I've got the power

Despite all my rage, I am still just a chick with what would be a hot-esque body if I didn't have a Buddha belly in the making. I realized that I was otherwise semi-hot by looking in the full length mirror, side-profile, as I was working out. Dang, I'm lean. Oh, except for the baby bump. Yeah, about that... 9 weeks from today and counting.

But that's neither here nor there. About that mirror, while working out. Yeah, I did it - I joined a gym. I realized I needed to start working out. Again. Yeah, I know this ain't my first rodeo; we've done this before. But I'm serious this time.

What's changed, you ask? Glad you asked. Well, the biggest key factor is, I now know that getting rid of my belly by working out, eating right, and taking supplements alone isn't going to happen. No, you cannot dissolve tumors--not even benign ones--with a healthy menu and a treadmill, even if you throw some bad-ass supplements into the mix. So I'm kind of off the hook, and I have other, more promising options waiting for me in the golden light at the end of the tunnel.

So why return to the weight room? The reason is simple: I want to FEEL better. How's that? Of course, I wouldn't mind looking well-cut, either. It'd be nice if someone looked at me and said, "wow, she takes her vitamins." Why does Nadia have all the fun? But no, really, my brain wakes up after I've worked out. It jolts to life and suddenly I can think again. Suddenly I can make jokes again. And yet, as pumped as I am, I can sleep better that night.

It's fun to unleash my Inner Jock. Like an estranged lover, I've missed it for years. I like lifting weights with such effort that I sweat and breathe hard. I like grunting and counting my reps out loud. I like watching my arms flex even when I'm working my legs. I love moving the pin up to load heavier weights. I like feeling the burn. I like the slightly nauseated, definitely appetite-suppressed feeling. I like it when my legs feel like jelly when I leave the gym. And, sickly enough, I like the growing soreness that peaks on the second day that makes it a little tough to get up and walk and reminds you that you're building muscles you forgot you had.

I try and vary it up. I might not even have strictly divided upper or lower body days. I might do a combo. I might do squats, pecs, triceps and abs (including obliques) on one day, wait a day for recovery, and then do calf raises, bicep curls, hand squeezes, and lat pulldowns the next day. Then I might do abductors, adductors, some slow kicks (glutes!), and some forearm work after that.

I've realized I'm allergic to cardio, though. Don't laugh; I did fine with 30 min on a treadmill, but not 35 - and I had a huge histamine release for the entire next day. So do not try that at home. Seriously, ditch the bike unless you're going to build strength with resistance or something. But don't pummel yourself with aerobics. You are not a hamster.

So this time, it's not about losing weight. That'll happen on its own in due time, provided my body is functioning properly and I'm truly healthy. It won't happen until then, though. One could say that getting healthy is a prerequisite to losing weight. This time it's all about the feeling good, the general physical conditioning and fitness. Exercise? Fuck that, it's a bad word. I prefer words like "fitness", "physical activity", and "play". There; doesn't that sound more fun? "Exercise" sounds like a life sentence.

It's still me, a water bottle, and my iPod. But this time, my head is on straight and it's part of a larger plan.