Zen moment

Did I catch a taste-test of nirvana? You be the judge.

As you're probably aware, I've started shedding unnecessary parts of my life, starting with aspects of my Facebook account. Obsolete political page after useless page and Mafia Wars-only "friend" after chiro-evangelistic marketing "friend", the stats are piling and the sellable content is dwindling. As you're also probably aware, it felt. Damn. Good. I felt lighter, freer, more personified and less constrained. Bit by bit, I took parts of my life back and reclaimed my sovereignty, not to mention gobs of spare time.

In fact, it felt so sublimely good that I look forward to tomorrow not only because it's 1) Monday and I love what I do and 2) another chance to contribute toward our income, but also because 3) I have another opportunity to simplify my life and reacquire some space and perhaps a little more sanity. I've got tidbits people have dropped off, such as health-related newspaper articles (those will be saved and probably aggregated into a binder collection), test kits from lab companies whose science and methods I question and will thus not be using any time soon, notes from classes and seminars, spare copies of paperwork (or partial packets), health class notes of talks I've given, and a whack of odds and ends being stored in the PT room. I also have office supplies, binder supplies, and things that need filing, like file checklists and copies of lab test results.

And then, I reckon the final frontier will be the apartment. We did our best to comb through everything before moving last year, but I'm sure we've got duplicate movies and I KNOW we've got old glossy magazines and back-issues of The Current laying around. I'm not yet ready to tackle the apartment, at least not yet, because part of that also entails organizing an mp3 collection that has been left relatively-unattended for the past year, always growing but not having been organized, and that's been held up by its rate-limiting step: the computer situation. I reckon maybe after I accumulate some inertia and self-initiative by addressing the more-manageable office, the apartment project won't seem so insurmountable.

I look forward to that experience, though. As daunting as it is, I remember the tiny taste of absolute freedom, suspended in sheer weightlessness, as I dumped byte after byte of Facebook data. I remember the glee that automatically came bundled as a welcome side-effect of feeling so much more simple, like my life was mine again.

And so I wonder, is THIS what Zen is all about, at least on a small scale? Sure, scaling Facebook back isn't exactly Nirvana (no, that would be giving up Facebook altogether, a step that for reasons I've mentioned before, I probably won't be ready to make for a long time). But effortlessly deriving joy from simplicity and renouncing aspects of life, could that be a small representative nugget of what this whole Zen thing and all of its positive press is all about?

Clutter bogs us down, trapping and enslaving us. We become not-ourselves. We get all complicated and we lose sight of what's important. Our priorities invert. We surround ourselves with the electronic impression that we're being "sociable" when really we're only further isolating ourselves with each passing day, the tipping point being when we pass up opportunities to spend time with friends in person because we're simply more comfortable interacting with their online essence from the comfort of the couch (guilty!).

But it happens on a grander scale then that. As we collect and complicate, our souls become imprisoned, much like on Hoarders. This happens inside and out, although the outward manifestation may not appear as dire a situation as we see on said cable show. Instead, our houses, cars, and indeed very LIVES take on additional clutter. With varying degrees of importance and significance in our lives yet occupying the visual field just the same, clutter begins to suck at our souls as we are forced to spend equal amounts of time processing that which is important right alongside that which is less so. In the process, our ability to assign proper priority dulls and we lose sight of what's actually important in life. The most dramatic end manifestation of this has already happened, whether in the form of people who become trapped in mounds of clutter decades old without any hope of recovery without serious intervention, or the woman who neglected her young child to death while she played FarmVille on Facebook. Something, somewhere, has got to give.

And so it starts with each of us. It's up to each of us to seek to reunite with that simplicity, that humanness ("humanity" doesn't fit 100%), that weightlessness. It's time NOT to be tethered to up-to-the-minute play-by-plays of 500 friends of varying importance. Spring has already arrived in San Antonio and while it's less exciting to simply walk out in the sun and look up at the sky without visiting links or checking out published stories on your News Feed, it's certainly more fulfilling, even if you don't realize that until the end of the day. A sunny day with trees and a loved one is far more miraculous than an HTML script (and a bad one at that). If social networking went away, people would notice and some would be devastated, but in the grand scheme of things, it wouldn't even register a blip. If the sun or clouds went away, or suddenly you couldn't take that afternoon walk, however, the ramifications would be far more lasting.

So appreciate what you have. Social networking (and other forms of clutter) are not Enemy No. 1 or otherwise evil. They serve a purpose, and it's a useful one. However, we often place them higher on the priority list than they should ever be allowed, and often at the expense of priorities that should rightfully claim the top slots. We often don't realize how much control these less-important aspects of life exert, nor how significant an impact their slow encroachment on (and erosion of) our lives can be, until it is too late.

I blog, I'm on Facebook, I'm on Twitter, and I'm on LinkedIn. I follow the blogs of several other people (shown to the right). However, it's not my life. Social networking overstepped its bounds a little and overstayed its welcome and now that I'm no longer mesmerized by the games and the apps and the constant guilty obligations to send hearts back to well-meaning friends who've saddled me with them, I can see clearly what real life is like on the other side, that Real Life that happens while we're all just watching it on the internet.

And for the first time in a while, I'm even looking forward to "cleaning my room".

Cleansweep Stage 2: Now with disinformation

OK, so I've been busy. I've de-tagged myself from dozens of photos (only 3 are left), obsessively locked my privacy settings down so tight Houdini would've been proud, removed my contact info (address and cell number), and deleted all my game apps (only 3 total, all gone now).

It must be the decreasing moon, which creates an ideal environment in which to eliminate unnecessary or unhealthy things from one's life, so I took the universe up on the offer. I combed through my "liked" pages (well over 600 in all) and I deleted well over 200. There are plenty left, sure, but gone are the marginal ones, the duplicate ones, the iffy ones, and the ones I couldn't remember "liking" and thus had no significance. I thinned out all the app requests from friends - the smiles, the hugs, the hearts, and the game and cause invites. They're sweet and I do appreciate the thought, but I'm now decidedly avoiding all Facebook apps except Who Deleted Me, which I keep around out of simple curiosity and ONLY because they don't ask for too much personal info. I combed through my friends but couldn't find anyone I wanted to delete, so I left that as is. I had already deleted my personal blog (yep, this one) from the website field and replaced it with our practice website.

So, now onto the next phase: disinformation. I changed my first name to my initials (which I could only do by hyphenating them in my first name, as Facebook is picky--dang near prickishly demanding--when it comes to names). Then I changed my birthday to my actual due date, which is 10 days earlier, and my birth year to 10 years earlier. I added my hometown, but entered the same city as that which I currently live in. This is partially true, on a certain level, because I do feel more at home here than I ever have living anywhere else.

I already spend somewhat less time on there, except to post useful links and a few status updates, and I don't answer any quizzes. I'm insisting that all interaction be personal. And...yeah.


Update 01-29-2010

Butcher's Bill thus far:
* 250+ "likes"
* 70+ group pages
* 1 group
* 15+ apps (blocked also)
* 150 game requests
* 85 app requests
* 3 games
* 5 "friends"
* Personal website
* Cell phone number
* Real birthday and year
* Real first name
* All but 3 tagged photos
* 5-7 apps blocked from newsfeed (past 2 days alone)

This feels *so dang good* it's not funny. At first, I was a little hesitant to give up my favorite game, Castle Age. They probably could've kept me as a player, too, if the game hadn't been so dang difficult (they were incredibly stingy with the energy recharging, the damage done to monsters, the progress made in quests, etc - it got to the point where it wasn't worth the time). I grew to resent the games - their pop-ups, nagging, constant hints at giving them your email address, "favor" points (also known as reward points in Mafia Wars or "brownie" points in Sorority Life), the chaotic home screens, the constant demand for daily attention, the constant need to grow your following by nagging your friends to play, the requests and gifts people bombarded with with and then expected you to return, the strangers sending you friend requests, everything just got old. I grew to resent feeling like a rat tapping a bar for a pellet. The game developers hired sociologists and behaviorists to collect behavioral data to design the game around what we would put up with (pushing that to the brink, of course, but never quite crossing the line). And indeed I felt like I had been studied and then manipulated. Not only did I ignore every game request/invite, I blocked the app (although *not* the friend).

Then came the "like" and "group" pages. At first I was hesitant to do consider eliminating some of these, too, but the idea grew on me as I visited each one by one, using the recent content to guide my decision to remain a member or ditch the page. If the page was well-supervised and the content relevant and useful, I stayed. If it had been taken over by Acai salespeople and work-from-home scams, I left. There's no need to have my name associated with that and run the risk of some scummy "fellow member" sending me Facebook spam or worse, somehow hacking into my account, hijacking my page, and stealing my info. Although I hadn't wanted to give any up at first, as I agreed with the spirit in which the page was created, I realized that some of them had been semi-abandoned and had started to grow useless, choking weeds. See ya.

Folks, I was awesome. It's been a long time since I'd done something so therapeutic. It literally felt as good as getting rid of real life clutter. I feel the same weightlessness and freedom, even though we're only talking about digital cobwebs. However, I do feel mildly inspired to do the same thing at the office; I have plenty of test kits and lab company literature that will never see the light of day otherwise.

Insomniac Theater

I wonder what the world would be like without those "as seen on TV" TV commercials. Somehow I'm not sure it'd be the same. But then I have to wonder if I'd miss them. Bogus commercials promising to clean out your computer viruses, decimate your love handles, furnish free credit scores, or land you some rock-star job after 9 months in a for-profit school.

Then again, surfing the channels during another sleepless night-turning-into-morning, I'm not sure the actual programming is much better. Hoarders? (If you've seen one episode, you've seen them all, so the marathons are useless.) The Real Housewives of (Insert Pathetic County Here)? Nah, not unless you like to listen to toxic, superficial drivel from toxic, superficial people. If I wanted to listen to that, I would've stayed in Dallas. The Nanny was never cool, and neither was The Wonder Years. That 70's Show should've stuck more to the '70s - it's so obvious that it's a show of the '90s or '00s trying to be '70s and failing. MTV doesn't even play music anymore and Biography gets all late-night fight-or-flight with its I Survived...

I have 3 criteria for shows, especially after 10pm...
1. The show can't be stupid. No poorly done sensationalistic shows about 2012 Prophecies or Global warming.
2. It can't piss me off or annoy me. (So, no infomercials or Investment Properties. Basically, anything on HGTV is out.)
3. The show must be light. King of the Hill, Family Guy, What I Like About You, Family Ties, DeGrassi, Ice Road Truckers are all good examples of something I can watch later at night, since none of those trip my subconscious panic response. On the other hand, CSI, murders, violence, ghost hunting, hoarding, Life After People, news channels, are all out. About as exciting as I'm going to get are shows about weather spotting/tornado chasing and Alaska State Troopers.

This only works, however, if it's not Sunday night with severely limited options. Sunday nights suck not because tomorrow starts another week (I'm cool with that), but because there's no hope for you that night if you don't get tired on time. You're at the mercy of those who don't seem to put nearly as much energy into planning shows for Sunday nights as they do the rest of the week.

*Sigh*. Oh well. Some guy is telling me about Medicare gap health insurance. It can't get much worse. Which means from here, it can only get better.

Operation cleansweep

I was net-surfing, and I came across a neat little blog-style website that blows the lid wide open on Facebook-related crap, whether the crap comes from Facebook itself (think repeated breaches of privacy) or from third-party sources like rogue app developers that trick you into allowing them to mine all of your data.

One of their posts was a warning about Spokeo. If you don't yet know about Spokeo, you should. Not in a shame-on-you way, but in a I-gotta-tell-you-so-you-can-protect-yourself way. Spokeo brags that it's "not your grandma's phone book" and they're right - your grandma's phone book had sane limitations and at least bare minimum ethical standards; these guys don't. You can find literally anything on there. The Facecrooks post takes the reader, oh-let-me-count-the-ways step-by-step, through the various search strings one could use and the various data each search returns. We're talking photos, blog entries, status updates, email contact lists, your personal contact info, your neighborhood's income level and average home value - you name it, it's there. Spookeo is more like it.

In my own mellow way, I freaked. Particularly when I ran searches for my email address only to find pictures of my cats and our graduation all. Freaking. Over the place. And I'm a fairly anonymous person. I had seen those pictures...on Facebook, so I freaked again, knowing I had locked everything down hard and tight a long time ago. But I looked at the photos again, and lo and behold, I was tagged in them by other people in their photo albums.

So I logged onto Facebook and started untagging and deleting. Gone was my cellphone number. Gone were my tags in photos. Out went the games, all 3 of them. At least I didn't still have my address on there. Castle Age was the only game I'll miss; I hadn't touched Mafia Wars or Sorority Life in ages. I was about to remove the fact that I was married, but everybody might've started to wonder about that and I didn't feel like explaining myself to 400 people expressing their condolences (or worse, cheering me on) that I was suddenly "single". Good God, no.

I thought once again about leaving Facebook entirely but quickly banished the thought. I'll stay on (begrudgingly) for the same reasons everybody else I know remains on a site so hideous:

1. I like reuniting and staying in touch with people I knew in high school without having to "Go Gold!" on a dumbass spammy site like Classmates.
2. Our family and friends are extremely spread out, and I'm a member of a younger electronic generation that finds Christmas cards (and other types of letter-writing) honorable but cumbersome. Hell, I'm horrible at thank-you cards, so you can bet how often I (don't) write letters.
3. It's a great way to stay in touch with ex-boyfriends who are simply platonic friends without appearing sleazy to their new fiancees/spouses.
4. We now have our own practice, a small business, and it's important to promote it. Facebook is one of the best (and cheapest) ways to do that.
5. You can meet other people and make new friends (which I have) by sharing common tastes and values. You can introduce your friends to each other without meeting in person.
6. I wanted to keep in touch with the gazillion classmates we graduated with as we scatter all over the continent (and indeed world) - makes for a kickass referral network without having to maintain a Rolodex.
7. It's a convenient place to keep stuff - pictures, info, etc.
8. It saved our butts in multiple ways when my parents were hit by a truck and we had to take off in the dead of night and make a 1426-mile journey to Canada. It helped us post updates on our own travels as well as their status/conditions once we arrived. It also helped us coordinate efforts and support among family and friends. And for that, I'm especially grateful.

So, I don't leave Facebook and I don't (yet) regret joining. Overall, it has brought me more pleasure than pain, although the pain's starting to add up. Facebook better be careful, because you KNOW that somewhere, some laid-off-and-now-useless IT professionals are moonlighting with a little CSS and whatnot and are building the biggest (OK, the only) Facebook competitor that ever lived. Not that I've actually heard of such a thing (I haven't) but I'd bet the farm it's happening somewhere. With any luck, it won't be evil. Until then, I'm changing or deleting any Facebook data I can part with. And I suggest that anyone who values their privacy (and indeed, possibly their money and/or safety) to do the same.

No rest for the Wiccan

As Beavis would say, "this sucks". I can't sleep (what else is new), I'm semi-congested, and all that's on at 3.20 a.m. on a Sunday night/Monday morning is a dork-ass animated show on Adult Swim that makes zero sense. Some cross between Oscar the grouch and a terrestrial starfish that wears a baseball cap with a peacock feather shooting out the side. And I thought *my* right cortical hemisphere could prime for takeoff on a dime. At least the creature can belch and say "son of a bitch". Silver lining and all.

Anyway, no opportunity should go unseized, so let's jump into a blog post and talk about something or something.

A few days ago, a good friend asked me about Wicca, and asked me to recommend some introductory books. I obliged and because I felt the force was strong with this soul, I complied with my inner urge to go a step further and volunteer some info I normally wouldn't. As I wrote, I thought to myself, you know? This might be a good blog post.

Now you may be wondering why the hell I would be so choosy about who I volunteered Wiccan info to and then go and spread such seed all over the internet for all to see. The answer is easy: this friend knew me by name. Most of the people we talk to actually know our names, if all is right in the head. I don't necessarily go around telling people I meet face-to-face about Wicca or the fact that I follow such a path. The internet is, unless you go digging, fairly anonymous. Yeah, yeah, privacy and all that. But most people aren't going to find my name connected with this blog.

So anyway...

First, let's talk about what Wicca doesn't mean, because there is a lot of false information, hype, and misconception out there.

To me, Wicca is not a means with which to manipulate or control the universe, your fate, your destiny, or other people. Wicca is not black magic, satan worship, devil worship, or evil. Wicca does not use Ouija boards or black candles (although we might break out the Tarot cards, astrology charts, and regular candles). We're not goth, cult, commune, or militia. We're not vampires. We don't drink blood, sacrifice animals (nor people), have wild orgies, or shun Jesus Christ. We're not possessed, mentally ill, or the antichrist.

So what IS Wicca?

Ask 10 different Wiccans and you'll get at least 10 different answers. This is because Wicca means different things to different people. See, while a few practice in groups (usually called a coven), the vast majority of us practice by ourselves (referred to as "solitary"). This makes Wicca a highly individual path. This individuality is reinforced by the concept that there is no organized hierarchy. No one needs to talk to God (or whatever you'd like to call him, her, or it) FOR you. You don't have to be baptized, confirmed, converted, or receive communion. There are no man-made rules, no man-made books, no let's-vote-on-how-we'll-write-history (I'm staring at you, Council of Nicaea members!), no one to whom to answer or by whom to gain acceptance or recognition.

So the more accurate question is, what is Wicca to ME? Each Wiccan (or aspiring Wiccan) needs to answer that question for themselves. I answer as follows...

Wicca is indeed a magical path. It's a very subtle magic - not the kind most people imagine - but it's very fulfilling just the same. To me it means feeling the palpable rhythm, energy, and magnetism of the Universe. It means being in touch directly with the source not only OF all things, but that IS itself all things. It means respecting and going with the seasons and life's up-and-down cycles. It means the ebbing and flowing of energy, and knowing what to do in each part of the cycle (because each has its uses and advantages) rather than trying to ignore the cycles and manipulate the conditions to my needs. Wicca for me is an appreciation of nature, as beautiful and ugly as it is. Whether living beings (human and animal) are making love, giving birth, nurturing their young, or fighting, killing each other, or mourning a loss. Whether a tree is sprouting or rotting, thriving or wilting, whether it's sunny or gloomy, cold or warm, windy or calm, dry or damp, whether the moon is waxing or waning, full or new... It's kind of like that song, "Turn Turn Turn" by the Byrds, they sing about a time for everything.

Wicca to me, is about accepting--and conforming to--the laws of nature, without trying to buck them or assert my own influence. Sure, I use electricity for light when the sun goes down and I sure as hell prefer broadband fiber-optic web access over smoke signals and Morse Code to stay in touch, but everybody's got to draw the line somewhere, and that's where I drew mine. I'm not claiming to be tribal or Amish.

What I do, however, is observe moon cycles and seasonal rhythms. I respect my own hormonal cycles, too. I eat Primal Blueprint-style meals made from scratch at home with fresh whole foods. I respect animals and I oppose animal testing.

But I am not vegetarian, because the laws of nature built the human body to be omnivorous, which means eating both plants and animals, to our peril if we do not. Wicca to me is a way of life, about accepting that for something or someone to live, something else must die. Life is part of death and death is part of life. The world will never be a warm, fuzzy place, but just because some concepts appear gruesome doesn't mean the world is a shit-pit, either. I'm all about putting an end to unnecessary suffering, but it's a mistake to think we'll end all suffering.

And laugh at me if you want, but I actually consult an astrological calendar before making big decisions. In fact, there are other activities that aren't necessarily significant, but I check at least the Moon cycle anyway - things like getting my hair trimmed or colored. Consulting such a calendar has not once failed me; ignoring the data on that calendar has failed me immensely, several times, to the point where it literally took years to recover.

So there you have it. As for spells and magick, well, I'm not quite there yet. My mind is open enough to accept the possibilities that those activities have merit, I haven't arrived at the stage where I'll join those ranks just yet. And I have serious doubts that those activities are what people think they are; something tells me they work vastly differently.

Ask me next year...and a day.

Blessed Be.

O'Bummer, Jobs, Healthcare, and You

It's official: the US Chamber of Commerce issued a warning that small businesses are capping (stopping) their hiring before they get to 50 employees.

Why, you ask?

Because if their payroll reaches 50 employees, the company suddenly faces a $3,000 penalty PER YEAR, PER EMPLOYEE if they don't provide insurance coverage (the cost of which, by the way, has skyrocketed, and Prez O'Bummer didn't do a lick of anything to alleviate that). A modest company of 200 employees would then face $600,000 worth of penalties every single year. (And what for?)

THAT'S why.

That piece of information showed up on a Facebook group to which I belong, and I fired off the following comment in response:

Hehe, yep. We opened a new alternative medical practice and we probably could've been in the market for an office administrator by now, but because of all the expenses and red tape, decided not to. As a doctor, I'd rather work MY OWN front desk than have to jump through all the hoops and costs to hire someone else. That's something to think about.

Don't get me wrong, regulations and protections are necessary, but the government goes too far and ends up killing jobs. Withholding taxes (the other half of your Social Security/Medicare/FICA) are huge expenses themselves and end up being an incredible deterrent to hiring anyone. Then I would've had to post an OSHA poster (even for 1 employee) that I don't even have wall space for. Sounds petty, but we're that small of a business, and the smaller the business, the more cumbersome the regulations and the more difficult they are to meet, so the less likely we'll be offering any jobs.

Then so many people ask about benefits. Employers DO NOT have the money to just pay out tons of benefits right now, but the expectations are there (I posted a position for a licensed massage therapist, independent contract arrangement, and you would not believe some of the responses I got LOL).

And now this?? Damn right, businesses are going to stay under the threshold to avoid requirements. When a short-sighted public elects dumbass leadership, the businesses will (as a matter of survival) HAVE to learn how to adapt (i.e. find loopholes). But close the loopholes, permanently lose the job as the company moves overseas, as so many have already done. It's not our imagination that more people are clamoring for fewer jobs - the jobs are gone and they're NOT coming back, because people expect too much and companies have to get lean and mean.

So yeah, this means that jobs are going to get added back even MORE slowly, because companies will do what they can to survive, even if it means hiring fewer employees.

My gut hunch is that we'll end up like Spain, where no one's an employee anymore, but everyone's hired based on a series of short-term contracts, run end-to-end so that businesses can shave some expenses by not providing benefits, guaranteed hours, sick time, withholding expenses, or other employee-related regulations.

In the end, we as the American public, ultimately get what we collectively ask for.

So...how's that CHANGE working out for you?

I did not have an anal probe

But I'm feeling bored tonight anyway (well, kinda - it's all relative), so I have just enough free time on my hands to do what I often do best: nitpick

A short list of random minor peeves that have come up lately (and sometimes, not-so-lately)...

Posting bit.ly or tiny.url links on Facebook. Yeah, I know that this custom was born in a Twitter environment, where each post had a maximum limit of 140 characters and long URLs added up fast. However, Facebook and every other site other than Twitter does not adhere to any such limit; instead, links like this make it tough to distinguish between legit links or spammy ones (or even viruses or ads). If you're going to post a link outside of Twitter, use the real, full link already.

The fact that TV commercials over the past 10 years have adopted a more variable catalog of music than the radio. I mean, I can't remember the last time I heard Young MC's "Bust a Move", Elton John's "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues", or Devo's "Whip It" on the radio, but I'm reminded of all the above as part of certain TV commercials on a regular basis.

Speaking of commercials, national ad spots that feature snow and sleighbells in South Texas as early as October and definitely in November. What they don't realize is that South Texas still sees temperatures in the 70s and 80s fairly regularly during that time - regularly enough to make us simply scoff at advertisers; national spot or not, the advertisers only appear out-of-touch.

Facebook's constant compulsion to change things. They had eradicated game invites from your notifications. Our individual profiles were easy to follow and they contained more information, which was neatly laid out in simple lists. The most recent status appeared at the top. The layout was fine the way it was. Then they had to go change things. The most recent round of useless changes kicked off with the FB Powers That Be combing through your interests, TV shows, books, etc, and adding tags to them. This added a link to that item's indexed Facebook info (which was usually lifted from Wikipedia). If one of your listed interests didn't match FB's database, FB tried for the next closest thing. As a result, a shit-ton of musical artists I actually liked, got somehow translated into artists I've never heard of, like DJ Hawk and A Road Less Traveled. Even worse is, anything that FB couldn't link to, it removed! And then they decided to fuck with profiles, and yes, what they did to them deserves language that strong. And then to force everyone into conversion whether they wanted the new profile or not...assinine.

Everything PC. PC Politically Correct, or PC Microshaft? Yes. (Both.) But my crosshairs this time around are reserved for the wanna-be deity in Washington state who stole a good idea, bogged it down with bugs, and mass-marketed it to every Wall Street, Madison Avenue, and CEO schlepp who wanted to be both stupid AND boring. Because they got duped, so did the rest of us. Suddenly, this abomination-in-technology became our standard, for Christ's sake, and everyone had to try and figure out what a C-prompt (and later, an "illegal operation error" or worse, the BSOD or Blue Screen of Death) was. Wow, I can feel my vocabulary expanding. It now contains phrases that were cryptic and frustrating before, and totally irrelevant now.

Crappy cell phones. Are we still stuck back in 1998? Inconsistent signals and bad audio quality were semi-acceptable then, as the technology was just getting off the ground. Cell towers were just being built and cell phone manufacturers were trying to nail down the details. But in 2011, it just seems like some aspects have gotten worse. Oh sure, our phones can now take pictures, play MP3s, store data, and surf the web, but the big question remains, when we talk, can I hear you?

Yep, that sums it up for tonight.

The day the music died

I was going to write another scathing post about how Whole Foods isn't all it's cracked up to be, but the follow-through passion just wasn't there tonight. Instead, playing with my Mac all week (and through the weekend) got me thinking about Adobe Pagemaker, which took me back to the good ol' days where I served as a deranged insomniac staffer of Tangents, my high school's alternative literary magazine (the only after-school program that didn't receive a lick of federal funding and yet turned out the highest-quality material you could imagine). Although I never used Pagemaker myself, as I was never involved in the actual nitty-gritties of the layout, I got nostalgic anyway. Of course, when our favorite neighborhood Mexican food haunt deviated from its usual character and started playing Fixx and the Cure last night, that clinched it. There was no going back.

As excruciating as those troubled, awkward, and inwardly violent that time period was (think "teen angst" before there was teen angst), I still remember it fondly, for the most part. I long for a time of quality movies and music made with the right blend of talent and creativity. Ah, yes - the music. It was a golden time period between the new wave of the '80s and the commercialized alternative of the '90s, long after Missing Persons and Men At Work and long before Green Day and Stone Temple Pilots, and it produced a magical bastard child of which to this day, I'm unaware of a name.

Artists like Jane's Addiction served as an elixir that played to our primal, tribal energies. The Cure provided orchestral enchantment in its layered songwriting in which the beauty of each layered track was in its simplicity, and they all came together with complicated precision. Wonder Stuff taught us that happy-go-lucky parties could be penned skilfully into catchy singable songs. Hoodoo Gurus and Redd Kross put the "rock" back in "alternative rock". Faith No More and Red Hot Chili Peppers added a sassy rebellion, beyond the prominent picked bass. Charlatans UK gave us perplexing lyrics and a seamlessly added organ. The Church added a mystique that made it shimmer. Smithereens added a jangle. Voice of the Beehive proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that girls could do just as well. And the Soup Dragons proved we could do it without our parents.

I think Joy Division, REM, Echo and the Bunnymen, Fixx, and New Order pioneered the whole thing. Depeche Mode and Berlin helped, too. It wasn't REM's "Stand"; it was their "9-9". It wasn't Fixx's "One Thing Leads To Another", it was their "Red Skies At Night". It wasn't New Order's "Blue Monday", it was their "Paradise". It was not only Echo's "Lips Like Sugar" (a slam dunk for this genre), it was also their "Bring On the Dancing Horses". It was not so much Smithereens' "A Girl Like You" (although it counts), it was more "Now And Then". Midnight Oil's "Beds Are Burning" was a mainstream one-hit; "Dead Heart" is what really got my attention. And U2's "With Or Without You" doesn't count; "Till The End of the World" does.

The scene was also made up of artists that did not get much spotlight at all. Colin Newman's "Alone" is a beautiful, haunting masterpiece, but you missed it if you didn't pay attention in Silence of the Lambs. Along the same vein (in fact, from the same movie), Q Lazzarus's "Goodbye Horses" illustrates another solid example. Dreams So Real's "Rough Night In Jericho", and Power of Dreams's "100 Ways To Kill a Love" are enjoyable to the bone...but hardly any stations played them.

From the summer of 1990 until sometime in 1993, a daring, innovative radio station played it all. They even included Depeche Mode ("Master & Servant" of course), Berlin (NOT "Take My Breath Away" but rather "The Metro"), Eurythmics, Enya, and the B-52's (NOT "Love Shack" but rather "Bad Influence") for good measure. When Soundgarden and Nirvana came out, they played them, too--right after Pink Floyd's "One Slip". I was in heaven. Pardon the pun, but it was a chronic insomniac's dream: a radio station exploring the vastest of its library deep in the wee hours.

And then I turned to the station one day and I heard country and western coming out of the speakers. I damn near threw things around the room. You see, country music was the genre I saved the purest of my hatred for. For the Christians reading this, it's like going to church on Sunday and instead of your regular beloved priest or pastor giving the sermon, who is at the podium but the devil himself. Seriously.

Part of me died right along with that radio station. I had made me part of who I am, and it validated my tastes, introducing me to a galaxy of wonderful sounds and showing me that I was not alone in my appreciation of them. Almost 18 years later, I'm still mourning.

Although I enjoyed the following full moon tide of artists that suddenly found themselves signed to major labels by the dozen (no doubt in that rush to fill what had been a serious void), it hardly filled the void inside me that had been created in part by this same commercialized alternative wave. It was country that took over my radio station, but it was this new alternative that was eclipsing the former genre like an opportunistic digestive bacterium.

Yes, I liked Green Day and Stone Temple Pilots. I adored Pearl Jam and Nirvana. Oasis is not bigger than Jesus OR the Beatles, but they're quite talented just the same. I was pleased to see that REM, New Order, and Dada survived the shift. I was all too pleased to meet newcomers Luscious Jackson, Hole, and Letters To Cleo. Beavis and Butthead faded into Daria, you know? I got that.

These days, the closest I can find include Blueboy, Ivy, The Music, Lida Husik (although I'm not so sure she's all that current), Go-Betweens, Interpol, Active Child, Autolux, Lostprophets, Snow Patrol, and Death Cab For Cutie. It's not perfect. But hey, at least it's something.

For DCs: Bullets to dodge

Last summer, we had a small rash of defiant, feisty, borderline crazy elderly people grace our presence. We all know that not all elderly people behave this way, but a surprising number of them do. They successfully thinned themselves out of the practice, and we all breathed easier afterward. I figured that was pretty much past us.

Until tonight. Our afterhours cleaning lady brought an elderly lady to our side door. This lady seemed nice and normal. Within a few minutes, though, I watched her transform into a fairly difficult ticking timebomb that spelled nothing but disaster for whomever agreed to take her on as a patient. In the hour we spent with her (mainly for goodwill, because there's no way either of us would take her on as a patient), she exhibited so many red flags she probably could've gone swimming in them.

Beware the Bullets...

Bullet To Dodge #1: Those who don't respect you as a Doctor
Sometimes, people will call our office, and when I answer, they recognize me and say, "[first name]?) No "Doctor", no nothing. These people fall into 2 categories:

1) Some of these are nice enough people whom we know, but since our familiarity doesn't extend beyond a professional setting, it's inappropriate for them to call me by my first name without preceding it with Doctor.
2) The other group consists of prospective new patients with whom I had no relationship at all yet, and thus it is ENTIRELY inappropriate for them not to address me as Doctor. Especially when said people are keeping me on the phone for upwards of an hour, at no charge.

For the record, I have never introduced myself as simply [First name]; since there are two of us who share the same last name, I have introduced us as "Dr [First name #1]" and "Dr [First name #2]" simply to avoid mix-ups.

Why this is a big deal:
People who forget or neglect to address you by your title are basically disrespecting your education, your license, your profession, your services, and your value. It's not like they don't know better. They know to address doctors as "Doctor". They'd never do this to their MD (we don't think), so why do they do it to DCs? If they can't accept and recognize that we're doctors too (I correct people on this ALL the time), then how are they going to accept, respect, and value what you have to say as a healthcare authority? Are you going to spend your life playing second fiddle to their "regular doctor"?

Bullet To Dodge #2: Those who want to run your practice
It's fine for people to state that they prefer certain appointment days or times. However, it's not fine when, after you've given them a couple of remaining time slots to pick from ("I have an 11 o'clock or a twelve-thirty") they insist on, "well, I have a [such-and-such] appointment at 4, so I'd rather come in at 1" when you break for lunch at 1pm.

It's also OK for them to ask if you take their insurance or Medicare. It's NOT OK for them to badger you about it after you've explained the perfectly understandable reasons that you don't. It's fine for them to ask what's involved in a Physical Evaluation and whether or not it's necessary. It's NOT fine for them to argue about it after I've told them it is. I find it perfectly cool for people to call me with a quick question on a Sunday (I do nutrition stuff, so no real emergencies here). When that conversation lasts more than 15-20 minutes, that's crossing the line.

Why this is a big deal:
People who want to just come when they want and act as they please or expect you to bend the rules because they don't think those rules apply to them are dangerous. They have no respect for you, your staff, your practice, your skills, or anything else but themselves. They tend to have a me-first attitude with no regard for anyone but them. The world revolves around them and if it inconveniences you or poses a detriment to you in any way, well, tough. At best, these people will destroy your morale. At worst, they'll suck your energy, cause a scene, or otherwise drive away other patients. Accommodating them is a slippery slope; if you're going to give in at all, decide ahead of time how far you're willing to go. If you have trouble saying no and you think you might not be able to stop once you start down that path, role play with someone else.

Bullet To Dodge #3: The Litigator
If you're lucky, they'll start ranting right away about how this doctor wronged them or that one screwed up. Everyone's entitled to be vocal about a bad experience with a healthcare provider, but watch the context. Is the person also having trouble containing their emotions? Is their story vague or full of mistakes (honest or not)? Do they have their facts messed up? If you're really lucky, they'll mention that lawyers won't talk to them. This tells you 2 things: 1) they actually went through with an attempt to sue and if they did it to another doc, chances are they'd think nothing of doing it to you, too, and 2) they're full of BS because even the snaky-shark lawyers wouldn't even touch them, which means they don't have a case.

Do yourself a favor and let them rant, smiling and nodding all the way, until they tire themselves out and then pray they don't come back. Or, if you start to tire faster than they do (some can go on and on), mention you have to get back to some work or close up shop, and kick them out. You've got to be proactive with these people and remain in control - they're proud of the fact that they speak their minds and they'll run you right over. The good news is, they do speak their minds, which means they spill their guts and basically throw red flags at you. These are gifts; use them wisely.

Why this is a big deal:
Do I really have to explain why letting people who would sue doctors into your practice is a bad idea?

Bullet To Dodge #4: Those who won't answer questions (i.e. when things don't add up)
This summer, we had a patient who was involved in a serious wreck. I didn't treat said patient, so I don't know 100% of the details, but I do know that this person was referred out for an MRI and when the imaging center had a few additional questions, my husband gave the patient a brief additional questionnaire, which the patient refused to fill out. They didn't want to answer any of those questions. And then, they promptly disappeared off the face of the earth.

Why this is a big deal:
People who won't answer questions, especially regarding serious injuries (and possible financial compensation as a result) are almost always hiding something. Either they were at fault, they lied to the police, they're trying to scam money, or they're trying to avoid punishment of some kind. These people acted less than honest on at least one (probably several) occasions, and are now telling additional lies to cover their tracks or to pull a scam. Having these people as patients puts you at risk for getting dragged into the mess. After all, once you take on a case, you're responsible for accurate questioning, physical examination, imaging, follow-up investigation, diagnosis, treatment, documentation, and re-evaluation. Your records become legal documents, and your neck is on the line. Don't stick it out. No patient is ever worth that, no matter how cool.

Bullet To Dodge #5: Those who are pissed off at doctors
These people also usually fall into the second (running your practice) or third (likely to sue you) categories, although not always. They're also likely to rant for a while about how this place messed up or that other doctor screwed them, or that hospital scammed them. It's all the same; multiple other providers screwed up, and of course none of it could possibly be a misunderstanding on the ranting person's part (end sarcasm). As I mentioned before, everyone's got a right to be PO'd at a healthcare provider who did something wrong. When one doctor becomes multiple, though, or the person comes off as a little irrational or excessively animated, it's time to break out the salt shaker...and find a subtle way to show them the door.

Why this is a big deal:
These people are pissed off at previous doctors. This often means that their expectations may be unrealistic; at the very least, they're tough to please. You'll work hard to keep them happy, if it's even possible to do so. Their treatment mileage is often limited by their mental/emotional state, and some people aren't willing to let go of their negativity; it has become a part of who they are.

Bullet To Dodge #6: Eyeore
This is sort of a continuation of #5 (regarding the part about negativity becoming part of who some people are) but I gave it its own Bullet because sometimes negativity can exist without hostility (especially not toward healthcare practitioners). These people are fixated on the fact that their life sucks and while that can be a very understandable and well-deserved mindset, it's not a healthy one, especially over the long term. There are, without question, more constructive ways to handle negative emotions; in fact, they can be turned into even greater positives, as avenues for personal evolution and growth. But some people are so stuck in their rut that it interferes with their entire quality of life, including their physical state. These people may improve, but they'll almost assuredly plateau (the more negative their are, the sooner this will happen) and wonder why.

Why this is a big deal:
Unless you have a spunky cheer that won't quit or you've learned to protect yourself against bad vibes, their melancholic condition may likely rub off on you or worse, other patients. Also, your reputation is at stake when their treatment benefit levels off before their problems are corrected. It's tough to bring up the possibility that their mental/emotional state may be interfering with their physical improvement and healing, but it's true. Do your best, and don't be afraid to refer to psychologists and whatnot.

Bullet To Dodge #7: Those who keep pushing insurance/Medicare issues when you don't accept them
This often goes hand-in-hand with #1 and #2 and we've seen this time and again. We explain we don't take Medicare or certain insurance (usually those with the crappiest insurance are the most insistent and persistent when it comes to asking about insurance coverage - never quite figured this out); most people accept it and pay out of pocket with no questions asked. Others, however, cannot accept reality. They don't seem to care. This is especially true of the Medicare set. We've had to practically order people not to submit their visits to Medicare because where there's a will, there's a way, and if they see a way, they'll try. I actually know of one person who, after my husband explained to him that Medicare reimbursement doesn't even cover our basic bills/overhead, had the balls to say something along the lines of, "well, something is better than nothing, isn't it?" Looky here, mister: sometimes, nothing IS better than something, if that something doesn't pay your bills and that "nothing" could be time spent acquiring a patient base who DOES pay your bills. After all, we didn't go to school and put in the blood, tears, and sweat equity (and the 6-figure student debt to match) just to PAY to take care of your well-off lazy butt. So there....

Why this is a big deal:
I probably don't have to explain why you don't want a practice full of people who don't think you're worth your already-reasonable rates, do I? I (REALLY) didn't think so.

Massage gimp comes clean

I need to make one thing clear: I really did injure myself. I'm not faking it. I don't even have a good story to tell. I didn't even blow out my thumbs doing massage therapy like every other injured LMT who's been doing this as long as I had. Nope, I blew out my thumb during chiropractic residency, adjusting people.

I didn't hurt them. In fact, I sacrificed my saddle joint so that I could keep the patient's neck straight, avoiding rotation altogether. Of course, I didn't realize the extent of the damage to my joint at the time. It didn't even really hurt; it just felt...strained. And then sprained, kind of.

It was perfect timing, though. Well okay, not exactly; I had about 7 months of residency left and I kept re-injuring myself with every adjustment I gave. What was timely, though, was the fact that it was the perfect cue to start winding down the massage therapy practice. To this day, it serves as the perfect "out" (completely legitimate) when explaining why I don't/won't do massage anymore.

Nearly a year after I stopped massaging for good, I can confess, in case it wasn't already obvious: I hated massage therapy. Oh sure, at the time, I thought I liked it. I was my own boss. I set my own hours. I got to interact with people. I got to make people feel better. And in the economically fruitful times of the mid 2000s, I stayed fairly busy and made decent money.

Then the quality of new clients took a nosedive. Why, I'm not sure I'll ever know. I have several theories, but I'll save those for another day. Serving my existing regulars was fulfilling, but dealing with prospective new clients became a pain in the ass.

And then there were the eerie, haunting phenomena that unleashed throughout the height of my massage career. I saw points of light, glitter, fireworks, colors, and shadows the size of raccoons. I heard noises, felt sensations, and endured nausea. And of course, there was the sadness, the anger, the frustration, the hopelessness, the desperation, the emptiness, and just about every other negative emotion you could stir into a downward swirl. It turns out I'm not alone in picking up on these little psychic nuances; our massage therapist has felt them, too. The difference is, she's much better at handling them. I never learned to protect myself.

It penetrated every part of me, to the point where I in turn astrally contaminated every massage room I set foot in. It especially loved the mirrors, the corners of the room near the ceiling, and the mural paintings on the walls. Small shadows made a run for it through the soft light of the salt lights and candles, and I promise it wasn't the flame flickering or dancing.

I didn't realize how much damage it did and how much I really resented and despised giving a massage until getting my chiropractic license coincided with the realization that my thumb joint wasn't going to heal, and it made for the perfect cataclysm. I had an out, and I took it.

Since then (and many other events), I've begun to heal. Of course, it helps to live away from the devoid murk of a place like Dallas, with its materialistic overcompensation for the severe lack of meaningful relationships and priceless joyful memories. It helps to be a doctor and focus on solving problems instead of nurturing them. It helps to set goals and hold patients accountable instead of simply rubbing muscles and providing a spa-like experience and ambient atmosphere.

I don't blame massage therapy, nor massage therapy clients. I hold myself 100% responsible for choosing to remain as long as I did in a field that was increasingly incompatible with everything I stand for. I remain a big proponent of massage therapy; I'm just not cut out to provide it.

Save the fireworks for Independence and New Year's Days, the glitter for the theater, and raccoons for the space under my parents' porch. I'm long done.

Facebook friends, I am probably going to piss you off

I mean, I'm just trying to be fair and upfront and everything. See, I get quite a few friend requests based on comments I've left on the Facebook pages of friends or groups, or maybe because of a common "like" (think: interest). Because I like to both 1) boost my friend count (kidding...kinda) and 2) genuinely love to meet new people (not kidding), I usually accept them, as long as we have a few common friends or several good interests in common, and as long as I don't see any spammy or stalky red flags in their profile.

My belief system makes perfect sense to me, but it must not do the same for the rest of the world, because I don't seem to fit into any crowd or group. This allows me the opportunity of associating with a wide variety of people. I tend to believe this is a good thing. However, because my own opinions, viewpoints, associations, and interests run the gamut, it also leaves me open to the occasional "you aren't who I thought you were" situation. So I'm going to play Truth or Dare (without the Dare) and spill some guts so that we're all on the same page and I can't be blamed for masquerading as someone I'm not.

Here goes...

Patriot friends, I am indeed a fellow Tea-partying Patriot, whooping it up with the best of them. However, I am not Christian. I celebrate Christmas and I empathize with people who find the censoring of Christmas offensive (I find it offensive myself to censor anyone's holiday or religious expression), but please don't get freaked out, sad, or scared for my well-being when I make references to my Wiccanism, Buddhism, or otherwise non-Christianity. Yes, I mention God, and speak of a belief in God. I do not believe Jesus is my lord and savior. Nor do I believe I'm going to hell for holding different beliefs.

Liberal-intellectual friends, I am indeed Constitutional/Libertarian. However, I do lean rather consistently to the right. I do side with PETA or the ACLU, and I do believe in all kinds of individual freedoms. I also fully support homosexuality as a lifestyle choice and physiological predisposition. I find religious, philosophical, racial, genetic, ethnic, and cultural diversity and variety to be a strong asset. I'm borderline-pathologically against animal testing. However, I also own guns, drive a V8 pickup, love Texas, eat meat, oppose abortion, and support the death penalty. I will never be a vegetarian or a progressive, nor will I ever drive a flex-fuel or hybrid vehicle or outfit my lamps with CFL light bulbs or my house with low-flow toilets. Sorry, that's just the way it is. I'm a mixed bag.

Canadian friends, I do think many things are better in Canada. I mean, after all, you have Timmie's! And your radio stations are much better than ours, as are your music video channels. I also admire that your chiropractic board exams are tougher than ours. I love your music scenes and your summertime fairs. Much of our good organic and gluten-free foods come from Canada. Your malls mop the floor with ours. But sometimes, I think certain things about Canada stink. The healthcare system is only good if you don't have to use it. It's only "free" if you don't work or drive. The taxes are downright scary, the weather is cold, and the winter days are too short. I don't know how anyone there gets any Vitamin D. I love your diversity, but I can't stand the lack of will, work ethic, and gumption. There just doesn't seem to be any passion sometimes. I mean, really, is writing a letter the best you can do? :)

American friends, I do like this country and I'm usually proud to call it my home. I pledge allegiance to what the flag originally stood for. Both grandfathers served in World War II; one of them fought in the Battle of the Bulge. I love the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. I love our Founders and their philosophy, and how they toiled and bickered over every detail, ensuring maximum fairness and common-sense every step of the way. But I can't say I'm proud of what this country has become. I strongly disapprove of practically every administration since Reagan. I think we're headed the wrong direction, and I can't say that I'd pledge allegiance to the flag if it stands for what America is today. I think we've become greedy, morally bankrupt, intellectually deficient, pretentious, rude, hostile, and somewhat animalistic. I think our priorities are messed up, our food supply is devoid, our information sources are grossly influenced, and our leaders are corrupt and self-serving. I'm strongly against this healthcare crap, the "green" movement and what it has produced, the altering of language in cooperation with the PC movement, the migration of jobs to China and India, and the gradual takeover of Muslim and atheist cultures.

Chiropractic friends, I love chiropractic. I love the philosophy that the power that made the body heals the body and that given the right raw materials and opportunity, the body will heal itself. We see this all the time when we break bones or tear skin or other tissue. I also understand that chiropractic adjustments have much greater and more far-reaching effects than simple pain relief or specific joint realignment. I get that. However, I am NOT a straight chiropractic doctor. I disapprove of the concept of "subluxations" or the "Vertebral Subluxation Complex". I do not claim to cure everything, nor do I claim to only "detect and correct subluxations". Please. We're doctors, like it or not; let's do better than that. I also don't believe that an adjustment is ALL it takes to achieve good health. I'm living proof to the contrary, having been adjusted on a regular basis while watching my health continue to decline. Obviously, straight DCs are not telling the whole story. Either they don't have the whole story, or they're spinning information. And all the practice management, coaching, seminars, marketing groups, or motivational tapes are not going to change any of that. They sound great, but do little over the long-term.

Conventional medical-minded and super-scientific friends, I understand there's a time and place for allopathic medicine and whatnot. I understand that claims should not be definitively made about a method of treatment (or anything else) until the research data have been collected. I understand that there's fraud, snake oil, and unfounded claims in alternative medicine. I understand that there are flaky people who believe some crazy things and that some of those people may not be completely mentally present and balanced. Yep, I get that. However, please don't cling too tightly to conventional medicine (or plain old science, whichever the case may be) there are also fraud, snake oil, and unfounded claims in conventional medicine, too - and there is also often an agenda in science, as a segment of scientists races to attempt to establish definitive proof that there IS no God. I mean, come on. There's a lot out there we haven't discovered yet and don't understand. It's not smart to deny its existence just because we haven't advanced enough yet to detect and measure it.

So there you have it. Full disclosure. You've been warned :)

I'm too sexy for my PC: an open letter to Microshaft

Dear God Gates:

You've been replaced. Catapulted. Outta here. Whether your shizz was good while it lasted is up for heated debate. You see, your PC machines allowed me to catch my first glimpses of the computing world. Nevermind that it was like seeing grayscale, unless I was confronted with the ever-dreaded Blue Screen Of Death.

You should've seen it coming. With your service packs, your nagging, your holier-than-thou-ness, your 1993 clipart gallery, your desire to rent us your software, your bugs, your software conflicts, your backdoor deals, your easter eggs, and your unwillingness to play nice with others. I should never have to restart my computer under the reason of "it got confused". Machines don't get confused.

You were smug enough to act like that's just the way it is and that I simply had to sit back and take it. You were arrogant enough to assume you could ship shit product and call it a finished one. You were dismissive enough when consumers got angry. They responded by deeming your software a worthless-but-necessary evil and refused to pay for it, pirating it instead. Rather than fixing the problem and improving your PR, you simply retaliated with kindergarten-like vindictiveness, implementing a mommy-may-I strategy in order to activate new versions of the OS. And of course, you engineered it so that we couldn't simply stop upgrading.

Yeah, let's talk about that upgrading. Hearing the horror stories of Windows 95 and 98, I hung onto Windows NT as long as I could. When Windows 2000 came out, we went ahead and migrated, having seen the writing on the NT wall. As you know, we immediately needed service packs just to make Windows 2000 run properly. Once we had Windows 2000 tweaked to our liking, we hung onto it, refusing to change while you released Vista (which was a poor excuse for an OS and you know it), and Windows 7, which is wrought with its own problems.

The last straws have been all the viruses. I've gotten more in the last 2 months than I have in the past 10 years. I know, I know. Macs get them too. (PC aficionados are always quick to point that out.) But let's face it - Microsoft shoulders the lion's share of the virus burden, because there are exponentially more security holes in the average Microsoft-based system. Remember the Windows Service warnings circa 2003? The trojans? The worms? Yep, figured you did.

Honestly, if money were no object, I would've sold all computing machines contaminated with your chaotic code for scrap parts and used the money to help replace what I spent on new Apples. That's Apple's drawback: they're not cheap. But hear this: you get everything you pay for...and then some. That's more than I could ever say for a Microsoft product.

I really think you're going to go down on this one. You were Too Big To Fail before there was such a dastardly concept, and you indeed ruled the world, controlling about 95% of all computer market share. But even the mammoth fell and became extinct, as did T Rex before him. Kings of the Jungle do expire, and you're foolish to believe you're different. Every dog has its day and every day has its way of being forgotten.

See, Apple is way ahead of you, easing the transition. They've installed themselves at the M$ prison entrance, built a bridge across the protective moat, and are helping people across. They've thought of everything you failed to do. They built their entire platform on intuition, common-sense, and ease-of-use--concepts you never considered or cared about. They developed classes for noobs so that we can meet with experts one-to-one and steer the course of our learning based on our unique interests. Those applications that serve as answers to major Microsoft software save files in either Apple or Microsoft formats - or even generic formats like PDF. And for those in a lurch who have software for which there IS no Apple version? Apple took care of that too, with programs like Parallels, which allow people to run their Microsoft-exclusive software inside a Mac window, without even having to reboot their computer in M$ mode.

Enjoy your demise. I know that many of us, as we watch it happen, will reap what would be a sick satisfaction if our feelings weren't so justified and well-deserved.

Signed,

Sexy Apple Mama