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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Every day I write the Facebook

I can't sleep just yet, I'm over 300 miles from home, and I neglected to pack my transdermal AdrenaCalm cream (shameless Apex plug--they deserve it).

So anyway, my phone died. It was a casualty of love and war in Texas. Well, in my living room anyway. Fine time as any to get a new phone. While we're at it, probably a good excuse to get an iPhone, which up until now, I had been proudly resisting. Yes, every so often the Sheep Demons rear their woolly heads and emerge from the floorboards to drag me into the current of the masses just long enough for me to get a spankin new electronic toy that I have no clue how to use. Regardless, it's (usually) fun and I look hip and cool in the process. Not bad for a temper tantrum.

Not to get all 7th grade on everybody or anything, but for those of you who use Facebook (I can't believe I'm about to ask this), do you notice that anyone who "un-friends" you is a little off themselves, on the hypersensitive meter? They're also the kind of people who score a little high in the passive-aggressive category. They drop off the face of the planet without so much as a peep. And honestly, it's not like we've had a confrontation of any kind, so it leaves me guessing. Did they get offended by a link I posted? Did they read a blog post they didn't like? Did they see a group or fan page they didn't like? Did I update my status too much, or maybe neglect to comment on theirs enough? Jealousy? (It's happened.) Who knows. All I know is that one minute they're on your list and the next, poof! Gone without a trace. And it's not like Facebook sends you a "so-and-so and you are no longer friends" message, either, so whenever your total friend count goes down, you're left wondering who dropped out. Or not. Maybe I should stop caring about that. After all, it's borderline petty, and it's not going to make a difference, because it's not like I'm going to change who I am. Fuck that. I'm not going to stop posting links, becoming fans of pages, airing out my opinions in my status, or tone down my personal blog (although I will absolutely separate that from anything professional). I don't think I should have to hide who I am because someone might get offended. I'm not going to go out of my way to offend or alienate anyone, or to piss off a friend or anything, but if someone wants to break off a friendship for reasons like that, then I guess we didn't have that great a friendship to begin with and maybe it's best broken off.

In related news, I've been on Facebook for almost a year, but I've considered paring down my profile. Maybe I don't want all those juicy details to be visible to the public (relax; my address is a PO Box and my phone number is a cell phone that's about to be discontinued). I know it's too late to clam up and go into Ultra-Privacy mode because I've already aired as much as I have and my profile is fairly extensive, but still...why let the problem continue? I've been considering containing the damage, if there is any. But where to start? I comb through the profile, truly asking myself if I want to share that particular piece of my life and whether or not it's harmless and more often than not, the answer to both is yes. They're not off the hook yet, though. They remain under scrutiny. I'm trying to figure out if keeping all that information on there is more trouble than it's worth, but I honestly haven't yet had any trouble. I mean, all the skeletons are still hanging in the closet, and I've protected myself from at least the novice stalkers (if the professional stalkers want you, not much will stop them, so worrying is probably a waste of energy). It freaks me out that people can Google me and find me like that. I kind of like anonymity. But I did opt to put myself out there. Gotta stay on top of those 20-year reunion plans, you know.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Open letters to various asshats

This is probably going to end up as part one of a series, but we'll see. One might say it's a continuation of an earlier rant. There are some people I'd like to say certain things to, but thus far I've only had the guts to do so in some very lucid (and therapeutic) dreams. So, I think I'll blow off some steam here, passive-aggressively, kitty style.

In case you start to wonder, I decided I wasn't even going to mention drivers here because they warrant their own special limited edition double box set, complete with exclusive promo-only DVD video trailers and rare collectible items. So, moving on...

Open Letter #1: To the religious evangelists
I'm not Christian. I have lots of friends and family who are, some devoutly so, and I totally respect them and their faith. They respect mine. It's a mutually respectful relationship. The problem arises when the more vocal of adherents attempt to convince me that their faith is better than mine. Following my pedestrian husband up the sidewalk to the grocery store on your bicycle, persisting to discuss Jesus with him after he has already told you he's not interested is not going to win you any additional fans. Neither is telling me you're concerned about me because I might not get into heaven since I don't believe Jesus was our savior. Thoughtful and well-meaning? Yep, absolutely. Appropriate or well-received? Not exactly. Besides--how do you know I won't get into heaven? I mean, we all have our guesses and gut feelings, but let's face it, not everyone knows for sure. One last thought, and I mean absolutely no disrespect to any missionary religion but it's my belief that if the religion was really that cool in the first place, you wouldn't have to spend so much time and energy (not to mention money) trying to convince people as such.

Open Letter #2: To the Whole Foods Market shoppers
Not that I'm perfect, but your collective personality is despicable. It starts even before I enter the store, when you ignore all clearly-marked crosswalks and stop signs and dang near run over me in the parking lot. It continues inside as you turn a relatively tranquil grocery store into your own personal Indy 500. You can't be bothered to look around corners; you just go, anyone in your way be damned. When you're trying to proceed down the same aisle I'm currently occupying (having to read every label is a time-consuming bitch), and I don't happen to notice you're there because you haven't uttered a damn peep, don't sit there and silently fume that I'm in your way. I'm hearing impaired and normally don't hear people coming up behind me. Would it kill you to simply say, "excuse me"? And while we're at it, when you do run over my husband's foot with your SUV-sized cart, would your life come to an end if you said "I'm sorry"? And last but not least, if the next item on my list is currently surrounded by a small crowd of people, guess what? I move onto the next item and come back to the other item later, when the crowd has cleared out. Please extend the same common sense to me; if I'm currently occupying a space you'd like to be in, please consider that there are other aisles in the store besides the one I'm standing in, and I'm sure you have more items on your list. You can skip the item for now and come back. Really. It won't ruin your day. And no, driving a Toyota Prius or Mini Cooper and claiming to have "gone green" does not entitle you to a g--damned medal that you can rub in the faces of those of us who wish to survive our car crashes and maximize such odds with vehicles that require V-8 engines. 'Kay?

Open Letter #3: People who won't tip
I understand the current frustration over tip jars popping up everywhere, and they are, even in places that didn't warrant tips in years past. For the record, I'm not talking about those; I'm talking about the stereotypical settings in which the acceptance (and expectation) of tips is a well-established custom. When you go to a sit-down restaurant, for example, you leave a tip for your server, typically based on a percentage of the total bill, a percentage which hovers around 15-20% but can go higher or lower depending on the quality of service you received. Those of you who are on the warpath, crusading against the institution of American tipping customs, get a life and either cough up a few bucks for the (typically) hard worker at your beck and call, or take your sorry ass somewhere else. (There are literally thousands of restaurants at which you are completely off the hook for living any kind of tip.) Yes I understand that it's not your problem that servers have to sometimes pay taxes on money they didn't actually make, or that they have to pay the restaurant's other staff themselves (heaven forbid the owners take the tax write-off to pay their own employees!), or the fact that despite the federal minimum wage increases, this has largely not benefitted those considered to be in tipped positions (they still get paid a measly $2.13/hr). However, it is important to consider these aspects before you run your mouth, making yourself look like a complete jackhole by claiming servers make a boatload of money every night. Inconvenient fact: they usually don't. It can indeed be a sustainabl (even decent) living, but it doesn't come without hard work and headache, usually from dealing with the same douchebags who pay the least for the service. You complain about having to tip any extra and you think that the United States should institute European tipping practices. Cool! Let's do that. Knock yourself out. That way, you automatically pay extra for your meal (a portion of which goes toward a fair wage for the server) no matter what the quality of service, and it's no longer voluntary, being built into the cost of the food and all. That way, at least the server (who has been tipping out the rest of the restaurant based on sales and not actual tips made), doesn't actually lose money out of his or her own pocket for the irreplaceable pleasure of waiting on you.

Open Letter #4: To the psychobitch that hit me on the Dallas North Tollway in November 2009
Up until now I have refrained from mentioning or discussing this, but now that all has been investigated and the issued tickets have been taken care of, I feel safe(r) talking about it. A little over 2 months ago, we were hit, quite deliberately, by some lose cannon in a car much smaller than our truck, who was not even occupying a proper lane, nor did she indicate a desire to make an actual legal lane change into my lane. Yes, this person inched forward into us (thankfully we were traveling at practically walking speed) until she actually made full contact with my truck. Psychobitch, here's the deal. You know what you did. It wasn't even sane. You know you lied to the cops when they had to hunt you down at your house after you left the friggin scene of the accident (hope you like the ticket that resulted and the ears-perked-up reaction from the dispatcher the next time you get pulled over and they run your ass through the computer). You claimed I made an illegal lane change and ran into you, but you know as well as I do that that's not true. You were playing cop by sitting on the right shoulder, trying to prevent people from illegally passing on the shoulder during heavy traffic. I don't like to see people pass on the shoulder, either. But you know what? I learned that if you give stupid hotheads enough rope, they'll hang themselves. It's not any skin off my back. So I sit patiently in traffic and if some dumbshit is going to pass on the shoulder, let them pass. One day there'll be a cop sitting a bit further up who will see the whole thing and nail their ass to the wall. Guess what else? You're not a cop. It's not your job to enforce the law on other people, only to not follow it yourself. Which you didn't, as you sat on the right shoulder without any legitimate reason, which you can't lawfully do in the State of Texas. And then you willfully ran into my vehicle. Please justify to me how that even remotely resembles any definition of sanity. How you still have a license is beyond my comprehension, because if I were a judge, yours would be revoked, permanently. But I'm not, so you're still on the road. Chances are, if you're whacked out enough to pull a stunt like that once, you'll likely do so again, when the sting of the ticket and its ramifications fade into history. But at least this time, it'll still be on your record. It ain't coming off anytime soon. And when you do this again, it's sure to raise some eyebrows when it comes back on the driver record check. Oh and I hope you enjoy the heightened insurance rates. It was a nice touch, by the way, how you immediately submitted a claim to my insurance company, and nicer still that you were rude, irate, and impatient with them as they tried to properly collect the pertinent data. Leaving the scene of an accident and then immediately attempting to make an insurance claim is a little fishy, don't-cha think? Especially when all you wanted to holler at me at the time of the accident was a demand for my insurance information. Not to mention that you didn't really have any damage to speak of in the first place. Nice try. I thought it was sweet justice when my insurance company denied your claim and told you to pound sand. Karma served.

Oh boy, this was fun. I have the feeling it's just the beginning...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Three cheers for the cavemen


My technological curve is longer than most. Some laugh at me for being "behind the times", and maybe it's just coincidence that these same people are invisibly chained to their technotoys, these various devices running practically every aspect of their lives in such a way that the most totalitarian of government dictators would envy.

It all started in 7th grade when I dang near missed the boat on ever understanding computers. Up until then I literally shook inside at the mere prospect of occupying space within spitting range of a computer; I was so certain I was going to screw it up. As much of royal pain in the ass as it is to have to handwrite everything, I still much preferred it. Fed up with me monopolizing our phone line, my parents had my own private line installed and with it, a phone/answering machine combo. It used microtapes (remember those?). I was in heaven. By then I was also comfortable routing my Nintendo through my VCR into my TV, but that was as far as it went.

These days? Ha. I have never sent a single text message in my life, and I am damn proud of that. I even had the texting feature turned off completely. Hell, I don't even like owning a cell phone. I got dragged into the cell market kicking and screaming in 1999, and as a massage therapist and a resident with a patient load (as I was, up until recently), it was a begrudging fact of life. I despize the fact that I can't get one without a camera on it. Our answering machine doesn't even work, and I'm not in a hurry to fix it (those close enough to be privy to the home number definitely know our cell number, which has voice mail). We don't use a microwave; I'd opt for a fire pit if I didn't live on less than one-fifth of an acre surrounded by nosy neighbors. I didn't get a my first CD player until late 1991, our first DVD player until 2003 and I'm putting my foot down on Blu-Ray, boycotting it completely. And screw Blackberry, iPhone, and every other "smart"-phone knockoff.

I don't trust a lot of techology. Nanotech and biotech are just plain freaky shit that we shouldn't even be dabbling in, much less screwing with. I'm holding out against HDTV as long as I can; after all, they doubled the cycles per second from 60 to 120, and yet it's not like the picture got that much better, so what are they using all the extra frames for? Cell phones and new cordless phones cause DNA changes in your brain cells in as little as 10 minutes and are now the number one cause of acoustic neuromas (tumors of the auditory nerve that comes off your brainstem and allows you to hear). And GPS? Forget it. I buy map books and study them...prior to beginning my trip.

As for computers? As much as I can be seen on one or at least with one in tow, and as much of my life as they occupy, I honestly don't like them much. They're one of those concepts that looked better on paper. Maybe they were more reliable back in the era of the ENIAC (if you have to ask...) but everything went to shit as soon as Bill Gates touched it. DOS wasn't so bad (I finally did learn to navigate and administer DOS) but everything since then shouldn't be dignified with the rest of a sentence. Hell, I even get irritated at the automated features in Microsoft Word. I didn't even get on the internet until late summer 1998 and I didn't get my first Ipod until last summer. I'm not (at least yet) on Twitter. I've abandoned MySpace. I had said to hell with Facebook, but when my semi a-social husband joined, I figured what the hell.

Today my computer malfunctioned once again. My husband (non-sacrcastically aka Mr. Wizard) has ruled basically everything out. Then he mentioned that sometimes electronics will grow hairs in their electrical components. Yep, apparently the electrons zig-zagging back and forth during electrical activity leave a tiny residue in their wake and this piles up, over time forming a small strand mere nanometers thick. Sometimes these strands eventually build in the way of other electrical impulse traffic and short all or part of the system. Dammit. Figures. Ugh. Times like this make me want to go back to slates and chalk, except that I have an aversion to dust. So here I sit, in a state of flexor dominance that would have my neurology professors shaking in their boots, in my comfy recliner with my other (working) computer on my lap.

So what do we do instead? I dunno. Talk on the phone. Write a letter. Keep a journal. Meet up with friends--gasp--face to face. Celebrate holidays with your family. Take pictures, with a real camera (not crappy pics with your phone). How nice it might be, to time-travel back to a time waaay before electricity. Sure, our paleo ancestors are running from tigers, still a few rungs from the top of the food chain, but how are we much different? An overbearingboss here, a psycho driver there, all of whom seem hellbent on swiping the last bit of your sanity from your clutches. At least the cavemen didn't also have an electric bill, whereas we simply add insult to injury: live and die by the inbox or newsfeed and then pay for it (dearly) through multiple pricey services.

Time for the piece of technology I appreciate most at this point in my circadian rhythm: the Select Comfort Sleep Number mattress.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My life in 30 songs...

Have you ever really listened to a song describe a unique feeling or situation and think to yourself oh my God, I could've written that! And then feel all eerie because you didn't think anyone felt quite that way but you? I know it's happened to me, more times than I care to count. I'm feeling kinda brainstormy tonight, so I'll list off a few here, just for fun, in no particular order.

Our Lady Peace - "One Man Army"
Pat Green - "Southbound 35"
Curve - "Coming Up Roses"
REM - "Carnival of Sorts" and "Wrong Child"
Chris Rea - "Looking For the Summer" and "Texas"
Collective Soul - "The World I Know"
Levellers - "One Way of Life"
Harry Chapin - "Cat's in the Cradle"
Queensryche - "Resistance" and "Anybody Listening?"
Alice Cooper - "Wind-up Toy"
Sinead O'Connor - "You Made Me the Thief of Your Heart"
Rush - "Roll the Bones" and "Dreamline"
Duran Duran - "Too Much Information"
Matthew Good Band - "Everything is Automatic"
Live - "Lightning Crashes"
Chagall Guevara - "Murder in the Big House"
Deric Ruttan - "Take the Wheel"
Wallflowers - "One Headlight"
No Doubt - "Just a Girl" and "Simple Kind of Life"
Pearl Jam - "Rearview Mirror"
Splashdown - "A Charming Spell"
The Who - "Won't Get Fooled Again"
John Mayer - "No Such Thing"
The Cure - "Lullaby"
James - "Born of Frustration"

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The hardest to achieve is the least complicated


Everybody knows that moving is a royal pain in the ass. It's one of those things that instantly initiates an autonomic stress response; it takes you back to all the times you had to do it and you feel this mix of sentiments for those who have to do it now: you're happy for them and yet you feel sorry for them because you know what an undertaking this is.

It's one thing when you're moving up in size...it's quite another when you're going the other way. I'm currently trying to move from a spacious 1900-ish square foot 3 bed/2 bath house into what will most likely be a 2 bed/2 bath 900 square foot apartment. Yikes indeedy.

A packrat like me has no business owning a house that big. For what seemed like eternity, we used the place as a med school crash pad, finding ourselves in the frustrating position of being home just long enough to mess things up, but not long enough to tidy back up again (not to mention our energy levels were somewhere south of zero, filing the entire idea of cleaning under "hopelessly not gonna happen".

I also have this other annoying little problem of not being able to politely decline when people want to give me stuff. I do sincerely appreciate their generosity. Half the time, it's actually something I can use. But the other half consists of times when I've been too shy to say no when I should have. Mind you, I'm not a Hoarder...at least, not yet, and I'm doing my damnedest to keep it that way; the important difference is that I do have standards. Not only that, but the semi-annual closet cleanout is a sacred ritual, and part of my post-doctoral therapy.

As much as I dread the fact that I am going to be an emotional wreck when leaving our house for the last time, I also look forward to the idea of slimming down and simplifying our lives. I look forward to scaling back to a skeleton inventory of core items we use every day, and filtering through the rest, donating what we're realistically not going to use and sealing the rest up for some long-term lukewarm storage for a few years while we muster up the courage (and capital) to buy a house again.

For now, I'm OK with the idea of living smaller. We're not trying to idolize IKEA ("Look! A family of 4 can live in 148 square feet!" Well, not bloody likely, unless they're midgets or clinically insane), but at the same time, the girth of our place has outgrown our ability to maintain it properly. A 900-sq ft apartment can still give us plenty of room to live day-to-day and all the practical usable space we're used to, and yet it's half the space to have to clean and a place for only half the stuff that up until now, we've had to devote mental time and energy keeping track of....energy that should instead be channeled into the practice that's about to be born. Those future patients deserve the undivided attention of two down-to-earth docs living modestly, liberated from excess material burdens. Maybe as the practice flourishes and we can afford another house, we could also afford someone to help us keep things neat and clean. Maybe we could even barter with a patient for that service. Until then, though, we'll enjoy our simplicity and we'll just have to work a little harder at politely saying no. :)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The early worm is for the birds


You know the song; it's every 18-year-old's anthem, by the Soup Dragons. It goes, "I'm free/to do what I want/any ol' time" and boy howdy if it didn't hit the mark tonight.

See, graduation was somewhere around a month ago. We've definitely gotten used to the fact that we'll never have school again. Seminars, weekend training, perhaps a 5-day intensive every so often, sure, but not school. For the last 4 weeks, we've been either slaving to the grind in San Antonio trying to find a home base for the practice, or we've been at home downloading albums of new flamenco and watching Cops 2.0 reruns (whilst trying our damnedest to ignore the annoying RSS-feed-like crap across the bottom one-third of the screen).

What I didn't anticipate was this resurgence of new-grad relief and euphoria that hit me this afternoon, quite out of the blue. I had lost track of days (OK, I lost track of an entire week, but who's watching?) and I sort of thought that it was only January 3rd, so when of the former professors I had friended on Facebook started posting "back to school tomorrow"-esque comments in their statuses, I did a double-take. First off, it's that time already?? And second, holy shit! For the first time since I-can't-remember-when (at least 8 years), I'm actually off the hook! That's right, folks, I don't have to scramble at the end of the night tonight because I procrastinated gathering all my school stuff together. I don't have to strategize any manipulation of my body clock to force me to become ready for sleep ahead of schedule. I don't have to set an alarm tonight! And I don't have to wake up at the butt-crack of dark tomorrow morning to go fight traffic just so I can fall asleep through some more classes. And guess what? I won't have any new professor-prepared books of class notes (well, Power Point slide outlines) to sift through to see what sort of a trimester butt-kicking I'm about to receive. And as the week goes on, I won't have to feel guilty about the increasing pile of material I have to study. I don't even have to get in touch with a roster of people to line up appointments (although I do miss treating, and I look forward to starting again). I don't have to lug big heavy backpacks, clinic binders, exam bags, computer laptop backs, or lunch containers over my shoulders. I don't have to surrender the back seat of my truck to a bunch of crap that should, by all rights, have its own safe space at a building other than my house.

Nope, I get to keep watching Cops. While picking out a second movie. And eating that second bowl of ice cream. Because I can. And probably somewhere around 1am, after passing out at the computer for about 45 minutes, I'll wander into the home office and check on a couple of downloads, maybe move a few files or burn a CD-R or 5. When I'm good and ready, I'll go to bed. Of my own free will. Probably sometime around 3am; that's the usual these days. I'll set an alarm, but only because I don't want to end up feeling like I've wasted the day tomorrow. I'll still snooze the hell out of it, though. Because I can.

The cats are tickled pink. My husband is tickled pink, because he's in the same boat. I'm tickled pink. I know these Lazy Days of Slack won't last forever; hell I'm probably the most keenly aware of that fact than anybody. But I do know that they're here now. For the time being, we're sort of beholden to no one, and we have complete control over our schedule. I wonder if this is what being retired is like? You lose track of days (or weeks) and look at each other and say, "well? What do you want to do today?" I could definitely get used to this.

Heh, I say that now, but I'm one restless chica. I couldn't just sit around like this perpetually. I'd get bored inside of another month, if not sooner. No, I'm giving myself license to do this now because I just got my ass kicked for the better part of 8 years. I became a doctor, earned 2 BS degrees, obtained and maintained a massage therapy license and additional NMT certification, started a massage therapy practice from scratch and built that while simultaneously working at another facility, AND doing all the driving for 2 people working different schedules at different places. And during undergrad, we often attended 2 separate campuses at a time. In short, I both deserve and desperately need this time off, and ditto for my husband, who did pretty much everything I did, and for just as long. We also know that this is the calm before another storm, the "Taking San Antonio By" storm. We have a hell of a road ahead of us, meeting people, making connections, developing relationships, acquiring patiets, diagnosing and treating them properly, meeting and exceeding our expenses, enduring our commute, and maintaining our sanity in the process. Yep, tall orders. My life has never known anything else. So I'm enjoying it while I can, knowing that even though it's for a limited time only, it is pretty damned liberating.

Now where is that ice cream scoop?

Saturday, January 2, 2010

2000-2010: My spacey odyssey


Lest I not forget, we closed out an entire decade on Thursday! That one kinda came out of nowhere. OK fine, the nerd in all of us will say, "well, technically, the decade starts next year..." but ignorant pop culture likes to call the decades as the numbers change, which isn't necessarily congruent with technical reality. I'm going to go along with society on this one, for once in my life, and call yesterday the start of a new decade.

Time and probably a gazillion more media are predictably going to run their Decade-In-Review-themed time capsules, and in the exhibition of a rare Sheep Moment, I'm going to follow suit, only with my spin on things. Voyeuristic? Perhaps. I'd like to think not; I'd like to think that I simply offer a perspective, that I calls 'em as I sees 'em, and that reality is essentially a collective experience as perceived by the aggregate of individuals. I'm just but one individual, nurturing my inner couch potato while spilling my life experiences to the whole world.

So whaddaya say?

A long time ago in a galaxy near you... New Year's Eve 1999: My now-husband and I, still a fledgling couple, sat in his warm Anoka apartment and placed half-assed bets on whether or not the world would simply nuke itself. The Ensure hoarders, I'm sure, were inwardly disappointed; about the worst thing that I can remember happening is that the phone lines didn't work for a few minutes, probably due to the load on the system. Yay panicked freaks.

A move (back) to Texas in March 2001 proved probably to be the highlight of the decade, because it's simply where we belong. We returned home and we're tickled pink about it. Our home state has received us very well, too. We snuggled right in. Keeping consistent with nearly all things monumental in our lives, it was bittersweet, for our cat of 15 1/2 years passed away a month before the move.

I wound my way through dead-end and modestly-paid waitressing jobs in various bars and restaurants for the first couple years of the twenty-ohs. I supplemented where I could with whatever opportunities presented themselves at the time: construction, mall retail, election judging for my local voting precinct, you name it.

In 2002, we adopted our first cats together. Not far into 2003, our boy cat, then 7 months, was found to have elevated liver enzymes (meaning faulty liver function) and was given till about age 2 to live. Never being the type to simply accept news like that, we did everything we could: we changed his food, which normalized his liver enzymes completely, and then we started getting them adjusted by a vet who also does spinal chiropractic adjustments, and I couldn't believe the change I saw. His health not only recovered from where it had been, but improved even greater.

The year 2003 was interesting. I was fired for the very first time, which actually ended up to be a blessing in disguise. In a fit of rationalism, I decided right then and there to pursue the massage therapy plan I had been considering and enroll in school in January. I also discovered Hinduism during a Comparative Religions night class in college, and began researching in preparation for conversion.

2004 proved to be an interesting year, as I clawed my way through massage therapy school--classroom and internship--while still taking regular college classes and working part time. I obtained my license late that summer and opened my own private practice that fall. That was also a fun year, in that I had what every bipolar wants: a state of hypomania.

The year 2005 started out with a bang: my now-husband confessed to me that we were deeper in debt than I had ever thought (he had always taken care of the bills so that I wouldn't worry, because I worry easily over money), and so I had to formulate our own debt-restructuring plan and pick up supplemental income. This was the first real test of trust, as I could no longer look at my then-fiance exactly the same way. This growing-pain-turned-turning-point proved to be decent for us in the long run; I boosted my income and built what became a thriving massage therapy practice, gaining lots of experience in many different facets that I benefit from to this day and will continue to forever.

In 2005, I converted completely away from Christianity (as if I ever really was) and instead to Hinduism. An Indian and born-Hindu friend of mine conducted a cozy, special unofficial naming ceremony. It was a casual and impromptu event, but every bit as special as anything conducted by Hindu religious leaders. Hence, I took the name Jyoti, which is a Sanskrit word for "light", which embodies everything I strive to be. It serves as a constant reminder of the goal of spiritual evolution.

My best massage year ever was 2006. Unfortunately, that was also my worst emotional year ever, as I reached the zenith of the depressive episode (half of bipolar disorder) begun in early 2005. It was very strange; it was all I could do to function and hold it together, and yet here I was, very decently successful, and as a fairly new therapist at that.

January 2007 saw us embark on the hellacious journey that is chiro med school. It was a shock to several different systems: nervous, GI, sleep-wake, adrenal, and more. I had a special relationship with Netter's Anatomy atlas, and even though we had envisioned the kind of practice we wanted, we felt perpetually confused. Surprisingly, the massage therapy practice really didn't see much of a decline until late July as the economy first started to soften.

My health continued to deteriorate in 2008. It was tough finding out that what I thought had been a temporary hearing loss due to a wax buildup in the way of the soundwaves reaching my tympanic membrane was actually, instead, a nerve deafness, which tends to be permanent. I also grew increasingly pissed at myself for the continuation of the annoying habit of falling asleep in class that magnified in 2007. I was irritated at the idea that I had missed any information.

Also in 2008, we started adjusting real patients. We had a caseload of a few files that we were responsible for. We had to examine, diagnose, and properly formulate treatment plans, and then treat accordingly. Although it was student clinic, with staff docs and their personal philosophies (that sometimes interfered with our ideas/standards of quality patient care), it was still all about real patients, and it was fun to see them get better under our care.

2008 saw both the birth of an intense interest in Wicca, and probably the most important event of the decade: our wedding! A beautiful and spectacular event, unlike anything anyone had ever experienced. Multiple ingredients came together perfectly that night, to create a complete aura around the entire room, one of magic, mysticism, and signficance. It was magnetic and exquisite.

By 2009, the last leg of our education, we had escalated into the rafters of the upper eschelon, safely segregated from the innocent, corruptible lower tri students. Life became less about grades and more about patient files. We were now treating real patients from the outside, and having to recruit our own. Some were skeptic, some more impressionable. We dealt with all kinds and we got to see a variety of problems. Not as much variety as I would've liked, but hey, it was something. Any experience can be decent experience. It's at least partly what you make it. We entertained the idea of relocating to Mexico, but settled on San Antonio, at least for now. We shall see.

Also in 2009, my parents broke their first bones ever, and boy did they break them good. Plowing into them with narry a tire's skid mark, a large pickup (ironically the same one we drive) completely blew a stop sign and slammed into them so hard that everyone involved ended up in a ditch on the side of the main highway, a 15-foot drop below the road surface. Spending 7 weeks bedridden, they were finally able to start physical therapy in a facility closer to home, only for Mom to develop a hernia and have to stop. I am extremely bitter about this whole thing--toward bad drivers, Canada (although not its individual citizens, especially those who are my friends and practically extended family), government-run vehicle insurance, socialized ("public option") medicine, and even cold weather (because it makes their joints hurt). My parents were forced to part with a large part of themselves--who they are--in the ditch that day, and for that I, too, will never be the same.

This year was interesting for many other reasons--solving medical issues, adopting Buddhism as another religion by taking vows of the precepts during the wedding ceremony (imperceptibly sandwiched in - how sneaky!), graduating with 3 degrees (one being a doctor degree), taking and passing boards, contracting the stomach flu, juicing, Facebook, working out, finding a mentor (!), reuniting with several old friends and contacts, and more.

We start the year 2010 with practically zero answers. As of now, we have no idea (yet) where in San Antonio we're going to practice. We have no idea exactly how our practice will take shape. We know we'll live at my parents' ranch, but we don't know for how long or where we'll end up after that. We don't know what it'll be like staying in San Antonio for longer than a week. We don't know how long it'll take the cats to adapt to the move. (Laugh if you want; it weighs heavily on my mind.) What I do know is that I'll be closing down my massage practice (and my role as an MT) for good. I also know that I'll hate to leave our house, but I have to get out of Dallas for the sake of self-preservation.

But really, it's OK to start out without any answers. This way, the slate is clean. Answers will come when they're supposed to. We'll be guided where we're needed. I'm not scared of the decade, I'm embracing it. I might as well; it's hurling at us at the same speed anyway.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Feliz Ano Nuevo (yes, without the tilde)


My dear Spanish speakers will get it. And hopefully, you'll laugh. As for the rest of you, wise up. :)

Well that (meaning 2009) was interesting, wasn't it? Let's cut to the chase: I bring you the highlights, a la Your Favorite Cat Lady...

1.) It has been a Year of the Miracle (AKA the Year of Immortality). My parents escaped death, coma, vegetative states, and paralysis, by the skin of someone else's teeth. A case against the Click-it-or-Ticket Seatbelt Mafia: listen up: my father is alive because he was not wearing his seatbelt. Had he been buckled in, his head would've hit the windshield so hard he would have died. Got it? He is up walking around with only scar tissue remnants of his wounds (and a nasty concussion, simply because you cannot get hit that hard, buckled up or not, and get away without getting one). My mother on the other hand, was buckled in, and not only did she suffer head trauma as well, but she had more bone fractures than my father did, and severe internal injuries caused by the seatbelt itself that caused serious internal bleeding and thus required major emergency surgery. And again, for the cheap seats: she was the one wearing her seatbelt. I also personally knew one other person who would have been alive today had she not been buckled up. So there.

Anyway, I'm beyond thankful that they are alive, period, injuries or not. By all respects, this is the holiday season that in many parallel universes, they were not around to be able to celebrate and by all rights, we could easily have buried them in May and have spent our first holidays mourning their loss. Miracles do happen, and my parents are proof.

2.) It has been the Year of the Diagnoses. Finally, I have at least a few key answers to several of the mysterious illnesses I mentioned struggling with last year. The first answer came in May, the day before my parents' crash: Meniere's Disease. Now, I have two of the three major criteria, but I am missing a key component, so I think that while we might be on to something, that particular conclusion isn't quite accurate. We shall keep looking.

Also, this year, I joined the gluten-free club. No, it's not a fad. No, it's not a choice. No, it's not easy. Yes, the decision itself was easy. As a result, much of my brain fog has cleared, my memory is slowly recovering, my ability to learn has improved, my mood has stabilized dramatically, and better yet, my night vision has returned almost completely after a decade-plus-long hiatus.

I also began working to correct my anemia by taking iron supplements more diligently, and boy has it paid off. Not only do I have more energy, but my mood is significantly lighter and my exercise endurance has increased a lot. I gained some weight, but hey--the neuropathies in my legs went away. Heh, win some, lose some.

I also discovered a keystone clue regarding the hearing loss: turns out that my father not only has it (and looks like he has lost the same frequencies as I have), and so has his dad, but so has my grandfather's practically-entire side of the family. The deafness is rampant throughout that limb of the family tree. So this whole thing is, in all probability, genetic. This is good and bad. First, it's good because it means I didn't do as much stupid stuff to myself by working in bars and talking on cell phones as I thought I had (although my cell phone ear is still quite a bit deficient compared to the other ear). However, the downside is that since it's genetic, the handicap is leans more toward inevitability and less toward my being able to influence it.

3.) It has been a Year of Closet Mexican citizenship. This year I bought Spanish textbooks from Half Price and broke out my 10th grade Spanish flashcards from 1993 and switched over Facebook and my cell phone all to Spanish, as sort of a full-immersion initiative. I also fell in love with a variety of Spanish-language music from both Spain and Latin America. My horizons have expanded a lot, and this is just the beginning.

4.) It has been the Year of Social Media. My membership on social networking sites thus far has been limited to Facebook (not yet Twitter, nor have I been real active on the cesspool that MySpace has become), but my Facebook involvement has probably been enough to count for all three. Facebook has been both annoying and fun. It's a great timewaster--it got me through several boring spring afternoon classes, and I've made friends with people I knew from high school that I hadn't even really been friends with at the time. The drawbacks come from cludgy slow servers and creepy targeted advertising.

5.) It has been a Year of Student --> Doctor. It's a slow transition. It takes a while to sink in. And of course, the underlying vibe is that "You're doctors now, act like it" on one hand (with all the duties, responsibilities, and legal binding), but "you're not doctors yet, you don't have a license" on the other. Ugh. Make up my mind already. Pick one, but you can't have it both ways. But they do, and who am I to stop them?

Regardless, I birthed and nurtured a caseload of patients, 19 in all. Of the weekly visits our 30-intern pod saw, I accounted for a significant number, (15-20% or so), myself. I'm proud of that, although it's small potatoes compared to what real practice will have to be like. But I had FUN with my patients; that's what really worked for me. We could be heard laughing down the hall. People who had known me before we started school came to see me in a whole new light, and I earned the I'm-a-doctor-now respect. It was kinda cool. I wish I could take them all with me.

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Now that I've looked back on where I've been, it's time to look ahead to where I'm going. Resolutions include:

What's in store for 2010? If I could answer this with any certainty, I'd be earning a side income as a psychic, but at least I can take some educated guesses. Sneak preview: the sale of our house and the move to a radically different living arrangement in a totally new city, the start and hopeful flourishing of our new practice. Hopefully, many new friends and contacts, good luck, fresh music discoveries, miracle treatments, lots of laughs, fond memories, good vibes, healthy bank accounts, well-functioning bodies and minds, and strong partnership. We'll continue with our neuro training, and maybe get my CCN and 100-hour AK certification.

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My 2009 Songlist:

1. Los Aterciopelados - "Complemento"
2. Zero 7 - "Waiting Line"
3. Zero 7 - "You're My Flame"
4. Fiona Apple - "Criminal"
5. Cars - "All Mixed Up"
6. Paramore - "Decode"
7. Los Aterciopelados - "Cancion Protesta"
8. Lucy Show - "Undone"
9. Chagall Guevara - "Murder in the Big House"
10. Kid Cudi - "Day n Nite (radio edit)" (dance version)
11. Tears For Fears - "Cold"
12. Soda Stereo - "(En) El Septimo Dia"
13. Manu Chao - "Me Gustas Tu"
14. Julieta Venegas - "A Callarse"
15. Julieta Venegas - "Eres Para Mi"
16. Mana - "Oye Mi Amor"
17. Los Aterciopelados - "Madre"
18. Cafe Tacuba - "La Locomotora"
19. Owl City - "Fireflies"
20. Nelly Furtado - "Maneater"
21. Mindy Smith - "Hard To Know"
22. Suzanne Vega - "Widow's Walk"
23. Madonna - "Celebration"
24. Aisles - "Revolution of Light"
25. Radio Futura - "La Casa Del Amor"

There ya have it - Hasta La Vista, 2009!