Cat-Year In Review 2010

So I've finished digesting Apples and I'm fully saturated with Walgreen's generic answer to Benadryl, kept awake only by a steady Godiva dark chocolate drip. And I've been told in no uncertain terms to stay out of my husband's office. This means I have a little time on my hands, which always produces something.

Being New Year's Eve and all, I figured that the most appropriate activity to occupy my time is to reflect on a hell of a year, meant both good and...challenging.

1. Year of the Door Didn't Hit Me In the Ass; I Was Already Gone: To assign credit where it is due, Dallas did have its purpose. It gave us a jumping off point that allowed us to blend in with everyone else from somewhere else and experience Texas, even if it was a heavily commercialized, Californicated, and heavily watered-down tourist version. It taught us how to eat out in style, drive offensively, appear financially well-endowed, and to powershop with the best.

But let's face it - we didn't fit in, and it didn't fit us. Not long after we settled in did we start counting the days (and the ways) in which we could leave. But you knew that. Almost a decade later came the lucky break; we graduated and found ourselves at a massive crossroads. We took the plunge. We said goodbye to Dallas, its people, its money, our house, its extra space, and major traffic jams. We said hello to trees, hills, wildflowers, nice people, crazy eccentric people, a small apartment, two and a half hours daily, and our LIVES as we surrounded ourselves with warmer people and short commutes.

2. Year of the Let's Hope the Ripcord Works: Last year at this time we had checked out of clinic and begun the search for suitable office space. We indeed opened an alternative medicine practice near you...that is, if you're in San Antonio, north and just west of midline.

Truth be told, it's one of the toughest things we've ever done. There were several instances where it bordered on the near-impossible. But we knew that countless people had gone before us and done the same thing, some of whom aren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer. And if they could do it, so could we...and so we kept on.

The scariest thing is the financial free-fall. It took eight months of bringing in exactly zero before we saw any income (from September 2009's final student loan disbursement check until mid-May 2010's first paying patient). We have plenty to be thankful for. We at least made rent the first month and discretionary purchases by fall/winter.

3. Year of the Disrupted Physiology Despite Doing Everything Right: Two things happened overnight. I lost the ability to sleep and I joined the miserable group that suffers seasonal allergies. Turns out that gluten was just the tip of my food sensitivity iceberg; I now react to seven different common foods (some more common than others, like, oh, eggs and dairy).

All this despite a non-existent commute, a much better city, a rock-start diet (figuratively, of course...shudder to think otherwise), a complete change in diet (to account for--and accommodate--my newly-discovered food allergies), a 21-day cleanse (not to mention remaining ON the cleanse supplement afterward as a post-cleanse maintenance), and having finished school. No longer did I have to drive, study, work hard for peanuts, or continue to deluge my body with allergens. And yet, I became a train wreck overnight. And I've had to spend the rest of the year (and probably well into next) getting myself back. WTF indeed.

4. Year of the Complete Dietary Overhaul: Yes, since I'm allergic or highly reactive to gluten, eggs, milk, peanuts, strawberries, kiwi, and raw tomatoes, I've had to make a few changes. I gave up the ice cream, the pico de gallo, the kiwis and strawberries, in my fruit smoothies, my peanut butter sandwiches, oatmeal, and my scrambled eggs. I now eat bacon and other extremely fatty meats, corn pasta, coconut oil, and ghee. I drink Clearvite shakes with almond milk, and Vitamin Water Zeroes. Much has changed.

5. Year of the Steep Learning Curve: If we thought the past 3 years were chock-full of information, we hadn't seen nothin' yet. This year we probably averaged one out of every 3 weekends out of town just at classes and seminars. Our travels ranged from Kansas City to Houston, with Dallas, Austin, and here (yay!) in between. Whether it was a 2-hour freebie afterhours on the Riverwalk or a 3-day intensive at the Intercontinental Airport in Houston or the chiropractic college in Overland Park, Kansas, we were there. Pediatrics, neurology, adjusting techniques, and massive amounts of Functional Medicine (blood chemistry, endocrinology, autoimmunity, neurochemistry, sleep-wake cycles, and thyroid disorders) were all fair game. Yee-haw.

The Learning Curve had another entire dimension to it, too - that whole first-year-in-practice thing. Suddenly we were designing our own intake forms, devising phone scripts, brainstorming for patient acquisition and marketing strategies, signing contracts with credit card processors, advertising sources, and more. We were buying furniture, equipment, decorations, electronics, books, office supplies and so much more. And now we're looking at new computer operating systems, insurance company network plans, and even more additional education. Not to mention case management (vegans, infertility, cancer survivors, hepatitis, and autoimmune disorders), patient education/communication, etc. On the horizon: our own lobby PowerPoints, email newsletters, office flyers, and health class presentations.

* * *

I have indeed made New Year's Resolutions, although that's kind of a work in progress, so this list might not be inclusive.

• To get my physical health BACK, to get back in shape, and to manage my stress - to BE that example for my patients. (I probably need to go fairly Paleo...wish me luck!)
• To learn everything I can about my patients. To interact with them well, to explain things clearly, to treat them with respect, and to help them understand what's going on and what we'll do about it.
• To get through my CCN education and absorb everything I can.
• To read the books I have - IFM textbook, Primal Blueprint, Body By Science, the CCN books.
• To meet and network with other area professionals, especially medical doctors and osteopaths.
• To nurture my creativity.
• To learn my way around the Apple OS/iMac and become proficient at it.
• To PLAY - martial arts, music, Wii, hanging out with friends, yoga, Nia--we have it all. Must partake!
• To cultivate more friendships and do more social things - park concerts, festivals, theater productions, get-togethers, social groups, or just small informal groups.
• To become more familiar with, and involved in/with, San Antonio and its people. Why not take SA up on the shit-ton it has to offer?
• And of course, to grow our practice, help more people, get the word out, go gangbusters, and even start doing distance care!

* * *

In short, 2010 rocked, ruled, and shook the earth. It was everything I figured it would be (which was a LOT), and more! The Universe never fails to deliver, especially when you're 1) ready/prepared, and 2) NOT AFRAID. We took our first real steps this year, and we had some significant moments. Now we're going to go have more.

* * *

Music Bonus: The songs that told the 2010 story...

1. Ulrich Schnauss - "Wherever You Are"
2. Billy McLaughlin - "Innerstate"
3. Soda Stereo - "En El Borde"
4. Morcheeba - "What Do New York Couples Fight About"
5. Goldfrapp - "Alive"
6. Cafe Tacuba - "La Locomotora"
7. Bon y Los Enemigos Del Silencio - "El Gato"
8. Squeeze - "No Place Like Home"
9. Julieta Venegas - "A Donde Sea"
10. Julieta Venegas - "Sueno De Sombras"
11. Stella Starlight - "Don't You Forget About Me"
12. Basia - "Perfect Mother"
13. Gnarls Barkley - "Run (I'm a Natural Disaster)"
14. Gnarls Barkley - "Going On"
15. Michael Franti & Spearhead - "The Thing That Helps Me Get Through"
16. Zero 7 - "Crosses"
17. Jaguares - "Y Si"
18. Great Northern - "Houses"
19. Mexican Institute of Sound - "Yo Digo Baila"
20. Mexican Institute of Sound - "Mirando Las Muchachas"

An Apple(R) a day...

I kid you not, I'm sandwiched between:

1. my husband giving some poor Apple employee a 20-Questions interrogation on the intricate features of iMac accessibility and the remote possibility that the screen and OS can accommodate his low-vision conundrum, and

2. an earphone clad lad who seems to have a gamer's version of Tourette's

And through the din, clueless fossilizing Baby Boomers in scratchy demanding voices are making sure that hippy Apples can still wizbang their Microsoft spreadsheets together.

Truth be told, I'm one of them. I mean, not the Baby Boomer part, but there's something about walking into an Apple store that makes me feel like a cross between a premature granny and the faint distant notion that in a parallel universe I actually fit in with this crowd.

I am simply itching to leave the PC world. Crashes, "illegal operation errors", viruses, blue screens of death, and software bugs grew very old a long time ago. I've also since tired of the rent-your-software agenda, forced upgrades, exposed collusion between software and hardware manufacturers over privacy compromise, and registration processes that better resemble "mother may I?" groveling for parental permission. Let's not even mention the annual open-heart computer surgery in which my husband and my office are thoroughly occupied with defiant malfunctions that make no sense and tiny screws, at least one or two of which never seem to make it back into the machine. Don't ask.

What a pleasant surprise it was to me then, to walk straight into the Apple store and find sleek-looking toys, smoothed edged monitors with crystal-clear resolution, and a generous offering of downright useful software titles.

Price is another matter, of course. It's like buying SCSI versus IEEE. It's rock solid, but you will pay. The stark difference that hits you like bricks and then stares you down? You actually get what it is you're paying for.

I have a personal policy against getting my hopes up before the fat lady sings; after all, I don't actually have one of these yet. I salivate in anticipation, but I never know exactly when that day will come. An eternal optimist, I do keep in mind that our particular Christmas celebration hasn't happened yet. So maybe Santa will deliver after all; maybe he just got stuck with a "green" car this year.

I think my husband actually proceeded to a 21st question. But the gamer kid on my left is history; maybe the Adderal wore off...

A Christmas by process of elimination

It's Christmas morning. Some years, this holiday is bursting with energy and excitement; others not so much. This year is best described not by what will happen, but what will be left over after pointing out everything that won't. Not that that's a bad thing; there's still plenty to feel blessed for on a day like today.

We won't be going anywhere. Unlike the rest of the world, practically everything in San Antonio is closed. Christmas is still sacred here, so if you want to be entertained, it's going to have to happen at someone's house. This also means that I won't be working today, which is more than I can say for the Christmases past spent as a waitress in the bar scene--nothing is sacred in the bar world, and Christmas is no exception.

No one will be coming here...that is, unless our friend and massage therapist and her partner decide to bail on their get-together with the partner's bigoted family and seek refuge here. I don't see that happening, but you never know - it's a big enough possibility that the explicit offer was made.

It won't be a white Christmas. Not even after yesterday's cold rain did it even come close to freezing and snowing. Today is sunny and while we have our fair share of sunny-yet-chilly winter days in South Texas, sun and snow are not seen together.

We probably won't exchange any gifts today. With my lack of online-shopping savvy and my parents 1100 miles away, we decided to put presents off until we can all celebrate together when they return.

I'm not delving into any politics or personal rants today. Even Constitutional Patriotism and conspiracy theory need a day off. I'm keeping it light.

We most likely won't be doing anything involving church today. We find that spirituality and holiday celebrations hold much more meaning when practiced at home among loved ones. Sure there's something to be said for candlelight, incense, singing, praying, and shaking hands with the good-natured strangers around you, but we're feeling very low-key and individual this year and we'd rather celebrate quietly in our own way this year.

We won't be recovering from Finals Week today. Now that we've been out of school nearly a year now, scholastically-induced anxiety (be it studying OR test-taking) has finally drained out of our systems.

Well, that about does it. No working, traveling, shopping, or big get-togethers. Wow, we sound like a barrel of fun. But really, it's more peaceful and simple than that. Today, we're just existing, experiencing our many blessings in an immaterial way, appreciating each other for the sake of just that, and being thankful for what we already have, rather than anticipating the accumulation of more. (That will happen a little while later.) For today, it's all about the message, the vibe, the spirit, and the simplicity. It may not be earth-shatteringly memorable, but at least it won't be stand out for the wrong reasons either.

Renegade, politically-incorrect thoughts on cancer

Welp, since I'm apparently in the middle of a second wind (and here I was jazzed around 11pm that I'd be able to fall asleep early tonight), I reckon there's no time like the present to take a concept I'd been tossing around for a few months and reflect on it in greater detail. Bonus points that it's a taboo subject.

Before starting to write this post, I ran a Googler to see if anyone else (such as a healthcare practitioner or objective observer) had anything to say about this, and at first I was somewhat surprised not to find much of anything, but then I realized, who's going to admit in public that working with some cancer survivors might be a pain in the ass?

Oooh, I'm sure I'm going to touch a nerve with someone. After all, most of us have loved ones who developed cancer, and either they mopped the floor with it (translation: person 1, cancer 0) or the disease got them. I'm no exception; I've known multiple people who've had cancer. Some survived; some didn't.

After losing my uncle to throat cancer I became one of those who really kinda looked forward to working with people either battling cancer or recovering from treatment and preventing recurrence. After all, my type of healthcare really plays into wellness, prevention, and holistic functional support. That aspiration began to change after actually meeting some of them.

I was graciously invited to speak at a local cancer survivor group about my type of healthcare - what it was and how it could benefit my particular audience. I was pleasantly (and nervously) surprised at the extent of the turnout; the room was fairly full. The meeting went relatively long. That's OK; they were pretty much riveted. I fielded questions at the end; most of these questions were comfortable second-nature conversation material for me, while others were mildly more challenging.

All-in-all, they were a fairly cool group, except for one particularly miserable, difficult person who chastised me with her body language because I didn't have an exact step-by-step specific special "cancer-prevention" diet. (What did she expect from me besides, "eat plenty of fruits and veggies"? It's not like there's a magic cancer-prevention acai berry in the Andes that is known only to a chosen few and I was withholding it from her or anything.)

Or so I thought they were relatively cool. Then some of those patients actually came in. While this is never a bad thing (far be it from me to not get excited about a newly-submitted intake form packet), they proved to be almost more trouble than they were worth. I don't mean it quite as bad as it sounds, but we gave them everything we had and nothing ever seemed quite good enough.

I guess what I couldn't get over the most was the air of hostility. It was as if they had been wronged by every other practitioner in the city (and frequently, they had been) but were now seeking to get revenge on healthcare as a whole, specifically targeting their hostility toward us. The irritability was palpable. Although they were here for our help, they tied our hands behind our backs by saying x didn't work, or they weren't going to do y. Through the course of our experiences, many of them tried to practically run our practice.

That got me thinking. I realized most of the people with cancer that I knew (whether they had succumbed or survived) all had something in common. It's harder to pin down than a single word, but let's just say that:

• They have a hard time letting go - of the past, of control, of fear, of grudges, whatever.
• They're depressed and/or irritable - many are downright hostile. (Yep, I know I've already used those words - it doesn't do the situation justice to use them only once.)
• They harbor resentment toward something or someone, usually a close family member; they've never learned how to properly let go.
• They're frequently quite negative/pessimistic.
• They have a strong sense of what "ought to be" but they cannot accept the fact that things aren't that way.

This goes double for people who eventually succumbed. I've noticed that those who survived tended to share some common traits, too:

• They resolved their grudges and resentment.
• They've come to accept and even embrace reality.
• They've gone through massive spiritual transformations.
• Even if they suffer depression, they're not usually very irritable or hostile.
• They've come to realize that everything happens for a reason; they come to terms with their experiences, learn from them, and most importantly, MOVE ON.

This information logically begs a theory: mental and emotional "issues" contribute toward the development of cancer (through various physiological mechanisms), and that mental outlook and attitudes strongly influence the outcome of the case. This means that people aren't nearly as off-the-hook as we thought we were. Suddenly, those who develop cancer may very well share some of the burden of responsibility toward that disease process.

I'm not saying that genetics and diet don't play a role; they certainly do. But after what I've seen (and given what I know about the body and its biochemical processes and their documented emotional influences), I'm include to boldly theorize that maybe emotional/mental state plays a bigger role in many situations than genetics (and sometimes, even environment). The hierarchy of risk factors in my book goes like this. Emotional/mental state is No. 1. Second place is environment (which also includes dietary factors). Genetics? Dead last.

Which pins the lion's share of the responsibility toward cancer prevention solely on the individual. Which is also good news, if you think about it - if congenital genetics (the one factor we have no control over) are but a minor (relatively speaking) factor in cancer development, that means that cancer IS largely preventable. We can influence the other more significant factors.

So how do we start?

Forgiveness - by working through the emotional injuries inflicted upon us by others and getting through the resulting retaliatory feelings. By not creating new rifts by being cranky or difficult to your current social circle, which does include your doctors, whether conventional or holistic. (If you're truly not getting the care you need, find another doctor.)

Acceptance - by understanding that everything happens for a reason. It's not because God turned his/her back on you or deserted you. It's not because you're being punished (although what goes around comes around?) Rather, it may be that enveloped like a Russian egg doll in thick Wrappers of Suck, there may be a tiny little gem inside--a gem that holds an opportunity. This could be an opportunity to make amends, to learn something new, to begin a journey of self-discovery, to experience spiritual enlightenment, or a plain ol' second shot at life.

Diet riot

Dude. Is eating. Ever. FUN.

See, I started eating fat. Oh sure, it's combined with other foods like animal meat or vegetables - it's not just fat. But I've become downright insistent that I have at least a little extra fat in everything. Nothing is sacred, not even the morning fruit-and-veggie smoothie.

If I don't eat fat with every meal, I get hungry too fast and have to keep snacking. It's very hard to control blood sugar that way. It's also expensive - snacking means eating more food means spending more money. And it's usually premium-priced packaged foods to boot.

If I do eat fat with every meal, holy hallelujah! I get happy. Almost pathologically happy. I get energy. I get motivated. I have mental stamina instead of mental fatigue. My blood sugar stabilizes and I can make it through the afternoon like a golldang Energizer Bunny without nary a tummy growl. Not only that, but my food. Tastes. Freakin'. Awesome. I never thought beef, bacon, or stir-fry could have that much flavor. Oh. My. God.

And now I understand perfectly what the bacon fuss is all about. It's crystal clear. I had a "where you been all my life" moment before promptly devouring an entire bowl (steeped in extra fat, no less) in roughly 2 minutes. Time me. I dare you.

Now for the gross part. I learned the hard way that there is indeed a ceiling on fat intake during any given time. It's like drinking alcohol; you can have so much in your system at once and it's still pleasurable--but cross the line and suddenly things aren't so fun anymore. It sneaks up on you, knocks you on your ass, and before you know it you're praying to the Porcelain God. Don't make the same mistake I did.

TLDR; fat rocks - it's healthier for you than you think, so eat more than you previously thought was healthy - but don't overdo it.

But still, fat rocks. Rocks, I tell ya.

Stupid things chiropractors do to mess up their lives

1. Use terminology that has already been taken, and give it a new "chiropractic" meaning.
For example, the word "subluxation" really means "partial dislocation". It does not mean "spinal bone pressing on spinal nerve that destroys your life". What a DC (Doctor of Chiropractic) really means when s/he mentions a "(vertebral) subluxation" or the VSC (vertebral subluxation complex) is, segmental dysfunction or joint position error (that's the vertebral-bone-out-of-place part) and aberrant afferentation (that's the resulting general decline of health that the bone-out-of-place contributes to).

2. Neglect to learn (and own) functional neurology.
Chiropractic IS awesome and it DOES help countless people in ways that can't necessarily be explained. Many people come in to have their "back/neck popped" and over time, their digestive distress mysteriously clears up or they have more energy or they sleep better. Typical traditional DCs explain this in a variety of ways, but they all end up at the same (outdated and less-than-accurate) conclusion/theme: your spinal bones (vertebrae) are pressing on the nerves in your spine, cutting off communication to the rest of your body, and an adjustment relieves the pressure, restoring communication and thus function.

The big problem with that explanation is that, while it sounds good, it has been disproven. That explanation emerged early on in chiropractic history, with DD Palmer - probably 1910s-1920s-ish or so - and was completely dashed in the 1950s with conclusive, definitive research studies. Functional neurology, on the other hand, explains what is REALLY happening during a chiropractic adjustment, and how the changes happen at the level of the brain. The truth as illuminated by the most current research is so much cooler than the explanation lazy DCs are using.

3. Bash other practitioners, adopting an "us vs them" mentality.
It's perfectly OK (and in fact, a huge service to a DC's patients) to point out differences between natural/alternative/complementary medicine vs conventional medicine. It helps people understand the truth: that they are indeed being underserved by conventional medicine, and that their unaddressed or unresolved health problems are not all in their heads. A patient's chronic illness isn't a character defect that lies with them (i.e. psychosomatic, or whatnot); it's a shortcoming of conventional medicine, as they lack the tools to effectively manage chronic or mysterious disease/dysfunction.

However, when the bashing/difference-emphasizing becomes excessive, using strong inflammatory language or labels, coming across as too passionate or fringe, or starting to make irrational claims, the DC has gone too far. At this point, patients start to feel alienated. There may come a time when they need conventional medical attention, and they'll either 1) be afraid to seek it, having been brainwashed (by the DC) about how bad it is, or 2) they'll get the medical attention they need and be afraid to tell their DC. Chiro docs may ultimately shoot themselves in the foot, too; only 25% of the public has ever sought chiropractic care in their lives, and only 6% or less are current chiropractic patients. Meanwhile, almost everybody has sought conventional medical care in their lives, and many people are frequent customers. By setting themselves too far apart, almost insinuating a "DC *or* MD" ultimatum, guess which one the patients will choose if/when push comes to shove?

4. Establish themselves as an island.
People are pack animals. We work well in groups. Yet, DCs have this unspoken phobia about teaming up with other professionals, either fellow chiro docs or other types of healthcare providers altogether. The most common choices a graduating chiropractic student makes is whether s/he is 1) going to work under another (chiro) doc, or 2) start his/her own practice from scratch (usually as the sole doc). Note: I don't necessarily count working UNDER another doc in THEIR practice as teaming up, as the balance of power is nowhere near equal.

Going solo is expensive and worrisome. It's ALL you; you're IT. All of the pressure to generate revenue, and 100% of the responsibility to meet your expenses and pay your bills falls on you. When DCs go it alone, they're much more likely to get in over their heads and fail. You don't see too many solo practitioners of other types - MDs, DOs, PTs, etc practice mostly in groups. Smart DCs do, too - and when they do, they end up looking more professional. They look less like a shopkeeper-business and more like a legitimate practice the public can trust. And they save money, lowering their individual overhead by sharing space and resources--along with their costs.

5. Subconsciously believing they're entrepreneurs first and doctors second.
It's actually the other way around. Speaking of shopkeepers, DCs often tend to act like them. You can tell a struggling or not-quite established small business owner - they're always looking for another way to make money. Sure, we all are to some extent, but generating revenue consumes these people. You know the type - their wide-eyed, trying to be cool and confident, trying to be something they're not, the epitome of "fake it till you make it". When their landlord jacks up their rent, they freak out, even going so far as to work their worry into conversations with patients during patient visits. And then they start micromanaging their staff, pressuring their existing patients to bring their friends/family in (i.e. new patient referrals), and resorting to gimmicks. Yes, that exact scenario actually happened to us, when we were patients, and the guilty party was indeed a DC. Not cool. The doc actually lost our business over that. When the fit hits the shan, make lemonade, but don't start making your staff's and patients' lives miserable with knee-jerk reactions.

6. Allow boundaries to become thin, or cross them altogether.
And #5 leads me to my next point again. Some DCs become complacent, lose their professionalism, get lax, become chummy/chatty with longtime patients with whom they become more familiar, what have you. It's never a good idea to become too familiar or friendly with patients. Yes, patients become like second family, and it's OK to become close. Chiropractic is a touchy-feely profession, because to touch is to heal and vice versa. I get that. What's NOT OK is to start getting too personal in conversation or too complacent during visits, letting the chatting start to overtake the treatment and become the perceived focus of the visit. People are handing over hard-earned money to get well, and they'd like the doctor's focus to be 100% on what s/he is doing, especially while adjusting the neck. Be completely present and focus. And for the love of Goddess, never date the patients or start talking financial/business issues or personal problems. Ever.

7. Resort to gimmicks.
Incentives are a slippery slope. Some are more dignified and legitimate. Others cross the line and become stupid or even counterproductive. It's OK to offer a small discount when paying in cash at the time of service, to cut down on credit card/check processing costs or the time it takes to file the health insurance invoice. I can understand giving away the first adjustment or discounting a comprehensive new patient package. But there is a line. Some DCs see no problem with running "referral races", or contests among their patients to see who can refer the most new patients into the practice (by talking to their friends, family, and co-workers, or handing out the doc's business cards). I think that's one of those things that if done with dignity, can be pulled off effectively - but it is indeed easy to mess up. If the prize is too big proportionally to the practice, it spells desperation. If there's constant pressure on patients to refer and that pressure never lets up, that's a problem. A DC we had stopped seeing about 6 months prior actually sent us a letter in the mail with one sock with a face drawn on it. The letter said something along the lines of, the song is lonely and looking for its partner. The partner is here at the office. Won't you come back to us and join the socks together? Or something. It was meant to tug at our heartstrings, but we just threw the sock into our giveaway pile, hoping someone in need could pair it up. We actually thought even less of the DC after that.

8. Strong-arm sales / hard-selling.
And that brings me to my next point (I swear I didn't plan this!) DCs are great salespeople. After all, just how do you take an inaccurate theory, use it to justify an odd experience (from the patient's point of view, of having their spine cracked), and convince them they need to have this done 3x a week for life (I'm talking about the "principled, wellness" chiropracTORs here), and pay for it out-of-pocket (I'm talking to those adamant about remaining "all cash" here). To add fuel to the fire? The patient's results plateau after the initial improvement, and we all know it. To combat this, many DCs have resorted to throwback hard sales tactics from the 1950s. Many are offering pre-paid 1-year or multi-year plans (collectively known as year-o'-care plans among those of us who believe this approach is ridiculous, including myself). These chiro docs figure this improves their patient compliance because it's a lot tougher for the patient to get their money back once they've already paid. (Hint: the first part is true - patients do comply - but the second part is completely false - patients can indeed get their money back for unused visits if they discontinue care before the year is up.) Oh and one more thing - I really would rather not see a single chicken dinner for the rest of my days. WLP affiliates, I'm talking to you!

9. Try to make someone in pain "value" their adjustment by not adjusting them today.
Don't drag out the ROF 2, 3, 4 visits or tell someone in pain that they have to wait until the 2nd/3rd visit to get adjusted, especially if for no other reason than to make them "value" the adjustment. Here's a thought - imagine you wrecked your back. You can still walk and control your bladder and everything, but it hurts like hell. You've heard horror stories about chiropractors but you figure you'll take your chances, because after all, the aspirin isn't working. You call around, you schedule a visit, you show up, and the DC does an exam, maybe x-rays, and spends an hour and a half babbling about the subluxation complex and how he doesn't treat pain, but he promotes WELLNESS. Meanwhile, you haven't gotten any relief yet. Oh, and today's visit will be a couple hundred. And? "We don't adjust on the first visit." No reason given, other than maybe something about value and/or compliance...if you're lucky enough to get any explanation at all. You want to scream. You want to pull your hair out. Hell, you want to pull HIS hair out. Don't be that doc. Seriously. Attempting to indoctrinate patients, especially before giving care, reeks of cultish antics.

10. Inadvertently refer to themselves as "chiropractors" and MDs as "doctors".
Used in a sentence: "chiropractors don't prescribe medications - you'll have to go see your doctor about that." Wait a goddamned minute - we're doctors too, right? Didn't we go through 8 years of hell (the same 4 years of undergrad with the same science prerequisites, followed by the same 4 years of intense academic hell, complete with residency/internship?) Hmm? Did we not all take our multi-part board exams and our state jurisprudence exams and obtain state licenses? Does our degree not say "DOCTOR of chiropractic"? Do we not refer to our clientele as "patients"? (Please tell me you're not one of these "Practice Member" hooligans...please.) Alrighty then. In fact, I correct people. I say, "Doctors of chiropractic prescribe nutritional supplements, but not pharmaceutical medications; you'll have to see your medical doctor about getting a drug prescription." Doesn't that sound more dignified and professional? We teach people not to think of me as one who plays second fiddle, and every DC should do the same.

11. Have an open adjusting room.
Oh my, this is one of my pet peeves. Like it or not, DCs are doctors who render treatment to patients. Because many of them have acted strangely (making advances toward attractive patients or adjusting side-posture on a GOWNED patient, just to name a couple), we tend to get sued or at least live in fear of being sued. Enter the open adjusting room, accompanied by the misconception that it solves all potential legal problems. It doesn't. What it DOES do, however, is make patients feel open, vulnerable, and uncomfortable, because others can watch them be adjusted. It DOES make a patient feel self-conscious, and it DOES make them tend to avoid telling you about important information, such as the migraine accompanied by diarrhea that came on the night after their previous visit. You might want to know that. But with an open adjusting situation, they may not want to tell you. We're doctors - be professional and have private treatment rooms like patients expect at doctor's offices.

-----------------

I'm not trying to rip on DCs. Really, I'm not. It's a fantastic profession, known to produce miraculous results. It wouldn't have survived 115 years if there hadn't been something to it. To this day, people swear by their chiropractic doctor. I'm proud to be one. Today's tirade was brought on, however, by all of my experiences, as well as stories other people told me. This is by far not an exhaustive list. I've heard of DCs adjusting strangers while drunk in Vegas bars, causing permanent serious damage and then disappearing into the night without a trace. For every one of those stories, there are hundreds of others about people walking without canes, sleeping through the night for the first time in 30 years, digesting their food better, watching their child's ear infections or asthma/allergies evaporate, recovering from colds and flues faster, or their migraines disappear.

It is my heartfelt desire to see DCs fit more into the last few sentences of the previous paragraph and the annoying habits in the rest of the post become a thing of the distant past.

A tale of 2 seminars

They say the best doctors keep learning, and hopefully that applies to me--even if not today, maybe someday soon. The area of study upon which I have focused a fresh set of crosshairs involves a cross between two desires: to further my intellectual arsenal (translation: more knowledge = better patient care) and to protect my dream and its happy manifestation from the clutches of those not-so-subtly waiting in the wings to take it away (TMA vs TBCE, anyone?).

Every smart endeavor is preceded by good research, and I did my best. I've already discovered little speedbumps and potholes along my road (a little early for that, no?) but much like the experience of buying our awesome pickup from an extremely shady dealership, every intuitive fiber inside us said "yes". Alrighty then.

This isn't a tiny feat. It'll take me at least a year and cost several thousand. I'll be studying...a LOT. (Not that that's a new thing by any stretch.) And obtaining my new certification is just the beginning; there's a shit-ton of continuing ed. One such jump-through-me hoop makes sense, even if it's semi-burdensome--to attend an annual national and international conference. To further evaluate exactly what I'd be getting myself into, I took a gander at the topic lineup.

I wasn't disappointed. In fact, it was right up my alley. A three-day intensive that soared to near-utopian heights. Scorcher titles included:
* "Problematic Pain Medication Use vs Alternative Substitutions"
* "Predictive Antibody Arrays: Identifying Autoimmune Disorders At Their Earliest Stages"
* "The Search For Buried Clues In Breast Cancer: Osteopetrosis & Multiple Sclerosis"
* "Integrative Biophysics: The new Emerging Frontier"
* "Mitochondrial Dysfunction and Degenerative Disease: Macular Degeneration and Memory Disorders"
* "Hormonal and Dermatitis Issues in Gluten Sensitivity"
* "Toxicity Evaluations and Therapeutic Interventions In Mystery Illness"
* "Reversing Neurological Trauma of Gluten Sensitivity"
* "Targeting and Solving Complex Insulin Resistance Based Issues"
* "The Slippery Slope of Sleep Debt and Other Sleep Related Issues"

How's that for a lowly nutritionist? (Tongue-in-cheek of course)

And then I checked my email account left over from school. In my inbox were not one but two promo emails from the school regarding their annual Vegas hoo-rah: PSPS. Ummm, yeah....
* "Parker First Day Procedures For Patient Compliance"
* "Secrets For Confidently Adjusting Children"
* "Secrets For Removing Quality Interference at the Front Desk: Increasing Your Healing Consciousness"
* "Parker Principles For Success, Health, and Happiness"
* "Turning Dialog Dilemmas Into Powerful Wins"
* "Match Your Lifestyle Choices To Your Genetic Blueprint For a Better, Longer Life"
* "The ROF That Sets You Apart"
* "Build An Amazing You: Create a Wow Practice"
* "ROADS To Success: Exceptional Staff Meetings"
* "Awareness of the Controversy of Statin Drugs"
* "Free Social Marketing Strategies To Build Your Practice: How To Attract and Retain an Unlimited Number of New Patients Using Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, and More"
* "Antidepressants, Children, and the Serotonin Syndrome: Children Are Our Future, Now Chiropractic Must Save Them"
* "Mastering Marketing Through Prosperity"
* "Expanding and Fulfilling Your Chiropractic Vision From the Inside Out"
* "Re-evaluation Reports That Create Lifetime Patients"
* "How To Reach Your Community Through Spinal Screenings"
* "How the Pros Attract New Patients"
* "The Four Secrets To Implementing a Compliance Program"

The best part is, these seminars fall into 3 categories:
1) Same old has-beens of chiropractic preaching the same failed message to a combination of new, unsuspecting undergrads, or the especially gullible who latch onto every enthusiastic empty word
2) Thinly-veiled infomercials for products (or occasionally, services), many of which have not been tested to back up the claims they make
3) The rare genuinely useful piece of information that contains no salespitch and is strictly relevant information. Of all the seminar titles listed (there were more I didn't list), about 3-4 fall into this category (and I listed some of those, to be fair).

There was a time when we drooled over stuff like this. However, that was in undergrad, long before we started school. The seminars were better way back when; although the speakers were the same people, they were fresher (and not just because they were new to us - they actually had a different, more vibrant energy). The topics were (marginally) better. We watched PSPS take a sharp abysmal downturn circa 2004 and after attending an additional seminar to give the preceding one the benefit of the doubt, we swore off all PSPS seminars until Parker mandated that all students attend (which should have been a clue in itself).

Folks, chiropractic doctors are indeed doctors. Why in all that is holy would they spend a large majority of their time learning how to package and market chiropractic? Hell, if chiropractic is so cool, why are they having such a hard time gaining acceptance from the masses? Why must they constantly convene (several times a year!) to convince themselves and each other how miraculous they are and that chiropractic's PR problem has nothing to do with the patient's increasing wariness of the Flying 7 with quickly-plateauing results and place the blame on "we're just not SAYING it right!"

The topics studied by the mere nutritionists are meatier, more intellectual, more clinical, and most importantly, more RELEVANT. After attending a conference such as the one described above, those people are going to return to their offices on Monday armed with an entire new arsenal of gunpowder - these people are going to be able to HELP people, to create real life-changing moments in peoples' lives. They've also made massive gains in national cross-disciplinary acceptance, they've tightened their requirements, and are gaining ever-greater recognition and scope of practice. Compare that to the doctors who are simply revisiting the same strategies they stumbled upon in 1895 and reviewing how to hard-sell it to an ever-diminishing pool of willing recipients. I believe the reason for all this can be found in the diametrically opposed mentalities summarized above.

Fringe marketer vs effective clinician: which one are you?

Circle of life

December 5th has been an interesting day for a long time. For my first 11 years, it was another day--nothing more, nothing less. Suddenly, it became an anniversary of up-shaking, unsettling, gut-wrenching tragedy as one of the most beloved people in my life thus far (my maternal grandfather) passed on without warning. And then it became a day of celebration, the anniversary of the birth of someone new, who would also become one of the most beloved people in my life: my husband. Since then, it has been a day of reflection, of birth and of death, and the whole circle of life, a concept so eloquently illustrated by "The Lion King". And so I reflect again this year, in my own way...

I reflect on birth; although I have no plans to have children of my own, I live vicariously through countless others, both friends-in-real-life and those I know mostly through social networking connections. I reflect upon a mother's joy, elation, and uncertainty. I visualize cells dividing, knowing exactly what to do, acting according to perfectly-coordinated precision, directed by something we can't feel or see. I celebrate the birth process, the decisions involved, the first breath and cry, the first closeness of mother to child. I celebrate the electrical signals, the neuronal connections, the ATP production, the processing of oxygen, the burning of fuel, all of that which constitutes life. I reflect upon the enormous amount of energy a being must conjure and draw upon just to initiate the process of being conceived and deciding to manifest a physical form. And I consider the courage involved in pre-planning what are often some horrendous obstacles and terrific challenges that that person must endure once that life has manifested and begun.

I reflect on death; the return of nutrients back into the soil for existing life to sustain and nourish itself. I reflect on the sorrow and grief of the surviving family members. I reflect on the violence that sometimes surrounds that death, especially of that of an animal in the wild. I reflect on the check and balance of the ecosystem, mother nature's insurance that populations remain under control within the right ratios appropriate to ensure survival. I reflect on the survival of the fittest, natural selection, the mercy the stronger sometimes show the weak and innocent. I reflect on the passage, the tunnel of light, the transcendence of the soul, the meeting with the Atman, the trial concept portrayed in the movie "Defending Your Life", parallel universes, reincarnation, karma and chakra levels, and just about everything else. I don't feel that we're judged anymore than we are forced to judge ourselves through the cause-and-effect laws of karma. I believe we rise or sink to the levels to heaven or depths of hell respectively as a personal level versus a geographical or vibrational commons, all again according to the laws of cause and effect that we have propagated during life.

Above all, I must remember to cherish today, because truly, it's all we have. Past memories and future plans are just that - they're concepts, ideas - ideas that we hold during the only time that is truly ours: the here and now. It's OK to spend these moments watching trash TV or playing a Facebook game, without guilt or feelings of waste. After all, it's every moment, even the tedious and seemingly pointless, that makes up a life. Not every moment must be considered significant by our judgmental standards; to simply have and experience that moment in the first place--THAT is significant in itself.

el Día de Acción de Gracias

I set my Facebook status to tell the world I "have a hell of a lot to be thankful for" and then decided to call it a day, at least in terms of social networking. I'm still a member of the old school, where holidays should be at least somewhat sacred and politics-free, so I'm going to take the opportunity instead to use these wee hours of the late morning (Mr. Kitty is still asleep and the house is as quiet as it was in the dark) and reflect on what it is I'm thankful for.

My Family - as most of you know, my parents survived a car wreck that in every other parallel universe, took their lives. But quite the contrary, they're alive, well, cognizant, walking, and functional. Also, I have a wonderful husband. He loves cats, hates sports, and prefers girl-next-door to skanky women. He's intelligent, refined, domestic, and right-leaning independent. We have 2 cute fur-kids who have their health as well. Our big fluffy 19-pound heating bad shoves his head into my hand for me to pet him and settles into my side of the bed against me. Our little girl provides entertainment with 'tude and yet deep down she is an intelligent little sweetie. And of course, life isn't complete without my sister, grandparents, or extended family. It's just not.

A Great Year - also as most of you are aware, we escaped Dallas with only a few battlescars, opting for pastures that really are greener, in so many ways. Our commute and cost of living dwindled, while our sanity gradually returned. We've been blessed with an awesome practice and have nurtured its growth (more on that below). We have made a few good friends (quality over quantity at this point), discovered some excellent haunts, and indulged in some neat cultural events like the Latin Jazz festival and some attractions at the Mercado. We've come into our own in San Antonio, growing and evolving into different people with an entirely different life.

A Sweet Practice - we've been blessed with a reasonably-profitable practice (during an economic depression, no less), an office that is pretty, comfortable, and fun to go to every day, patients that have spawned another branch of extended family, and the joy of being independent and working for yourself. We've witnessed miracles and helped to change lives. We've made some excellent decisions and carved out some sorely-needed niches that people have yearned for and finally found.

And now, a miscellaneous list: I'm thankful for...
* chocolate
* our troops
* responsive apartment management
* things to do that don't cost anything
* trucks
* fatty foods!
* AT&T Uverse
* Functional Medicine
* being able to take holidays off
* the conservative takeover in the recent elections
* being able to keep in touch with friends, family, acquaintances, classmates, and patients through social media
* trash TV LOL
* warm winters
* good sleep
* allergy abatement
* good lab testing
* my nerdiness and eccentricity
* stores that still CLOSE on Thanksgiving and other holidays
* living closer to the parents
* not having to study for tests
* Disney movies

I think Mr. Kitty is up now...it's only 10:45am. ;)

Bananaheadspace

So we're trying to build this website. Well, actually it's already built; we're just writing the text for it. And I hit a stumbling block....a big one. Like, identity crisis-grade. Again. And here I was sitting, pondering my existence/place in healthcare and the role I'm supposed to play.

I went down the hall to pry my husband away from his petty report-writing (ha!) to seek his expert opinion and direction (at least 2 more ha's). I read him my masterpiece from several weeks ago that had been shelved since its inception.

He said... "it reads a little hostile."

Really? I thought it had been my imagination. I mean, my headspace was less than 100% uplifting when I wrote it, but I didn't think it would be that obvious.

I was wrong. I think "pissed off at the world" was also among his descriptive phrases.

This is very wrong. I'm supposed to be a happy, encouraging, uplifting, "I have a better way!" BEACON in peoples' lives. I mean, I'm supposed to be the poster child for all things enthusiastic, focused, and joyful. After all, unlike those cranky vegans, I eat FAT, which is what the brain is made of, right? Right?? I can't portray myself as "pissed off at the world". No. That just does not compute.

As I read it a few more times, though, I realized that not only did I repeat myself a few times, but that he was RIGHT about the slight hint of permeating negativity. Oh. My. Goodness.

The solicitation of assistance from my husband actually evolved into almost a therapeutic counseling session. I cast him dang near into shrink status as I poured out some Deep Thoughts. I also came to a few important realizations.

Apparently, I harbor some resentment and some regret, and maybe a teeny bit of hostility.

I resent that I end up caught between a rock and a hard place. Insurance companies don't cover everything anymore (nor have they for a loooong time), yet people still expect everything to be covered. Insurance companies have made it pretty much impossible for doctors to get paid; at the same time, people are expecting someone else to pay for something that should be their own financial responsibility. Two separate entities (other than me) have it all wrong and yet I'm the one who gets made to look like the bad guy. Humbug. So yeah, when the first words out of the telephone-caller's mouth are, "do you take insurance?" I roll my eyes a little.

Other things wear on me a little, too...
* Like the people who think they have all the answers and attempt to tell me (the doctor with the schooling, degrees, and license) what to do just because they've done a little online research and they think they know what I know.

* Or like those who take dozens of medications, all of which artificially--and harshly--manipulate their systems and when they develop serious problems as a consequence, they end up in my office for me to fix them. Which I can only do if they stop taking their meds.

* Or those who come to see me and start making improvements, but then end up at their "regular doctor" who then meddles with my treatment protocols, screwing the patient up. The variation on that theme that I really can't stand, though, is when they feel (or say) that they have to run my recommendations by "their doctor" for some kind of approval.

* What takes the cake, though, is the Medicare set (and, to some extent, Medicaid, although those calls are a lot less common). The battlecry that frosts my ass is the whole "fixed income" mantra. I feel like saying, "you're on a fixed income? Great! Considering that your age group is consistently the most financially well-off and you're one of the few lucky ones who actually know where your next paycheck is coming from and when, life is good!" Not-so-gentle note to the 65+: playing "poor me" when you are consistently the richest age bracket across the country does not score any sympathy points, nor will it get you a discount or special treatment. Crying "fixed income!" is the quickest way to annoy those around you.

I can't fathom WHY these are still issues for me, but they are. I mean, I will continue to face them, but the sooner I learn to work through them and be able to deal with them without emotion, the better. I dislike feeling like I play second fiddle to some MD who overlooked the patient's problem for years or who is doing nothing about it, especially when I'm a doctor, too. I have all the battlescars to prove it. I dislike being nonverbally put in the middle of the insurance situation. I didn't create the problem, I didn't agree to it, I'm trying to cut the bureaucrats out of the game so that my patient and their wishes/desires/goals/HEALTH can be dealt back in.

So with that catharsis out of the way (for now), I'm trying to write a website that Accentuates the Positive and tells people what we DO do versus what we don't. I'm trying not to erect any between-the-lines barriers. On the one hand, I like the idea of almost discouraging people from coming in because then I get only the serious ones. But I'm not sure I have that luxury yet.

Of course, the plain and simple answer to all this is to be selective and choosy when it comes to who I'll accept into the program and who I may not take on. I have to be ready and willing to let go of those whose priorities are a mess, those who think they know everything already, those who aren't willing to do what it takes and who aren't willing to value my time and knowledge enough to pay for it themselves, when their health insurance company is too pig-headed and short-sighted to see the light themselves.

I feel better (for) now; time to write a website.

Just saying "no"

Ever feel like you've been hit with a barrage of, I don't know, fill-in-the-blank? Like suddenly everyone wants something from you and it's too much to handle at once? Enough to make you recoil and push back and say "go away"?

Well, I've felt that way lately; certain things have started to grate on me and, well, enough is enough. Here is a non-exclusive list of things I will not do, despite encouragement to the contrary.

* NO, I'm not going to text some word to some strange phone number.
* NO, I'm not going to join some Facebook game like Farmville, Cafe something-or-other, or anything else.
* NO, I'm not watching some sports game.
* NO, I don't need some chiro-motivational seminar, practice-building/coaching company.
* NO, I'm not going to ask my "doctor" if some drug is "right" for me.
* NO, I'm not going to buy the claim that normal female monthly symptoms (or signs of basic hormone surplus) are instead some classifiable disease.
* NO, I'm not going to "call right now!"
* NO, I don't want to be "featured" as "THE alternative medicine clinic" in my city, (especially knowing that I'll have plenty of company/competition), for some obscene amount of money, especially since our website will soon outrank theirs in the search results anyway.
* NO, I'm not signing up for some gym membership and busting my ass on a treadmill anymore.
* NO, I'm not completing anymore intrusive internet surveys.
* NO, I'm not going to sign up for any cut-rate phone service, check-cashing service, credit-monitoring service, or second-rate car insurance.
* NO, I'm not going to click here.
* NO, I'm not participating in any chain letters or secret Facebook conspiracies.
* NO, I'm not going to support any bogus self-interested causes or awareness months unless it also means true health and prevention (which it never does - it's all about raising ever-more money to pay high salaries while they pretend to search for some unrealistic cure).
* NO, I'm not displaying colored ribbons for any causes (except for common-sense things like supporting our troops).
* NO, I'm not getting the flu shot.
* NO, I'm not falling for any Nigerian 419 scam, and don't think that any of your "god blesses" are going to change my mind and make me think for a minute that you're American or legit.
* NO, I'm not supporting something just because it's "green", "vegan", "sustainable", or otherwise politically correct.
* NO, I'm not opting for local conventionally-grown food when I have an organic option, even if the organic comes from further away.
* NO, I'm not falling for BO "change".
* NO, I don't think you're cool because you have subwoofers, a tricked out ride, or bling.
* NO, I don't think you're cool because you have a big stereo system or you listen to rap.
* NO, I don't think you're cool because you mark your territory with spray paint.
* NO, I'm not going to sign on with your crappy insurance company just so I can make next to nothing for treating you.
* NO, I'm not switching long distance companies, internet providers, or credit card processing companies.
* NO, I don't think you're impressive just because you have a BMW, Mercedes, Jaguar, Escalade, Hummer H2, or anything else.
* NO, I don't think you deserve a fricking medal because you drive a Prius, Mini Cooper, VW Bug or Jetta, Smart Car, or any hybrid vehicle.
* NO, I don't think you're high society just because you shop at Whole Foods.
* NO, I don't think you deserve special treatment just because you have kids.

Just sayin' no.... just sayin'.

Keep feeling salvation

We received a visit from the local neighborhood Mormons today. Well, at least it took 9 months of living here for them to find us.

Now, before I go any further: I have a LOT of Mormon friends and they are near and dear to my heart. I have some very good Jehovah's Witness and Baptist friends, too. I have a lot of respect for them and their faith.

But I got a bone to pick with the door-to-door thing. It's intrusive. It's disruptive. It's worse than telemarketing because they're at your door, in person, wanting into your house. Here we were, trying to watch a little TV, take a Benadryl nap to sleep through some of the allergic discomfort, enjoying a little time with family and... knock, knock, knock. I'm wrapped up in a blanket in jammies, and my husband is in his boxers.

Mormons. Wondering what they can do for us. Wondering if they can come in and do dishes. Noble as hell, but make no mistake: there are strings attached. My husband said we weren't really interested. They asked him when they could come back.

That's it... you push, you lose. If we already tell you we're not interested, you don't keep pushing. Because they pushed, when they asked if there were others in the building they could talk to, we pointed them to all the noisy neighbors that had continually pissed us off over the past 5 months, including the little party animal downstairs who saw no problem with holding parties with loud music both last night (1 or 2 a.m.) AND the night before (after 3 a.m.). Two birds, one stone.

I posted this on Facebook (big mistake). It was pointed out to me that Jesus told his disciples to go spread the word. Cool, I get that - but I was raised Catholic and among Catholics and Lutherans, this practice is unheard of. I also never heard of Orthodox Christians doing this. So obviously, some Christian denominations interpreted this directive differently.

Then it was implied that I was a hypocrite for blogging and spreading my ideas about nutrition and chiropractic to others but getting my feathers ruffled when people want to spread theirs. I have a few points to make about that.

The comparison is like apples to staplers.
1) I post on blogs and websites, NOT visit people at their homes.
2) When I post links on Facebook, only people who have already opted in will see them. And, they'll only click on the link if they're interested.
3) When we go to business meetings to talk about our business, we're meeting with other people who also tell us about theirs. It's 2-way communication.
4) If we were to go to a gym, we'd set up a table with flyers and business cards and let people come to us, not call out to them.
5) Continuing with the gym example, if we saw someone lifting weights wrong, we would point it out for their safety and show them a safer way to do it - NOT just start talking about chiropractic and promoting our practice.

I echo another friend of mine who said that religion is such a personal and potentially polarizing topic. In fact, I usually do not discuss it unless it's a small group of close friends and we already know that we're all respectful enough of each others' views and close enough friends that no self-revelation will change how we think of each other.

I disagree with door-to-door religion because:
1) You never know what people may be doing - they may be getting their first good sleep all week. Their baby may finally be down for a nap. They may be sick. They may be dealing with family matters. They may be jobless and in the middle of creating a suddenly inspired resume. They may be in the middle of a movie. You don't just show up uninvited to someone's house. Especially a stranger.
2) They hardly ever stop when you say you're not interested. They've been given sales training, and we know what that's all about - when someone objects, you have a rehearsed comeback. There's a tactic, a gameplan, an agenda. I already KNOW some religions receive this kind of training because Discovery Channel-esque cable shows have done exposes, not to mention the anecdotes of our Mormon friends.
3) I can form my own philosophical opinions, thank you, and I respect others' ability to do the same. I don't feel the need to convert someone to my way of thinking, and I appreciate the same respect from others. I'm an adult with an fully-developed prefrontal cortex, and I am capable of higher reasoning and making complex decisions and weighing out options for myself.

To each his or her own - continue to proselytize if you want, but understand that some people don't want to hear it and if you keep pushing and piss people off, don't bitch when they send you to their loser neighbors!

Take it back

Of late, two opposing groups have come to light. The first camp includes those who are stamping their feet and pitching a fit about taking their country back. The second camp scoffs, scorns, and laughs at the first, wondering who they want to take their country back from.

I fit into the first group.

I, for one, am pissed off and tired of extremist tyrants from both sides (or additional sides) trying to take over to promote some agenda other than that which our country was nobly based on. So I have an answer to that second elitist, ignorant group who seems to be incorrigibly clueless, lacking a grip on reality.

YES, I'M TRYING TO TAKE MY COUNTRY BACK...

...from those who think it's perfectly OK to nominate a presidential candidate whose past is questioned and yet his records are sealed.
...from those who think that healthcare should be free and that people shouldn't have to actually take responsibility for themselves and their physical condition.
...from those who think it's OK to mandate that every American purchase a product/service, such as health insurance. (Don't bother using the car insurance mandate on me - that's to cover the other poor sap you hit when you're texting on your phone - it's for them, not you. Health insurance is ALL you.)
...from those who think it's OK to pass kids who should be failing
...from those who think it's OK to teach scientific theories as though they were fact.
...from those who don't know how to spell or form thoughts or coherent sentences.
...from those who seek to castrate the US Constitution.
...from those who think the Constitution is a "living breathing document subject to change" and subject to the "present-day interpretations"
...from those who poison, irradiate, pollute, vaccinate, hormonally-enhance, homogenize, manipulate, pasteurize, fluoridate, diminish, or genetically engineer our food/water supply.
...from those who pursue money above all else in the world and would sacrifice friendships, family ties, or time with family and friends to do so.
...from those who impose "zero-tolerance" policies because they're too feeble-minded to consider each case and make reasonable exceptions when it's the logical thing to do.
...from those who think it's perfectly OK to end innocent life - newborns, animals, etc.
...from those who derive pleasure from inflicting pain on any living being.
...from those whose entire religious/spiritual philosophy is to parrot "Jesus Christ is My Lord and Savior".
...from those who impose their atheism upon the rest of us by attempting to outlaw religious or spiritual expression in public venues.
...from people who think it's perfectly OK to take the hard-earned fruits of one's labor to give to another who did not put forth such effort.
...from those to whom others' rights to privacy does not matter.
...from those who cannot control or properly guide their children.
...from those who think they deserve entitlements.
...from those who would sue over something minor at the drop of a hat.
...from those who attempt to re-write history to say something different than what actually happened.
...from those who attempt to change speech to control thought.
...from those who outdatedly think senior citizens are entitled to discounts just because they're old.
...from those who want to turn this country into Europe.
...from those who want someone else to pay for everything.
...from those on the right who continually won't stand up for what they believe in.
...from those who think they should receive preferential treatment because they're of a certain race.
...from those who have no regard for the law or moral code.
...from those who will not work to improve themselves or their quality of life.
...from those who are obsessed with sports.
...from those who are obsessed with celebrities.
...from those who think The Onion is a legitimate news source.
...from those who won't think for themselves.
...from those who want to outsource their perceived obligation to provide charity.
...from those who cannot visualize long term.
...from those who cannot think critically or logically.
...from those who think pharmaceuticals are the answer.
...from those who seek to deceive others, or cover up or spin would-be bad PR.
...from those who actually believe the "better living through chemistry" mantra.
...from those who live and die by the stock market.
...from those who indulge excessively in mind-altering chemicals.
...from those who refuse to own up to their faults or mistakes.
...from those who would actually own a SmartCar or a Mini Cooper....or a Hummer H2 or Escalade, for that matter.
...from those who think it's OK to narrow peoples' choices (healthcare, monopolies, oligopolies, etc)
...from those who think everyone around them should just adjust to, deal with, or put up with THEM.
...from those who seek to abolish certain terms like Founding Fathers from our schools.
...from those who seek to disarm us of our ability to defend ourselves.
...from those who think it takes a village to raise someone's kid.
...from those who detest the south.
...from those who are obsessed with change for the sake of change and scoff at others for being "behind the times".
...from those who think it's OK to murder the innocent but not the guilty.
...from those who want to snoop on your health and financial records...and merge them.
...from those who see nothing wrong with getting everything from China.
...from those whose IQs probably don't top 100.

A year (and a day) in the life of a wheat germophobe

Welp, I made it (not that I have a choice...well, actually you always have a choice, but it the alternatives might not be conducive to prolonged life). Dinner at the 100%-gluten-free Little Aussie Cafe & Bakery was the understandable highlight of the fanfare surrounding this particular little event.

The journey thus far has not been without its ups, downs, and teaching moments. I thought I'd share a couple, because the more I tell my own story or describe my own situation, the more I realize I'm not alone, and the more people I see with relieved looks on their faces as they learn they're not alone either.

(No particular order other than that which they visit my mind.)

1. Going 100% gluten-free is harder than you think. Gluten is EVERYWHERE. Most of the American dietary staples use gluten-containing foods - bread, pasta, pizza, sandwiches, wraps, crepes, cake, cookies, crackers (even soda crackers), hamburgers (bun), spaghetti/lasagna, noodles, soup (as a thickener and in noodles), cereal, turkey stuffing, muffins, salad croutons, pop tarts, pancakes, waffles, flour tortillas, even Kit Kat bars.

There are entire grocery store aisles and restaurant menu sections you have to avoid. Your options are often very limited. What's leftover is yummy, and shopping did just get simpler and more efficient, but sometimes it sucks anyway.

2. Going 100% gluten-free is easier than you think. Often, people ask me, "so what CAN you eat?" More often than not, this question comes from overweight diabetics/pre-diabetics who simply cannot imagine going a day (or even a meal) without some kind of gluten-containing grain (usually wheat) who forgets about the healthy things like fruits, veggies, fish, and lean meats that you CAN still have.

3. It's easy to forget. It's old habit to reach for those chocolate chip cookies. It's easy to--oops--have some of that turkey with stuffing. Or to forget that those mashed potatoes may have been thickened with wheat flour. It's easy to forget (or not even realize) that things like Twinkies and Kit Kat bars, believe it or not, have wheat flour in them. Good thing my grandmother remembered my sister's shellfish allergy and thought to ask me if I had any food allergies because I had forgotten to tell her! (And this gifted lady makes desserts, pies, casseroles--galore! Alas, all with wheat flour. She was especially perplexed as to what to do with me when I came to visit.)

4. I learned to offer up solutions; rather than focusing on what I couldn't eat when describing my diet to people, I briefly listed foods I couldn't eat but then quickly moved on to emphasize a good list of foods I COULD eat. This put things into a much more optimistic perspective.

5. There are yummy substitutes for practically everything. Yes, as long as you're not one of the unlucky souls who cross-react to gluten-free foods, there are lots of gluten-free grains out there that can be ground into flours that mimic wheat flour very well. There are Oreo-like substitutes, chocolate chip cookies, cakes, pancakes, pizza crusts, sandwich bread (look for that which is NOT kept refrigerated/frozen!)

Of course, the object of the game is to get healthier, and ANY type of grain/starch stalls that progress, but sometimes it's important to take baby steps. Going gluten-free is a big enough step and that must be done in one big step (not baby steps), so in order to make things as easy as possible, take everything ELSE in baby steps.

6. This journey is accompanied by many emotional ups and downs. Some days, it's no big deal; I can adopt a care-free take-it-or-leave-it mindset. Other foods are appetizing to me and grains and starches just seem heavy and lethargy-inducing (gluten-free or not). Other days, though, the resentment sets in. You simply want pizza or Mom's chocolate chip cookies or Grandma's apple pie or that yummy-smelling soup at Whole Foods (which all have wheat flour in them), or that Double-Stuff Oreo that's not available in a gluten-free version. Or maybe you're hungry on the interstate and all there is is a McDonald's and you really want a Big Mac. And for a while, life sucks.

7. "But you rarely ate pizza before" is hardly comforting. The difference is (and this is KEY) is that you had a CHOICE before, and now that choice has been made for you...FOREVER. It's not that I ate a shit-ton of Big Macs, Double-Stuffed Oreos or pizza before, but the fact is, *I* could voluntarily make that decision. Now? That decision has been made for me, for the rest of my life. If I "cheat" I'm only irrevocably destroying my nervous system. It's like a recovering alcoholic who can never enjoy a beer with his friends again, unless he wants to lose his wife and kids.

8. Gluten-Flam is not a get-out-of-jail-free card. Gluten-Flam is a wonderful product put out by Apex Energetics and it can be a little lifesaver-in-a-capsule when at risk for a minor gluten exposure. However, taking it does not give you cart blanche to go have a PB&J on whole wheat bread. It's for minor exposures--you know, when you order meat and veggies in a restaurant but they're cooked on the same grill that also toasts buns for hamburgers. Or they use a trace of gluten-derived flavor/spice on that Spanish rice at the Mexican restaurant. THAT'S what Gluten-Flam is for. I learned that the hard way.

9. The hidden sources of gluten are nearly infinite. Lipstick, cigarette filters (I don't smoke OR wear any makeup, but I mention this for those who do). It's in soups, envelop glue, you name it. Wheat flour is often used to dust conveyor belts at food processing companies. Since it's not an official ingredient, these companies aren't required to list it on the label (nor would they think to do so). Result: hidden, undisclosed contamination, and potential reaction. For this reason, eating away from home or eating packaged/processed foods is akin to walking in a minefield. You never know when your best-laid plans will blow up in your face.

10. The best currently-available lab testing measures for a single gene and 2 gliadin subtypes (alpha and beta). There are MANY more of each that these labs can't yet detect, so there are LOTS of false negative results.

11. You simply cannot go through life without reading ingredient labels - unless you're totally awesome and you don't eat food with ingredient labels (i.e. you eat natural, unprocessed whole foods, cooked from scratch--some mentally dense people got confused on why label-free food was awesome when I posted this on Andrew Weil MD's Facebook page.)

12. Gluten-free people get screwed because gluten-free food is a niche market with a relatively inelastic demand. This often translates to small packages of overpriced food. Gluten-free people often can't shop the cheaper bulk bins at stores because of the risk of reaction to cross-contamination. There are lots of small gluten-free food companies trying to get their names out there, but they all offer the same: limited product lines of tiny quantities for lots of money (not to mention shipping, if you order it by mail/internet) with OTHER questionable ingredients. (Recommendation: use gluten-free packaged food as a temporary transition to unprocessed whole foods ONLY. After all, you want to get healthier, right?)

13. Gluten-free doesn't automatically mean safe. You may encounter cross-contamination. You may develop cross-reactions to gluten-free grains/other gluten-free foods. And last but not least, many gluten-free foods still contain neurotoxic flavor enhancers that throw the nervous system into a tizzy that is almost as bad as ingesting gluten. Although those neurotoxins don't usually contain gluten (and can thus be found in foods in the gluten-free aisles at the grocery store), they set off reactions that hit gluten-reactive people especially hard.

14. Gluten-free foods are harder to find. If you live in a rural area with small grocery stores, forget it. Stick to the produce - meat, veggies, fruits....that's about it. You can do some nuts and seeds from the bulk bins IF you wash them thoroughly.

15. Gluten reactions last up to 6 months. That's right - that single salad crouton you accidentally ate can set off chain reactions in your body (immune, endocrine, and nervous systems) that can have devastating effects for 6 months before your body clears them effectively.

16. After going gluten-free, you'll probably find you react to other foods. These reactions aren't new, but your body was too weak from all the gluten assault to react to other foods before. As you relieve your body's stress and your body has a chance to rebuild itself, it now has the energy to launch its attack against other foods you may not have previously realized were a problem. It can be paradoxical; in some respects, as you get better, you can feel worse.

17. More and more restaurants have gluten-free menus! Some are chains and some are local. You simply have to ask. Pei Wei (Asian/Chinese chain), Outback Steakhouse, Paloma Blanca (local Mexican), even Carrabas (!) (Italian chain - incredibly surprising that they'd have a GF menu, considering they're an Italian restaurant), and many more. If you're especially sensitive, don't forget to ask if they cook GF food on a separate, designated grill.

18. If you have to be gluten-free, there's no better time than now. Exploding awareness has spawned dozens of gluten-free food companies, gluten-free menus, gluten-free support groups, gluten-free cookbooks, gluten-free cooking classes, improved lab testing, testing for the genes that lead to gluten-intolerance, increased research on the effects of gluten and the diseases it causes/exacerbates/contributes to, and so much more. With so many people (hundreds every single day) finding out that they can no longer have gluten, you've never been in better company with so many peers in the exact same situation as you. You've never had so much veteran support. No longer is it some mysterious fringe disease that leaves you isolated.

19. Gluten reactivity has proven links to over 200 diseases/conditions (and even more suspected links currently being researched). Included in these links are: ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease, Hashimoto's (autoimmune thyroid) Disease, Grave's Disease, adult-onset Diabetes Type 1, Pernicious Anemia, Alopecia Areata (patchy hair loss), bipolar disorder, clinical depression, irritability, schizophrenia, vitamin/mineral deficiencies, protein/essential fatty acid deficiencies, joint pain, rheumatoid arthritis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome/Disease, Psoriasis, Crohn's, Ulcerative Colitis, eczema, night vision loss, cerebellar ataxia, motor/muscle weakness, vertigo/dizziness, migraine headaches, increased sensitivity to pain, brain fog, memory loss, chronic fatigue, iron-deficiency anemia, afternoon energy crash, adrenal fatigue, ADD/ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, peripheral neuropathies, and soooo much more. If you have ANY health issue you can't get to the bottom of, or your medical doctor is clueless, or if your chiropractic adjustments pop right back out of place too soon, and you haven't been tested, you need to get tested yesterday and find out once and for all.

As challenging as gluten-free life is, we wouldn't trade it for the world - we're simply thankful we know a HUGE answer to our problem and can prevent any further damage. Most of us suffered mysterious symptoms for years (sometimes decades) and nobody could figure out what was wrong. No one knew what the problem was. Knowing is half the battle. The other half is the day-to-day coping. Adjusting to a 100% GF lifestyle is a longer process than people realize and it has its good days and its bad days, but the overwhelming emotion (for me at least) is gratitude - thank you Universe for showing me what's wrong so I can make a change and get on with the life I am supposed to lead.

Who loves sicky?

I never saw it coming. One minute I was fine; the next minute I was nauseated, and the minute after that I was shooting baskets in the restroom at work.

My first thought was the turkey bacon, but my husband and I had shared it and he was fine, back in his office, happily treating patients (at least it wasn't him that got targeted--he's the sole breadwinner these days).

But no, I'm fairly certain it was the raisins I snacked on after lunch. They had been in my truck for most of the South Texas summer and although they tasted fine, they probably sported some microbial cultures my body had no idea how to handle. It's the only plausible explanation, since it was the only menu difference between my husband and me.

Afterward, I felt much better and thought, great! Just a fluke. Nope. Not once but twice more. I had less of a warning each time, but still made it. The second verse was the same as the first, but the third one had me hands-on demonstrating Dr. Perryman's Ipecac story as told in Pharmacology-Toxicology class. Lived it almost verbatim.

At least it was on a quiet sidestreet with the occasional traffic. I hoped and prayed that no old people would stand there gaping at me, thinking to themselves, "kids these days. Must be drunk or on drugs. Hoodlum youngins'". A prophylactic note to presumptuous old farts (how's that for hypocrisy?): just because someone gets out of their truck to play target practice on a road shoulder with their raisins doesn't mean it's somehow my fault--other than that I shouldn't have eaten raisins with undetectable mold on them. I also prayed no one would stop - the gesture is nice but I can handle myself. I'll be fine.

Fast forward a couple hours. We're home safe, with no further excitement. I'm still achy, weak, and my inner biochemical equilibrium is still fairly unstable. But I'm not flat-out nauseated, and I have simultaneous excuses to belch, camp out on the couch, skip grocery shopping, watch TV, surf the net, and veg the entire evening. Plus, I've kept my sips of water down, and I'm working up the courage to cautiously brave some soup. Wish me luck.

Black velvet (vs. orange plastic)

I had a pure spiritual moment today. This doesn't exactly surprise me, as it is Samhain after all, the velvety night when the veil between This and Other worlds is thinnest and the energy runs thick. Feeling the urge to sing in Spanish along with songs in my Latin American alt/rock collection, I thought "Madera" by Los Aterciopelados might be a logical choice.

I didn't realize how logical a choice it was. As I sang along about Gaia, the Universal Mother, and a general tribute to all things fertile and female, and for a few minutes, I connected. It was a three-way merge between my soul and its karmic lineage, the mysticism and energy of the holiday, and that particular song with its Mahadeva-esque concept and its Amazon-tribal percussive accents.

The energy and mysticism could be felt, and it could actually be traced back to last night, for it always begins the night before, doesn't it? We had watched Hocus Pocus (bleh), Icabod Crane and the Legend of Sleepy Hollow (with its Headless Horseman climax), and the Charlie Brown special about the Great Pumpkin.

Actually, the energy and mysticism have always been there, each and every Samhain. Its near-palpable pulse noticeably intensified as the hour grew later. I've always loved dressing up and I went trick-or-treating as a kid, always enjoying the gathering of candy. But it has always gone much deeper than that. I had always been bored with (and nearly irritated by) both typical "Halloween" extremes: the innocent good-natured (think orange plastic) childlike stuff that made light of--and ignored--the real significance on one hand, and the gory, violent slasher flicks or scenes of blood and guts on the other. Both missed the point, and the point was too cool a concept to miss.

The concept was a simple state of being and appreciation. It was an intense mystical haze, full of incense and cosmic power. It's a little eerie but fascinating. It's an ambient magnetism, with occult subjects, herbs, neat symbols, and spiritual renewal. It's an energy that shakes you to the core, enigmatic yet captivating, compelling you to stay up Way Past Midnight.

Not much has changed; the activities may have, but the electricity and its source remain the same. This year, the Samhain energy manifested in the form of my curiosity of Sleepy Hollow and its sister village Tarrytown as real places. My research did not disappoint me.

I reckon Samhain will always hold that fascination for me. Who knows, I may try to call on that magnetic energy at some point (I promise my intentions are pure). It is always a holiday I can feel coming, even if it's trying to sneak up on me.

57 channels and nothin' on

Actually, that's not true. Not these days, anyway. One who ventures beyond the wasted landscape of Survivor, soap operas, and sensationalist news that passes for broadcast TV but better resembles toxic sludge will find that there are better options. About 250 better options, if you go for the gusto and get the top tier package.

Forbidden TV shows in our house include:
Sports
News channels
Food shows (they make me tend to overeat)
Shopping (a la QVC)
Christian Televangelism

You: "But wait - that's no fun! Funsucker!"

Chillax. Believe it or not, there's plenty of pickin' left over.

Such as...

• "Cops" Marathons - and I don't even think they do so much of the "Cops 2.0" anymore. Which is a good thing, because "Cops 2.0" is little more than "Cops" with annoying moving banner ads and realtime (?) text chat logs occupying the bottom third of the screen.
• "Modern Marvels" - they used to have super-cool episodes involving rockets and the Dallas Hi-Five interchange, but now they're groping a little. I think they're running out of ideas.
• "Mystery Diagnosis" - it's like "House MD" (one of my favorite shows of all time, which is actually saying quite a bit) but without the drama component in the storyline. It's pure symptoms-testing-mystery-symptoms-testing-diagnosis, where the patients actually tell the story of their journey from start to finish. Very linear and concise-yet-detailed. I wish my patients could express themselves so well and give information as useful. Oh wait...gotta have patients first. If it makes me feel any better (and it kinda does), I've nailed 2 out of the 3 episodes, the third one being a rare genetic anomaly I'd never heard of.
• "1000 Ways To Die" - upon channel surfing, I stumbled across this in my satellite's Guide, and just had to watch, out of morbid curiosity. It turned out to be a pretty cool show. Turns out that at least most (if not all) of that stuff really happened (I'm calling bullshit on the one where two intimate ladies blew themselves up by making it on top of a washer and dryer, jiggling the gasline connections loose. I'm also kind of doubting the one where a doctor and nurse go at it in another room with a patient waiting under an x-ray machine aimed at his head for a skull x-ray, in which after their escapade they find the guy cooked from the radiation because their lovemaking surface consisted of the x-ray unit which kept getting activated--very rhythmically. The part that I doubt is that radiation would cook the guy that fast. I mean, even it took the Hiroshima victims much longer than that.) Other than that, good show that slowly grows on you a little further each time.
• "Ice Road Truckers" - only this time, they're in India. I guess the Alaska theme got played out, kinda like Mafia Wars until summer 2009. People can handle the same monotonous scenery just so long. After watching this new incarnation of "IRT", I now know where a big fraction of Dallas's crazy-ass irrational drivers come from.
• "Dr. G, Medical Examiner" - again, kinda like "House MD" and "Mystery Diagnosis", except that the patients are already dead (and are thus correctly referred to as "victims" instead). This show goes hand-in-glove with "1000 Ways To Die".
• "Campus PD" - although it'd be nice if they'd make more than 5 episodes - or at least not air them endlessly until they DO have more than 5 episodes. Five episodes hardly justifies a marathon. I do understand that colleges only have so much action, though, and that there are only so many party schools with only so much material to begin with.

I mean, it's good to have a little variety. I would've gotten into "X-Files" had I been just a little mroe cool, but its time has passed and they've been surpassed by shows like "Law & Order" (why, I'll never know - not that it's a bad show, but it doesn't hold a candle to the coolness of "X-Files") and replaced by shows like "CSI" (which doesn't quite live up to its potential to be cool).

And the 2012/Prophecy theme is SO 1998. It started with the Scallion future earth maps, post big-nuts earthquake. It morphed into the comet hysteria that surrounded us circa 1997-1998 when everyone and their dog was jumping on the publishing bandwagon of writing sensationalist books about semi-exaggerated theories. And then Y2K hit, God(dess) help us all. Frankly I was more worried about peoples' reaction to Y2K than I ever was about the phenomenon itself. And now? Everyone's convinced that 2012 is the Judgment Day of all Judgment Days and I hardly think that will happen. But everyone wants to rehash Nostradamus's mysterious cryptic quatraines yet again, so here we were (up until about this summer), stuck in a Groundhog Day of 2012 crockumentaries. Not that I don't think 2012 won't be significant--it will, BUT not for the reasons people think.

Wait a minute...I'm getting too deep. It's getting late and I'm supposed to be putting my brain into a numbing, hypnotic state.

Putting the "end" back in "unfriend"

I somehow feel compelled to drop what I'm doing at the office and vent.

A friend un-friended me on Facebook today. And this wasn't just a "Facebook friend" either, where the word "friend" can be applied a little more loosely; this was an actual personal friend. We even share other mutual friends.

My rant begins with the knowledge that being axed from this person's friend list was intentional. I mean, the "remove from friends" button is located near the bottom of the page and off to the side. It's not as if it occupies prime real estate, likely to be clicked by mistake. This person visited my profile, scrolled to the bottom, and gave me the boot.

It's certainly this person's right to decide who remains on--and who is booted from--their friend list. I'm not contesting that. What does bother me is that, since this person was, indeed, a personal friend, wouldn't it be semi-reasonable of me to expect that if this person had a problem with me, that they might bring it up with me first, rather than just passive-aggressively wuss out and disappear without saying anything? We've been friends for several years; am I not reasonable to expect this?

What has always struck me as interesting (I may have mentioned this before) is that I've noticed that those who remove me from their friends list have massive issues themselves. The irony is that they claim they don't. Yet, it's plainly visible that they're a little mentally "off" somehow. These could be unresolved issues from childhood (that they claim to have worked through), incompatible political views (which they claim not to have at all), incompatible religious views (which they claim to be open-minded and tolerant), or incompatible dietary views (cue the crabby malnourished irrational extremist vegans, fruitarians, breatharians, and exclusive raw foodists in 3...2...1... who can't stand the fact that I eat--or advocate eating--meat). Or, it could be nothing at all, and out-of-the-blue snip of the friendly ties. Cya...door....ass...

It's certainly not the first time I've been given the heave-ho, and frankly I shouldn't concern myself with something so trivial, but as much as I can sit here and say it doesn't matter, that my ego isn't bruised, the fact is that if I want to be really honest with myself, I feel a little slighted. Yes, my ego is a little bruised. I know that by feeling that way, I've let them win and all that, and what's more is, they probably haven't given it a second thought anyway, so why bother, but to say it doesn't matter would be to be less-than-truthful. Because like every other human on this planet, I was born with certain neurological hardwiring, the kind that seeks recognition, acceptance by my peers, and comaraderie. I seek bonds and friendship. And when someone cuts that off, it goes against that hardwiring, tripping a small part of my survival instinct.

I'd like to move on, putting it behind me, and focus on other things. After all, my now un-friend most likely doesn't feel any regrets. I don't know why this person decided to cut things off, and my best guesses are all I may ever have, but the truth is that I am true to myself and I have opinions that while not intended to offend, I'm also not afraid to voice, even if they're contrary to others or to the mainstream (or even to the accepted uber-cool "alternative"). I'm not going to stifle, hold back, mute, or blunt those opinions simply to pacify those who might otherwise be offended. It's not like I'm talking about animal sacrifices or other extremism. It's not like I'm vulgar or graphic. I may be a little unrefined at times, lacking in a few social graces, but I'm certainly not obnoxious or irrational. I'd like to think that my opinions make sense, but apparently they don't make sense to most other people, because I go clearly against the grains of the mainstream on so many levels. However, it's not like I'm preaching some pipe dream out of left (or right) field. I simply choose to express myself, and from what I can tell from comments to my posts or the circle of friends I keep, I've got decent company.

When there are so many movements, initiatives, and agendas FAR more extreme and damaging to society than mine, I hardly feel obligated to sacrifice the expression of my thoughts in favor of keeping the peace or going with the flow. I'm not going to stop being who I am or communicating it to others just to cater to someone else's hypersensitivity. After all, I have friends from practically every ethnic group, multiple nations, multiple cultures, multiple languages, all age groups, and the full political spectrum, and I've posted a few polarizing viewpoints in my day, without suffering the wrath of unfriendship from the vast, vast majority of them. Practically all of them have shown enough maturity to stick with me and respect my viewpoints, even if they don't agree. They certainly don't let something as trivial as politics, religion, diet, mindset, opinions on individual subjects, or anything else destroy an entire friendship. And, I sort of pity those who do.