I walk the line

OK, OK, so I'm totally watching "Silence of the Lambs" while reading Amy Lawson's blog. In honor of its anniversary, I was all ready to craft a post about my get-out-of-jail-free escapade, but we covered that. Now, I've had a couple of breakthroughs recently in the realm of the office, but due to the fact that that which consumes my life will bore others to tears, we won't cover that.

Watching "Silence of the Lambs" reminded me of a role model, Jodie. And Jodie got me thinking. More to the point, it got me realizing, exactly how thin the veil is between me and a lesbian. I would love to run some hormone panel to see how high my testosterone is. I'm straight, don't get me wrong; the idea of being in too close a vicinity with girlie goodies kinda creeps me out. (Although I have nothing against those who prefer this, and there's no prejudice anywhere in my soul.)

But I'm about as close to a gay female as one can get without actually being gay. I'd always been a tomboy, I've always had a boyish voice, and I even went through my own equally-embarrassing voice change. I even took the lead, asserted myself, played with matchbox cars and legos, shunned dolls and the entire Barbie concept, and loved to play outside. Make-up? Bah. Chick flicks? Selective. Bras? Don't need 'em. Victoria's Secret? Forget it. Hell, I used to wear guys' jeans until I realized they didn't fit my hip shape all that well. And I still wear guys' socks. About the most feminine thing I've done in the past 15 years is fall in love with Dillard's women's clothing and get my hair highlighted. My wedding ring is a simple unisex gold band. My husband felt lucky to get me into a dress for our wedding.

And still? I don't gab with the other hens, wear "cute shoes", cry over "Steel Magnolias", watch the Oxygen network, read romance novels, shun guns, carry a purse, or sing soprano. Instead? I drive a pickup, play videogames, burp, sing contralto, love meat, work out (OK, eventually), prefer "Armageddon" to "Deep Impact" and Rush to Sarah McLachlan.

On the other hand, my hair is long and I do like to shop. I also can't stand mainstream sports and I'll watch "Terms of Endearment" over and over. As much as I don't like shallow, fluffy conversation, I do like a good dose of deep Girl Talk. And do not, I repeat, do NOT come between me and my chocolate! Hell, maybe I'm fairly Girl after all.