pumping iron maiden

A few weeks ago, I stepped on the bathroom scale, and I think it cussed at me. What I saw horrified me. I mean, deep down I knew; I couldn't fit into any jeans except my baggier ones that I wore around "that time of the month" expressly to make myself more comfortable during those few days of water weight gain, and I couldn't ignore my morphing mirror reflection. Clothes didn't hang as right or look as cute on me. And I started to get that--ugh--cellulite look. But, as much as I wanted to believe I was just seeing things, my worse suspicions were confirmed during last week's regular routine physical in the chiropractic student clinic - I had gained 13 lbs in 2 months.

I never thought I'd have a concern about my weight. Historically, the only concern was that I didn't weigh enough. My how things change. My BMI is still within normal range, but it doesn't need to get much higher before it says I'm officially "overweight". I never thought I'd ever be in a situation like this.

I admit, I carry it well. The few people to whom I have confessed my weight say "nuh-uh. You do NOT weigh that much". I wish they were right, but alas. I have learned how to adapt my dress such that it diverts attention away from my growing middle and makes me look more shapely, but I can't deny that the side-seam of my underwear is coming apart and I know that can't be a good sign.

True to form as a nearly-graduated physician, I couldn't help but to scan the various differential diagnoses - reasons for such substantial gain. First off, NO, I am not pregnant! Trust me, I know. There is no possible way. Second, YES, I have been eating right. Not perfect, mind you, but plenty of fruits and vegetables, no wheat or refined grains, no sodas, and all meat and milk is organic except that which is in my ice cream, of which I have one bowl at the end of the night. I drink water and I go easy on the junk food - in fact, I don't eat any potato chips. I could probably use more omega-3s, but I do eat more than the average person. I'm also the least stressed out (at least, based on what I perceive) that I have been in over 3 years, so I'm not piling cortisol around my midsection. So, what gives? Nothing else has changed, except for an iron supplement I started taking to finally start correcting my long-ass-standing anemia.

So, I Googled it, and lo and behold, it seems as though others have the exact same mysterious problem. Expert after expert says that they haven't heard of any incidents or research to support such theories, but confused person after person, usually anemic females, claim it's happening to them, too. And their symptoms are eerily similar - slight upset stomach at times, but the worst is the unprecedented and unexpected weight gain. Always around the abdomen, butt, and thighs, and never flattering, it hangs around stubbornly like a bored supervisor who won't just go away.

So, when the scale cussed me out, I decided to holler back. I started working out. With a more lax class schedule, I have more freedom and more opportunity. I strategically schedule my patients around workout times and I hit the on-campus gym. My school workouts are usually about twice a week, and they last anywhere from 1-2 hours, and usually consists of a cardio-friendly workout on the treadmill or eliptical and a weight-lifting component, usually upper or lower body. In addition, when I get home, 6-7 days a week, I do a Power 90 DVD workout in the living room, alternating Sculpt (light muscle building and toning) and Cardio/Abs.

The cruel joke is that I haven't lost any weight. In fact, I may have gained a pound or 2. I'm hoping that it's because I'm replacing fat with muscle, which weighs more, and that the net gain is temporary as I start shedding adipose mass. I will say this: even though I haven't lost anything, I feel great. I won't stop taking the iron, because I know my body needs it. Every cell needs oxygen, and a shortage of iron in the body causes you to be low in the oxygen-carrying molecule, Hemoglobin. Without iron, cells don't get oxygen, and long-term, that sucks. I also won't give up on working out; although I wish I were shedding pounds, I do find that I feel a lot better, both physically and mentally. My body has been worked and I have the resulting feeling of accomplishment, like I did something with my day, for myself. That's the stuff real self-esteem is made of. Also, I feel more brain-balanced, because working out is a huge stress-buster. My problems sure as hell don't go away, but I can sure as hell handle them better and I have a healthier outlook. Yes, I still sit and stew about things at times, but it could very well be worse.

Maybe I'm seeing things, but despite the lack of cooperation from my scale since I began working out, I do feel a bit more toned. My muscles are rebuilding, and it seems as though my abs are ever so slightly smaller. Relatively encouraging, since I've been doing this only about a week and a half or so. I have to say, it's been a blast, and we'll see if my BMI is still high-normal in a few months. Until then, I'm grabbing my Ipod Shuffle, my Endura electrolyte water, and a towel, and I'm basking in the idea that the need for new workout clothes gave me another excuse to go to Kohl's. :)

Jack of all tirades

Hellloooooo, my infidels!

We decided to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of our nation by advancing our groundwork-laying for our eventual expatriation. This isn't intended to stir any pot or ruffle any feathers; my grandfather fought in the Battle of the Bulge, one of the most important battles of World War II, and our family is proud of its rebellious and patriotic history. Indeed, my ancestors were the chief developers of the repeating rifle, the weapon that helped the fledgling colonies win the revolution, achieving independence from Great Britain.

No, my displeasure and disgust arose from the fact that this country is not what it used to be any longer. We used to stand for certain values and focus on certain priorities, and it was that which made our nation--and its people--great. Unfortunately, this no longer applies. North American society has succumbed and denigrated to something I no longer want to recognize or admit to, and I can no longer stomach being any part of it. In part, some of this is happening in other parts of the world, but it seems as though we're the epicenter of it. We spearhead dangerous trends and policies and we follow those of the rest of the world like cattle.

I have decided that I am sick of most things contemporary American and I want to seek to find something better. I'm sick of the forced conversion to fluorescent light bulbs from my comfortable mercury-free incandescents. I'm sick of the huge concentration of electromagnetic radiation, the irritating compression of radio station signals, the tailgaters on the freeway, the house-flipping locusts moving from area to area all the while driving prices beyond the affordability of the locals, the passive income enthusiasts, the stockholders, the stakeholders, the American football domination, the obsession with Escalades and Excursions and Hummer H2's, the prescription drug advertising, and the constant living under the threat of a lawsuit from anyone at anytime for any reason. I don't want to live in a society who thinks it's actually OK to send a text message or carry on a cellphone conversation while supposedly in control of a 2-ton hunk of metal moving at 50 to 80 miles an hour, or zip without warning across four lanes of 70 mph traffic because their exit is *right there* and they couldn't be bothered to pay attention and plan ahead for that fact a quarter mile back. I don't want to live where it's common practice to pump the volume on the TV commercials, push drugs directly to consumers, get up and leave in the middle of class, or treat perfect strangers rudely or with contempt and without a shred of understanding or compassion, call holistic and alternative medicine providers quacks without having any clue what it is they actually do or know, or give the guy in a white coat God status because he holds the almighty authority to push potentially-addictive and almost always-harmful drugs onto children and their parents - drugs whose molecular structure is an atom away from something deadly and/or illegal. I don't want to live in a place where to "opt-out" of toxic drug treatments constitutes "neglect" and gives strangers the authority to remove a child from a competent and loving home.

Dead are the concepts of family, respect, and civility toward your fellow human being. Neighborhoods are dead, having slowly been replaced by dues-paying dictatorial enclaves where transients live beside each other as strangers and threaten each other into uniformity via the all-powerful homeowner's association, strutting their stuff with puffed out chests because they have money--or at least good credit. All logic, decency, common sense, manners, good citizenship, higher decision-making, and thinking beyond oneself have left the building. How sick does a society have to get before it takes perfectly good ideas like morals and values and turns them into targets of ridicule? Really, what is so wrong with simple, common-sense decency?

There is no more creativity. The work ethic is completely unbalanced (we either work ourselves to death 80 hours a week such that we barely know our families, or we don't want to work at all, preferring instead a "passive income" which then somehow allows us to forget the value of time and gives us license to waste other peoples'). Our priorities are inverted, our kids are neglected, and these are the same kids we're going to rely on and expect to take care of us when we're old and refuse to die, deceiving ourselves into thinking we can--and have the right to--live forever, and expecting others to change our diapers until the day we die.

I know what you're saying. The grass is always greener. Sure it is. Especially when where you are, you barely have any grass. Screw it, I'm out. It's done, stick a firework in it.

Can I graduate?

Although I've lately borne much closer resemblance to a closet Mexican, there is still some truth to the Third Eye Blind's slacker anthem of the same name, and I find myself asking the same questions posed therein.

Tri 8 is indeed much lighter than the preceding trimesters. I had also been looking forward to the classes - I mean, these are the icing on the cake: Geriatrics, Ob-Gyn, classes that are/were supposed to separate the men from the boys, or at least the doctors from the technicians/therapists. Then we heard through the grapevine from those who have gone before us a sense of disappointment and boredom, that those classes failed to deliver the goods and be all that they could be. Those taught by professors we've had before reiterated tired old themes, the whole "if you've heard him once you've already heard it all" vibe. Then we got into the classes and found that the reality of it all was somewhere in the middle: information did sometimes overlap and in true Parker spirit, could lack depth and meaning, but there were at least variations on those tired old themes and you could even spy a rare gem or two buried deep in the rhetoric.

Maybe it has to do with the big bang the trimester started out with and the shell-shocked lagging catch-up that followed, but I find that I'm pretty short on motivation this time around. I never did consider studying my activity of choice, especially when there are so many other options, and I'm actually probably more interested in the subject matter we're learning this trimester, as it is all clinically relevant and useful.

I think that I owe part of my "enough, already" outlook to the fact that I'm cabin-feverish and sick of our classroom. I'm tired of dressing in clinic attire every single day, complete with the lame-ass nametags pinned to our white coats. I'm sick of the drama of Parker High. I'm tired of hearing about yet another item stolen (it's not the notification I'm sick of, it's the fact that thieves walk among us, undiscovered, in the first place). I'm tired of the whining, the disrespect, the do-gooder chearleading, the numbers, the hypocrisy, the slick marketing (in all the wrong places) and the fear mongering. The buck-passing, fundraisers, lack of professionalism, and class meetings really got to me too. I'm sick of the duplicate emails, the seminar notices, the computer system hiccups every tri. I'm burned out and ready to go. I don't feel anywhere near ready to tackle that victim of a nasty car wreck, but I sure am itching to ditch these walls.

Otherwise, my lack of motivation is a fault that resides only within me and I own it. I just simply don't feel like doing anything school-related anymore. I still have a zest for life and learning that I always did, but this time I'm being compelled to channel it in other directions for reasons I can't currently explain. In short, my time and energy are going elsewhere and it's on a very instinctual, compulsory level. The last time I felt this way, life monumentally changed shortly thereafter and majorest of questions were clearly answered.

What lies ahead? I know what it's not. It's not the choke-chain moneygrab of a clinic or the snakepit administration that runs it. It's not a total of eight five-digit numbers designed to run my life for the convenience of others. It's not limited to back pain, neck pain, and headaches. And it certainly doesn't end in -ubluxation, especially as the cause of all that ails you.

Instead, I hope it's fulfillment. I hope it helps to make a difference in someone's life. I hope it's satisfaction in a spot deep down where a fat paycheck can't reach. I hope it's a slower, more relaxed way of life that gets back to basics and allows me time and energy to stop and smell the flowers, and enough of a presence of mind to register and appreciate the scent. At a bare minimum, maybe it's just enough to keep my punk ass off the street.

Stuff that is way better in Canada

To the more ignorant of us, Canada seems like that Little Country That Could, our benign neighbor to the north that does little and says even less. Kind of like a second America that we actually don't know anything about, except for maybe the fact that they say "eh" a lot and pronounce words like "out" and "about"....umm, differently.

The truth is, my fellow Americans, that we're totally missing out. Canada is like just another state and yet a completely different world all at the same time. Its economy doesn't just piggyback off of ours; they have their own that is separate and distinct. They have a subtly different set of customs and culture, one that is unique to them, and it's time it was exposed (at least, as much as one little-known blogger can do) and celebrated.

In my travels there throughout both childhood and so far as an adult, I've noticed some areas in which Canada not only matches but actually surpasses the States. Barely scratching the surface I've listed some of them off the top of my head here, in no particular order...

1. Tim Hortons. Hands down, do not pass go, go directly to Timmy's first thing in the morning. They have something for everyone; donuts, yogurt cups with fruit, muffins, bagels, sodas, smoothies, lattes, and of course, "Coffee-flavored coffee!" Not that I'm a coffee-drinker or anything, but I did fill up on my share of Boston Cremes (normally I'm not much for custard filling but this was *damn good* - I think the secret is a slight hint of butterscotch) and vanilla yogurt with raspberries and strawberries on top.

2. Smoke-free, child-free lounge sections. This is a recently new development, and it is a surprising one, given that it seems like everybody smokes in Canada. (Well, given their winters, that's almost all there is to do, besides watch hockey - that stereotype is true, and it's a sacred cow.) Imagine my pleasant surprise when, upon walking into a restaurant, the host(ess) instead of asking you "smoking or non?" says "table or lounge?" Hint: take the lounge, unless you want to run the risk of being disturbed by children. Canada is like the US in 1985 - there still is more than a shred of common decency left and parents still do live up to their title where childrearing is concerned, but you do have a fair share of American breeders living there and these days you just never know. So, you can now enjoy your dinner without being pestered by someone else's cute little angels without having to suffocate from the haze that tends to hang in the lounges of the States.

3. Radio stations. Even in the most remote, hick areas where the all-there-is-to-do-is-watch-hockey-on-satellite concept is an unavoidable reality, the radio stations are infinitely hipper than their counterparts in the most cosmopolitan metroplexes south of the border. Really. I had waaaay better luck with Saskatoon, Saskatchewan airwaves than I can ever find in Dallas-Ft Worth these days. Fewer commercials and less of that annoying and pointless signal compression are also happy bonuses. I actually read somewhere that the radio station programming is government-mandated to include a certain percentage of native Canadian music. This means that you get exposed to a lot of neat stuff that wouldn't see the light of day in the States, and I think Canada is intangibly richer for it.

4. Canadian music. So, not only do the radio stations play a greater variety than the monotonous playlists that perpetually repeat across American airwaves, but the music itself is also just plain...better. It has more heart, more soul, less processing, and less of a dollar sign motive. There is more variety, a sense of common-sense earthiness, and more of a genuine spirit. It's more organic and less fancy. You don't have to try to decipher layers of compressed, over-produced vocal tracks to figure out which is the real melody. The music is simple but not simplistic in that it does not insult one's intelligence like American pop has the tendency to do. The Tragically Hip is just one example of proof that there is subtle but profound genius lying under the surface of the seeming simplicity. Canada surpasses America's music talent in many instances. Just go to an outdoor Tea Party concert...you'll see what I mean.

5. Shopping. Not to be some co-opting locust consumer whose greatest goal in life is to spend every waking moment in a mall, and nor do I plan my vacation destinations by how their reviews stack up against each other in terms of their shopping potential, but I do notice a stark difference between Canadian and Stateside malls. I'm not exactly sure I can put my finger on it, but I'll do my best. I think it has to do with the individual stores themselves. Or maybe it's the low-key vibe, the NON-need to consume endlessly, but rather to shop when necessary for the things one truly needs. Canadians don't usually put on clicky high heels and designer clothes and make shopping at the mall a status symbol or a socially elite event. And they don't rudely smack into you with their SUV-sized strollers while gabbing on their cellphone (without so much as an apology to you but rather a borderline glare at you that it was your fault for being there in the first place) in the process. Maybe I'm way out of line and the charm of a Canadian mall is its lack of in-your-face scrolling advertising for medical group-clinics that provide elective services. I don't know. Whatever it is, I'll do my shopping up there.

Not that I'm some anti-American who is into bashing the country every chance I get, mind you. It's just that some things are truly better in other places and that the good ol' US of A isn't (and can't be) No #1 in everything all the time. I'm sure that I haven't done Canadians much justice, as I admit that it's been too long since I've been there for an extended stay and I'm too ignorant to be aware of some of the other great gems the country has to offer. But suffice it to say that it's more than just a big white land of nothingness with a Maple Leaf on its flag. That's just not what it's all a-boot...eh? ;)

the early worm gets the book

You asked for it! Here it is...

Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. Look closely; I think the bird is actually symbolic of people like Jesus Christ.
One by Richard Bach. Talk about parallel universes and infinite possibilities!
Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach. If Jesus could talk today...question is, would any of us listen? Would any of us even recognize him? Or any other spiritual figure, for that matter?
The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts. Really sums it up, concisely and brilliantly. Nothing is offensive, but nothing is sacred. The guy slams Santa Claus, for God's sake! LOL.
True Balance: A Commonsense Guide For Renewing Your Spirit by Sonia Choquette. Takes you through the chakras one by one, how to tell if the chakra is strong or weak, and what to do about it if it's not up to par.
Joining Hands & Hearts: Interfaith, Intercultural Wedding Celebrations--A Practical Guide For Couples by Susanna Stefanachi Macomb. If you want something other than a run-of-the-mill church wedding but you're not sure what else to do or where to turn for information, this is for you. Incorporate whichever elements you want, and as much or as little as you want; mix and match. We designed our entire wedding *custom* using this book - and we *still* get strong compliments on our ceremony well afterward!
Educated Heart by Nina McIntosh. A must-read for any massage therapist, reiki practitioner, or any other bodyworker. Even chiropractors and physical therapists would do well to read this, as some elements will apply to them. Remain compassionate and heart-to-heart while maintaining your separate and healthy boundaries.
The Way of Herbs by Michael Tierra. Interesting, easy read, and a crash course in herbs and nutritive therapy. Hippocrates said, let food be your medicine and let medicine be your food. A good building block for anyone interested in herbs and nutrition!
Ayurveda: A Life of Balance by Maya Tiwari. A fantastic book by a fantastic woman. She overcame her own terminal cancer and lives in full force today, cancer-free. Comprehensive guide on how to eat and live according to Ayurvedic standards. Doing this will enhance your health and clear up many of the chronic issues that plague us. Is is through this book that I cleared up my own eczema!
13th Gen: Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail? by Neil Howe, William Strauss, R. J. Matson, and Ian Williams. For you later Gen X-ers, here's a lone sympathetic voice that can be heard through the din. For once, you can feel spoken to and identified with. Written in 1991, it came out when I was 13-14, but its relevance continues today.
What Color Is Your Parachute? A Practical Manual For Job-Hunters and Career-Changers by Richard N Bolles. While this book didn't directly help me choose my career, it has had lasting influence on its direction by encouraging me to tweak an existing job into a special niche that fits me better and creates more of a demand for my services and my vision.
Microserfs by Douglas Coupland. A Gen-X fiction book that is hilarious and well-written, something benign and nostalgic. It won't get your heart pumping or your adrenaline rushing, but it will keep you turning pages until well into the night. A good-natured book about a good-natured group that decides to leave safe and secure mediocrity for an unpaved but exciting life path--and all the twists and turns and evolutions that accompany it.
Daughters of Eve by Lois Duncan. Written primarily for adolescents, but still bestowes both nostalgia and genuine stimulation upon the adult. A bit freaky - not in a huge thriller kind of way, but once you really start to put yourself in the girls' situation!
You're Being Lied To by Russ Kick. A collection of various viewpoints from different analysts and op-ed writers regarding various subjects, mostly cover-ups and behind-the-scenes facts. This book is solely responsible for my decision to enter the field of natural healthcare; it got me interested in holistic therapy in the first place, and my natural instinct upon the discovery was to share it with the world. I can only wonder about the effects it can have on the lives of others.
The Eleventh Plague by John S Marr and John Baldwin. Yes, it could happen. Here's now...
Toxin by Robin Cook. So, you think managed health care is a good idea, do you? Bureaucracy is egalitarian and utopian, and it can do no wrong? And your meat supply is safe, right? So many, many inconvenient pesky questions...

This is just for starters; I'm sure there'll be more, so look for those funky "Part 2" posts!

Kitty Immortal

I have found the secret to immortality. It trumps the Fountain of Youth, oh yeah. Not even Groundhog Day or Neverending Story compare. Here it is: if you can survive the first 30 hours or so without sleeping, you probably never need to sleep again, as long as you also don't eat. Well, you can have a banana, a donut, a couple handfuls of potato chips, some yogurt, or a Dr. Pepper. What you have to stay away from are those bigger Standard American meals--you know, where you fill a plate.

After that, it becomes a piece of cake. Well, of course it helps to get a phone call from your sister around midnight to tell you that both of your parents have been seriously injured in a car wreck and are in a hospital version of a halfway house, something between a regular room and ICU. Running on pure adrenaline, we somehow managed to squeeze 3 full earth rotations into a single (albeit deranged) circadian rhythm.

The whole thing was rather surreal, really. One minute we were dosing off on the couch to a movie at home in steamy north Texas and in what seemed like a split second, we were driving in the sun across North Dakota and then through tiny little towns in southern Saskatchewan, where gas stations are literally a half hour apart. It's like it wasn't even real. Somewhere along the returning darkness, in the midst of radio stations with signal strength that ebbed and flowed with the hilly terrain, the internal bath of caffeine and adrenaline almost gave in, but then my body must've realized that I was going to do everything in my power to circumvent the normal biological rhythms, because eventually it said "screw it" and kept the adrenaline coming at a slow but steady drip.

We arrived after 22 hours of traveling. That was surreal, too. There is something simply wrong with the concept of your strong, adult, guiding role-model parents suddenly being reduced to frail semi-lifeless shadows of what they were a matter of hours ago. Suddenly the tables turn and it's your turn to take care of them. It can be disturbing to see them so...vulnerable. In such great need.

And then we find out that the person who hit them was an older guy, and that he walked away from the accident. Well good for him. His family doesn't have to change their plans on a dime. They don't have to worry intensely about the health and stability of the two people they love the most. They don't have to miss school or arrange for someone else to care for their patients at the public clinic. They don't have to run an endocrine glandular marathon, remaining awake for 67 hours straight, or work themselves into mental pretzels trying to learn a screwed-up healthcare system that makes no sense and then try to make significant decisions with such scanty information. Why is it that we protect those who no longer deserve the privilege of driving just so that they can haul off and with a single miscalculation, hurl a family into such turmoil and trauma?

Yesterday morning was brutal; we made our way down the dark quiet hallway, only the hissing, whirring, and beeping of all the various machines masking our footsteps. We peeked in and found them, miss-the-mark Chinese recreations of what they were supposed to look like. Lifeless, motionless, and unconscious. I actually felt faint when I saw each of them. I got a little nauseous, so I bent forward at the waist. I was so glad they were fuzzy and asleep; I wouldn't have wanted either of them to see that I wasn't strong.

Things improved drastically throughout the day, and that offered us a lot of relief. There was strength from then on. Already, the day was brighter. The situation didn't look so heavy. They started talking, lucid and coherent. Their vital signs gradually improved.

I continue to be amazed at the capabilities and mechanisms of the human body. Whether it's to stay up for 67 consecutive hours and remain surprisingly functional, or to heal itself miraculously, even if only given half the chance. We haven't yet mastered eternal life, but who knows--at this rate, we just might get there in my lifetime.

when in rome...

Food for thought: how many of these characteristics are we seeing in modern-day society? All of these different phenomena happened in Rome, and various scholars argue that most of these were principal contributors to the fall of Rome. They'll sound familiar, sometimes spookily so. Some might not sound so bad at first glance, but then, if you want a sneak preview of what's in store for us should we allow these various concepts to materialize further and perpetuate, well, just look at how it turned out for the Romans. Ask the Romans how allowing these issues to flourish worked out for them.

Distant wars, acquiring the land of strangers. Let's face it; it seems as though we're trying to serve as the world's unsolicited police force. OK, maybe we're not outright turning these regions into additional states just yet, but we are definitely mettling where some might argue we should not be, and for amounts of time well beyond reasonable.

Escalating taxation. I read somewhere that the average American pays out about 2/3 of every dollar earned toward taxes of some kind. I've also heard about the horrendous tax structures in other parts of the world. TEA parties don't originate for no reason. These days, TEA is not necessarily a ground plant to be thrown overboard a ship like it was in history, but rather, it's an acronym that stands for "Taxed Enough Already". It's pretty sad when the average family needs 2 wage-earners, despite lower overhead due to having fewer children than in the past.

Reliance on slaves/underclass. Although slavery was outlawed almost 150 years ago, there have been other groups throughout recent history that have served the same purpose. I know there are numerous ways to break the cycle of poverty out there, and lots of programs in place for those who wish to seek a better quality of life, but often, they're easier in theory than in practice. I hear the indignant defense of "they do the jobs that no one else wants!" but this is simply not the case. I know people who would do plenty to feed their families. These same indignants are usually yuppie middle-management paper pushers who are themselves expendable, who are all-too-happy to let someone else do the grunt work.

Welfare for the non-working poor ("bread and circus" or "food and entertainment"). I'm going to say it, and it may offend some, but there is too much redistribution of income. Far too many benefits are going to waste. The recipients themselves sometimes squander them, or they consume them without contributing anything back to society. Mental illness, temporary hard luck situations, and the deserving working poor aside, society should *not* be subsidizing people who are simply too lazy to work. Anytime a behavior is rewarded, it is expanded (i.e. you see more of it) and that spells doom to a workforce. Nothing kills a workforce's morale like watching their hard-earned money go to lazy people who won't go bring home their own bacon. I dare any liberal to challenge me: if you're so bleeding heart, send ME money! I can assure you it will not go to waste.

Exposures to heavy metals like mercury and lead. Let's see...lead pipes and lead paint. And if you think we're out of the woods on lead paint, think again. Just because you can't buy lead paint for your walls doesn't mean you own children don't come in contact with it every single day. You know those cheap toys from Walmart you bought for your kids? Yeah, those... Oh, and mercury? Now that you wave your thermometer over your child's forehead like a magic wand and pharmaceutical companies are now starting to develop thimerosal-free vaccines, we think mercury is slowly being phased out. But au contraire! It's making its way IN--to food ingredients like high fructose corn syrup (which is in everything, and often as a main ingredient!), and to those lovely lightbulbs that, thanks to recent legislation, will become one of our only legal light bulb options. Just look at the protocol for what to do if one of those things breaks...

Poor agricultural practices that drain the soil of much-needed nutrients and render food produce (and those who consume it) malnourished. By 1938, the US government issued a report stating that our farmland soil was practically dead, devoid of nutrients. We've done little to change it since; in fact, we've only made things much worse. So, I don't think I need say more.

Lost values and the "anything goes" mentality, including being soft on crime and excessive intoxication. I understand peoples' fear of totalitarian states, and I've also heard the (untrue) statement that we can't/shouldn't legislate morality. As cool as this hippie state seems, and as prone as we all can be to this mindset from time to time, we shouldn't take the "anything goes" stance too literally and start believing that it's the default philosophy and the way to go in most cases, because it's not. Advanced societies have order and standards, basic agreed-upon values. Animalistic societies do not. "Anything goes" is a dangerous road to head down...unless you actually want to end up like the Romans.

Runaway inflation. Inflation is now a government-engineered mechanism. It is also destined to get us into some serious financial trouble, setting us up for an era of perpetual debt and possible implosion. That's cool if you don't believe what I'm saying; do your own research. Deflation, where people actually get less money, is actually OK, because then each dollar is worth more and those with savings actually end up having a bit more buying power. Inflation isn't always great because once you start down that road, it's tough to go back or slow down, and it can get away from you very quickly.

Hoarding and extreme materialism. Wow, that's kind of eerily on-the-mark, isn't it? I mean, how materialistic do we have to get before we start caring about whether or not the Nike symbol is on our sweatshirts, or thinking about getting that second flatscreen plasma TV...or when your 8-year-old has an Ipod...or a cellphone with an unlimited texting plan. And the parents are now working 80 hour weeks, never seeing their kids, so they can buy each of them their own Wii system. Or lease another new BMW, take your pick. When you subconsciously tally your self-worth by the value of your house compared to the rest of your friends or family, you've reached a new low. Time to get real, people.

Political corruption. I don't even think that needs an explanation.

Military spending. No 'splaining here, either.

Lack of border enforcement, leading to vulnerability. Wow, that one stung, too, huh?

Centralization of too large an area. Rome spanned a rather large area, in its heyday. Too large, in fact, for it to govern efficiently or effectively. Failing to learn from history, we're dooming ourselves for a repeat. Only it's getting worse. It's coming, folks. The European Union started things off--great little prototype, and largely a successful one. The world government wanna-be powers-that-be are gleaming. Now they've organized the world into 10 entities that will eventually consolidate under a single world-wide governing body. Sounds benign, even beneficial in some respects, but your autonomy goes away. Don't like the way things are run? Tough. You have no escape, no other option at all, unless you want to go to the moon. Don't laugh. Instead, Google "North American Union" and see what's coming to a quality of life near you.

Wow, sorry to be so doom and gloom. But, look on the bright side. It doesn't have to be this way. The Constitution and Libertarian parties do look promising, don't you think?

For massage therapists: Mood music

Hello, massage puppies :) I've been asked about music, the tastes of which are almost as personal as those of wallpaper, but I see no harm in naming off some various favorites that have stood the test of time. I bring you this list, which is in no particular order and by no means conclusive...

Artist: Govi
Album: practically any
Style: Spanish-style guitar. Relaxing, yet cheerful and upbeat.
Especially good for: any session that is not lymphatic massage or cranial-sacral work. Good for either cheerful clients (because it won't bring them too far down) and also for depressed clients (because it will cheer them up a little, or at least not let them sink any further). Also good for the client you don't necessarily want to fall asleep. Especially useful for massage therapists who do corrective work and to intentionally deviate away from the spa.

Artist: Llewellyn
Album: practically any
Style: varies. Anything from Andean Mountain-style guitar (not quite as pick-me-up as Govi) to calmly bright peaces with light but cheerful drumbeats (Color Healing album) to totally beatless ambient music.
Especially good for: depends on which album and what effect you're gunning for. Choose the Andean style guitar for the relaxation massage, the oceans and dolphins for the lymphatic or cranial-sacral clients, or the Color Healing album for that pain management client you don't want falling asleep on you.

Artist: William Orbit
Album: Hello Waveforms (especially--although many are good)
Style: electronic music without vocals, some light beats, hi-tech sound. Usually mellow.
Especially good for: the younger, hip client who likes a cerebral curveball every now and then, or the middle-aged client who simply can't stand Enya or any of the other typical "massage music". Very useful to break up the monotony.

Artist: 2002
Album: practically any
Style: ambient, with piano, harp, keyboards. Ethereal, but no rafter-high female vocals or chanting. Good warm sound, very dreamy.
Especially good for: a deeply relaxing massage, especially if it's a long session. Good for the severely over-stressed person, or someone so revved up it's hard to get them to come down. Useful for the person who wants to drift away, perhaps off to sleep.

Artist: Ishq
Album: Sonic Incense
Style: Dreamy, very ambient, high-tech sound without much percussion, no vocals.
Especially useful for: same as 2002. It's not depressing music, but don't use with anyone who's depressed, or with the extremely right-brained person.

Artist: Enya
Album: any
Style: a combination of ambient, dreamy, adult-contemporary, light pop, instrumental, and female vocal. Anything from some rhythm to completely beatless.
Especially useful for: the client who likes to stick with tried-n-true typical massage music.

Artist: James Asher
Album: pretty much any
Style: a combo of good strong African/Asian percussion, with flutes, keyboards. Very salty, earthy, grounding.
Especially good for: the chakra rebalancing session where there is a weak first or third chakra, a pain-management session where you don't want the patient to fall asleep, a cortical hemisphere rebalancing session where the client is too far right-brained or depressed, or the client who comes in feeling too rowdy, stressed, or energetic and has a hard time settling down. It'd be a good segue into more relaxing music, because it meets the high-strung client at their level first, all the while grounding them.

Artist: Makyo
Album: especially Yakshini
Style: a very East-meets-West style of new electronic beats and instrumentation with accents of traditional Indian/Middle Eastern vocals and instruments.
Especially good for: the open-minded client who needs a little something different, a client with an appreciation for world music, the upscale world traveler, the exploratory college student. Very calming and trancelike, without being fast-paced at all.

Artist: Diane Arkenstone
Album: Echoes of Egypt
Style: soundtrack-quality music, some with beats and some not, some upbeat and some haunting. Good fit for a pivotal scene in a "Braveheart"-esque movie set in Cairo.
Especially good for: the client on a journey, someone spiritual and deep, someone who sees the true deeper body-mind-soul connection and gets bodywork for that purpose.

Artist: David Arkenstone
Album: In the Wake of the Wind
Style: also soundtrack-quality music. Mostly with beats, some more upbeat, some more calm. A bit less haunting than Echoes of Egypt.
Especially good for: the client who wants something a bit different, something more upbeat than typical dreamy massage music. Has catchy melodies and crafty arrangements, good use of the different audio textures of different instruments.

Artist: Michael Benghiat
Album: Meditation
Style: varies from simplistic Middle-Eastern style solo guitar to near-beatless ambient
Especially good for: the client who likes more of the typical massage music, but without the ethereal rafter-level vocals or instrumentation. It gives traditional massage music an earthy spin. Good for someone who wants to fall asleep also.

I'm sure I'll add more later. As always, feel free to add your own! Just post a comment.

child-free zone: fines double

Not that we've fielded many questions about this (at least not yet), but I'll answer the unspoken question preemptively: we have consciously decided not to have children. I know, I know, it goes against the "next logical step"...you know, the whole conventional "graduate from college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids"--wait--when were we ever known to be conventional? What logical steps? Whose logic? (Hint: not ours!)

Not that I dislike children; quite the contrary, actually. I like children a lot. I often want to hang their (non-)parents from tall hickory trees on remote rural acreage, but that's beside the point. Kids themselves are fine; I just don't see the need, nor do I have the desire to have any of my own. At first I thought my hormone levels were a little off. After all, doesn't there come a point when the biological clock starts ticking, and it gets so loud that it starts to run a woman's life? Mine had always seemed like this nearly-inaudible sound that every time it so much as threatened to pop up, I hit the snooze button. Now, I don't even need to go that far.

And apparently, I'm not alone. I unexpectedly stumbled upon an internet community, a plethora of websites, devoted entirely to this one single decision: the non-desire to have kids. It's a diverse group, too. Contrary to the vibe that the most militant of its members portray, I respect the decision of most everyone to chooses to have kids. I have nothing against them (as long as they actually parent them, that is - to raise them, pay consistent attention to them, teach them basic morals and values, and lest no one forgets, provide proper guidance and supervision). I just choose not to join their ranks.

I've done some soul-searching and the closest basic "it all boils down to this" theme is: I'm honest with myself. I don't think I'd make a bad mother, per se, but I wouldn't make a great one. My life has taken a different path than that which would provide the proper amount of time and energy it takes to raise a child properly. I'm supposed to do accomplish different goals with my life, at least this time around (I believe in reincarnation). The clincher, though, are the biological issues, from both sides--mine and my husband's.

At first I thought it'd be neat to bring a creation into the world, to contribute something to society, to somehow make it better, even after we pass on. I thought it'd be interesting to see how our genes would come together, what we're capable of. I thought it'd be cool to raise a child properly, to compensate for someone else who hadn't been. I don't need anyone to call me mommy, follow me around, shower praises on me, love me unconditionally, depend on me for survival, look up to me as their idol, or anything else. I didn't want to make any decision mindlessly, just because it's what society expects will happen next. I most certainly didn't want a child in order to strengthen a relationship, secure a commitment, to change a man (these aren't problems for us), or to change myself.

I really cherish freedom--so much so that I'm almost anal about retaining lots of it. If we want to take a weekend trip to San Antonio just the two of us, I'd rather not think about trying to persuade my parents to take them for the weekend. I'd rather not get woken up by some reverse gastrointestinal mishap in the middle of the night. I don't want an intimate moment to get interrupted by the fearful possibility that little eyes might've prematurely seen too much. I want to be able to watch a rated-R movie in its entirety, without concern. I'd rather hang on to more disposable income, using it to take a trip abroad or maybe retire a little more comfortable. I'd rather not worry about how a rambunctious toddler might (inadvertently or not) harm the cats. I enjoy having late nights, extra home office space, sleeping through the night without interruption, sleeping in on a weekend, listening to the music I want, deciding on a whim to stay out with our other (child-free) friends a little later. This is a semi-carefree lifestyle that I'm not just going to give up. It's peaceful. It's cheaper. It's one less source of stress. And what does my husband think about all this? Actually, this is his stance also, only he's fairly hardcore about it.

Thank *insert deity here* that I haven't had to endure the interrogation by the self-righteous among us who can't imagine that a couple would decide to actually not want to have a little bundle of joy or two running around. I've heard the stories of those who proclaim to a child-free woman that she'll "change her mind!". These poor women (the child-free) have endured a lot. I totally draw the line at homosexual accusations. Just because a woman has not decided to use her reproductive organs does not mean she is a lesbian. I hope, for their sake, that the militant few who are so sure we're going to "regret our decision later" don't direct their questions at me. Don't make me locate a few more of those handy hickory tree branches!