Out here in the middle (of insanity)

I used to want to live in the country. I wanted a mile between our house and our nearest neighbor. I wanted to grow my own produce, raise my own cows, make my own clothes, cultivate my own herbs, and ride horses to the nearest...wherever. It was beautiful. It was utopian. It was bliss. It was also crazy.

It wasn't so much the thought itself. I mean, more people than not conjure up pipe dreams of yester-century America, a la Charlotte's Web or Johnny Appleseed. And at some point in their lives, some may begin to think, why not try to bring dreams to reality? What's stopping us?

I'll tell you what ends up stopping us (or, for those who succeed, make them end up regretting it). It's the fact that no matter what kind of utopia you succeed in creating, it stops once you reach the end of your property line. The rest of the world still doesn't think the same way. Even in the deep recesses of the central Texas heartland, you still find SUVs, Volkswagon Bugs, Smartcars, and yuppies on cellphones. They just happen to have a more rural zipcode.

Or, you can end up in my parents' predicament: living next to an utterly crazy lady. She's the most dangerous kind because to all but the most ESP-gifted and aware, she appears completely normal, competent of living on her own, and self-sufficient. In fact, she earns Gold Stars among the conservative country bumpkin backdrop: she's a survivor. At first glance, she can stand on her own two feet. But after several years (and several failed marriages, the last two of which we have witnessed coincidentally ending up in the husband-du-jour going off the psychiatric deep end), a different picture begins to emerge.

Suddenly, the real situation is revealed: a mentally unstable individual who raises two children, one of whom is of the too-quiet type (kinda like Jeffery Dahmer in his early years) and the other of whom can do absolutely no wrong because they are Momma's Favorite, on whom the sun both rises AND sets. Both are reaching a dangerous age and are left on their own far too long (and often) with far too little supervision. It's kind of taking the "it takes a village to raise a child" a little too far. Neighbors several houses over (in the country, mind you) are having to take a more active role in supervising and guiding these children through puberty and boundaries/limitations than their own biological parents. One of whom is probably already in a psych ward and the other of whom should probably join him.

And now it culminates in the underwear-wetting "oh shit" possibility that this crazy neighbor may in fact have one of my parents' new housekeys. Hence the semi-frantic phone call to the office this morning. It's not that I mind coming to the rescue; it's that I mind that good people have to put up with this crap in the first place. And what's worse, in the area you'd least suspect. The area to which you move to get away from problems like this.

So what's the purpose of this post? Well, probably several-fold.

First, don't ever for a second think that you'll escape insane nutjobs just because you move to the country. There are about as many crazy people per square mile whether you're in the city or the country, I guarantee it. Don't think your life will be peace and quiet because there is always something and there is always (at least) one person who dominates your attention.

Second, I'm hoping to maybe establish a record, i.e. sort of a "Kilroy was here" in case anything ever DOES come of this incident. Incidents like this have been known (frequently) to escalate into something more serious. And the cops are getting really good at Google, so even though I prefer to remain quite anonymous, where there's a will, there's a way if someone really wants to find out.

Third, research your neighbors (even several houses down, if you can) no matter WHERE you're moving, BEFORE you buy. Do NOT ignore your gut, either. The "benefit of the doubt" mindset creates lots of future victims. Don't be "nice". Be vigilant.

Fourth, don't hold stuff for your neighbors, especially if there has been ANY incidence of substance abuse, psychiatric instability, economic/financial instability, serious domestic conflict, a refusal to supervise/discipline children properly, etc. Seriously. My mom was "nice" and held this crazy neighbor's spare key for her should the kids lock her out of the house (by accident or on purpose - that should tell you something) and it may have resulted in this insane lady possibly having my parents' house key in her possession. If your neighbor is that flighty or full of potential conflict, you may have a problem on your hands. All of the clues mentioned earlier in this paragraph were there. Don't be afraid to look hard enough, see those things for what they are, and react/protect yourself accordingly.

Fifth - for God's sake, if your kids tell you they have fewer problems in the city and encourage you to move closer in, frigging do so :)

Huey, Dewie, Louie, and... Stewie

If I said there was never a dull moment, that would be an understatement.

I have a "baby bump" but there is NO BABY. (Sorry Mom.) Yet, I'm the equivalent of 20 weeks pregnant. That's 5 months. I have (at least) 4 separate uterine fibroids that range in size from lemon to grapefruit. I don't know exactly when they started, because anywhere from 50-80% of all childbearing-age women have them and only about 25% have any symptoms at all; the rest don't even know they have them. I do know that just after I started this blog, I gained weight. Lots. Fast. Easily. I went from 132 to 151 in 4 short months without changing a thing. In fact, shortly thereafter, I started exercising more. No dice.

When you look around you at all the people leading crappy lifestyles and you notice they all have muffin tops, fanny packs, puffy butts, and baby bumps, there's little wonder. You don't have to think too hard to hypothesize how they might've ended up that way.

But what if you're doing everything right? It's totally not fair. I restrict my carbs, eat fruits and veggies, and walk around the block. I know all about xenoestrogens. I avoid tap water, microwaved food, heated plastic, conventional cleaners, artificial scents, birth control pills, harsh solvents, industrial chemicals, non-stick cookware, and soy products.

And yet....

After creeping down slightly last fall, my weight shot back up, even past the record I had set before. This is not a record you want to keep breaking.

Mind you, I had never had a weight problem before. Even when I was eating all kinds of crap and lots of it, my face suffered (acne) and my periods were heavy, but at no point did I ever have a big tummy.

Then I got into school. Then I got into clinic. And then? Horror of horrors, we graduated and launched our own practice and Holy God. I stopped sleeping, started sneezing, and my belly swelled further.

Three months ago, my period came 2 weeks late. (You could practically set your watch by it before.) Then, I recently noticed I had to pee more and more often. I realized something was wrong when I had to pee a third time within 30 minutes. I kept trying to tally my trips to the little girl's room but by the end of the day I had gone so many times I had lost count. Yesterday was a bit milder than usual, clocking in at 8 restroom visits. And the other day? I realized my stream was narrowing. Yes, I had to try pushing Valsalva-style just to get all of it out in a timely manner. (When you're already infinitely en route back and forth between the bathroom and whatever it is you're trying to do otherwise, you want each trip to take as little time as possible.)

This might be TMI but I don't care, because it may help someone: when you're peeing and you push to try to pee harder/faster and nothing changes, Houston, you have a problem.

So I had an ultrasound done this morning. It's a lot like when you're pregnant, or so I've been told. You hop up on the table, tuck the towel in your pants, and loosen them. They rub the jelly on you and away you go. You get to see a black-and-white Doppler effect-like version of the inside of your abdomen in real time. Running the head across my skin, I saw shapes that didn't make sense (I wasn't trained on reading ultrasounds), but with just a little coaching, I could see them.

The biggest one is almost perfectly round. The others are more oblong. My left ovary is fine. The radiologist and his staff couldn't even see my right one.

Be prepared: If you have uterine fibroids or the symptoms thereof, they're going in, too. It's nothing like having a gyno exam, though - trust me, once you get the vaginal ultrasound head inserted, it's no big deal. Even when they start moving the head around. At first I thought, no way, no how, but I went with the flow and it was as close to a piece of cake as one can get with an ultrasond head shoved up inside. Pretty painless procedure, considering.

So I came out with answers. It's not my fault. It's nothing I did or didn't do. While it makes me feel better that I couldn't really have done anything different (I'm already doing almost all of what's on those "avoid estrogen dominance" lists), it also drives me crazy that even though I've been doing everything right, it still wasn't enough. It'd be easier if I was screwing up bigtime; by making a few simple changes, I'd probably improve substantially. If you've already made those changes and are still having massive problems, you don't have many options left and the investigation gets considerably more complicated.

The question becomes, where is it coming from? Is it a hidden source of estrogen? Off-gassing of car seats or other furniture/material in the heat? Secret line of hormones in my organic milk? Bug sprays around the apartment complex I have no control over? An adrenal gland response so intense as to proliferate such big masses in such a short time? My low thyroid? Something in the office? It's literally a needle in a haystack.

I went in with a fanny pack; I came out with an oversized uterus and 4 large fibroids. They've been there a while. I have options, none of which are simple. On paper, the least complicated option is a hysterectomy - it kills a lot of birds with one stone and it's quite the permanent solution. But I'm hissing and kicking against surgery. I don't want to have kids but I don't want to remove body parts, either. I've got to use them for 20 more years of proper hormone balance until my adrenal glands take over estrogen level maintenance (horrors!) and given my adrenal shape, I most certainly want to keep my female parts as long as possible.

I can do supplements, but that's not as easy as it looks. They don't work overnight, and several types could make the problem worse. Just because it doesn't need a prescription doesn't mean you don't have to exercise caution. Uterine artery embolization may sound like the best of all worlds but the procedure scares the pants off me. Cold laser would be uncharted territory but hey - I have nothing to lose except the fibroids themselves.

In case you're wondering which one Stewie is, it's the biggest one. (And I have to pee.)

25 More things I'm boycotting

1. Cordless phones made after 1996 - no thanks--I wish not to fry my brain and cause damage to my auditory nerves, temporal lobes, and whatever else lies in the path of destruction.

2. Microwaves - ah, yes--the tray that spins around while half your food sizzles in bubbles and the other half remains a frozen piece of dead weight.

3. GMO foods - What makes humankind so arrogant as to think we can do better than the intelligent evolutionary design that drives our universe? What makes us think we can even tinker with it and manipulate it and get away with it? Every time we've tried to outsmart nature, she fights back--and ultimately has the last laugh.

4. Family restaurants - I have no desire to sit and eat pre-fab Sysco food at runaway prices while the kid behind me puts French Fries in my hair. The clincher is when the server can no longer contain her disgust at the thermonuclear accident that a family of 5 leaves behind after their "kids eat free!"

5. Freakish Innate Subluxation-based chiropractors - it doesn't exist the way you think it does, guys. You're only digging your own hole. If you don't get current on the real physiology and how to explain it properly, you're going to get left behind. This above-down-inside-out thing is not foolproof; it's dead.

6. 80-visit chiropractic plans - Surely you jest! We had 2 separate patients come into our office after having taken advantage of some deal that a few DCs down the street were offering and they were literally shaking their heads and chuckling to themselves. Why? Because the doctors pathetically tried to strong-arm these patients into 80-visit care plans, no matter what the actual problem was, completely disregarding their actual individual needs. It doesn't matter that the docs were friendly; it matters that they said idiotic things with a straight face because some scammy chiropractic franchise they bought into told them to.

7. Mammograms - Please, stick my boob in a vice, tighten the clamp, and dump enough radiation for a thousand chest x-rays (the mother of all x-rays in terms of radiation used)! Oh and let's do this once a year! All in the name of "prevention". Did you know that several credible sources are saying that not only has there been an increase in the incidence of breast cancer that coincides with mammograms, but that there is probably a causative factor? Yeah, that's actually a big deal for the scientific community to come out and say.

8. Birth control pills - Makes much more sense to snip the man's tubes than it does for a woman to completely screw up her physiology every day, causing a ripple effect across her entire system, as well as putting her at risk for several cancers. Since the guys are half the battle and it's no skin off their balls (literally), why not get them involved in the birth control responsibility?

9. Susan G Komen paraphernalia (i.e. "pinkwashing") - especially when 1) these items are remarkably MORE expensive and 2) their "prevention" methods SUCK.

10. Nanotechnology - I do not want tiny little robots messing with my cells, interfering with my enzyme reactions, or entering through my skin or nasal passages, thanks. Keep your little tiny robots to yourself, military-industrial-government complex.

11. Stores who want your phone number - You're already getting my money. You're not getting a doorway into my family life so that you can put me on some list you'll sell to some idiot who's going to hassle me during dinner. Honestly, telemarketing was never cool and it went waaay out back in the '90s.

12. Sprint - Ditched them and never looked back. Dropped calls, horrible connections, inept customer service, constant sales pitches, ignoring our requests and preferences, hell - I'm surprised we stayed with them as long as we did.

13. Big banks (Citibank, Bank of America, and Chase) - Dumped Chase for a credit union this year and trust me, it's worth the drive across town. No crap, no sales, no waiting in lines, no empty promises, no unreturned messages, no shitty fees, no hoops to jump through, no bait-and-switch...I kinda like it!

14. Cruelty-based pet food (Eukanuba--i.e. Euthanasia, and Iams, to name 2) - Just Google "feeding trials" "pet food" and you'll come up with more than you want, believe me.

15. Internet-based invoices instead of paper bills - Anyone can hack into an email account and poof! All your information is now in the hands of a scammer. (Sure, it can happen in the mail, too, but then you sic the USPS/FBI/whoever on them and they launch an investigation that can be tracked, with stiff penalties once the hoodlum is caught.) And what if your email address changes? Or you lose access? Or all your messages get deleted? Or you want to print a hard copy but aren't near a printer? Just gimme the paper, thanks. With all the tree-wasting junk mail you send me, I don't think it'd take much to could slip one more piece of paper in the envelope--the piece that's actually useful.

16. Direct deposit and autodebit - Hell no, no way no how am I ever giving anyone direct access to my bank account like that. Too many horror stories. It doesn't take much imagination to see my point.

17. Snopes - I have no idea who these zagnuts are in bed with or who's funding them, but they seem to be a talking head for the alliance between large government and megacorporate business. Ugh.

18. JC Penney - Cheap crap at not-so-great prices, and a cheesy experience to boot. I've been to Dillard's now, so I'm spoiled.

19. Gift cards with fees/strings - As if getting the money ahead of time isn't enough.

20. Flying (unless absolutely necessary) - Maybe it appeals to some, but I don't necessarily like the idea of getting patted down *everywhere*. It sounds like manhandling to me. I'm not a rag doll.

21. Draconian HOAs (Homeowner's Associations) - My house, my rules - within reason, of course, but the idea that they can foreclose on you for putting a flag on a flagpole in your yard is nothing short of Hitlerian.

22. DRM (Digital Rights Management) media - Entertainment companies, if you want us to buy more of your stuff, give us more freedom to utilize that investment. You seem to keep trying to erode rights already ruled upon--and granted--in the mid-80s regarding home use. If you keep making it tough for us to enjoy our purchases, expect to see a downturn in our willingness to hand over our hard-earned cash. (Oh and you could try putting out good music again, making the purchase worth the money, but that might be too tall an order. Baby steps.)

23. High Fructose Corn Syrup - Between mercury vapor, GMO corn sources, and altered metabolism that leaves us unfulfilled and deprives us of reaching our satiety point, I don't see why anyone ingests this crud anymore.

24. Circumcision - Yes, let's cut off a normal part of a boy's p3nis the minute he's born because he was born "imperfect" and we have to "perfect" him. Such a double-standard between female and male instances of mutilation!

25. Medicare - it doesn't cover anything and no doctor wants to take it...and trust me, you increasingly don't really want a doctor who still DOES. Government healthcare as it would be practiced in our country according to our drug-happy standards would NOT be a good thing. Just the facts. I hope the system is totally busted by the time I reach that age so I don't have to put up with it. I'll gladly pay out of pocket for better care.

43 Little things I'm boycotting

1. The Discount Economy - Groupon, LivingSocial, BuyWithMe, etc. It erodes a local economy, devastates small business, and encourages a culture of getting something for nothing as a lifestyle. Clipping individual coupons for mass-produced products is one thing. Larger companies can typically absorb those costs. Taking advantage of a horrible economy and small businesses' fears of going under, forcing them into a mindset of desperation is not good and erodes value and realistic pricing over time.

2. Made In China - at least, as much as possible. The shoddy manufacturing, cheap parts, human rights violations, environmental pollution atrocities, and the idea of funding a communist regime that legislates limits on children and advocates/requires abortion procedures due to gender preference of children is NOT high on my list of causes or regions to support.

3. Walmart - always possible, no matter what you've been told. Not only do they buy most of their merchandise from China (hypocritically, as they were thumping the "Buy American" drum not so long ago), but they have committed several labor violations here in the US. Besides - they just need to go down. Peopleofwalmart.com and the annual post-Thanksgiving Black Friday tramplings are living proof.

4. Straight-chiro motivational seminars - these folks do nothing but prey on insecure, desperate DCs who are just trying to make it and do the best they can. The research is thin and self-serving, the sales pitches are long, annoying, and high-pressure, the salespeople are slimy, the companies are fly-by-night, and these idiots work hard behind the scenes to make sure we're just desperate enough to have nowhere to turn but them.

5. Factory-farmed animal products - chock-full of growth hormones, concentrated pesticides, and superbug-breeding antibiotics, they don't cook up right, smell right, look right, taste right, or deliver any real nutrients. They're responsible for the major increase in gender-based cancers and the ever-growing divide between the omega fatty acid ratios we actually consume versus what we were designed to thrive on.

6. Big 3 auto manufacturers - as much as I like supporting domestic economy (which isn't even true now that the Big 3's manufacturing facilities have moved to Mexico, Canada, and other countries thus moving more of our jobs across the borders and oceans anyway), they're no longer worthy of my wallet vote. I had a Ford. Once. Burned once, shame on you; burned twice, shame on me. Japanese auto makers = no more shame.

7. Facebook game, quiz, hearts, hugs, drinks, etc apps - they want your personal info: your name, friend list, "likes", tastes, birthday, age, occupation, links posted, status posts, and probably your fingerprints, DNA strands, and firstborn child. Just say no.

8. Giving Facebook my cell phone number - how emphatically can I say, "blow me"??

9. Telemarketers and door-to-door salespeople - see above

10. Compact Fluorescent light bulbs - Mercury vapor, sickening green light, EPA hazmat call for broken glass, failure to live up to its life expectancy, higher cost, Made In China, "green" advocacy groups...what's not to hate?

11. Northern climates in wintertime - hell. No. I won't go.

12. The News, and any news channels - Yes, I'd like to get all riled up about inaccurate sensationalism, scrolling headlines, scrolling stock quotes, animated logos, Terror Alert Orange, politically-slanted material, bickering talking heads, yapping meaningless analysts, and having to keep track of 6 constantly-changing things on my screen at once....NOT. I gave the news channels up years ago. Never looked back. Looks like many have done exactly the same.

13. Microsoft (except where I'm literally forced to via software limitations) - every time I log onto the PC I still keep around for software manufacturers who just don't get it, I feel like a child who is being condescendingly manipulated at every turn. The graphics are an eyesore, the usability a nightmare, stability nonexistent, software packages counter-intuitive, and restrictions are, well, restricting. Confining, like a die-hard boxer fan having to wear briefs.

14. Text messaging - still haven't done it. Yes, I have a smartphone. I'm probably the only smartphone user on the planet who hasn't texted someone at least once. I refuse to, because every time I imagine someone texting it's behind the wheel of a large SUV, creating unnecessary traffic congestion and hazards, and it makes my blood boil. So, no.

15. Textspeak - it's a virus and a cancer all wrapped up in one. At least it illuminates the divided between dumbasses and those of normal intelligence, but since the dark side is winning (i.e. increasing its numbers), it's both frustrating and depressing. The word is "you", not "u". It's two more letters. Fucking write them.

16. U-scan self check-out lanes at the grocery store. Not only is this a small-scale job-killer (and we need absolutely every last available job opportunity right now), but it also slaps the customer in the face, essentially telling us, "you're not even worth the 8-dollar-an-hour employee we'd pay to efficiently scan your stuff, smile, and say thank you". Besides, wasn't the cost of the help figured into the price of groceries? It's not like groceries cost any less at stores that use these blasted things. If I'm bagging my own groceries, I'm working for them; they should be paying me!

17. Paywalls on the internet - such as newspapers, etc - unless it's research or something that actually deserves to have a paywall. This boycott becomes double strength if they wait until the very end of the signup process to disclose said paywall.

18. Apples's Safari browser - Apple's weakest link, hands down. Freezes, hangs, stalls, and often crashes. Can't render text properly half the time, and the other half it can't load a page or its graphics or background properly.

19. 3D movies - 2D is enough. I don't want to feel like some sheep in the audience in the movie Josie & The Pussycats who is mindlessly donning a pair of cat-ear headphones.

20. Big Box stores, wherever humanly possible. See Walmart lament.

21. Conan and other stupid comedy. I never did get into him and from the looks of the trailer ads for his shows, it doesn't look like I'm ever going to.

22. Commercials, especially when loud, annoying, and sound-compressed. These typically have an effect opposite that which was intended - instead of putting up with being able to hear them across the apartment, if they have compression, one of three other buttons gets pushed: channel up, channel down, or MUTE.

23. Stale repetitive radio, especially if compressed.

24. Pop-up ads, pop-under ads, seizure-inducing banner ads, and other horrible forms of internet advertising. I really, really hope these can die once and for all. At no point were they even acceptable. I don't know who gave advertisers the idea that they were.

25. Proctor & Gamble and other huge multinational companies akin to the devil.

26. Makeup, high heels, panty-hose, thong underwear, low-cut shirts, or any other uncomfortable women's clothing.

27. Less-than-accurate Google search returns that don't actually have what I'm looking for.

28. Store credit cards - I prefer to buy my merchandise and then leave, thank you. I don't want to donate, I don't want to give up my phone number, and I don't want to sign up for a rewards card, member ship card, loyalty program, bonus points, or a credit card. Really, please, let me check out in peace, make pleasant small talk with me, and then send me on my merry way; it's a winning formula - don't reinvent the wheel or mess up the relationship.

29. Almost all extended warranties - 99 times out of 100, they're a rip-off. Think long and hard and don't let the salespeople or cashiers play to your fear.

30. DCs (Doctors of Chiropractic) who only do a "Flying 7" - doing the same thing every time - 3 quick pushes up the spine, a hip adjustment on each side, and a neck pop on each side - is not the way to go. Make sure you're documenting the problems you find and addressing those and only those. Also, make sure that the problem isn't the exact same with every visit. Ditto for treatment.

31. Dollar coins - not carrying them. If I ever get one, I'm turning it back into the bank and demanding my paper dollar.

32. Blu-Ray - DVD just got affordable - oh wait--that's WHY a new medium came out. Once they release the grips on the prices of the last one, the next one is out now.

33. Prescription and over-the-counter drugs, especially for chronic lifestyle conditions that can easily be solved naturally.

34. Especially, Claritin and Allegra because they don't do shit.

35. Companies affiliated with Scientology - it's a cult, and a damaging one. Many companies founded by their members are simply vehicles for further adherent recruitment (that's you, they hope). Don't go there.

36. Sports, especially mainstream and obnoxious - nuff said.

37. Rush-hour traffic - I refuse to live far from work or in a situation where I must take a freeway or major highway to get there. Sidestreets and short distances keep stress low.

38. Overpriced real estate - I'm not giving into someone else's greed or sentimental value. If it's overpriced, I'll wait to buy. If I lose the property to another buyer because they jumped on it before I did, it wasn't meant to be, and there will be more.

39. Personal care products whose parent companies conduct tests on animals - I shouldn't need to elaborate on this one. To do so would just stir up profound sadness.

40. Cheesy reality TV - let's put scriptwriters out of business and sensationally film staged re-enactments of idiot people doing stupid things--and let's use that to replace decent quality programming.

41. Diets - fat-free, low-calorie - I refuse to starve myself or give in to horrendously incorrect conventional wisdom.

42. Fads like HCG, Human Growth Hormone - it died once. It won't work this time. Because if it worked, it wouldn't have fallen out of favor the first time.

43. Multi-level marketing companies - Nikken, Kangen, Juice Plus, Monavie, Amway, etc.

I have a long way to go and I may never reach spiritual or social purity, but my life feels cleaner now. :)

Why the 4th of July term is Orwellian and I'm boycotting it

No, I'm not anti-American, nor am I anti-barbecue or anti-fireworks (although the county-wide burn ban makes things a little trickier and somewhat less festive this year).

I'm not boycotting the actual holiday or what it stands for. Just the opposite.

What I am boycotting is the generic, stale, bleak, meaningless term "4th of July". It sounds retarded: "Happy 4th of July!" It carries no meaning, no spirit. It conveys nothing about what it actually stands for, the freedom gained, the rights protected, the blood shed, the life lost, the tears cried, the challenges faced, the tragedies witnessed, the friends and family missed, the courage shown, or the service given. It tells nothing about the pride, honor, courage, strength, selflessness, dedication, gumption, initiative, or respect. It reveals nothing about the victory, the success, the hardship, or the significance.

In this country, July 4th is called Independence Day, which is not just a Will Smith movie about alien invasion. If you read literature from the 1800s, that's ALL they called it. There was no "Happy 4th!" and it wasn't simply an excuse for a day off or an extended weekend. They lit off fireworks, too, but it wasn't another reason to buy a case of beer, it was another reason to read and recite the Constitution and to sing songs that I doubt anyone is even aware of today, let alone knows the words to.

Think of how stupid it would sound if, instead of wishing each other a Merry Christmas (or even a more bland Happy Holidays), we simply said, "Happy 25th of December!" Or instead of Happy New Year, it was "Happy 1st of January!" What if Thanksgiving became "Happy November Holiday!"

It sounds stupid, and rightfully so. It's like sticking a cigarette in a duck's mouth and suddenly realizing how dumb smoking actually looks. You start to wonder, "you're right - humans are the only species dumb enough to do this. Why do we do it, anyway?"

Wearing a more reflective tinfoil hat, I often entertain the idea that there may be a more sinister purpose at work here...

In the 1960s, a major revision of US history textbooks was done. Details were changed, emphasis and educational priorities were shifted. Certain important pieces of history were de-highlighted and kind of shoved into a corner, while other previously-insignificant matters were given more attention. It could reasonably be said that this was the beginning of our devolution away from our unique American-ness - our pride, our strength, our rebellious spirit, and our gumption.

I'm not sure when the whole "4th of July" term emerged, but it had to have been before my time because by the time I became conscious of the world, its use was already well underway. I have long since reached adulthood, and references to the 4th of July are ALL you hear; the term "Independence Day" is basically non-existent. And I have good reason to believe that it is yet another strategy utilized by Powers That Be to further whitewash and under-emphasize our rich history and respectable, unique characteristics.

Because see, those characteristics include not only things I've already mentioned like gumption, initiative, pride, and honor, but also perseverance, strength, morality, spirituality, FREEDOM, INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS (highest on the endangered species list), independence, intelligence, sovereignty, individuality, unconventionality, and rebellion. Back then, we were able to think and act freely, and enjoy fruits of our labor, including unprecedented rights such as property ownership.

These concepts run in sharp contrast to the ideal characteristics of a subject, subservient, passive population. Such a population well-endowed in spirit, enlightenment, and strength would not be easy to control or manipulate. So these characteristics, values, and the quest for them must be dampened and treated as insignificant. Distractions must be installed and covert whitewashing campaigns executed.

The "4th of July" being overwhelmingly favored in contemporary vernacular over the proper, respectful, and more descriptive term "Independence Day" is just a symptom of a much larger problem.

The Orwellian story of "1984" unmistakably demonstrates how, by changing speech and vocabulary, an authority can thus influence thought. Thought and its fruits can be manipulated and dampened by simplifying speech and squelching types of speech. For example, the idea of "hate speech" bears such resemblance to similar campaigns by The Party in "1984" that it can cause one to wonder if George Orwell was more than just an author and if his books align closer with reality than with fiction.

It's been a while, so I re-read some excerpts from the book and was astonished at the parallels between what is supposed to be a fictional post-war book set in war-torn Europe saturated with theoretical Big Brother and The Party entities and the supposedly free-market modern society in the United States, Land of the Free. The Newspeak, the Thought Crime, the endless surveillance, the manipulation and control of the facts, the educational teachings, and the news media. The weakening of intimacy, relationships, and parental influence and bonding. The chronic malnourishment. The idea that there are no laws, nothing is illegal--except, that is, that which is natural and necessary to the flourishing and well-being of human society (love, truth, education, sanctuary, sanity, etc).

What's worse is, it's not a Republican thing. It's not a Democrat thing. It's not even a Communist or Fascist thing. It contaminates from a much deeper level in superficial party labels, most likely shrouded by layers of wealth, power, protection, and immunity. It's not like electing different politicians will stop it, because only those who would (inadvertently or not) allow the current system to perpetuate would be nominated as choices. It's not about picking the right candidate for the job; it's about choosing among the carefully pre-selected yes-men whose inclusion on the ballet practically guarantees more of the same no matter which of them assumes office.

Since our present predicament begins with thought, which is heavily influenced by speech and vocabulary, it's time to take back our vocabulary. It's time to embrace our traditional ideals (pride, courage, honor, spirit, TRUE education), while embracing additional contemporary ideals (such as cultural and religious tolerance and diversity, gender equality, and the gender orientation continuum versus black-and-white labels). It's time to STOP lending over our minds for the use and manipulation by the Powers That Be. And it begins with some of our most precious tools: our language and vocabulary.

So with that, Happy INDEPENDENCE Day. Hey--it's a start.

Praying for Kitty

Often, when something terrible happens, you wake up--shaken but relieved--realizing the whole thing was a bad dream. And subsequently, everything is okay again.

Last night, I knew that even if by some act of God(dess) I could nod off, the sleep would be pointless, because even if I were to wake up this morning thinking/hoping it was all a bad dream, the reality that it's not would come crashing back onto me like a ton of bricks.

When your cat has a urinary tract problem, it can come on rather suddenly. It did this about two weeks ago, when he developed what we're fairly sure was a urinary tract infection, or UTI. He was restless, paced the apartment, went in and out of his box, and meowed more while sleeping less, but other than that he was okay and we weren't sure what was wrong. A couple days later, he was in a vet's office. The vet was unable to detect any problem via ultrasound because his bladder was empty and thus small. Plain film x-rays didn't reveal any stones in the kidneys or anywhere else. Judging by the symptoms we reported and the lack of other clinical findings, the vet assumed it was a UTI and prescribed a 7-day round of antibiotics. After about 2-3 days on the medication, he seemed to improve dramatically. Like smart pet parents, we finished the entire round according to instruction. He returned to his normal, happy, lovey self, and all was well.

...For a week. Until last night. Abruptly at 10pm he started howling around the apartment intermittently. We thought he wanted to play, as this was how he sounded when he held a milk jug cap in his mouth (his toy of choice). When it persisted with a little more intensity and a slightly higher pitch, accompanied by fruitless trips to the litter box (and our other bathtub as well, in which we saw a couple drops of urine) we thought, oh no, not this again. And yet, it was different. We figured he might be constipated and adjusted his lumbar spine and cold-lasered him on constipation and infection settings for a few minutes. No dice, so we didn't screw around.

Within an hour we were researching emergency vet clinics, finding one that was open 24/7/365. Thank God for living in the city. It has its moments, but it has its moments, if you know what I mean. A half hour later we were there, and he was whisked away to the back. In an emergency vet clinic, you wait out in the front lobby and let them do what they're going to do. It's not anything you want to watch. It's necessary and whatnot, but it's not an image of your fur-baby you want burned into your mind.

After what seemed like forever (but really wasn't), we were told he most likely has a blockage - he'll be sedated, catheterized, and fed fluids, painkillers, and anti-inflammatories over the course of the next few days. Sucks, but I can deal with that.

She prepared us for the fact that (to paraphrase) this may be just the beginning. Male cats are prone to urinary blockage, which is a medical emergency (so never, EVER screw around or hem and haw with this kind of thing!), and if this happens once, it can happen again. If it does, it may require surgery and even then, you're not out of the woods yet, because there are after-effects - life kind of changes irrevocably once the surgery is done.

He may or may not need surgery - time will tell. Until then, all you can do is pray. Sleep is optional.

PMS Thursday

Don't look now, but I think I'm on the warpath. Everything seems to be getting under my skin at once. And I have to talk about it, so that I can vent my myriad frustrations and maximize my chances of having a productive day after all. I make no guarantees on the latter. But the former sounds like a good idea anyway.

It always comes down to the little things. Like how between Firefox, Blogger, and my overtaxed Snow Leopard, my system hangs when I want to switch gears and go back and correct something while typing. Which is frequent, because my brain isn't working and I make stupid typos I can't think of an excuse for.

It also comes down to the fact that I'm only getting 3 hours of sleep per night as a rule this week. I had one good night where I got 6-7. Other than that, it's all about forcing myself to go to bed at 4am so I can at least get SOME sleep without feeling gnarly the next morning. I'm not tired during the day if I miss sleep; I just feel like shit is all.

Or the salespeople, omigod the salespeople. They're on my phone, in my mail, at my door, in my lobby, on my home phone (which was supposed to be unlisted but AT&T, true to form, dropped the ball entirely when we started paying them more money by signing up for Uverse...in a contract no less).

The door-to-door sales at the office is getting so bad that I actually printed up two physical pieces of paper; one is the San Antonio city code that governs door-to-door sales and explains how, simply by entering our suite despite our "No Soliciting" sign, they are technically breaking the law by falling under the "aggressive solicitation" definition. Nifty, huh?

The phone sales are even worse. HOW DARE THEY call me in the middle of the freakin' day to pitch their "we just want to 'verify' your listing" scams.

Needy patients - I love them all, but I've got one in particular whom I think I'm eventually going to have to start saying "refer to previous email" because I think by now I have answered some of this person's questions literally about 4 separate times. I give my email support unlimited for free (limited by what they can type and the fact that I check my email several times a day at my convenience), but there's a such thing as you have to actually read--and implement--the answers I give you. If you need clarification or elaboration that's one thing; but don't make the same complaint twice.

Dumbass labs who can't keep our provider numbers on file to save their collective asses. Yes, Quest Diagnostics I'm looking at you. Yet another Dallas-based wasteoid of a company that if you weren't so big I'd NEVER do business with. Dealing with their insurance-related incompetence is one of the major reasons I chose to stay out of insurance altogether. I'd rather spend my time focusing on my patients' cases (after the occasional blog-ranting to clear my head).

Now let's talk about UN-licensed, UN-certified practitioners who have very legal ability to interpret diagnostic testing whatsoever being allowed to attend classes meant to educate LICENSED doctors and other LICENSED practitioners on how to treat and manage COMPLICATED cases in which multiple body systems are involved. And let's talk about the sheer ignorance and snotty, hostile attitude that monopolistically held up the entire class, wasting time and dumbing down information.

The supplement company who sponsored this is going downhill and I'm actively looking at their competitors, trying to find suitable alternatives. Why? Because they are reducing me and the specialized service I provide to a cheap commodity, sending the message that anyone can do this, and creating a glut of supply that almost outpaces the demand for these services. The woman in question is a sour, bitter person who thinks they can treat autoimmune disorders because she knows about megadosing Vitamin D. Her patients are probably more well-read and knowledgeable than she is. Yikes.

And can I stop sneezing? Huge interruption and it creates misalignment in my vertebrae, which create headaches later. Laugh if you want. Look it up (from someone other than the Kwack watch folks), please.

Physically, I'm trashed. Allergies abound, weight won't go away (and in fact it keeps accumulating), the internal imbalanced condition that allowed a skin yeast to grow is still there even if the skin yeast itself is responding to a topical application of tea tree oil, my muscles are wiped out after one flight of stairs, I've still got two months to go on a gut bug protocol, I barely have enough brain power to write my professional blog(s), and our practice still isn't quite steady. It's not doing badly, but it's not where it needs to be. Did I mention I can't sleep? Oh and I'm peeing 3 times within the first 2 hours every morning. WTF?

My memory is trashed, too. I have no idea what is causing the inflammation; I've eliminated everything bad from my diet and I have little left to enjoy. No grains (occasional corn, MAYBE a gluten-free snack like cookies or homemade granola). No factory-farmed meats. Minimal conventional produce. I cut back on the thyroid-slowing foods. I avoid every single allergenic food I tested positive for (except organic milk because it's such a borderline allergy). I don't go hog-wild on nuts or seeds. I don't do artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives. I scrutinize labels for MSG and its aliases. I walk a couple miles at a time, a few times a week. I don't use alcohol, nicotine, or illegal drugs. I take no prescription drugs and minimal over-the-counter drugs only as needed. I don't use any conventional perfumes, laundry detergents, soaps, shampoos, or conditioners. I wear no makeup or bra (if that's TMI, I don't care right now). I don't go hog-wild on antibacterial soaps. I live super-close to work, I've identified my stressors (like driving), and I avoid/minimize them. I exercise professional boundaries and don't let anyone (except us) run our practice. I don't watch stressful things on TV at night. No doom-and-gloom or prophecies. I never watch the news or listen to talk radio anymore. What else am I supposed to do? Dammit.

Also, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't in terms of organization. If I don't clean my desk, it gets full of clutter that is stressful to look at and keep processing. If I DO clean my desk, my memory is so shot I don't remember where I put anything so I end up frustrated and looking needlessly for things I need anyway.

And of course, I feel like I have to keep nagging the other half to get HIS things done. Did you do this yet? No. That? No. What have you been doing? Fuck all, is what it seems like sometimes. I'm sure that he, like me, is just doing his best. But I feel like as slow as I am (and I feel it, I'm aware of it, and it's frustrating), I feel like he's even slower and more inert. Nothing like one ass-dragging burnout trying to kick someone else in the pants.

Story of my frigging life. Am I a bad person if I recently started taking God(dess)'s name in vain?

Alamo City reality check

Yep, I still love San Antonio. Nope, this isn't going to be a bash-fest, so if you're a San Antonio hater, you might as well give up now, because I'm not going to allow you any satisfaction.

It is, however, a caution to all of those out there who fit in to certain groups: 1) single people looking to find a mate; 2) single people looking to have fun with other singles; 3) young people; 4) hip people; 5) those still in the workforce who 5A) can't work from home 5B) would like a decent-paying white-collar job 5C) are looking to build a business that does NOT cater to seniors, military, or Spanish-speakers...

I love San Antonio. (Did I say that already?) I love how everything is in a few-mile radius. I haven't even been to the Southside in 2 years. I don't venture more than 3 miles more than once a week, and then it's maybe 5-6 miles, most of which can be traversed via sidestreets. We have bike lanes, fuel-efficient buses that run on realistic routes, integrated neighborhoods, a Green Chamber of Commerce, a Whole Foods Market, organic produce at (SOME of) the local HEBs, and more people have heard of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) than I care to imagine. We even have a bookstore that doubles as a no-kill cat sanctuary. And our animal control shelter is working its way toward no-kill status as well.

That said, it can be really tough. If you're not retired, Spanish-speaking, or military, you may struggle economically. The economy is not large here by a long shot, and people are careful about parting with theirs. This is probably why when the economic fit hit the shan 3 years ago (and hasn't let up much since, no matter what they say), we weren't too badly affected; our economy wasn't that big to begin with! It's not like it could shrink much more.

If you're into jazz, tejano, or bachata music, you're good to go. If you're into Americana, folk, singer-songwriter, eclectic, or obscure, you're SOL. Although the pervasive '80s influence is awesome. And the classic rock stations don't suck.

If you like mini-golf, real golf, amusement parks, eating out, movies, bowling, etc, you're fine. If you like water sports or Main Event-type places, fugetaboutit. The yoga and Nia studios are second to none; the martial arts spread is less consistent.

If you're gluten-free or otherwise under special dietary restrictions, never fear! No matter who you are, there's something out there for you. Vegan/vegetarian? No problem. Gluten-free? Gotcha covered. Organic? Done. Made from scratch? Plenty. Paleo? Still working on that one.

The Meetup groups are a mixed bag. There more to choose from in terms of the nutrition and health/wellness themes, but none of them are the young 20s-40s hip go-getters you'd think. It is, however, mostly retired people, many cancer survivors and whatnot. Several Veg*n groups, who would crucify me in a cold second. Everyone's all over this Forks Over Knives thing. Yawn. T Colin Campbell's disproof and downfall was sooo yesterday. Again, no Paleo groups. Yet. Hopefully that'll catch on before 5 years from now.

The News is marginally less stressful, but I've still permanently sworn off it. Life is always better if you have Uverse or something similar. I'd love to have a choice, though, such as AT&T's Uverse (which we have) pitted against Verizon's FIOS services (which we don't have).

I like the integration and diversity you find within the neighborhoods, but I wish the neighborhoods weren't quite SO integrated. How integrated is too integrated? Well, when we walk a quarter mile and see gang tags (vernacular for hoodlums marking their territory with spray paint) on mailboxes, and another quarter mile gets you hit up for some change from a panhandler who reeks to the bone of cigarette smoke. Yay.

It's not a dangerous neighborhood, but rundown doesn't even cut it. It's crumbly, cracked, trashy, and hopeless. The air has a permanent smell of stale motel hallways and cheap detergent. Tinged with more smoke. And maybe the oil from someone's car. Although that's not as common as you'd think because they all know how to fix cars. At least the neighborhood is good for something. If you can get past all the subwoofers.

There are no Mormon proselytizers to speak of, really. I think we got approached twice. Once we sent them to the neighbor downstairs (who has since been evicted...she needed to find God the most desperately of all of us, I think) and the other time they cornered us on the deck and we shot the shit for a while. They gave up after a while, though. I told them I was Wiccan and then later I let it slide that I was happy going to hell. I probably didn't put it that way, but it probably would've been funnier if I did. I didn't want to seem disrespectful, though.

There isn't a huge Scientology presence, either. I mean, there are 3 different meeting places, but it's not big here like it was in Dallas and Austin.

The malls are great. They're QUIRKY, ALL of them, but they're fine. Anything you need, you can find.

Subluxation-based chiropractic doctors don't do so well here. Good. Oh, and not everyone's a Parker grad. And there aren't 5 individual DCs on every block. There's at least one in every complex, though; we just have fewer complexes.

For those of us who practice normally and ethically, though, the sentiment is generally pro-chiropractic. Makes our job much easier. Insurance sucks, though - everyone around here has BCBS (better up until last month), or UHC (sucks no matter what).

Most apartments are managed very horribly. Parking problems, criminals, noise, gangs, vehicle thefts, break-ins, delayed repairs, security deposit scams, you name it. Even in areas that should be good, the apartments are still shit. Few and far between, if you look hard enough and have a little luck on your side, you can find a diamond in the rough. Don't get taken; looks can be deceiving - ask around.

We get out and do more things and walk around way more often than we ever have, even in Frisco. We don't feel like prisoners in our own house on weekends like we did in Dallas, kept inside by traffic and 'tude.

People are generally nice, courteous, and polite here. They use turn signals, and they let you in when you put yours on. The tradeoff: they drive slower. Don't tailgate or they'll go even slower. Don't be a dick, and put your road rage hat away. No room for it here. You'll only stick out like an ass.

Lots of wildflowers. How do we know this? Because there's LOTS of un-mowed grass - in yards, parks, large easements, empty lots, you name it. There are no pristine lego pad lawns of perfectly manicured uniform carpets of grass. Not happening. Things grow natural and wild here, and everyone's OK with that. Enjoy the bluebonnets!

Not every apartment has recycling. You'll have to throw everything in the trash. You'll have to get over that socially-ingrained "I'm going to hell" feeling.

You won't get much of a chance to listen to talk radio unless you do so in your office, because you don't have a long commute stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic anymore. Ditto goes for a traffic report, because if you're not retarded, you won't need one.

Bars are there, even strip clubs, but they're not totally obvious. They're all kind of hidden away. They're right out your back door, even just a few miles away from the best neighborhoods, but they have the decency not to obnoxiously announce to the world that they're there.

Roads are getting done at different paces. Some are smoothly redone; the potholes of others dare to tear your truck apart.

I'm tickled pink we don't have much sports to speak of. We don't need them. They attract the wrong people. Although maybe they'd boost the economy a little. That's still sagging.

Overall, though, it's an awesome town. I hope I die here.

This is my brain. This is my brain after this weekend. Any questions?

Oh shit. I'm going to hell now. I friggin' forgot to call my grandmother on her birthday. I obsess over dates. I can remember the time someone was born, years after they told me. Hell, they will have forgotten and I will still remember!

It was otherwise quite the productive weekend. I mean, we put in some office hours on Friday, even working straight through lunch and staying past our regular weekday closing time (which is well past Friday closing time, as we work only a half-day on Fridays). We designed 3 different spankin' new business cards, too. And I recovered from a very needy, dysthymic patient who, without meaning to, can suck the life right out of you. It's fine, I know I bargained for that - that's just part of the gig when you help chronically sick, miserable people. And sometimes natural healing isn't fun at first, because you can feel worse for a while before you start feeling better. And what's more is, sometimes I don't have the answers right away. And even more, sometimes the human body forgets to read the physiology textbook and it goes off and does something unconventional.

So anyway... we finished out Friday by registering a few more domain names. We now have 17 in all. Yee-haw! Saturday we redirected a couple domain names to our main site and threw a second website onto the server under another one of our domain names, all in preparation for the radio show scheduled to go down that night. Which it did, without a hitch, until the very end when we all started falling apart at the same time. The entire show went strong, competent, and perfect until the last 5-10 minutes. But hey - at least if I fell apart, everyone else fell apart with me. So I don't feel so bad.

Then we went out to unwind at a burger joint and had some good laughs with friends. Sunday we went and checked out furniture stores in search of lamps to make sure we could still get one that handled the 3-way incandescent light bulb (shhhh) and a quest for lamps turned into a quest for end tables to set them on, which then turned into an excuse to entertain the idea of changing out the couch, followed by the resolution that we had no real excuse for a new couch when the one we already have works so well and our money supply is still so tight (and with so many more important things to save for like oh, a house).

We continued the search today, after which I made like 9 blog posts (I lost count) and listened to 2 parts of the second nutrition module, on which I'm already over a month behind. My husband even finished up the computer project and got the office cleaned, as well as some laundry done. I did dishes. He vacuumed. It was beautiful. So is our apartment when it's clean. Which it's not completely, but at least some rooms are and you just want to go exist in them for a while. And then I got to wondering why the hell it's so hard to clean other rooms? The living room and kitchen for some reason can never get clean, no matter how much attention we give them and how much time we spend cleaning them. It's like it does no good. Maybe we have too much clutter? Probably, but it's not like we can really get rid of anything. *sigh*

I got great sleep, too. And I responded to emails from frantic patients, researched information (realizing that half the foods I eat suppress thyroid function and realized my thyroid issue is probably due eating copious amounts of those foods daily for the past two years), and then experienced the ensuing panic that sets in when you start wondering how long it'll take to reverse that process if you've been contributing to it for two years already??

Then I craved a Big Mac and fries REALLY bad (this started a few days ago and had been growing ever since) even though every fiber of my being is very well aware of how bad those things are and on how many levels. I exercised a superhuman amount of willpower and went against the craving (again - it's not like that's the last time I'll ever be in that situation), and opted for a double quarter pounder with cheese, hold the bun. And I was thankful that the plastic utensils I used to cut and eat this burger (and you thought I was going to hold it with my hands) were actually strong enough to cut the meat (yes, I've dealt with plasticware THAT flimsy). And thus was the end of my evening--and my weekend.

So maybe it's little wonder that I forgot my grandma's birthday. I swear I thought of it earlier. But I had planned on acting on that thought later. Oh well - remember the peas? It's not like my grandmother isn't important - but my brain is like a cup, and my life is like water that fills the cup. And the cup is really small. Which means it doesn't take much before the water reaches the brim and spills over.

There's always tomorrow. Let's hope I can at least get through that :)