Cat-Year In Review 2010

So I've finished digesting Apples and I'm fully saturated with Walgreen's generic answer to Benadryl, kept awake only by a steady Godiva dark chocolate drip. And I've been told in no uncertain terms to stay out of my husband's office. This means I have a little time on my hands, which always produces something.

Being New Year's Eve and all, I figured that the most appropriate activity to occupy my time is to reflect on a hell of a year, meant both good and...challenging.

1. Year of the Door Didn't Hit Me In the Ass; I Was Already Gone: To assign credit where it is due, Dallas did have its purpose. It gave us a jumping off point that allowed us to blend in with everyone else from somewhere else and experience Texas, even if it was a heavily commercialized, Californicated, and heavily watered-down tourist version. It taught us how to eat out in style, drive offensively, appear financially well-endowed, and to powershop with the best.

But let's face it - we didn't fit in, and it didn't fit us. Not long after we settled in did we start counting the days (and the ways) in which we could leave. But you knew that. Almost a decade later came the lucky break; we graduated and found ourselves at a massive crossroads. We took the plunge. We said goodbye to Dallas, its people, its money, our house, its extra space, and major traffic jams. We said hello to trees, hills, wildflowers, nice people, crazy eccentric people, a small apartment, two and a half hours daily, and our LIVES as we surrounded ourselves with warmer people and short commutes.

2. Year of the Let's Hope the Ripcord Works: Last year at this time we had checked out of clinic and begun the search for suitable office space. We indeed opened an alternative medicine practice near you...that is, if you're in San Antonio, north and just west of midline.

Truth be told, it's one of the toughest things we've ever done. There were several instances where it bordered on the near-impossible. But we knew that countless people had gone before us and done the same thing, some of whom aren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer. And if they could do it, so could we...and so we kept on.

The scariest thing is the financial free-fall. It took eight months of bringing in exactly zero before we saw any income (from September 2009's final student loan disbursement check until mid-May 2010's first paying patient). We have plenty to be thankful for. We at least made rent the first month and discretionary purchases by fall/winter.

3. Year of the Disrupted Physiology Despite Doing Everything Right: Two things happened overnight. I lost the ability to sleep and I joined the miserable group that suffers seasonal allergies. Turns out that gluten was just the tip of my food sensitivity iceberg; I now react to seven different common foods (some more common than others, like, oh, eggs and dairy).

All this despite a non-existent commute, a much better city, a rock-start diet (figuratively, of course...shudder to think otherwise), a complete change in diet (to account for--and accommodate--my newly-discovered food allergies), a 21-day cleanse (not to mention remaining ON the cleanse supplement afterward as a post-cleanse maintenance), and having finished school. No longer did I have to drive, study, work hard for peanuts, or continue to deluge my body with allergens. And yet, I became a train wreck overnight. And I've had to spend the rest of the year (and probably well into next) getting myself back. WTF indeed.

4. Year of the Complete Dietary Overhaul: Yes, since I'm allergic or highly reactive to gluten, eggs, milk, peanuts, strawberries, kiwi, and raw tomatoes, I've had to make a few changes. I gave up the ice cream, the pico de gallo, the kiwis and strawberries, in my fruit smoothies, my peanut butter sandwiches, oatmeal, and my scrambled eggs. I now eat bacon and other extremely fatty meats, corn pasta, coconut oil, and ghee. I drink Clearvite shakes with almond milk, and Vitamin Water Zeroes. Much has changed.

5. Year of the Steep Learning Curve: If we thought the past 3 years were chock-full of information, we hadn't seen nothin' yet. This year we probably averaged one out of every 3 weekends out of town just at classes and seminars. Our travels ranged from Kansas City to Houston, with Dallas, Austin, and here (yay!) in between. Whether it was a 2-hour freebie afterhours on the Riverwalk or a 3-day intensive at the Intercontinental Airport in Houston or the chiropractic college in Overland Park, Kansas, we were there. Pediatrics, neurology, adjusting techniques, and massive amounts of Functional Medicine (blood chemistry, endocrinology, autoimmunity, neurochemistry, sleep-wake cycles, and thyroid disorders) were all fair game. Yee-haw.

The Learning Curve had another entire dimension to it, too - that whole first-year-in-practice thing. Suddenly we were designing our own intake forms, devising phone scripts, brainstorming for patient acquisition and marketing strategies, signing contracts with credit card processors, advertising sources, and more. We were buying furniture, equipment, decorations, electronics, books, office supplies and so much more. And now we're looking at new computer operating systems, insurance company network plans, and even more additional education. Not to mention case management (vegans, infertility, cancer survivors, hepatitis, and autoimmune disorders), patient education/communication, etc. On the horizon: our own lobby PowerPoints, email newsletters, office flyers, and health class presentations.

* * *

I have indeed made New Year's Resolutions, although that's kind of a work in progress, so this list might not be inclusive.

• To get my physical health BACK, to get back in shape, and to manage my stress - to BE that example for my patients. (I probably need to go fairly Paleo...wish me luck!)
• To learn everything I can about my patients. To interact with them well, to explain things clearly, to treat them with respect, and to help them understand what's going on and what we'll do about it.
• To get through my CCN education and absorb everything I can.
• To read the books I have - IFM textbook, Primal Blueprint, Body By Science, the CCN books.
• To meet and network with other area professionals, especially medical doctors and osteopaths.
• To nurture my creativity.
• To learn my way around the Apple OS/iMac and become proficient at it.
• To PLAY - martial arts, music, Wii, hanging out with friends, yoga, Nia--we have it all. Must partake!
• To cultivate more friendships and do more social things - park concerts, festivals, theater productions, get-togethers, social groups, or just small informal groups.
• To become more familiar with, and involved in/with, San Antonio and its people. Why not take SA up on the shit-ton it has to offer?
• And of course, to grow our practice, help more people, get the word out, go gangbusters, and even start doing distance care!

* * *

In short, 2010 rocked, ruled, and shook the earth. It was everything I figured it would be (which was a LOT), and more! The Universe never fails to deliver, especially when you're 1) ready/prepared, and 2) NOT AFRAID. We took our first real steps this year, and we had some significant moments. Now we're going to go have more.

* * *

Music Bonus: The songs that told the 2010 story...

1. Ulrich Schnauss - "Wherever You Are"
2. Billy McLaughlin - "Innerstate"
3. Soda Stereo - "En El Borde"
4. Morcheeba - "What Do New York Couples Fight About"
5. Goldfrapp - "Alive"
6. Cafe Tacuba - "La Locomotora"
7. Bon y Los Enemigos Del Silencio - "El Gato"
8. Squeeze - "No Place Like Home"
9. Julieta Venegas - "A Donde Sea"
10. Julieta Venegas - "Sueno De Sombras"
11. Stella Starlight - "Don't You Forget About Me"
12. Basia - "Perfect Mother"
13. Gnarls Barkley - "Run (I'm a Natural Disaster)"
14. Gnarls Barkley - "Going On"
15. Michael Franti & Spearhead - "The Thing That Helps Me Get Through"
16. Zero 7 - "Crosses"
17. Jaguares - "Y Si"
18. Great Northern - "Houses"
19. Mexican Institute of Sound - "Yo Digo Baila"
20. Mexican Institute of Sound - "Mirando Las Muchachas"

An Apple(R) a day...

I kid you not, I'm sandwiched between:

1. my husband giving some poor Apple employee a 20-Questions interrogation on the intricate features of iMac accessibility and the remote possibility that the screen and OS can accommodate his low-vision conundrum, and

2. an earphone clad lad who seems to have a gamer's version of Tourette's

And through the din, clueless fossilizing Baby Boomers in scratchy demanding voices are making sure that hippy Apples can still wizbang their Microsoft spreadsheets together.

Truth be told, I'm one of them. I mean, not the Baby Boomer part, but there's something about walking into an Apple store that makes me feel like a cross between a premature granny and the faint distant notion that in a parallel universe I actually fit in with this crowd.

I am simply itching to leave the PC world. Crashes, "illegal operation errors", viruses, blue screens of death, and software bugs grew very old a long time ago. I've also since tired of the rent-your-software agenda, forced upgrades, exposed collusion between software and hardware manufacturers over privacy compromise, and registration processes that better resemble "mother may I?" groveling for parental permission. Let's not even mention the annual open-heart computer surgery in which my husband and my office are thoroughly occupied with defiant malfunctions that make no sense and tiny screws, at least one or two of which never seem to make it back into the machine. Don't ask.

What a pleasant surprise it was to me then, to walk straight into the Apple store and find sleek-looking toys, smoothed edged monitors with crystal-clear resolution, and a generous offering of downright useful software titles.

Price is another matter, of course. It's like buying SCSI versus IEEE. It's rock solid, but you will pay. The stark difference that hits you like bricks and then stares you down? You actually get what it is you're paying for.

I have a personal policy against getting my hopes up before the fat lady sings; after all, I don't actually have one of these yet. I salivate in anticipation, but I never know exactly when that day will come. An eternal optimist, I do keep in mind that our particular Christmas celebration hasn't happened yet. So maybe Santa will deliver after all; maybe he just got stuck with a "green" car this year.

I think my husband actually proceeded to a 21st question. But the gamer kid on my left is history; maybe the Adderal wore off...

A Christmas by process of elimination

It's Christmas morning. Some years, this holiday is bursting with energy and excitement; others not so much. This year is best described not by what will happen, but what will be left over after pointing out everything that won't. Not that that's a bad thing; there's still plenty to feel blessed for on a day like today.

We won't be going anywhere. Unlike the rest of the world, practically everything in San Antonio is closed. Christmas is still sacred here, so if you want to be entertained, it's going to have to happen at someone's house. This also means that I won't be working today, which is more than I can say for the Christmases past spent as a waitress in the bar scene--nothing is sacred in the bar world, and Christmas is no exception.

No one will be coming here...that is, unless our friend and massage therapist and her partner decide to bail on their get-together with the partner's bigoted family and seek refuge here. I don't see that happening, but you never know - it's a big enough possibility that the explicit offer was made.

It won't be a white Christmas. Not even after yesterday's cold rain did it even come close to freezing and snowing. Today is sunny and while we have our fair share of sunny-yet-chilly winter days in South Texas, sun and snow are not seen together.

We probably won't exchange any gifts today. With my lack of online-shopping savvy and my parents 1100 miles away, we decided to put presents off until we can all celebrate together when they return.

I'm not delving into any politics or personal rants today. Even Constitutional Patriotism and conspiracy theory need a day off. I'm keeping it light.

We most likely won't be doing anything involving church today. We find that spirituality and holiday celebrations hold much more meaning when practiced at home among loved ones. Sure there's something to be said for candlelight, incense, singing, praying, and shaking hands with the good-natured strangers around you, but we're feeling very low-key and individual this year and we'd rather celebrate quietly in our own way this year.

We won't be recovering from Finals Week today. Now that we've been out of school nearly a year now, scholastically-induced anxiety (be it studying OR test-taking) has finally drained out of our systems.

Well, that about does it. No working, traveling, shopping, or big get-togethers. Wow, we sound like a barrel of fun. But really, it's more peaceful and simple than that. Today, we're just existing, experiencing our many blessings in an immaterial way, appreciating each other for the sake of just that, and being thankful for what we already have, rather than anticipating the accumulation of more. (That will happen a little while later.) For today, it's all about the message, the vibe, the spirit, and the simplicity. It may not be earth-shatteringly memorable, but at least it won't be stand out for the wrong reasons either.

Renegade, politically-incorrect thoughts on cancer

Welp, since I'm apparently in the middle of a second wind (and here I was jazzed around 11pm that I'd be able to fall asleep early tonight), I reckon there's no time like the present to take a concept I'd been tossing around for a few months and reflect on it in greater detail. Bonus points that it's a taboo subject.

Before starting to write this post, I ran a Googler to see if anyone else (such as a healthcare practitioner or objective observer) had anything to say about this, and at first I was somewhat surprised not to find much of anything, but then I realized, who's going to admit in public that working with some cancer survivors might be a pain in the ass?

Oooh, I'm sure I'm going to touch a nerve with someone. After all, most of us have loved ones who developed cancer, and either they mopped the floor with it (translation: person 1, cancer 0) or the disease got them. I'm no exception; I've known multiple people who've had cancer. Some survived; some didn't.

After losing my uncle to throat cancer I became one of those who really kinda looked forward to working with people either battling cancer or recovering from treatment and preventing recurrence. After all, my type of healthcare really plays into wellness, prevention, and holistic functional support. That aspiration began to change after actually meeting some of them.

I was graciously invited to speak at a local cancer survivor group about my type of healthcare - what it was and how it could benefit my particular audience. I was pleasantly (and nervously) surprised at the extent of the turnout; the room was fairly full. The meeting went relatively long. That's OK; they were pretty much riveted. I fielded questions at the end; most of these questions were comfortable second-nature conversation material for me, while others were mildly more challenging.

All-in-all, they were a fairly cool group, except for one particularly miserable, difficult person who chastised me with her body language because I didn't have an exact step-by-step specific special "cancer-prevention" diet. (What did she expect from me besides, "eat plenty of fruits and veggies"? It's not like there's a magic cancer-prevention acai berry in the Andes that is known only to a chosen few and I was withholding it from her or anything.)

Or so I thought they were relatively cool. Then some of those patients actually came in. While this is never a bad thing (far be it from me to not get excited about a newly-submitted intake form packet), they proved to be almost more trouble than they were worth. I don't mean it quite as bad as it sounds, but we gave them everything we had and nothing ever seemed quite good enough.

I guess what I couldn't get over the most was the air of hostility. It was as if they had been wronged by every other practitioner in the city (and frequently, they had been) but were now seeking to get revenge on healthcare as a whole, specifically targeting their hostility toward us. The irritability was palpable. Although they were here for our help, they tied our hands behind our backs by saying x didn't work, or they weren't going to do y. Through the course of our experiences, many of them tried to practically run our practice.

That got me thinking. I realized most of the people with cancer that I knew (whether they had succumbed or survived) all had something in common. It's harder to pin down than a single word, but let's just say that:

• They have a hard time letting go - of the past, of control, of fear, of grudges, whatever.
• They're depressed and/or irritable - many are downright hostile. (Yep, I know I've already used those words - it doesn't do the situation justice to use them only once.)
• They harbor resentment toward something or someone, usually a close family member; they've never learned how to properly let go.
• They're frequently quite negative/pessimistic.
• They have a strong sense of what "ought to be" but they cannot accept the fact that things aren't that way.

This goes double for people who eventually succumbed. I've noticed that those who survived tended to share some common traits, too:

• They resolved their grudges and resentment.
• They've come to accept and even embrace reality.
• They've gone through massive spiritual transformations.
• Even if they suffer depression, they're not usually very irritable or hostile.
• They've come to realize that everything happens for a reason; they come to terms with their experiences, learn from them, and most importantly, MOVE ON.

This information logically begs a theory: mental and emotional "issues" contribute toward the development of cancer (through various physiological mechanisms), and that mental outlook and attitudes strongly influence the outcome of the case. This means that people aren't nearly as off-the-hook as we thought we were. Suddenly, those who develop cancer may very well share some of the burden of responsibility toward that disease process.

I'm not saying that genetics and diet don't play a role; they certainly do. But after what I've seen (and given what I know about the body and its biochemical processes and their documented emotional influences), I'm include to boldly theorize that maybe emotional/mental state plays a bigger role in many situations than genetics (and sometimes, even environment). The hierarchy of risk factors in my book goes like this. Emotional/mental state is No. 1. Second place is environment (which also includes dietary factors). Genetics? Dead last.

Which pins the lion's share of the responsibility toward cancer prevention solely on the individual. Which is also good news, if you think about it - if congenital genetics (the one factor we have no control over) are but a minor (relatively speaking) factor in cancer development, that means that cancer IS largely preventable. We can influence the other more significant factors.

So how do we start?

Forgiveness - by working through the emotional injuries inflicted upon us by others and getting through the resulting retaliatory feelings. By not creating new rifts by being cranky or difficult to your current social circle, which does include your doctors, whether conventional or holistic. (If you're truly not getting the care you need, find another doctor.)

Acceptance - by understanding that everything happens for a reason. It's not because God turned his/her back on you or deserted you. It's not because you're being punished (although what goes around comes around?) Rather, it may be that enveloped like a Russian egg doll in thick Wrappers of Suck, there may be a tiny little gem inside--a gem that holds an opportunity. This could be an opportunity to make amends, to learn something new, to begin a journey of self-discovery, to experience spiritual enlightenment, or a plain ol' second shot at life.

Diet riot

Dude. Is eating. Ever. FUN.

See, I started eating fat. Oh sure, it's combined with other foods like animal meat or vegetables - it's not just fat. But I've become downright insistent that I have at least a little extra fat in everything. Nothing is sacred, not even the morning fruit-and-veggie smoothie.

If I don't eat fat with every meal, I get hungry too fast and have to keep snacking. It's very hard to control blood sugar that way. It's also expensive - snacking means eating more food means spending more money. And it's usually premium-priced packaged foods to boot.

If I do eat fat with every meal, holy hallelujah! I get happy. Almost pathologically happy. I get energy. I get motivated. I have mental stamina instead of mental fatigue. My blood sugar stabilizes and I can make it through the afternoon like a golldang Energizer Bunny without nary a tummy growl. Not only that, but my food. Tastes. Freakin'. Awesome. I never thought beef, bacon, or stir-fry could have that much flavor. Oh. My. God.

And now I understand perfectly what the bacon fuss is all about. It's crystal clear. I had a "where you been all my life" moment before promptly devouring an entire bowl (steeped in extra fat, no less) in roughly 2 minutes. Time me. I dare you.

Now for the gross part. I learned the hard way that there is indeed a ceiling on fat intake during any given time. It's like drinking alcohol; you can have so much in your system at once and it's still pleasurable--but cross the line and suddenly things aren't so fun anymore. It sneaks up on you, knocks you on your ass, and before you know it you're praying to the Porcelain God. Don't make the same mistake I did.

TLDR; fat rocks - it's healthier for you than you think, so eat more than you previously thought was healthy - but don't overdo it.

But still, fat rocks. Rocks, I tell ya.

Stupid things chiropractors do to mess up their lives

1. Use terminology that has already been taken, and give it a new "chiropractic" meaning.
For example, the word "subluxation" really means "partial dislocation". It does not mean "spinal bone pressing on spinal nerve that destroys your life". What a DC (Doctor of Chiropractic) really means when s/he mentions a "(vertebral) subluxation" or the VSC (vertebral subluxation complex) is, segmental dysfunction or joint position error (that's the vertebral-bone-out-of-place part) and aberrant afferentation (that's the resulting general decline of health that the bone-out-of-place contributes to).

2. Neglect to learn (and own) functional neurology.
Chiropractic IS awesome and it DOES help countless people in ways that can't necessarily be explained. Many people come in to have their "back/neck popped" and over time, their digestive distress mysteriously clears up or they have more energy or they sleep better. Typical traditional DCs explain this in a variety of ways, but they all end up at the same (outdated and less-than-accurate) conclusion/theme: your spinal bones (vertebrae) are pressing on the nerves in your spine, cutting off communication to the rest of your body, and an adjustment relieves the pressure, restoring communication and thus function.

The big problem with that explanation is that, while it sounds good, it has been disproven. That explanation emerged early on in chiropractic history, with DD Palmer - probably 1910s-1920s-ish or so - and was completely dashed in the 1950s with conclusive, definitive research studies. Functional neurology, on the other hand, explains what is REALLY happening during a chiropractic adjustment, and how the changes happen at the level of the brain. The truth as illuminated by the most current research is so much cooler than the explanation lazy DCs are using.

3. Bash other practitioners, adopting an "us vs them" mentality.
It's perfectly OK (and in fact, a huge service to a DC's patients) to point out differences between natural/alternative/complementary medicine vs conventional medicine. It helps people understand the truth: that they are indeed being underserved by conventional medicine, and that their unaddressed or unresolved health problems are not all in their heads. A patient's chronic illness isn't a character defect that lies with them (i.e. psychosomatic, or whatnot); it's a shortcoming of conventional medicine, as they lack the tools to effectively manage chronic or mysterious disease/dysfunction.

However, when the bashing/difference-emphasizing becomes excessive, using strong inflammatory language or labels, coming across as too passionate or fringe, or starting to make irrational claims, the DC has gone too far. At this point, patients start to feel alienated. There may come a time when they need conventional medical attention, and they'll either 1) be afraid to seek it, having been brainwashed (by the DC) about how bad it is, or 2) they'll get the medical attention they need and be afraid to tell their DC. Chiro docs may ultimately shoot themselves in the foot, too; only 25% of the public has ever sought chiropractic care in their lives, and only 6% or less are current chiropractic patients. Meanwhile, almost everybody has sought conventional medical care in their lives, and many people are frequent customers. By setting themselves too far apart, almost insinuating a "DC *or* MD" ultimatum, guess which one the patients will choose if/when push comes to shove?

4. Establish themselves as an island.
People are pack animals. We work well in groups. Yet, DCs have this unspoken phobia about teaming up with other professionals, either fellow chiro docs or other types of healthcare providers altogether. The most common choices a graduating chiropractic student makes is whether s/he is 1) going to work under another (chiro) doc, or 2) start his/her own practice from scratch (usually as the sole doc). Note: I don't necessarily count working UNDER another doc in THEIR practice as teaming up, as the balance of power is nowhere near equal.

Going solo is expensive and worrisome. It's ALL you; you're IT. All of the pressure to generate revenue, and 100% of the responsibility to meet your expenses and pay your bills falls on you. When DCs go it alone, they're much more likely to get in over their heads and fail. You don't see too many solo practitioners of other types - MDs, DOs, PTs, etc practice mostly in groups. Smart DCs do, too - and when they do, they end up looking more professional. They look less like a shopkeeper-business and more like a legitimate practice the public can trust. And they save money, lowering their individual overhead by sharing space and resources--along with their costs.

5. Subconsciously believing they're entrepreneurs first and doctors second.
It's actually the other way around. Speaking of shopkeepers, DCs often tend to act like them. You can tell a struggling or not-quite established small business owner - they're always looking for another way to make money. Sure, we all are to some extent, but generating revenue consumes these people. You know the type - their wide-eyed, trying to be cool and confident, trying to be something they're not, the epitome of "fake it till you make it". When their landlord jacks up their rent, they freak out, even going so far as to work their worry into conversations with patients during patient visits. And then they start micromanaging their staff, pressuring their existing patients to bring their friends/family in (i.e. new patient referrals), and resorting to gimmicks. Yes, that exact scenario actually happened to us, when we were patients, and the guilty party was indeed a DC. Not cool. The doc actually lost our business over that. When the fit hits the shan, make lemonade, but don't start making your staff's and patients' lives miserable with knee-jerk reactions.

6. Allow boundaries to become thin, or cross them altogether.
And #5 leads me to my next point again. Some DCs become complacent, lose their professionalism, get lax, become chummy/chatty with longtime patients with whom they become more familiar, what have you. It's never a good idea to become too familiar or friendly with patients. Yes, patients become like second family, and it's OK to become close. Chiropractic is a touchy-feely profession, because to touch is to heal and vice versa. I get that. What's NOT OK is to start getting too personal in conversation or too complacent during visits, letting the chatting start to overtake the treatment and become the perceived focus of the visit. People are handing over hard-earned money to get well, and they'd like the doctor's focus to be 100% on what s/he is doing, especially while adjusting the neck. Be completely present and focus. And for the love of Goddess, never date the patients or start talking financial/business issues or personal problems. Ever.

7. Resort to gimmicks.
Incentives are a slippery slope. Some are more dignified and legitimate. Others cross the line and become stupid or even counterproductive. It's OK to offer a small discount when paying in cash at the time of service, to cut down on credit card/check processing costs or the time it takes to file the health insurance invoice. I can understand giving away the first adjustment or discounting a comprehensive new patient package. But there is a line. Some DCs see no problem with running "referral races", or contests among their patients to see who can refer the most new patients into the practice (by talking to their friends, family, and co-workers, or handing out the doc's business cards). I think that's one of those things that if done with dignity, can be pulled off effectively - but it is indeed easy to mess up. If the prize is too big proportionally to the practice, it spells desperation. If there's constant pressure on patients to refer and that pressure never lets up, that's a problem. A DC we had stopped seeing about 6 months prior actually sent us a letter in the mail with one sock with a face drawn on it. The letter said something along the lines of, the song is lonely and looking for its partner. The partner is here at the office. Won't you come back to us and join the socks together? Or something. It was meant to tug at our heartstrings, but we just threw the sock into our giveaway pile, hoping someone in need could pair it up. We actually thought even less of the DC after that.

8. Strong-arm sales / hard-selling.
And that brings me to my next point (I swear I didn't plan this!) DCs are great salespeople. After all, just how do you take an inaccurate theory, use it to justify an odd experience (from the patient's point of view, of having their spine cracked), and convince them they need to have this done 3x a week for life (I'm talking about the "principled, wellness" chiropracTORs here), and pay for it out-of-pocket (I'm talking to those adamant about remaining "all cash" here). To add fuel to the fire? The patient's results plateau after the initial improvement, and we all know it. To combat this, many DCs have resorted to throwback hard sales tactics from the 1950s. Many are offering pre-paid 1-year or multi-year plans (collectively known as year-o'-care plans among those of us who believe this approach is ridiculous, including myself). These chiro docs figure this improves their patient compliance because it's a lot tougher for the patient to get their money back once they've already paid. (Hint: the first part is true - patients do comply - but the second part is completely false - patients can indeed get their money back for unused visits if they discontinue care before the year is up.) Oh and one more thing - I really would rather not see a single chicken dinner for the rest of my days. WLP affiliates, I'm talking to you!

9. Try to make someone in pain "value" their adjustment by not adjusting them today.
Don't drag out the ROF 2, 3, 4 visits or tell someone in pain that they have to wait until the 2nd/3rd visit to get adjusted, especially if for no other reason than to make them "value" the adjustment. Here's a thought - imagine you wrecked your back. You can still walk and control your bladder and everything, but it hurts like hell. You've heard horror stories about chiropractors but you figure you'll take your chances, because after all, the aspirin isn't working. You call around, you schedule a visit, you show up, and the DC does an exam, maybe x-rays, and spends an hour and a half babbling about the subluxation complex and how he doesn't treat pain, but he promotes WELLNESS. Meanwhile, you haven't gotten any relief yet. Oh, and today's visit will be a couple hundred. And? "We don't adjust on the first visit." No reason given, other than maybe something about value and/or compliance...if you're lucky enough to get any explanation at all. You want to scream. You want to pull your hair out. Hell, you want to pull HIS hair out. Don't be that doc. Seriously. Attempting to indoctrinate patients, especially before giving care, reeks of cultish antics.

10. Inadvertently refer to themselves as "chiropractors" and MDs as "doctors".
Used in a sentence: "chiropractors don't prescribe medications - you'll have to go see your doctor about that." Wait a goddamned minute - we're doctors too, right? Didn't we go through 8 years of hell (the same 4 years of undergrad with the same science prerequisites, followed by the same 4 years of intense academic hell, complete with residency/internship?) Hmm? Did we not all take our multi-part board exams and our state jurisprudence exams and obtain state licenses? Does our degree not say "DOCTOR of chiropractic"? Do we not refer to our clientele as "patients"? (Please tell me you're not one of these "Practice Member" hooligans...please.) Alrighty then. In fact, I correct people. I say, "Doctors of chiropractic prescribe nutritional supplements, but not pharmaceutical medications; you'll have to see your medical doctor about getting a drug prescription." Doesn't that sound more dignified and professional? We teach people not to think of me as one who plays second fiddle, and every DC should do the same.

11. Have an open adjusting room.
Oh my, this is one of my pet peeves. Like it or not, DCs are doctors who render treatment to patients. Because many of them have acted strangely (making advances toward attractive patients or adjusting side-posture on a GOWNED patient, just to name a couple), we tend to get sued or at least live in fear of being sued. Enter the open adjusting room, accompanied by the misconception that it solves all potential legal problems. It doesn't. What it DOES do, however, is make patients feel open, vulnerable, and uncomfortable, because others can watch them be adjusted. It DOES make a patient feel self-conscious, and it DOES make them tend to avoid telling you about important information, such as the migraine accompanied by diarrhea that came on the night after their previous visit. You might want to know that. But with an open adjusting situation, they may not want to tell you. We're doctors - be professional and have private treatment rooms like patients expect at doctor's offices.

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I'm not trying to rip on DCs. Really, I'm not. It's a fantastic profession, known to produce miraculous results. It wouldn't have survived 115 years if there hadn't been something to it. To this day, people swear by their chiropractic doctor. I'm proud to be one. Today's tirade was brought on, however, by all of my experiences, as well as stories other people told me. This is by far not an exhaustive list. I've heard of DCs adjusting strangers while drunk in Vegas bars, causing permanent serious damage and then disappearing into the night without a trace. For every one of those stories, there are hundreds of others about people walking without canes, sleeping through the night for the first time in 30 years, digesting their food better, watching their child's ear infections or asthma/allergies evaporate, recovering from colds and flues faster, or their migraines disappear.

It is my heartfelt desire to see DCs fit more into the last few sentences of the previous paragraph and the annoying habits in the rest of the post become a thing of the distant past.

A tale of 2 seminars

They say the best doctors keep learning, and hopefully that applies to me--even if not today, maybe someday soon. The area of study upon which I have focused a fresh set of crosshairs involves a cross between two desires: to further my intellectual arsenal (translation: more knowledge = better patient care) and to protect my dream and its happy manifestation from the clutches of those not-so-subtly waiting in the wings to take it away (TMA vs TBCE, anyone?).

Every smart endeavor is preceded by good research, and I did my best. I've already discovered little speedbumps and potholes along my road (a little early for that, no?) but much like the experience of buying our awesome pickup from an extremely shady dealership, every intuitive fiber inside us said "yes". Alrighty then.

This isn't a tiny feat. It'll take me at least a year and cost several thousand. I'll be studying...a LOT. (Not that that's a new thing by any stretch.) And obtaining my new certification is just the beginning; there's a shit-ton of continuing ed. One such jump-through-me hoop makes sense, even if it's semi-burdensome--to attend an annual national and international conference. To further evaluate exactly what I'd be getting myself into, I took a gander at the topic lineup.

I wasn't disappointed. In fact, it was right up my alley. A three-day intensive that soared to near-utopian heights. Scorcher titles included:
* "Problematic Pain Medication Use vs Alternative Substitutions"
* "Predictive Antibody Arrays: Identifying Autoimmune Disorders At Their Earliest Stages"
* "The Search For Buried Clues In Breast Cancer: Osteopetrosis & Multiple Sclerosis"
* "Integrative Biophysics: The new Emerging Frontier"
* "Mitochondrial Dysfunction and Degenerative Disease: Macular Degeneration and Memory Disorders"
* "Hormonal and Dermatitis Issues in Gluten Sensitivity"
* "Toxicity Evaluations and Therapeutic Interventions In Mystery Illness"
* "Reversing Neurological Trauma of Gluten Sensitivity"
* "Targeting and Solving Complex Insulin Resistance Based Issues"
* "The Slippery Slope of Sleep Debt and Other Sleep Related Issues"

How's that for a lowly nutritionist? (Tongue-in-cheek of course)

And then I checked my email account left over from school. In my inbox were not one but two promo emails from the school regarding their annual Vegas hoo-rah: PSPS. Ummm, yeah....
* "Parker First Day Procedures For Patient Compliance"
* "Secrets For Confidently Adjusting Children"
* "Secrets For Removing Quality Interference at the Front Desk: Increasing Your Healing Consciousness"
* "Parker Principles For Success, Health, and Happiness"
* "Turning Dialog Dilemmas Into Powerful Wins"
* "Match Your Lifestyle Choices To Your Genetic Blueprint For a Better, Longer Life"
* "The ROF That Sets You Apart"
* "Build An Amazing You: Create a Wow Practice"
* "ROADS To Success: Exceptional Staff Meetings"
* "Awareness of the Controversy of Statin Drugs"
* "Free Social Marketing Strategies To Build Your Practice: How To Attract and Retain an Unlimited Number of New Patients Using Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, and More"
* "Antidepressants, Children, and the Serotonin Syndrome: Children Are Our Future, Now Chiropractic Must Save Them"
* "Mastering Marketing Through Prosperity"
* "Expanding and Fulfilling Your Chiropractic Vision From the Inside Out"
* "Re-evaluation Reports That Create Lifetime Patients"
* "How To Reach Your Community Through Spinal Screenings"
* "How the Pros Attract New Patients"
* "The Four Secrets To Implementing a Compliance Program"

The best part is, these seminars fall into 3 categories:
1) Same old has-beens of chiropractic preaching the same failed message to a combination of new, unsuspecting undergrads, or the especially gullible who latch onto every enthusiastic empty word
2) Thinly-veiled infomercials for products (or occasionally, services), many of which have not been tested to back up the claims they make
3) The rare genuinely useful piece of information that contains no salespitch and is strictly relevant information. Of all the seminar titles listed (there were more I didn't list), about 3-4 fall into this category (and I listed some of those, to be fair).

There was a time when we drooled over stuff like this. However, that was in undergrad, long before we started school. The seminars were better way back when; although the speakers were the same people, they were fresher (and not just because they were new to us - they actually had a different, more vibrant energy). The topics were (marginally) better. We watched PSPS take a sharp abysmal downturn circa 2004 and after attending an additional seminar to give the preceding one the benefit of the doubt, we swore off all PSPS seminars until Parker mandated that all students attend (which should have been a clue in itself).

Folks, chiropractic doctors are indeed doctors. Why in all that is holy would they spend a large majority of their time learning how to package and market chiropractic? Hell, if chiropractic is so cool, why are they having such a hard time gaining acceptance from the masses? Why must they constantly convene (several times a year!) to convince themselves and each other how miraculous they are and that chiropractic's PR problem has nothing to do with the patient's increasing wariness of the Flying 7 with quickly-plateauing results and place the blame on "we're just not SAYING it right!"

The topics studied by the mere nutritionists are meatier, more intellectual, more clinical, and most importantly, more RELEVANT. After attending a conference such as the one described above, those people are going to return to their offices on Monday armed with an entire new arsenal of gunpowder - these people are going to be able to HELP people, to create real life-changing moments in peoples' lives. They've also made massive gains in national cross-disciplinary acceptance, they've tightened their requirements, and are gaining ever-greater recognition and scope of practice. Compare that to the doctors who are simply revisiting the same strategies they stumbled upon in 1895 and reviewing how to hard-sell it to an ever-diminishing pool of willing recipients. I believe the reason for all this can be found in the diametrically opposed mentalities summarized above.

Fringe marketer vs effective clinician: which one are you?

Circle of life

December 5th has been an interesting day for a long time. For my first 11 years, it was another day--nothing more, nothing less. Suddenly, it became an anniversary of up-shaking, unsettling, gut-wrenching tragedy as one of the most beloved people in my life thus far (my maternal grandfather) passed on without warning. And then it became a day of celebration, the anniversary of the birth of someone new, who would also become one of the most beloved people in my life: my husband. Since then, it has been a day of reflection, of birth and of death, and the whole circle of life, a concept so eloquently illustrated by "The Lion King". And so I reflect again this year, in my own way...

I reflect on birth; although I have no plans to have children of my own, I live vicariously through countless others, both friends-in-real-life and those I know mostly through social networking connections. I reflect upon a mother's joy, elation, and uncertainty. I visualize cells dividing, knowing exactly what to do, acting according to perfectly-coordinated precision, directed by something we can't feel or see. I celebrate the birth process, the decisions involved, the first breath and cry, the first closeness of mother to child. I celebrate the electrical signals, the neuronal connections, the ATP production, the processing of oxygen, the burning of fuel, all of that which constitutes life. I reflect upon the enormous amount of energy a being must conjure and draw upon just to initiate the process of being conceived and deciding to manifest a physical form. And I consider the courage involved in pre-planning what are often some horrendous obstacles and terrific challenges that that person must endure once that life has manifested and begun.

I reflect on death; the return of nutrients back into the soil for existing life to sustain and nourish itself. I reflect on the sorrow and grief of the surviving family members. I reflect on the violence that sometimes surrounds that death, especially of that of an animal in the wild. I reflect on the check and balance of the ecosystem, mother nature's insurance that populations remain under control within the right ratios appropriate to ensure survival. I reflect on the survival of the fittest, natural selection, the mercy the stronger sometimes show the weak and innocent. I reflect on the passage, the tunnel of light, the transcendence of the soul, the meeting with the Atman, the trial concept portrayed in the movie "Defending Your Life", parallel universes, reincarnation, karma and chakra levels, and just about everything else. I don't feel that we're judged anymore than we are forced to judge ourselves through the cause-and-effect laws of karma. I believe we rise or sink to the levels to heaven or depths of hell respectively as a personal level versus a geographical or vibrational commons, all again according to the laws of cause and effect that we have propagated during life.

Above all, I must remember to cherish today, because truly, it's all we have. Past memories and future plans are just that - they're concepts, ideas - ideas that we hold during the only time that is truly ours: the here and now. It's OK to spend these moments watching trash TV or playing a Facebook game, without guilt or feelings of waste. After all, it's every moment, even the tedious and seemingly pointless, that makes up a life. Not every moment must be considered significant by our judgmental standards; to simply have and experience that moment in the first place--THAT is significant in itself.