in which the word "divorce" was uttered for the first time--and we weren't even legally married yet (unless you count common law, which I'm sure Texas does).

But as Momma always said, "that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" and "this too shall pass" and as usual, she was right, annoying as it was at the time. We emerged licking a few wounds and picking up some rubble, but with shiny new doctor degrees, twin bachelor's degrees for good measure (each), and a whole new outlook on life, the universe and everything. No thanks to our school, we're a lot more confident and secure in our outlook and our philosophy and the foundation from which we operate and execute our original plan to save the world. The details have changed but the main idea is the same, and the message is stronger and straightforwardly stated with gusto and enthusiasm. No longer do we parrot what we hear at seminars and rah-rah chiro-pep-rallies, but we have compiled all the data we've learned and come up with our own protocols and explanations. We're coming into our own, as people and as doctors. We're finding our place in the world and in the healthcare system, both conventional and complementary/alternative. We're finding our place and staking our claim on life. It feels pretty dang good.

If I've counted correctly, there are only about 7 weeks of school left. Yeah, that's a bit unnerving. Right now I'm surrounded by fellow students and attending faculty doctors who've forgotten more knowledge than I have learned thus far. They are my security blanket; if I have a question, if I'm in a jam, or if I'm in over my head, I can excuse myself for a second and take a couple steps and voila: I'm standing next to the doc and I can ask him my question. If I do something that isn't quite right, he can help me out of the jam and share most of the responsibility. Not so in the real world. When you're out in practice, it's all YOU. You need not go down the hall to get a signature before you render treatment, but you also don't have anyone to lean on should any bad juju rear its head.

Still, I keep my head held high and I look forward. Forward to the day where our commute is the calm placid I-10 instead of white-knuckled I-35E just before Loop 12. Forward to the day where every other car isn't a BMW. Forward to the day where I can actually feel an adrenalin rush again and know the difference because it's an isolated occurance, versus having a constant level in my system. Forward to the day where we spend time in a place we enjoy, with people we actually want to interact with. (My friends and school faculty have all rocked and I have enjoyed all of them, don't get me wrong - but the general population of Dallas has left a lot to be desired.) I look forward to not hearing subwoofers cruising down the alleys in what should be a quiet neighborhood--or not having alleys at all, for that matter. I look forward to a view of the horizon that does not contain a faint layer of brown crap, forward to regular gas instead of the reformulated "environmentally friendly" crock that ironically gets 5 fewer miles out of every single gallon. Forward to a day when I can browse through a store at the mall without being hounded so intensely that I end up leaving before I would've otherwise liked to. Forward to living in a place where it is still not OK to be rude, still considered stupid to text or talk on the phone while driving, and where people still holler "bless you" a couple aisles away when you sneeze in the grocery store.

Yep, the pain of selling the sweet, comfortable, peaceful, hand-in-glove-fitting sanctuary that is our house will eventually be overtaken by the utter freedom we feel by just being able to leave this materialistic, empty, soulless, stressed-out, burnt-out hellish rat-race that is Dallas and actually breathe real air and breathe real life back in. To flush the excess adrenaline out of our blood and restore our faith in humanity, to observe what humanity should be like (and still is like everywhere except in select few special snowflaky places).

And I know how fast 7 weeks can go. The trimester started 7 weeks ago. I remember the 6-7 weeks before our wedding last year. I remember how it flew by before we even had time to process it. It wasn't long ago that I wasn't ready for it to be happening this fast, but now I think I am. I'm getting there, anyway. A few months ago, we found one mentor, reunited with another from years ago, and decided what our gameplan will be for at least the next 5 years, maybe more. It's impossible to say, since things change so fast. But I'm getting ready. I'm ready to stop massaging, I'm ready to stop sitting in rush hour. I'm ready to stop looking at neighbors and alleys. I'm ready to stop living next to strangers (we still don't know most of our neighbors, and from the looks of some, I'm not sure we would even want to). Yeah, I'm getting ready. It's time. Time for that last mile.

Websites that rule - Part 2

Looking to make tonight a net night? Need to line up some delicious time-wasters to occupy your mind as the hours creep by at work tomorrow? Well, I'm following up with a second edition of Websites You Probably Already Knew Existed But I Think I'm Hot Stuff Cause I Just Discovered Them. (OK, maybe not just discovered, because I've been compiling this list for at least a few months, and some of these probably could've been included on the first list had I thought of them then. But I digress...)

Site: http://www.fmylife.com/
Why the site rules: Having a bad day? Pathological faux pas? Otherwise mortifying moment? Just when you thought your life couldn't get any worse, chin up--someone, somewhere, is having a worse day than you. Sometimes it's their own damn fault, other times not. Some are truly tragic, some are humorous. Either way, you're sure to feel a wee bit better about your own life after a few pages.

Site: http://www.sciencedaily.com/
Why the site rules: Need a tidbit for an upcoming 'round-the-office-water-cooler discussion that sets you apart from the rest? Need to look impressive or brainy? Or, are you a science nerd for whom learning is its own reward? Look no further: neatly categorized, semi-in-depth articles about lots of fascinating subjects to nurture your inner geek. You will feel dignified and intellectually charged just for visiting.

Site: http://www.ratemyprofessors.com/
Why the site rules: Fixing to sign up for an upcoming class? Are you flying blind and you'd like to know what you're getting yourself into before you pay that tuition bill? Help is here! Simply enter the professor's last name in the big bright search box and presto: they're listed alphabetically by school--although I recommend clicking on the tab on the home page that says "Find your school", because then you can retrieve a list of professors at that school, which is more likely to be relevant to you.

Site: http://engrishfunny.com/
Why the site rules: This site will keep you laughing, ESL-style. A random collection of miscellaneous cellphone-snapped photos, no doubt of tourist destinations, typically of signs written by those for whom English is definitely not the native language. The results are hysterical. Who knows? Maybe after seeing this, more people will want to travel in search of funny Engrish sightings of their own. Might even boost the economy.

Site: http://www.mulletsgalore.com/
Why the site rules: It doesn't but it's sure to pass the time in class! The site is well-organized and navigable, with an OCD flair, having categorized and classified mullets by their different types, complete with example photos with funny captions added. Class has never been more fun!

Site: http://notalwaysright.com/
Why the site rules: If you work in customer service, inbound call centers, retail, fast-food, restaurant serving, or any other line of work in which you are forced to endure humanity's lowest common denominator on a daily basis, you will find comforting solace, for there are many others just like you who are either in your same boat, or have been at one time, and will definitely be able to feel your pain! Any time the boss has said, "the customer is always right!" leaving you defenseless and defeated, and you just wanted to smack him or her, this site is for you.

Site: http://www.nutritiondata.com/
Why the site rules: You can enter the name of a food in the search box and a whole list of variations on that food will pop up. Once your selection is nicely narrowed down to a single item, you can obtain a bonafide Nutrition Data label, along with where this food fits in the big picture (i.e. the various pyramids and indices). You can even see how inflammatory a food is, or how large a glycemic load it produces. If you need to be particular about your diet, this site is your Bible.

Site: http://textsfromlastnight.com/
Why the site rules: It's plain and simple. It's common-sensically navigable. It's just plain hilarious. Another hodge-podge collection, but this time of one-liners sometimes taken waaaaaay out of context from a text conversation. Quite self-explanatory. If you want to laugh your ass off, this site provides plenty of material.

Site: http://www.bugmenot.com/
Why the site rules: Are you tired of having to create an account (even if it's free) and sign in at certain websites just to access certain content? Do you (as I do) consider it to be excessively time-consuming and privacy-breaching? Do you wonder what they do with the information? I mean, if it's "free" to sign up, then why do they make us do it at all? What are they doing such that we need to be uniquely identified and tracked? Sure, they disclose all that, but it's buried in the middle of long paragraphs written in impossible, brain-freezing legalese, and with 4-pt font that makes your eyes swim after 6 seconds. I counted. Solution? Beat 'em at their own game, and this website illuminates the way.

Site: http://www.despair.com/
Why the site rules: If you've spent 5 minutes in corporate America--or some other shithole place where the morale is low enough to necessitate artificial inflation via "motivational posters", and you'd like to call your management/admin out on it, you're in luck. This site hosts multiple product lines based on the concept that you're not alone in your contempt for posters of lily-padded ponds preaching tranquility, commitment, or to "reach for the sky". Behold: DE-motivational posters. Designed in the true spirit of the motivation but portraying the opposite message, there is still cheeriness among the cynicism as you discover that you could easily get away with having one of these posters or mugs at work because they look so much like the real thing the boss won't even notice. At least, not for a while, anyway.

Site: http://www.spanishdict.com/
Why the site rules: Probably the quickest, user-friendliest, and most comprehensive sits of its kind. How user-friendly? Consider this: you bring up the site and there's a big search box. Simply start typing a word, whether English or Spanish. It will bring up an optional drop-down box of both Spanish and English possibilities to choose from, if you wish. Also contains figures of speech and other phrases to demonstrate contexts in which the word is used. This site is ideal if you're looking to sharpen up your Spanish.

Site: http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/
Why the site rules: This site is another miscellanous collection, this time of funny photos of cats, including funny captions. While its original focus has been cats, there are other animal categories too. Or so I hear...I haven't gotten past the cats yet. I just found out about this site this week. It's too funny.

Site: http://www.slacker.com/
Why the site rules: No, it's not a pot connection, nor is it an unemployment line. (Sorry.) No, it's a Pandora competitor. Pandora is rumored to have made some fatal mistakes (rumored due to the fact that I haven't yet tested the theories for their accuracy myself, such as the 40-hour-per-month limit unless you "upgrade" to a "premium"--read: paid--acount). Some changes they've made I am familiar with, such as their addition of ads, not only to their website (quite blatantly, I might add, although they haven't sunk to the dreaded pop-up/pop-under low--yet) but also their audiostream, making it impossible to use as background music, especially for sensitive uses like massage therapy sessions. Enter Slacker. Slacker has preset stations to choose from, I haven't yet heard any ads in their audiostream (it's possible that they're there and I just hadn't listened long enough), and you can either create your own station by entering a song name or artist (just like Pandora), or you can choose from a pre-made station (which Pandora doesn't have). There are plenty of genres and subgenres to choose from and rumor has it you can tweak/fine-tune any station in several different ways. The only drawback is that the interface wasn't designed well, so it's cumbersome and a bit annoying to use. But then, there are more bells and whistles.

Th-th-th-th-that's all (for now) folks. I've saved some for next time, so look for a Part III.

Happy clicking!

Ideas that might make me some money...

To state the obvious, the job market doesn't look too promising. Recent stats reveal that unemployment is at its highest in a long time, clocking in at 9.8% (not including the countless number of people who have given up searching altogether), which is now on par for the Europe that everyone wants to emulate (gotta take the good with the bad, folks--you asked for it!), and that for each job opening, you're competing with *at least* 6.5 people for each open position (don't ask me where the .5 comes from - maybe the Hand from Addams Family actually had to earn his keep), and that you do this for an average of 6 months before landing anything solid. Self-employment, while always an option, may not be the best one at this point, because even in a good economy, 9 out of 10 businesses fail in the first 5 years, and of those that survive the first leg, 9 out of 10 fail during the second 5-year period. Passive income has been the battlecry ever since everyone fell in love with snake-oil salesman Kiyosaki who promised them the empty dream of living on passive income without lifting a finger, as if society can survive on a bunch of yuppie slugs who want to own everything and produce nothing. With that market rightfully gone bust, it's no longer as attractive an option. With the economy stubbornly remaining horrible (I call BS on the "we're in recovery" claim, because it won't as long as this particular clown is prez), there may very well be a good supply of employment candidates to choose from, but few customers to serve.

So what's a girl to do? Sure I've got a doctor degree coming to me in three months, but licensing will take another 3-4 months after that. I thought it'd be fun to entertain a few ideas--even if none progress beyond this stage. But remember--if these ideas pop up somewhere, you know who said it first. Not that I expect anyone stumbling across this and capitalizing on my ideas to actually call me up under his own free will and offer me a royalty cut for intellectual property or anything, but all I can say is, karma's a bitch.

A client blacklist for massage therapists came to mind a few years ago. Many a blue-pill-popping perv or special snowflake with a huge entitlement chip on their shoulder have darkened my doorstep and graced my massage table with their presence (or non-presence, in the case of the dreaded no-show), and I've often raised the conjecture that this is not an isolated incident, and daydreamed about how nice it might be to have been able to look up their track record in some online database such that I at least knew what I was walking into when they called to schedule with me. During the busy season, had I answered many calls from prospective patients wanting appointment times on a particular popular weekday/time, I might've been able to knock a few headache timebombs out of the running and given a more deserving prospect the more prime timeslot.

I might have given eyeteeth for a handheld device that, once a certain button is pushed, de-activates all non-emergency cell traffic and texting/datastreaming services for the next 30 minutes, up to a certain radius around you. Push the little red button and Presto!! No cell phone for you! All non-911 service goes completely dead and the display simply says "no service. Hang up and drive. Try again when you reach your destination." I salivate over this idea particularly when sitting in rush hour traffic, behind people who deem it perfectly acceptable to do anything but drive when they're at the wheel of a potentially fatal 2-ton hunk of metal.

How about a real OS? You know, one that's *not* in bed with Microsoft, Intel, or any of these other yahoos. How abut one that doesn't play big brother, doesn't cost an arm and a leg, doesn't crash when you look at it wrong, and doesn't try to do everything for you? Can I have semi-intuitive usability, a decent graphic interface, a decent array of software titles it supports, and how about at a fair price? You'd think I was asking for the moon.

Since I was 12 I've wanted to own my own radio station. I still think it'd be sweet, and I daydream about the day if and when I have enough disposable cash to rent the programming rights to an existing radio station for an entire 24-hour period, commanding exclusive control over every minute of airplay. See, the Jack FM playlist is markedly more limited than it originally was (welcome to the end of the honeymoon period, a typical phenomenon of any new radio station past its 6-month hook-the-market-share phase), and I'd like to spice things up a bit. So, I would spin off of the Jack FM concept--a "Jack on Crack", if you will. I'd play Slaid Cleaves followed by Dismemberment Plan, the Cars followed by Bach, and George Strait followed by Metallica after Milli Vanilli. Now that's variety!

And last but not least, the ChiroDummy. One would think that in the incessant interest to minimize liability, the school (and if not, then an agency like OSHA or the DEA) would've mandated the use of such a device, but alas. This is a device that resembles a human spine with resistance cofactors, tissue densities, and built-to-scale dimensions of a real human body on which students can hone their adjusting skills without killing off fellow classmates (although that would do wonders for thinning out possible competition). It would thus palpate and adjust realistically similar to that of the real human body. Students could then build confidence and learn to apply enough pressure, perfect the line of drive/thrusting angle, and perfect their speed. Ideally, such device could also give feedback on both palpation and adjustment, speed, comfort, and accuracy of contact points, calibrated to the average person. As a bonus, the overlying tissues would be transparent so as to have clear visibility of the spine underneath.

With any luck, the economy will soon be on the upswing and I won't have to reach into my bag of tricks and pull any of these out, although with each report that comes out about both the current situation and timeline forecasts of the future, I'm not holding my breath.

Little-known music scenes that could

Everybody knows about both British Invasions - for those who don't remember, the first took place in the '60s and involved primarily the Beatles, and the second took place in the '80s and involved primarily new wave one-hit-wonders.

But there is another British scene lesser known on this side of the pond, and that is the Shoegaze umbrella, which also encompasses Dreampop, Paisley, and Britpop. Few over here are familiar with artists like Boo Radleys, Lucy Show, Ride, Blueboy, Chameleons UK, Charlatans UK, Catherine Wheel, Mission UK, Gene, Mylo, and the Pastels, and it influenced American acts like Game Theory.

The UK has a kick-ass world music scene (known as "world fusion") happening as well. This genre highlights an exploratory multicultural flair, blending diverse influences into a combo quite seamless despite its unlikelihood. In short, it just plain rocks. Transglobal Underground's "Temple Head" gained minor hit status on American alternative radio, and Banco De Gaia received some exposure on the syndicated weekly Musical Starstreams world/electronic/New Age music program, but that's not all this genre has to offer. Loop Guru, Ott, Joi, Badmarsh & Shri, Suns of Arqua, Eat Static, James Asher, and Sounds From the Ground deserve highly honorable mention.

We have our own such scene here in the US, too, but precious few (read: none) radio stations want to acknowledge it. The downtempo ambient dub here is every bit as fantastic. Believe me not, find out for yourself. Check out artists like Makyo, Thievery Corporation, Bill Laswell, Tetsu Inoue, and Govinda.

Australia/New Zealand, the UK's outlaw stepbrother, puts a similar outlaw spin on its music; it's crafted with the same quality as British music, but adds a bit of a raw, edgy, rustic attitude not found in prudish self-proclaimed "civilized" Europe. We're all familiar with some of the artists like INXS, who have brought us many good hits over the years, but we're only readily aware of one The Church song (the dreamy anthem "Under the Milky Way"), but the truth is, that isn't The Church's only song, nor is it even its best. A couple of Hoodoo Gurus songs received brief airplay during the abrupt frenzy of pre-alternative rock that unfortunately vanished as quickly as it had erupted, but our exposure didn't get nearly the depth or emphasis it deserved. We only know of one Midnight Oil song, but there were also many more of those that didn't get any attention. Boom Crash Opera, Angel City, and Hunters & Collectors rock, although Hoodoo Gurus remains a favorite.

Our underrated neighbor to the north has plenty to offer, if we would only listen. Sure, Sarah McLachlan, Crash Test Dummies, Alanis Morissette, and (finally) the Barenaked Ladies crossed over into our mainstream airwaves (during an atrocious era of cloned The Point chain radio stations that introduced--but then ended up bastardizing--coverage of this music). And there is so much more that went unnoticed completely. Amazing talent includes, but isn't limited to: Moxy Fruvous, 13 Engines, Mae Moore, Tea Party, Grapes of Wrath, Great Big Sea, Matthew Good Band, Tragically Hip, 54-40, and Blue Rodeo. Be sure not to overlook hilarious comedy acts like 3 Dead Trolls in a Baggie or Arrogant Worms.

Returning to the homefront, there's a domestic scene very worth mentioning. Largely ignored (thankfully) by the polished, corporate Nashville mainstream country in-crowd and left in its own to grow like stubborn, sturdy sprouts of Bermuda grass in barren, unforgiving, mineral-deprived clay, these artists rightfully insert themselves into various dots on the map of America's heartland and adopt the umbrella term "Americana". The music is as diverse and enigmatic as its label sounds, encompassing country, rockabilly, bluegrass, folk, singer-songwriter (whatever that is), and a lot more. Highlighted by some of the artists that achieved various levels of notoriety in the Nashville mainstream and then left (voluntarily or not), such as John Anderson, Alison Krauss, Pinmonkey, Charlie Daniels, and Dwight Yoakum, there are also some gems that truly deserve special mention, like Slaid Cleaves, Kieran Kane, Rodney Crowell, Steve Earle, James McMurtry, Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash, Reckless Kelly, Brian Burns, Derailers, Mark David Manders, Gourds, Lonesome Bob, Ray Wylie Hubbard, Tom Russell, and Cory Morrow, just to name the tip of the iceberg.

And then there's a very sweet scene that knows no national boundaries, that of contemporary lounge music. Considered part of the downtempo genre, it fuses elements of hip-hop, dub, drum 'n bass, and historic lounge music into layers of simplicity featuring intricate basslines but uncomplicated melodies. Topping the list are artists like Bent, Kruder & Dorfmeister, Bonobo, Tosca, Belladonna, Massive Attack, Tripswitch, Lemongrass, Honeyroot, Gabin, Alex Cortiz, Kinobe, Lemon Jelly, Nouvelle Vague, Nightmares On Wax, Ohm Guru, Zeb, Smolik, Trilok Gurtu, and Zero 7.

A more recent passion of mine includes rock of all kinds from Latin America, which is as diverse as our American counterpart. Subgroups include Rock En Espanol from the '80s and '90s like Caifanes, their metamorphosis Jaguares, El Ultimo de la Fila, Heroes del Silencio, Soda Stereo, and Mana. Or, the artsy Latin Alternative vibe which includes acts like Los Aterciopelados and Cafe Tacuba, or the reggae dub-ish classic icon Manu Chao. There is quality pop like Julieta Venegas and the Corrs-esque Belanova, or the hip-hop/rap-styled Mexican Institute of Sound or Calle 13. They have the same post-punk that we do, evidenced by groups like Jumbo and Babasonicos. I'm shocked that we know as little as we do about this genre, given the evolving demographics of our country, but then with American radio being what it is (a disturbing trend that perhaps extends even beyond our borders), I've learned to set my sights low such that I don't end up too disappointed. Hopefully, thanks to alternatives such as the supply of previously-owned CDs on Amazon, websites like Slacker and Pandora, and of course those P2P programs that none of us readily admit to using, we can change all that.

A life less ordinary

People who know me well also know that the seemingly normal life I lead is only part of the picture. There is indeed another, very substantial part. See, my sister and I (and a few other kids we knew growing up) are part of a rare and dying breed that most people have heard of but not known personally: we're carnies. We're not the true-blue full-blood carnies, like the ride jockeys who pace the metal platforms, waving people in or sit at the controls in plastic rain covers for 15 hours a day and sleep on cardboard mats under trucks at night. We don't operate games or hitchhike from city to city. We're not the type who didn't know where their next meal was coming from. But despite the lack of affiliation, we did travel alongside them and we shared at least part of their story.

It wasn't too long ago that it was every kid's dream to run away and join the circus, particularly if said kid didn't appear to have any other positive option on the horizon. Things have changed, with the advent of readily-accessible Business degrees, but the dedicated--or desperate--few still remain.

I was a carnie only by proxy; my family owns a concession company (concessions being the food you eat at the fair). We're fairly legendary in Canada, even achieving cult status in Vancouver, BC. We weren't associated with the actual carnival; we operated independently, as do most of the other concessionaires out there. We traveled all summer, sleeping in a 5th wheel trailer with very limited space, a puny 5-gallon water holding tank, and only modest temperature control. It was every kid's dream; up till 4am or later, sometimes getting to sleep in till noon, living on the fairgrounds next to brightly-lit rides with pounding music, chocolate milkshakes for breakfast, burgers for lunch, and pizza for dinner. We got to walk down 1 or 2 streets and see all of your friends in one shot. We had connections, which meant that we could get through gates for free and get our food at a discount. It's good to be king.

Nothing comes without its challenges. The lack of privacy, 5 minutes of hot water at any given time, the noise, the violence, the threatening unfriendly environment, the cold nights, the hot days, the incessant pounding music, the crazy or trashy people with no standards and no shame, the smells of urine and trash and the fruit of an upset stomach episode, the dirty public restrooms, the stress, the long hours, the high tempers, the circulating viruses, and the longing for our own beds at home and cuddling with the cats.

I wouldn't have traded my childhood for anything, though. To hear everyone else talk, summer rocked the free world for two weeks and then sucked the big one for two and a half months while everyone, bored and getting on their parents' nerves, essentially waited around for school to start back up. No thanks. I enjoyed being in a new city every 2 weeks, making friends, visiting local malls, eating good fairground food. I liked putting away my keys, my driver's license, and checkbook/credit cards for the summer and abandoning ship for three months as I went on a carnival safari. I liked writing home or calling my friends, laughing it up with some hilarious story. I liked hanging out after close and shooting the breeze with the rest of our crew. I enjoyed abiding by a code that only traveling fairground workers were aware of. I liked participating (innocently, of course) in part of the underbelly of the fair, those inner workings like walking the back ways and visiting the employees-only cookhouses that the public was completely oblivious to.

Today, I got to man the school's booth in one of the tents at our local state fair. Our own fair is nothing to write home about, but it is decent size, even if much of that space is largely wasted. Once our shift was done, we were guilt-free to move about the fairgrounds, and we did exactly that. For old time's sake, we walked the midway. Then it hit me. The sights, the sounds, the two different stereo systems each blasting different songs at the same time. The bells ringing, the toy guns rattling rapidfire, the voices over the microphones, the strobe lights, the blinking lights, the colored lights, and so much more. My special senses and dopamine receptors were bathed in a buffet of stimuli and pleasure and neurologically-looped memory that all came flooding back. It was grand. I was surprised at how long it lingered, how long I stayed in that role.

I remember, when I was about 9 years old, I watched a young woman slump to the ground against a fence in the back alley behind our 5th wheel on a bad acid trip. And I'm grateful that I had such a relatively unsheltered background--I mean, to my parents' credit, they protected me from most of the really raw realities that might've been too harsh for a young kid to process and deal with. But at the same time, I got to see real life, and all of its depths and ugly places. I also got to ride the waves of excitement and adrenaline. My senses had every single stimulus which to feast on, and they were gratified in every way. I've been there and done that, and I have plenty of T-shirts to show for it. My life is much richer for it. I have none of the typical complusions that plague the average American. I really don't care to drink or use drugs, because I know I'm not missing anything by not doing so. Truthfully, I wouldn't want to be disappointed, because I know that substance indulgence would fail to recreate anything close to the picnic I had as a child. It just wouldn't measure up.

For massage therapists: Preventing burnout

Hello, fellow terapistas! Sorry long time no deliver. Time to make up for lost time. Kind of like a crack mom just released from rehab, trying to re-insert herself into her kids' lives. Only I'm not actually going to hell. Can't promise the same for the aforementioned.

So anyway, there's a stat out there that says the average massage therapist lasts about 2 years before leaving the field for one reason or another. The reasons are plentiful and varied, I'm sure, but in school they stressed that we take great care to prevent this nasty little thing called burnout. It sneaks up on you and for whatever reason, you simply can't carry on anymore.

Burnout falls under a few main categories: physical, mental/psychological, and energetic. Physical is pretty straight-forward; you hurt yourself, wear out some joints, develop some repetitive strain injuries, or inflame some soft tissues. Either way, you're not able to continue, even if you really want to. Mental/emotional burnout relates primarily to boredom, or a lack of passion or enthusiasm. You no longer feel called to serve in the profession or you sense that you've fallen into a rut. Energetic burnout is often mistaken for physical burnout (in the form of fatigue) or mental/psychological (in that you simply don't feel like doing massage anymore), but it goes a bit deeper than that. You might actually start feeling depressed, anxious, faint, or nauseated during (or before, in anticipation of) a session, or you might take a longer time to recover afterward than you should. No matter what, most of these types of burnout are preventable, or at the very least, they can be minimized.

1. Take care of YOU. Personal care is crucial to career longevity. This means that you incorporate stretches, strengthening, cardio/aerobic activities, and even professional bodywork into a regular routine. You don't have to go all out or anything; do some total body stretching for about 5-10 minutes a day. Do mini-stretches on your hands/forearms/shoulders/calves while giving a massage, say, in between when switching from their right arm to their left arm or whatever. Participate in some kind of aerobic activity like martial arts or powerwalking a couple times a week. If you do any strength or weight training, don't do it right before a cardio workout. Make sure to get a massage yourself. Stay chiropractically adjusted to keep your posture and alignment balanced. Make sure all of your practitioners are properly licensed to provide what they claim to do. Also, meditate and relax. Stay balanced. Spend some time with friends, some with family, and some alone. If you don't take care of yourself, how will you ever be able to take care of anyone else?

2. Change up your surroundings. Let's face it; you spend a significant portion of your day in the same room, within the same walls. You're surrounded by the same colors, same patterns, same lighting, same music, same furniture arrangements and light placement, same plants, etc. Not much changes, unless you change it. Before I f0und myself knee-deep in school, I used to provide housecalls, and while they were kind of a pain in the butt, I also found that I enjoyed them. Each visit was very different. Doing housecalls offered me a complete change of scenery. I got to see how they lived, which offered me priceless insight on who they were as people. I learned a lot about my clients. When I couldn't provide a housecall, I was keeping things fresh in the regular in-home studio, too; I frequented Ross to scour the twin sheet section. I raided IKEA to pick up plants and a few small pieces of furniture and wall art for some finishing touches at a bargain price.

3. Change up the tunes. Music definitely qualifies as part of your surroundings, and it's a big part--so big that I decided to single it out. Music is a huge part of the session. Sometimes it's part of a client's therapy. Sometimes it's part of their relaxation. Sometimes I use music as a bridge to bring them from the mental state they came in with and transition to the post-massage happy place. Using music with a beat (often tribal), I can meet them where they are, in the headspace they're in, and slowly convert them song by song, to the point where they're finally listening to something totally relaxing by the end. Sometimes, guiltily, I've used music as something to focus on to pass the time. Before the first stones are cast, please understand that I am indeed focused on the client 100% of the time. Yes, really. I am engaged and present. But please understand that on many a late evening, my sessions ran 2 hours or more, and often later than most massage therapists work. It is only natural human tendency for the brain to take a small break and then softly come back to the reality at hand. I'm no different. Thus, music can be a good distraction.

4. Change up your routine. I often informed our clients that even after several years in practice, I never did have a routine, per se. In fact, I purposefully tried to avoid forming one. I have personally experienced the cookie-cutter feel of someone just going through the motions and I could definitely tell the difference. Routines detract from treating the individual client. I try my best to let my hands do the looking and listening, and to go where I sense would be of most benefit. I left it up to the client whether I started them face up or face down; by not having a routine, I was prepared for anything and I rolled with the punches.

5. Add new techniques and tricks to your toolbox. Take a class every now and then. It's required anyway, because you need CEU credits every year (or every 2 years) to renew your license, so make it count, and sign up for something you're actually interested in. Sometimes schools or other organizations, or even individual instructors will try to take an existing technique, bastadize it or rehash it, and try to repackage it and sell it to the LMT public as something new, ground-breaking, or earth-shattering. Obviously, try to avoid these. Don't just take a class to take a class, try to unearth some background information first. By learning something new and either adding a new item to your service menu or incorporating it into your existing custom blend, you freshen things up and keep things interesting--both for yourself and your clients.

6. Specifically, add gentle techniques to the toolbox. This is particularly true if you're facing physical burnout or an injury. Or maybe you're suffering mental/psychological/energetic burnout due to the pressure of having to always go hard on clients for whom nothing ever seems to be deep enough. Learning lymph drainage, myofascial release, or energy work can ease some of those burdons. It also shows your clients that you're not just a get-in-and-mash-it type of practitioner; rather, you have some higher skills that can even let you outsmart a muscle. Work smarter, not harder.

7. Never work harder than your client is willing to work. An MT instructor uttered these words years ago that, time and again, save me from overdoing it and running myself into the ground. There are loads of clients out there who want you to fix them and they pin that onus on you, which puts undue pressure on you to accomplish the impossible. After all, you're with them 1-2 hours a month; they are with themselves 24 hours a day. If they're not willing to comply with simple recommendations to preserve the progress you're trying to make with them, then don't drive yourself into the ground trying to go all out for them. Their health and progress obviously isn't that important to them, so don't hurt yourself or think you're a failure for not being able to meet goals with them that they themselves aren't willing to lift a finger for.

8. Last but not least, understand that you're not going to please everyone, and that if you don't realize that, you are going to cause yourself a lot of undue stress and pain that you don't deserve. It's unfortunate, but a simple fact: you can't please everyone. It doesn't matter how good you are. A massage really can only be so good. In the end, people come to see you for you. In some way, your personalities clicked and you hit it off and they felt comfortable enough with you to schedule another appointment. So keep your expectations realistic. If you can turn water into wine, great, and if you can do it mail-order, so much the better. But even then, there will be some people who wanted it yesterday, and for someone else to pick up the tab.

See you in much more than two years!